does he like me?

LegacyUser

This is a question for guys really...

Firstly, what do you think of girls who sleep with you the first night you meet? A slut? Would you meet her again? And if you did meet her again, why would you suddenly stop liking her?

This is a “personal issue” for me...
I slept with this guy about a month ago. I did just want sex at that time, and that’s why I did it, and I don’t regret that. I think if you want something more with a guy, you shouldn’t sleep with them straight away. But I didn’t really care at the time if I would see him again.
But then I saw him out and realised I quite liked him. So a few weeks later I saw him again and we slept together again. But I just guessed to myself that probably wouldn’t happen again. I left it in his “court” so to speak, as I didn’t want to be too keen and scare him off, besides I wasn’t sure how much he liked me and didn’t feel much like humiliating myself. So a few days later he texted me to see if I wanted to watch a film so I did but was quite surprised that he texted, we slept together again that night then a couple of days after that we went on a ‘date’...but we didn’t even kiss. Is that weird? Does that mean he doesn’t really like me anymore that we didn’t kiss... but we had a really good time.

Now I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if he likes me. I really don’t want a boyfriend, I sort of just want to have some fun with him and have casual sex because it’s really good and I’m attracted to him, both physically and he’s great personality wise...
I’m moving to France in a month and he knows this so he must be aware that it wouldn’t get serious so it can’t be a commitment thing can it??

I made a very drunken mistake of drunk texting/calling him during the week... a “booty call” of sorts. I got no reply (it was 5am) so feel he really must be freaked out now. I’ve decided I will delete his number so I don’t text him. What is the best thing to do? I think to wait until he texts me, because if he likes me he will text me right? It’s as simple as that isn’t it... or is it obvious already he doesn’t like me.

If you liked a girl and wanted to see her again, why wouldn’t you text her? Unless you think she doesn’t like you..but I’m pretty sure it’s obvious I like him. But that’s why I won’t call him because I am not sure what he wants and I don’t want to straight out ask him because then he might think I want it to be serious, which I really don’t...

He was in the same bar as me and my friends last night and I really do fancy him. I kinda wish I didn’t because I don’t think he likes me. I guess I don’t mind *that* much if he’s not interested but I’d like to figure it out so I can forget about him if that’s the case, rather than thinking about him.
Can anyone shed some light on this situation?

We're both 21.

Shiny

He has no interest in you other than the physical attraction.
He only texted you when ever he had nothing better to do and wanted sex.

You even said yourself several times in the post that you dont think he fancies
you. Take your own advice and delete his number.

WhiteWashMan

if all you want is a booty call, why get hung up on the psychology of whether he likes you or not?
After all, you are leaving soon. you seem to want to initiate a relationship with all this babble about him liking you or not. surely if you fcuk, then thats all that matters?

Mazeire

Sorry to be harsh honey but he has no interest in you other than sex, and it sounds like he's had his fill of that from you and he's pretty much done. Lesson learned. Move on.

biko

Since you're going to France soon, just take the time now to enjoy the sex.
I think that's all you'll get from this guy.

Marksie

Personally i wouldnt think anything less if somene slept with me on the first date.
Though i am not into one nights stands tbh and would turn them down on that basis.
I would also be open to seeing them again and juts letting things go where they will.
But that is me.
You are going to get a mixed bag of reactions to your first question. But really that isn't the issue

What is is the mixed messages that are coming across from your later comments.You do seem to be confused.
If it was fun and casual you would not be concerned about it.
Perhaps he is thinking that you may want more and its better not to go there, or perhaps he is thinking well that was what it was and lets move on.

But your "like" and "fancy" may be coming across as wanting something more. Maybe not .

The text at 5am, well he could have been asleep. Why dont you call him at a more sociable hour and ask again if he wants another date, with no expectations. If he says yes then say you want something casual and would he be ok with it. If the date goes like the last one, fun but no sex, then leave it go.

If you are wanting something so casual you really shouldnt be trying to guess what is in someones head but accept what is

Wibbs

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

if all you want is a booty call, why get hung up on the psychology of whether he likes you or not?
After all, you are leaving soon. you seem to want to initiate a relationship with all this babble about him liking you or not. surely if you fcuk, then thats all that matters?

