In Love with 2 girls

LegacyUser

Right, this is a very confusing situation hence why im going un-regged on it. A bit of a back story.

Im 24, met a girl 3 years ago and started going out with her. We were on and off a few times but moved in together in early 2006, she was 19 at the time. Everything was fine, or so i thought. She broke up with me at the end of the year saying she didnt love me as much as i loved her which i knew anyway. So we were broken up and i got with a girl from work last June, we hit it off and started going out with each other seeing each other every day in work and she stayed over most nights. Basically we spent all our time together, when we werent together we were texting.

All was rosy except for one thing, i just couldnt get my ex out of my head no matter how hard i tried. She was with someone else, so was i but we were still talking as friends. We had a few arguments last summer so we decided to cut all contact. But neither of us could keep it up so we always ended up talking again. Basically i still had feelings for her and couldnt handle not talking to her.

So after a while i fell in love with the new girlfriend while still talking to the other girl. I thought i could just move on with the new girl but couldnt until i got complete closure from the other relationship(she had broken up with her new fella). So her 21st rolled around and i was invited. I went for an hour, said my hello's, gave her a card and a small present and went off to meet my girlfriend in town. The whole night in town i was a bit disappointed in myself that i hadnt stayed at the 21st for longer but let it go.

I got drunk and decided to text her and tell her how beautiful she looked and how annoyed i am that i didnt get the chance to treat her like she deserved on her special night. I got a text back saying something along the lines of "Maybe you could do it next year". I was taken aback and rang her for a while, the conversation got onto us getting back together and she said maybe she'd want it.

So, after a few days of thinking she decided that she would like to give it another go. I then treated the other girl like **** and told her we needed a break which was totally out of the blue for her, she begged me not to but i just couldnt help my feelings for the original girlfriend. The worst part of all this and i know im a d1ck for it, i never told the original girl that i was going out with someone else, i said i was "kind of seeing someone" but nothing more. So she cant be blamed for wanting me just because i was with someone else. And all the time i was with the 2nd girl i told her i was completely over the 1st and had no intention of ever getting back with her.

So now me and the first girl are back together 3 months but i still cant get the other girl out of my head. We see each other all the time in work but dont normally talk. I texted her today and told her how confused i am about the whole thing, she told me she is the same and would love to give us another go. I would love to but im also in love with my current girlfriend. Im hoping this relationship works out this time, but im thinking that because of our past that we will break up again(its happened 5-6 times before) and ill be left with nothing. I know that sounds very selfish and very big-headed but i had a girl who worshipped the ground i walked on and would do anything for me and who i loved but i threw it away on a whim to give this relationship another go.

Someone please give me any bit of help. And i know the old saying stands in this thread perfectly, "I want what i cant have"

dudara

You need to leave both girls well alone and sort out your head. While you are going out with one and in contact with the other, you will never truly look at the situation with a clear head.

Right now you're screwing both girls around and that's not fair on either.

Karen_*

Well I think you should leave the second girl well enough alone. You've hurt her enough. When you were with her you wanted the first girl back. Now you've got what you want and you certainly can't have both.

Break it off with both girls actually. Do them both a favour. Its neither fair nor kind to go out with someone and pine for someone else and you don't seem to be happy with what you've got no matter what that is. So perhaps you're just not happy with yourself. Why not take time out away from both girls and find out what it is you want?

Overheal

The best thing to do is going single for a while and sort your head out. You can't check the oil with the car running so to speak.

Awayindahils

The grass is always greener...

You've already messed around the second girl. If you do think you really want to get back together you need to leave the other girl and spend a good amount of time sorting out your head, before you get with girl 2. However, is it always going to be a case that each new girlfriend is not enough? Clearly neither of these girls fulfills what you want in a relationship so maybe its time that you looked elsewhere, though most definitely only once you've had a bit of time to yourself.

Wibbs

It could be simply that you are actually in love with the two of them, just at different stages of love. You're in the comfortable long term love with the first woman and more the honeymoon love with the 2nd. Common enough.

Time to make a choice and it is always a choice. If you don't make some sort of choice you could end up one of those people who falls in love, gets comfortable and then jumps to the next diverting trinket that comes into view. Rinse and repeat. Only to be stopped when they meet someone and end up hitched before the diversion comes into view. Not a good recipe. That stuff is ok, indeed quite usual in your teens, but you need to move on from that.

If it was me? The obvious answer is to take a time out from both. Easy to write, hard to implement and I suspect you won't/can't anyway. I would sit and think strongly over which woman you are actually suited to and which woman you're more suited for. Which would you be afraid to lose? I suspect you already know the answer to this one.

The other woman? Let her go and I mean let her go. Do NOT ask to be her friend. You lose that right when this stuff kicks off. Let her go and let her find someone who will love her, the way she deserves. Every tear she may shed over you is a step to her knowing who she should be with. Think of it like that if you get the guilts.

estar

and sort yourself out

Wibbs

Overheal wrote: »

The best thing to do is going single for a while and sort your head out. You can't check the oil with the car running so to speak.

Well put, but I don't think the OP will heed that.