Would you go out with someone who wouldn't be considered 'thin'?

LegacyUser

Hiya, I'm really looking for a male perspective on this but women please feel free to comment also! I've been single for almost two years now and while I've had the odd random hook up in bars/clubs (the usual Irish social scene eh?!) I've yet to come even close to a relationship or anything even resembling one! I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me, and what I'm wondering is this: could it be that I'm not what would be considered 'thin'? I've had low to no self esteem since I broke up with my boyfriend and have always battled with my weight. I'm a size 12-14, which I know isn't considered obese but I'm still larger than my friends, most of whom are 8s or 10s...it's hard going out with them at the weekends feeling like the 'fat friend', and I think that affects my confidence, which in turn affects how guys see me....Am I being stupid? Or do guys prefer a smaller girl? I know it's a childish question to ask (I'm 23!) and I feel pathetic for even mentioning it but it's something that's been bothering me for ages!! Any opinions would be very welcome! Thanks everyone!

dudara

I can sympathise with you. It's not easy to be out with 'thinner' friends and deal with thinking about how you compare with them.

1. You are not fat at a size 12-14, so get that idea out of your head.

2. For every woman, there is a man (or men) who will find her attractive.

3. Have confidence in yourself, no matter your size. That is the most attractive thing of all.

lizzyvera

Nobody really thinks size 12-14 is fat. You're still smaller than a man. I used to be about that size when I was a teenager and still had plenty of attention in the pub I worked in, not just from really drunk people so maybe it's just that you're not meeting enough people and flirting and chatting.
Maybe men do prefer size 8-10 (I don't know!) but when it comes to relationships in your 20s, it's definitely not important. Your weight isn't a problem because men find it unattractive, it's a problem because it's making you paranoid.

Personally, I feel a lot better about myself now that I'm not chubby. If you don't like the way you look yourself, maybe you should lose some weight. You couldn't have more than a stone to lose to be a size 10 or so and that's very doable without being drastic.

Dudess

OP, did you use an electric or manual tin opener for this can of worms?!

Anyway, 12 to 14 isn't fat, it's not even chubby. That said, those clothes sizes can vary from shop to shop. But while 14 can be on the chunky side (and only the early stages of chunkiness) 12 is never big.
Being really overweight can turn people off and while some people find that hard to stomach (excuse the pun) that's the way it is and people can't force themselves to fancy someone whom they don't fancy. However I'm talking about those who are very overweight - those who could be described as "fat". And you are not fat. You don't fit into that category so don't put yourself in there. You may be bigger than your skinny friends but comparing yourself to others does absolutely nothing for you. So I really don't think your size is putting men off (unless they only look for very slim girls but guys are given a hard time in this regard as it's assumed they only want to go out with amazonians, when in actual fact most of them would prefer a bit of curvage).
I bet it's more because your self-esteem is lacking. If you believed in yourself a whole lot more, that would shine through and guys would be more drawn to you for it. Without a doubt.
I've experienced both sides of the coin, so have plenty of others (most of us I'd say).
So: work on your self esteem by constantly telling yourself you are fabulous and a guy would be damn lucky to have you. You can also help achieve this by exercising as it makes you feel good about yourself and gives you a remarkable sense of well-being and achievement, as well as releasing endorphins which are happy hormones. Plus, it will obviously help firm up any wobbly bits.
Eat well and get plenty of sleep - I know this isn't the Fitness forum, but these strategies all help towards making you feel good about yourself.
On nights out, glam yourself up to look as stunning as you possibly can - for yourself. It will make you feel fantastic. Subtle yet sexy make-up, a foxy hairstyle and a nice outfit and most guys won't even notice your weight!

But stop stressing over your size - that's not where the problem lies. In fact, your size sounds perfectly average.

sillo

lizzyvera wrote: »

Maybe men do prefer size 8-10 (I don't know!) but when it comes to relationships in your 20s, it's definitely not important. Your weight isn't a problem because men find it unattractive, it's a problem because it's making you paranoid.

+1

Jack Sheehan

Well im going to be totally honest and say I would not go out with someone who would be considered 'not slim', though I would not consider 12-14 'not slim' at all. Call me shallow but 'not slim' people just dont appeal to me.

Dudess

Do you mean you wouldn't go out with someone who is fat? I don't think the OP is using the phrase "not slim" to hide that she's actually fat. I think she literally means there's a bit more weight on her than a thin girl - that she's an average size really.

neilled

fatfriend wrote: »

Hiya, I'm really looking for a male perspective on this but women please feel free to comment also! I've been single for almost two years now and while I've had the odd random hook up in bars/clubs (the usual Irish social scene eh?!) I've yet to come even close to a relationship or anything even resembling one! I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me, and what I'm wondering is this: could it be that I'm not what would be considered 'thin'? I've had low to no self esteem since I broke up with my boyfriend and have always battled with my weight. I'm a size 12-14, which I know isn't considered obese but I'm still larger than my friends, most of whom are 8s or 10s...it's hard going out with them at the weekends feeling like the 'fat friend', and I think that affects my confidence, which in turn affects how guys see me....Am I being stupid? Or do guys prefer a smaller girl? I know it's a childish question to ask (I'm 23!) and I feel pathetic for even mentioning it but it's something that's been bothering me for ages!! Any opinions would be very welcome! Thanks everyone!

From the perspective of a 21 year old male I would have thought 12-14 would have been somewhat average for a woman, some size 8-10 women have reminded me of stick insects that could be broken in half easily! Been a while since I've been in a relationship, actually make that a hell of along time. In anycase I and aloto f others prefer someone whose company I enjoy (obviously the feeling should be mutual) and feel an attachment to, actually, these are probably the most important things, rather than dress size. If a lad is going to flip out over you not being 8-10 then he's probably not worth bothering with.