I take your point but...

*Generalisation alert!* That's a male way of looking at this. Women may look at it a different way. Yes she likes him sexually and she wants to continue to bone him. She doesn't want a long term thing, as she's leaving, but to justify the sex bit her mind is looking for reasons that it wasn't just a booty call even though the OP knows full well it was. On both sides. Very common. *End of generalisation....*

AngryBadger

OP I don't understand what your problem is. You say you want to keep having sex with this guy, but you're babbling on about whether or not he likes you. WTF? It's sex. He's a guy, and a lot of guys are quite happy to just have completely unemotional sex with women. It's how a lot of us are wired. Personally I have no problem with women booty calling me, and I don't see why anyone (male or female) should.

LegacyUser

Ok, when I say "likes me" or whatever I really mean, in the context of wanting to continue just having sex. I don't mean, likes me..loves me...nothing like that. I like him. But I don't want to go out with him. There is a difference. I'm not saying that I want him to want to go out with me, but just to like me, in some way or another. I just want to figure out if he wants to keep shagging me before I go away.

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP I don't understand what your problem is. You say you want to keep having sex with this guy, but you're babbling on about whether or not he likes you. WTF? It's sex. He's a guy, and a lot of guys are quite happy to just have completely unemotional sex with women. It's how a lot of us are wired. Personally I have no problem with women booty calling me, and I don't see why anyone (male or female) should.

The thing is, we haven't had sex in over a week now, so I don't think he "likes me", aka I don't think he wants to have sex with me anymore. He must think it will lead to more. Or he has stopped being attracted to me (but in my own experience this doesn't happen much)

Shiny wrote: »

He has no interest in you other than the physical attraction.
He only texted you when ever he had nothing better to do and wanted sex.

You even said yourself several times in the post that you dont think he fancies
you. Take your own advice and delete his number.

You are probably right. But that's why I texted him, just for sex. Also, why did he go on a date with me and not have sex with me if all that was there in the first place was sex? hmm

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

if all you want is a booty call, why get hung up on the psychology of whether he likes you or not?
After all, you are leaving soon. you seem to want to initiate a relationship with all this babble about him liking you or not. surely if you fcuk, then thats all that matters?

As I said above, I don't mean liking me, in a big way just so much that you would feel good about yourself. I don't want to initiate a relationship.

Mazeire wrote: »

Sorry to be harsh honey but he has no interest in you other than sex, and it sounds like he's had his fill of that from you and he's pretty much done. Lesson learned. Move on.

Fair enough. Probably the case.

biko wrote: »

Since you're going to France soon, just take the time now to enjoy the sex.
I think that's all you'll get from this guy.

That's all I do want, but I think he is done with the sex now. And this guy likes sex a lot, a whole lot!

Marksie wrote: »

Perhaps he is thinking that you may want more and its better not to go there, or perhaps he is thinking well that was what it was and lets move on.

But your "like" and "fancy" may be coming across as wanting something more. Maybe not .

The text at 5am, well he could have been asleep. Why dont you call him at a more sociable hour and ask again if he wants another date, with no expectations. If he says yes then say you want something casual and would he be ok with it. If the date goes like the last one, fun but no sex, then leave it go.

I've never told him that I "like or fancy" him. Just that I find him attractive and funny.
I told him before I didn't want anything serious and just wanted to have fun.
Yeah he probably was asleep and that's fine but he didn't get in contact in the next following days. It was probably a bit full on for him. I don't want to ask him out again because I did last week and he already had plans, but never suggested doing something at a later date... that says it all really.

I don't feel much like making a fool out of myself asking him *again* but how can I get him to realise I don't want anything more than sex without saying it straight to him. Yeah it makes sense to just say it to him, but that might come across a little strong and he might get freaked!

Wibbs wrote: »

I take your point but...

