Am i being stupid?... or is there something worth waiting for?? i need your help

LegacyUser

Dear readers, i have found myself lost and confused!!.. For the 19 months ive been cought up in a semi-relationship? At first we started out great, the chase was fun and we really enjoyed each others company, even if we never admitted it to each other. It was great and a real friendship literally came straight away, i found a best friend and someone who i really cared for.He was a great guy realy good looking, but the more i got to know him, the more i really got to know him, and the story changes!Still goin good i noticed bad habbits that he had, he was very insecure and very jealous. Things deepened between us and we wer inseparatable.It was great , always laughing always up to something fun. I found myself gettn totally cought up in him and i knew it would turn out to be something special.We where very very close, couldn't of gotten closer. I loved the secret of us being together and all the personal closeness we shared. That was all good and gettn stronger, Until i had noticed whenever we where around other friends or other people, he would be a completely different person. At the time i was like hes probably just shy?..Weird for a guy at the age of 19 to be still in that shy awkward stage?.. but i let it slide.. Again things continued to get better and I fell in love with him (although everyone just thought that we were just friends). t started to bother me. I felt used and to some extent that he was ashamed to say that he was with me. What would you think?..

alot of time had passed.. all the same.. i just wondered We never talked about are we actually a couple?.. but i just assumed seeing as the way we where with each other. it was obvious?.. But he cheated one night! i addressed it to him, he said how stupid he was and that he didnt want things to change? i forgave him, and we carried on as normal!
Rcently we have been great, only thing is he is very jealous and moody?. he is aggressive when you try to reason to why he is like this, and is very selfish!..

Just wondering can you actually teach an old dog new tricks? hes 20 now!.. and Im wondering if its worth all the hassle and pain!.

And is there reason why him not mentioning that we are official and telling his friends?.. after all it has been 19months?HEe never invites me places or makes me apart of his other social life!? I feel to be a bit of a convience to him!

I am very confused and seek advice if you could get back to me it would be great! thanks for your time!

AngryBadger

If this isn't a troll then you're allowing this guy to treat you like a doormat. get rid of him.

0utshined

Fed up wrote: »

And is there reason why him not mentioning that we are official and telling his friends?.. after all it has been 19months?

You are not his girlfriend. I'm sorry

Wibbs

I have to agree with outshined. For me anyway(and for 99%) a girlfriend is a shared social experience as well as a private. In fact a public declaration of same is a hell of a lot of it.

lolli

Dear OP,

You need to get rid of this guy ASAP. He is only using you. Anybody who keeps you secret for that long is probably doing it for a bad reason!! He's probably waiting for a different girl to come along but mean while hes enjoying getting cosy with you. Guys like him are only after one thing. How do you know he hasnt got another one or two secret girlfriends? He could be playing some of your friends too. You already know of one time he has cheated. If he is jealous and aggressive that is not something you need in your life. You need a nice caring guy who is proud to have you as his girlfriend. You dont need to be his dirty little secret.

Do yourself a favour and get rid of him, you deserve better.

Best of luck.

estar

why are you wasting all this time and effort on someone
who you describe as

selfish
aggressive
cheating
and RUDE- doesnt introduce you as his girlfriend after 19 months

you should think about why you would let someone treat you like that.

it isnt a question of teaching him new tricks - you accept men
as you find them, or not at all. hanging on waiting for change
generally doesnt work

its a question of teaching yourself the trick of valuing yourself more
than this.

you are only stll young, and should be out being carefree and enjoying
yourself, not stressing about how to change men.

WhiteWashMan

Fed up wrote: »

Dear readers, i have found myself lost and confused!!.. For the 19 months ive been cought up in a semi-relationship? At first we started out great, the chase was fun and we really enjoyed each others company, even if we never admitted it to each other. It was great and a real friendship literally came straight away, i found a best friend and someone who i really cared for.He was a great guy realy good looking, but the more i got to know him, the more i really got to know him, and the story changes!Still goin good i noticed bad habbits that he had, he was very insecure and very jealous. Things deepened between us and we wer inseparatable.It was great , always laughing always up to something fun. I found myself gettn totally cought up in him and i knew it would turn out to be something special.We where very very close, couldn't of gotten closer. I loved the secret of us being together and all the personal closeness we shared. That was all good and gettn stronger, Until i had noticed whenever we where around other friends or other people, he would be a completely different person. At the time i was like hes probably just shy?..Weird for a guy at the age of 19 to be still in that shy awkward stage?.. but i let it slide.. Again things continued to get better and I fell in love with him (although everyone just thought that we were just friends). t started to bother me. I felt used and to some extent that he was ashamed to say that he was with me. What would you think?..

alot of time had passed.. all the same.. i just wondered We never talked about are we actually a couple?.. but i just assumed seeing as the way we where with each other. it was obvious?.. But he cheated one night! i addressed it to him, he said how stupid he was and that he didnt want things to change? i forgave him, and we carried on as normal!
Rcently we have been great, only thing is he is very jealous and moody?. he is aggressive when you try to reason to why he is like this, and is very selfish!..

Just wondering can you actually teach an old dog new tricks? hes 20 now!.. and Im wondering if its worth all the hassle and pain!.

And is there reason why him not mentioning that we are official and telling his friends?.. after all it has been 19months?HEe never invites me places or makes me apart of his other social life!? I feel to be a bit of a convience to him!

I am very confused and seek advice if you could get back to me it would be great! thanks for your time!

Hes still immature. He wont grow up for a few more years.

Him being aggressive and moody and selfish are all becuase he cant sort himself out, or figure out what he is feeling and thinking. Its just a continuation of adolescence.
By the time he grows up, probably another 4-5 years and becomes a decent human being, both of you will have changed.

Its up to you whether youre prepared to wait around in that situation for that to happen.

My own personal opinion is that you should probably split. You both sound as if you need different things right now, and dragging it out will be long and slow and tedious and painful. Move on, learn new things, meet new people, keep in touch and say hi every now and then if possible.

the_syco

He's the jealous type, but cheats on you?

Seems he's keeping you secret, so that he's still seen as being "single", and thus can go around f**ling, knowing that you'll be at home if he doesn't score.

You should drop him quicker than a hot potatoe, tbh.