100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

cornbb

http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Greatest_Quotes_from_fundamentalist_christian_chat_rooms/

One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]

I lol'd

roar_ie

Some of the stuff in there is pretty scary if that is what they actually believe

Cool_CM

Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son


[Note: the boy eventually took his own life.]

F'ckin Hell, theres nothing fun about fundamentalism

Earthhorse

There's plenty mental about it though.

lmfao

Trinidad and Tobago, CARM [Comments (208)] [2007-Mar-01]

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Meh Fundie!
Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go **** a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men ****ing eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?

Dennis the Stone

Cool_CM wrote: »

Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son


[Note: the boy eventually took his own life.]

Yikes

Unpossible

No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.

uh huh, so apparently I am a Muslim now

Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.

Sounds like intelligent falling

orestes

"To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible."

That is the greatest get-out-of-jail-free card ever! Wily Christian buggers!

johnp

KaG1888 wrote: »

lmfao

Trinidad and Tobago, CARM [Comments (208)] [2007-Mar-01]

---

Average Rating: 4.03
Rated 1413 times.
Rate this quote:
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Meh Fundie!
Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go **** a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men ****ing eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?

Spotted that one too! haha!

Lazare

I don't find any of that sh1t funny tbh, It infuriates me.

It's scary to think that these morons hold a significant amount of power/sway in world politics.

Evil bastards.

The guy

Lazare wrote: »

I don't find any of that sh1t funny tbh, It's infuriates me.

It's scary to think that these morons hold a significant amount of power/sway in world politics.

Evil bastards.

A lot of those morons are just Irate idiots, the kind you find anywhere.

Lazare

The guy wrote: »

A lot of those morons are just Irate idiots, the kind you find anywhere.

Like the white house? :rolleyes:

Alanstrainor

That is scary, and infuriating at the same time. I'm lost for words really...

Agamemnon

You are banned. You are not a Christian for Christians don't accuse brothers and sisters in Christ of being non-Christian.

LOL, imagine the feedback threads these loonies must have.

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.
Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!

I think we should stop testing on animals and use these God-bothering gobshites instead.

A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However he should not penetrate, sodomising the child is OK. If the man penetrates and damages the child then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however does not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girl's sister.

The freak who posted that should be put in front of a firing squad.

johnny_ultimate

Both scary and amusing. It is funny when posted out of context, but those people are real and probably in greater positions of power than the rest of us.

But I lolled at the athiest family. Way to miss the point completely

Capt'n Midnight

LOL

holy fup :eek: - there have to be some trolls in there, please

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!

EnemyPartyII, Christianforums.com [Comments (86)] [2007-Dec-02]

...

To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible.

Ia Orana, MSN Miss Manners [Comments (61)] [2008-Jan-01]

...
If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic.

uscchica09, BibleForums.org [Comments (40)] [2006-Sep-03]

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There is not a single passage or concept in the Bible that would be offensive to any human on the planet.

Gary In Indianapolis, The Indianapolis Star Forums [Comments (67)] [2006-Oct-18]

...
To me, religion is evil. It is manmade and man-centered. I have a belief. A belief in My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

jesuslover1968, Bibleforums.org [Comments (37)] [2006-Oct-01]

DEmeant0r

Seriously, does anybody ever cry at an Atheist's funeral?

I mean, since Atheists have no value whatsoever as human
beings (they're not even human, but only inhuman animals),
since Atheists are nothing but miserable Liars, Cowards
and Murderers, after all, why would anybody in their
right mind weep over the dead rotting corpse, or bone
chips and ashes (that get mixed together with those of
others from the crematory) of a worthless dead Atheist?

And what epitaph do you engrave on an Atheist's grave
marker? "Here lies the only good Atheist, which is a
dead Atheist". What else is there say? Nothing at all.
No last words, no last rites, no flowers, no anything.

Every time an Atheist dies, the world is better off as
a result of that dead Atheist being dead, & its damned
God-forsaken soul burning in the fiery pits of Hades.

Which begs another related question, do Atheists cry at
funerals? If so, why? Since Atheists hate God, and they
hate Family, and they hate Country, who are they crying
for? It is true: The only good Atheist is a dead Atheist.

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Rofl! There's some serious hate towards aethiests in there.

floydmoon1

these fundamental christians give christianity a bad name.I am a born again Christian and the few things I have read from that site make me sad that these people portray there faith and love of God in such the wrong way and have missed the point.One of the major themes of Christianity is to love your neighbour.Now if that neighbour doesnt have the same belief system as you you still love them and treat them with respect.That stuff bout the child is just sick.If this guy actually read his bible he would now that Jesus said if anyone teaches these little children who believe in me to sin, it is better for them to have a millstone around their necks and flung into the sea.

Dennis the Stone

[on why homosexuality is wrong and not natural]

When two guy's have sex they can only penetrate eachother through the crack which I think is disgusting because of all the crap that's in there. They both must face the same direction and thus one guy's twig and berries will be projecting from the two. Because no man has a vagina they can't become one flesh when having normal sex.

Women don't have Jimmy and his two buddies hanging around so they can't naturally penetrate eachother and become one flesh.

Oral with dudes can't be natural because the legs will be poking out from different directions as will the ladies if they participate in oral sex.

Oral with the opposite sex still isn't natural because you still have the leg issue and often someone is further down if they are not on top of eachother.

Anal with opposites is still excluded from natural sex because once again your are sticking your think in a crap hole and a womans tits are usually projecting outward.

When the Bible is speaking of becoming one flesh it literally means that there is nothing sticking out in the clear and that the man and woman are facing eachother. Face to Face.

yowsa yowsa!

r3nu4l

I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie

Says it all really, with that level of intelligence, how can they be expected to understand evolution?

the dee

Quote:
A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.