*Generalisation alert!* That's a male way of looking at this. Women may look at it a different way. Yes she likes him sexually and she wants to continue to bone him. She doesn't want a long term thing, as she's leaving, but to justify the sex bit her mind is looking for reasons that it wasn't just a booty call even though the OP knows full well it was. On both sides. Very common. *End of generalisation....*

Everyone wants to feel a little bit wanted even if it is just sex. I don't want a long term thing but I do think he's a great guy and would understand if he didn't want to see me again...but I would really appreciate it if he would let me know he didnt want to, just so i would know and not be thinking different. But a guy rarely lets you know, he will just hope it will slide away and go unnoticed..

All I want to do right now, is find out if we're going to continue having sex.. because otherwise I can just forget about it. I guess being a girl, I think too much into things and I care a lot more than I should what someone thinks about me.

Caryatnid

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

if all you want is a booty call, why get hung up on the psychology of whether he likes you or not?
After all, you are leaving soon. you seem to want to initiate a relationship with all this babble about him liking you or not. surely if you fcuk, then thats all that matters?

+1

Caryatnid

speigel wrote: »

Ok, when I say "likes me" or whatever I really mean, in the context of wanting to continue just having sex. I don't mean, likes me..loves me...nothing like that. I like him. But I don't want to go out with him. There is a difference. I'm not saying that I want him to want to go out with me, but just to like me, in some way or another. I just want to figure out if he wants to keep shagging me before I go away.




The thing is, we haven't had sex in over a week now, so I don't think he "likes me", aka I don't think he wants to have sex with me anymore. He must think it will lead to more. Or he has stopped being attracted to me (but in my own experience this doesn't happen much)



You are probably right. But that's why I texted him, just for sex. Also, why did he go on a date with me and not have sex with me if all that was there in the first place was sex? hmm



As I said above, I don't mean liking me, in a big way just so much that you would feel good about yourself. I don't want to initiate a relationship.



Fair enough. Probably the case.



That's all I do want, but I think he is done with the sex now. And this guy likes sex a lot, a whole lot!



I've never told him that I "like or fancy" him. Just that I find him attractive and funny.
I told him before I didn't want anything serious and just wanted to have fun.
Yeah he probably was asleep and that's fine but he didn't get in contact in the next following days. It was probably a bit full on for him. I don't want to ask him out again because I did last week and he already had plans, but never suggested doing something at a later date... that says it all really.

I don't feel much like making a fool out of myself asking him *again* but how can I get him to realise I don't want anything more than sex without saying it straight to him. Yeah it makes sense to just say it to him, but that might come across a little strong and he might get freaked!



Everyone wants to feel a little bit wanted even if it is just sex. I don't want a long term thing but I do think he's a great guy and would understand if he didn't want to see me again...but I would really appreciate it if he would let me know he didnt want to, just so i would know and not be thinking different. But a guy rarely lets you know, he will just hope it will slide away and go unnoticed..

All I want to do right now, is find out if we're going to continue having sex.. because otherwise I can just forget about it. I guess being a girl, I think too much into things and I care a lot more than I should what someone thinks about me.

Omg OP. Why don't you ask him? Have YOU let him know how YOU feel? Why do you think 'a guy rarely lets you know' -> perhaps this is because you are bad at reading signs, or don't ask!!? Meanwhile it looks like you are giving out wierd mixed msgs to this guy - think about it; you have sex, next time you 'leave the ball in his court' (play hard to get), then you go out and don't kiss him, but then you ring him at 5am....... What sort of carry on is that?
If you don't like him/want more than sex, then I'm sure you can get it off lots of other attractive guys before you go.

AngryBadger

To be honest OP you're talking a load of garbage.

You say you just wish he'd let you know, well he has let you know by not bothering to contact you.

End of story.

Zombrex

OP guys tend not to "let girls know" that they want random meaningless sex. Girls tend not to like that.

And to be honest the fact that you are getting worked up about this, are you sure it is just sex for you too? Or are you investing something emotional in this, even if it is just knowing that he finds you attractive. Cause you could probably get meaningless ex anywhere.

Dragan

Out of interest why does it matter?

Your leaving the country. Your not looking for a relationship. Your enjoying the sex and it suits you right now.

Sounds perfect to me.

LegacyUser

OP- your post is of a slight contradiction...but maybe you should just talk to him and ask him i f he wants to have a casual thing. Both of ye know you're leaving, so both of ye know that's it's not going to be serious. It does sound though you do like him+ maybe he's picking up on that+ thinking you want more.

Wicknight wrote: »

OP guys tend not to "let girls know" that they want random meaningless sex. Girls tend not to like that.

Hey, I'm curious about this... how does a girl ever actually know if a guy likes her or is just after meaningless sex? (even if ye don't sleep on the first night together etc)

LegacyUser

Dragan wrote: »

Out of interest why does it matter?

Your leaving the country. Your not looking for a relationship. Your enjoying the sex and it suits you right now.

Sounds perfect to me.

I don't think he wants to even have sex with me anymore, that is the problem.

AngryBadger wrote: »

To be honest OP you're talking a load of garbage.

You say you just wish he'd let you know, well he has let you know by not bothering to contact you.

End of story.

Ok, that's grand then. I should just understand it like that then.

Wicknight wrote: »

OP guys tend not to "let girls know" that they want random meaningless sex. Girls tend not to like that.

And to be honest the fact that you are getting worked up about this, are you sure it is just sex for you too? Or are you investing something emotional in this, even if it is just knowing that he finds you attractive. Cause you could probably get meaningless ex anywhere.

Yeah maybe not.
Oh well, it's probably more trouble than it's worth. I'll just leave it. Damn, if only he wasn't so hot!
Gonna delete his number now, cos there is a chance I might call him when I've had a few drinks on me, which is never a good idea. Thanks for all your replies. It's good to get a second opinion on it because your own is always distorted!

jstaquestion132 wrote: »

Hey, I'm curious about this... how does a girl ever actually know if a guy likes her or is just after meaningless sex? (even if ye don't sleep on the first night together etc)

I'm curious bout that too! But I reckon if the guy wants to spend time with the girl, doing things apart from sex, you could guess he liked her in other ways too.

Marksie

speigel wrote: »

I don't think he wants to even have sex with me anymore, that is the problem.

If you are meeting for something No strings Attached and no commitment then its shouldnt matter one way or another.
Is the issue more that you cannot undersyand why he turns down a sure fire sex session?

speigel wrote: »

Oh well, it's probably more trouble than it's worth. I'll just leave it. Damn, if only he wasn't so hot!
Gonna delete his number now, cos there is a chance I might call him when I've had a few drinks on me, which is never a good idea. Thanks for all your replies. It's good to get a second opinion on it because your own is always distorted!

You see this is what i am wondering about NSA sex is just that. It shouldnt be any trouble at all. and calling him when your ttiddly.
Well thats not the behaviour of somene who is after NSA

speigel wrote: »

I'm curious bout that too! But I reckon if the guy wants to spend time with the girl, doing things apart from sex, you could guess he liked her in other ways too.

Possibly, but NSA means being able to say at the end of the night. No thanks not tonight and not have to worry about it. If it becomes that he or you must, then it introducing expectations and wondering why and calling at strange hours etc. is a little more than NSA

MagicMarker

OP: You sound like a complete ''wreck the head''.

Why does any of this matter if you're leaving in a month? My guess is, when you were on the ''date'' together he probably realised that you're leaving in a month and thought it best not to get too involved.

Either that or he realised what a complete ''wreck the head'' you seemed to be and said to him self ''**** that!!''.. not literally of course.

LegacyUser

Marksie wrote: »

If you are meeting for something No strings Attached and no commitment then its shouldnt matter one way or another.
Is the issue more that you cannot undersyand why he turns down a sure fire sex session?

No, of course I can understand why he would turn down sex. There is no issue, I guess I just must like him and he doesn't like me, simple as that. I just gotta deal with it and try forget about it.

Marksie wrote: »

You see this is what i am wondering about NSA sex is just that. It shouldnt be any trouble at all. and calling him when your ttiddly.
Well thats not the behaviour of somene who is after NSA

Possibly, but NSA means being able to say at the end of the night. No thanks not tonight and not have to worry about it. If it becomes that he or you must, then it introducing expectations and wondering why and calling at strange hours etc. is a little more than NSA

Yeah ok that is why I will be deleting his number whenever I find my phone! We never said it was NSA sex, we never really said anything. It doesn't matter now anyway.