[Yes. It should (be legal). Otherwise you're screwing over the women who don't deserve their fate.]

Are you calling them victims now? Should've stayed in the house where it's safe.

Uberbeliever, Christian Forums [Comments (148)] [2007-Jan-24] Submitted by Tdevil
End Quote

Wtf? This is terrifying. Who the hell believes this stuff? My dad's a born again christian and he sure as hell doesn't!

Naikon

The other day while installing some new fiber optics cables for a satellite array I overheard some coworkers talking about quarks. Quarks are supposedly tiny particles that nobody can see and nobody has any use for. So why do we know about them? What good does it possibly do us to know what a quark is? Just another example of useless science, and wasted money on the so called research needed for this great discovery.

I seriously have to wornder about people who spend their free time thinking about things like quarks or quasars. There are more important things to do.

As far as I am concerned if an answer to a question isn't in the bible, then the you have no business asking the question. A few years ago when my wife suddenly had to get an emergency c-section I was scared. But I didnt turn to any book about quarks. Luckily I had my palm pilot with me, which just happened to have the entire King James bible on it! I read a few passages that gave me the strength to pray for her and the baby to get through this ordeal. I sure didn't need any useless trivia books about quarks to find comfort in.

I have very little use for science. In fact it is in impediment to getting close to God.

[Someone points out the obvious fact that c-sections and computers are a benefit of science.]

You are confusing TECHNOLOGY with SCIENCE.

Technology and science are often lumped together, but are totally separate and unrelated things.

Technology makes peoples lives easier. Technology is the product of inventive geniuses who were inspired by God. Inventions and innovations improve life.

Science causes confustion and makes things complicated. Everytime there is a new discovery the old discoveries and old wisdom are discarded! And theories get more and more complex. Science makes people confused and complicates things. Who is the author of confusion? Satan of course. The bible it the opposite of science. Biblical wisdom NEVER CHANGES, and anyone can get it. Scientific wisdom is always changing and contradicting itself, and really nobody gets it.

Please don't insult our intelligence by lumping science and technology together. They are as different at night and day.

LOL! , nuclear physics is a waste of time.:rolleyes:
Why believe that Technology is the result of divine inspiration?
Technology is the result of engineering and scientific practices, saying that the the areas are not directly related is insane.
The posts on that page give me relief that I am an Atheist.

WhiteWashMan

HOLY MOTHER OF FCUKING GOD!


these people are insane. the bizarre logic being used is enough to addle my tiny brain.

people just have far too much time to think. less thinking = better life.

Marksie

Or incredibly naive:


"I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!

Linda, Good news prayer room [Comments (2846)] [2006-Oct-28]"

Capt'n Midnight

Marksie wrote:

"I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed.

LOL

Dennis the Stone

DEmeant0r

^^^^ HAHA That's brilliant!

Peared

I was veering between laughter and anger reading those. The poor poor children of these people. Imagine living with that? Years ago kids might have blindly accepted these ways but now with so much access to information contradicting what they know they must get very f*cked up once they hit teenage years. What seems to stand out is the obvious lack of education. Is there a link I wonder between fundamentalists and poor intelligence?

the dee

Peared wrote: »

I was veering between laughter and anger reading those. The poor poor children of these people. Imagine living with that? Years ago kids might have blindly accepted these ways but now with so much access to information contradicting what they know they must get very f*cked up once they hit teenage years. What seems to stand out is the obvious lack of education. Is there a link I wonder between fundamentalists and poor intelligence?

I hope that's the problem. If you are only told one thing you will believe that one thing. If you are told many differing points of view and understand the thinking behind them all (ie are educated) you cannot hold that one view is undeniably true.

Blisterman

I'd love to see a list of the 100 stupidest quotes from boards.ie.

Genghiz Cohen

Blisterman wrote: »

I'd love to see a list of the 100 stupidest quotes from boards.ie.

#1 "I'd love to see a list of the 100 stupidest quotes from boards.ie."


:p

watna

Just imagine vast fields of our sisters in Christ -- sisters brain damaged and comatosed, never to mentally return to this Earth full of sin -- inserted into pods that are themselves connected to a myriad of wires and hydraulic tubes (I know, it sounds exactly like the Matrix, and I freely admit, although it's certainly a very evil movie, some of the imagery is inspiring and inspired this post). The pods will be the most comfortable places on Earth, playing soothing music like Bible hymns and Mozart, their insides like a massage chair and covered in silk. A few intruding wires and tubes will, of course, have to connect to the women inside the pods to monitor their temperature and overall health, as well as the babies' of those that are pregnant. And of course there will be one tube reserved for the insertion of a man's seed whenever the women are at their most fertile. And only the best semen will be used. I haven't quite settled on a selection process yet, but I'm thinking some sort of Christian council could perhaps vote on the man who is honorable and moral enough to breed generations of these children. Perhaps one man won't be enough, for a little bit of diversity is always good. We should, therefore, most likely have a multitude of different men, one of each race. When the children are born, they can be sent off to special adoption centers, where they can be delivered to good Christian parents who are unable to themselves breed. Those that may be left over can be raised in God, brought up in Christian schools, where prayers are said thrice daily (at least), and in the summer, they can be sent to Jesus camp. If the schools are as good as I envision, then these children will make the perfect leaders for our future. But not just leaders, for if this idea is near as good as I am thinking, we will breed enough of these children to one day make up a huge percentage of our population, such that they can elect only the most Christian of people to the government. So even those that are not the brightest and best can contribute to God in some way.

wtf? I'm actually officially terrified that there is people in the world that think this way.