MagicMarker wrote: »

OP: You sound like a complete ''wreck the head''.

Why does any of this matter if you're leaving in a month? My guess is, when you were on the ''date'' together he probably realised that you're leaving in a month and thought it best not to get too involved.

Either that or he realised what a complete ''wreck the head'' you seemed to be and said to him self ''**** that!!''.. not literally of course.

Um.. thanks. I dunno why I thought it mattered.

WhiteWashMan

Why not just ask him? He can tell you much better than we can.

And you know what, if he isnt interested, there are a thousand other guys out there who will have no string sex with you. And im sure they will all like you too.

Christ, when did it start becoming hard for a chick to get a fcuk?

LegacyUser

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

Why not just ask him? He can tell you much better than we can.

And you know what, if he isnt interested, there are a thousand other guys out there who will have no string sex with you. And im sure they will all like you too.

Christ, when did it start becoming hard for a chick to get a fcuk?

Thanks but I can't do that. I'd just embarrass myself. I am positive he doesn't so there's no point in making a fool out of myself. Besides, I'm going to have see this guy around (on nights out and the like) before I go away, so I don't want things to be awkward.

I dunno why it's so hard, apparently I come across as a 'wreck the head' so that could be why...or perhaps my body put him off... i haven't got a flat stomach.. can be a real turn off for a guy i'd say. ah fúck it! thanks for the replies.

estar

i think its sad (not pathetic sad - it makes me sad) that you will shag him but are afraid to talk to him over the phone.

to me, there is something wrong about that.

but perhaps im just old fashioned.

lolli

You wont be worrying about him in a month when you have lots of lovely French men to choose from!!

WhiteWashMan

spiegel wrote: »

Thanks but I can't do that. I'd just embarrass myself. I am positive he doesn't so there's no point in making a fool out of myself.

Right. so fcuk this guy, and it was only for sex, but now you want him to continue to fcuk you, and like you too.

Why do you find it hard to differenciate between the physical act of sex, and the emotional need of relationship?

Youre leaving in a month. Concentrate on that. If you want to have sex, take him or someone else out, have a beer and then do whatever you want to them.

I wouldnt worry about your body. Now you are just completely over-analysing the whole situation. You wont talk to him, so you will never know.

Im afraid you will just have to put up with that ignorance until you either
a)ask him
b)dont care anymore.

thats your two options.

Or c) of course, go and fcuk someone else, move on with your life, move to france, etc etc etc

But do us a favour, stop moping about with this if youre not actually interested in confronting it. Its just annoying for the rest of us that you wont bring your problem to a resolution.

LegacyUser

estar wrote: »

i think its sad (not pathetic sad - it makes me sad) that you will shag him but are afraid to talk to him over the phone.

to me, there is something wrong about that.

but perhaps im just old fashioned.

I'm not afraid to talk to him over the phone! I don't mind at all, i prefer it to text messages.

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

Right. so fcuk this guy, and it was only for sex, but now you want him to continue to fcuk you, and like you too.

Why do you find it hard to differenciate between the physical act of sex, and the emotional need of relationship?

Youre leaving in a month. Concentrate on that. If you want to have sex, take him or someone else out, have a beer and then do whatever you want to them.

I wouldnt worry about your body. Now you are just completely over-analysing the whole situation. You wont talk to him, so you will never know.

Im afraid you will just have to put up with that ignorance until you either
a)ask him
b)dont care anymore.

thats your two options.

Or c) of course, go and fcuk someone else, move on with your life, move to france, etc etc etc

But do us a favour, stop moping about with this if youre not actually interested in confronting it. Its just annoying for the rest of us that you wont bring your problem to a resolution.

Sorry for being a bit annoying about this, yeah I realise it seems so simple, im a bit crap at all this!
Anyway, we met up a few days ago, had a nice time out with both of our friends then were with each other that night. It was really good and he was being very sweet to me, telling me that he does like me and I'm becoming his favourite girl etc etc.
But when I was going home, after spending the next day with him watching films and having lunch, he told me to "Call him on Saturday if I was around",
so i texted him earlier today, but got no reply so called him tonight in case he had no credit..but he didn't answer..

Now, why would a guy tell a girl to call him, when he is completely sober, if he didn't actually want to speak to her/see her. I would have rathered he didn't bother saying that. Because he said it of his own accord, he didn't need to. He's so fúcking changeable, one day its this, the next day its something else.
I wish I was able to sterilize my feelings like I believe men can and not "like" somebody so much. I just end up feeling like an idiot. i called him because he asked me to, and now i feel like a twat that he didn't pick up or reply. i wouldn't have bothered otherwise!
grr

Gordon

spiegel wrote: »

Anyway, we met up a few days ago, had a nice time out with both of our friends then were with each other that night. It was really good and he was being very sweet to me, telling me that he does like me and I'm becoming his favourite girl etc etc.

If you weren't wearing protection I'd go to the STD clinic now.

But when I was going home, after spending the next day with him watching films and having lunch, he told me to "Call him on Saturday if I was around",
so i texted him earlier today, but got no reply so called him tonight in case he had no credit..but he didn't answer..

Now, why would a guy tell a girl to call him, when he is completely sober, if he didn't actually want to speak to her/see her. I would have rathered he didn't bother saying that. Because he said it of his own accord, he didn't need to. He's so fúcking changeable, one day its this, the next day its something else.

It's simple, he knows you are there at his beck and call. If he doesn't feel like sex, seeing someone, or if he's already with someone he will not call you or pick up the phone.

At the time he told you to phone him as he thought that he might like a bit of sex, but when the time came, he didn't want sex. That's all there is to it I reckon.

takola

Gordon wrote: »

If you weren't wearing protection I'd go to the STD clinic now.

It's simple, he knows you are there at his beck and call. If he doesn't feel like sex, seeing someone, or if he's already with someone he will not call you or pick up the phone.

At the time he told you to phone him as he thought that he might like a bit of sex, but when the time came, he didn't want sex. That's all there is to it I reckon

Couldn't have put it better myself!

If I were you OP I'd just forget about him and start seeing someone else if you need to, Otherwise just focus on getting ready for France. Don't act like it bothers you at all if you see him out and don't be with him again.

Although tbh I think you like him alot more than you want to. Out of curiosity.. How would you feel if you saw him out with another girl? Or found out he was sleeping with someone else?

WhiteWashMan

spiegel wrote: »

Now, why would a guy tell a girl to call him, when he is completely sober, if he didn't actually want to speak to her/see her.

becuase he is just trying to make you feel better and wanted so that he can make his getaway.he doesnt want you to call him really. he just wants you to think he wants to hook up with you again. its pretty common.

you mean nothing to him. he is treating you in the same manner you treated him at first. you just decided you needed him to like you.

he on the other hand doesnt give a crap, becuase you come when youre called.

doesnt matter. youre off to france soon.

LegacyUser

Gordon wrote: »

If you weren't wearing protection I'd go to the STD clinic now.

It's simple, he knows you are there at his beck and call. If he doesn't feel like sex, seeing someone, or if he's already with someone he will not call you or pick up the phone.

At the time he told you to phone him as he thought that he might like a bit of sex, but when the time came, he didn't want sex. That's all there is to it I reckon.

We were using protection, and always have. Both pill and condoms. Just out of curiousity, why would you say that? Is it because you think he is sleeping with lots of girls? Yeah he probably is but I am positive he uses protection with everyone. Anyway that's an aside really.

takola wrote: »

Couldn't have put it better myself!

If I were you OP I'd just forget about him and start seeing someone else if you need to, Otherwise just focus on getting ready for France. Don't act like it bothers you at all if you see him out and don't be with him again.

Although tbh I think you like him alot more than you want to. Out of curiosity.. How would you feel if you saw him out with another girl? Or found out he was sleeping with someone else?

Yeah I do like him more than I want to. To be honest, I don't want to like him at all... because I'm not getting anything from this. I hate that I even care.
Well, we're not together by any means so if I saw him out with another girl, that would be fine. He is entitled to do anything he wants. He isn't going out with me. But saying that, I wouldn't help feeling a little miffed probably, maybe a little jealous but I would never confront him about it, because it is his business. If I found out he was sleeping with someone else, it's the same thing. But y'know what, that's what I expect from him at this stage. If that is the case, I don't think I would keep sleeping with him. Yeah I know that contradicts all that "fúck buddy" nonsense but as hard as it is to believe I do have some respect for myself. I wouldn't do it to him so I wouldn't put up with it myself.

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

becuase he is just trying to make you feel better and wanted so that he can make his getaway.he doesnt want you to call him really. he just wants you to think he wants to hook up with you again. its pretty common.

you mean nothing to him. he is treating you in the same manner you treated him at first. you just decided you needed him to like you.

he on the other hand doesnt give a crap, becuase you come when youre called.

doesnt matter. youre off to france soon.

It's totally unneccessary for him to say that to me, I wish he would realise that! If he doesn't want me to call him, then he really shouldn't tell me to! He wants me to think he wants to hook up with me again but actually doesn't or does..when it suits him. Your harsh but I need that because I think I am ignoring what's right in front of my face. I need to cop on, methinks. It is hard though.
I am going to try not be with him again. But I am positive he will be there when my friends and I go for a drink tonight. I think I will not ignore him but not make an effort to speak to him. I've just come to a realisation this guy is an idiot and is using me. Game over! I do deserve better than that even though I come across as an eejit, I am a good person.
Thanks guys for the replies.

Gordon

spiegel wrote: »

We were using protection, and always have. Both pill and condoms. Just out of curiousity, why would you say that? Is it because you think he is sleeping with lots of girls? Yeah he probably is but I am positive he uses protection with everyone. Anyway that's an aside really.

I think that's very possible.

Good luck tonight.

Talliesin

speigel wrote: »

This is a question for guys really...

Okey-dokey. I'm a guy, let's look at your question:

speigel wrote: »

Firstly, what do you think of girls who sleep with you the first night you meet? A slut? Would you meet her again? And if you did meet her again, why would you suddenly stop liking her?

Woah, what? Why would I do what?

I've never suddenly stopped liking any lover, whether long- or short-term, in my life! Why on earth are you implying that I have? Where do you get off commenting on my... see the problem?

Men are not all clones grown in a secret lab in Nevada. Nor are our thought-processes simple to the point where you can draw out a flowchart for them on a post-it note; some of us can even pass Turing Tests.

It doesn't matter what my answer is to these questions are, or any other man apart from the man in question. Even his answers don't provide a full explanation to what's going on, since people do tend to have answers for these sorts of questions and then find themselves behaving contrary to them.

Let's look at the way you're asking it though. Jumping straight to "why would you suddenly stop liking her?" indicates you are treating things as somehow inevitable or fore-doomed, as if it's a simple mathematical problem - apply Newton's laws and we can predict what way the billiard balls will move after they collide - and hence treating him as less than human.

speigel wrote: »

I think if you want something more with a guy, you shouldn’t sleep with them straight away.

Why?

I think you're hitting on the same thing I said above; "people do tend to have answers for these sorts of questions and then find themselves behaving contrary to them". You've a rule for different situations and are finding that they don't correspond well with reality.

speigel wrote: »

Is that weird? Does that mean he doesn’t really like me anymore that we didn’t kiss...

Maybe. Or he isn't good at intimacy that doesn't go all the way into sex, or he is shier in some situations than others (pretty much everyone is shier in some situations than others) or he wasn't in a romantic or sexy mood, or that he's got bizarre stupid rules like your one of his own and it says you don't kiss people in some situation or other and that evening was such a situation.

spiegel wrote: »

I've just come to a realisation this guy is an idiot and is using me. Game over!

Arrghhh!

It's not a ****ing Sudoku. There is not a provably true answer.

Musing about what might be going on is one thing, but when you start saying you "realise" what is definitely the case, you are being an idiot.

Being an idiot is always the start of a losing strategy. We all do it from time to time, but it's good to try to keep our cases of being an idiot to a minimum.

It's particularly foolish in this case, since you were using him, and so the ideal situation would be for him to be using you in a mutually advantageous way, would it not?

spiegel wrote: »

I am a good person.

May I ask what's relevant about that?