There's a lot of things that have to be taken into be taken into consideration when assessing your clothing size, your general build etc, but its good to maintain a healthy BMI which I'm assuming you have.

Quackles

Ok, first of all, 12-14 is most certainly not fat. Kind of depressing for a genuine chubby person like me to read that Secondly, yes - men do find women that size (or even larger, shock, horror!!!!!) attractive. I'm 5'8" and was a size 16 when my husband met and fell in love with me. A couple of years later I did the whole weight watchers thing and went down to 10-12 - I looked great from the neck down, but it really did not suit my face. Had the baba and I'm back as big as I ever was, but he assures me I'm still as attractive as ever (lying git ) All joking aside - it's great to know that he fell for me in large state, so while losing a bit may be a bonus, I know I don't need to in order to please him, if that makes sense. In fact, he tells me that the stick insect women do nothing at all for him. What men DO find attractive is self confidence - learn to be happy in your own skin, and you'll have them eating out of your hand. And when you do figure it out, be sure and let me in on the secret

Jack Sheehan

Dudess wrote: »

Do you mean you wouldn't go out with someone who is fat? I don't think the OP is using the phrase "not slim" to hide that she's actually fat. I think she literally means there's a bit more weight on her than a thin girl - that she's an average size really.

I would not have any problem with someone who was just normal or average or even above average size, I am simply saying that I would not go out with someone who was considered 'fat'.

21stone

op poster gis a mail i'll go out with ye

12-14 is grand ,cushion for the pushin

Dudess

Jack: Ah yeah, that's what I assumed - that you were using the phrase "not slim" to mean "fat".

ztoical

We've had a few of these threads pop here and in afterhours so OP be ready for alot of "your lazy thats why your fat, no guy would thouch you blah blah"comments from the enlightened members of boards.

Honestly there is no answer to this everyone likes different things, some people like good chest, some like good legs, good ass etc etc Different tastes for different people. I don't like short guys but some girls do, it just depends on the person.

If you are really worried about how you look then more then likely it is coming across to the people around you when you go out and that can be off putting Your choices are either learn to love you for you, speak to someone about why your feeling this way or think about losing weight.

With the last one I strongly urge that you speak with someone first - you should diet for your own health and well being and not because some idoits tell you should be the "normal" size. don't diet because you think being thin will automaticaly make you happy. There may be a bigger route cause to your insecurity.

And if nothing else remember all those other people out there are in the same boat, alot of the guys are trying to make themselves look taller then they really are, or are trying to hide that receding hairline...all the pretty blonde girls with loads of makeup have to wear loads of makeup cus their skin is ruined from years of bad makeup, the super thin girl has two toilet rolls in each bra cup cus otherwise shes so flat chested she looks like a 12 year old boy...everyone has got something.

SuperSean11

Jack Sheehan wrote: »

I would not have any problem with someone who was just normal or average or even above average size, I am simply saying that I would not go out with someone who was considered 'fat'.

At least your honest i suppose:rolleyes:

Nevyn

Size 12 - 14 may be fat if the op if 5 foot tall and of a slender build/frame.

Jack Sheehan

SuperSean11 wrote: »

At least your honest i suppose:rolleyes:

Well yes I understand many people find so called 'fat' people attractive but I just don't. Maybe this seems bigoted or shallow but its just the way I feel.

IamBeowulf

Jack Sheehan wrote: »

Well yes I understand many people find so called 'fat' people attractive but I just don't. Maybe this seems bigoted or shallow but its just the way I feel.

Even so it's not what you carry, it's the way you carry it.

OP, I love girls with curves. 12-14 is a very decent size. Remember that a shapely bottom will always beat a skinny bum when it comes right down to it Stop worrying about how thin your friends are (I'm sure they're just as hung up on their own weight, if not more so) and go out there and be yourself

HashSlinging

Whatever happened to spontaneity, who care what size she is, if the shirt fits wear it.

Do you dress like your a size 8, that can be a major turn off.

niceoneted

All I can say is Shallow Hal comes to mind here for me.
As long as you are comfortable with yourself that's the main thing.

Toots

OP, at a 12-14 you have nothing to worry about. TBH, most guys I know prefer a curvy girl as opposed to a stick insect. And by curvy, I don't mean 'fat', I mean a normal healthy size. Don't be so hung up about it, as was said previously, your size would not be a turn off, but paranoia would be.

TouchingVirus

Being from the "not thin" male side of things I can say that to me it doesn't really matter. I prefer girls with curves but I do have my limits. Just like some girls wouldn't like the way I look.

I'm going to agree with Dudara and say self-confidence is sexy

LegacyUser

HashSlinging: That's a good question actually (about dressing like I'm a size 8). In short: hell no!! I'm pretty self-conscious as it is, so tend to stick to the tried and tested jeans-and relatively tame but pretty black top-combo! If there's one thing I've learnt over the years, it's that I know what does and doesn't work!

Thanks for all the posts so far, I was a bit wary of putting the question out there because I know it can open a whole can of worms, but I really appreciate the comments so far!

Quackles: Thanks so much for your lovely response and I'm really sorry if I insulted you in any way! Hope I'm forgiven! x

ztoical

niceoneted wrote: »

All I can say is Shallow Hal comes to mind here for me.
As long as you are comfortable with yourself that's the main thing.

Shallow Hal always reminds me of the Wendy Shaker book the fat girls guide to life. In the book she quotes an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow during the making of shallow hall where she wore the fat suit outside for a day. She recalls how awful it was, no one paid any attention to her and she felt so sorry for all the overweight girls in the world. Shaker found Paltrows comments pretty funny cus she was basicly saying the only reaons that people look at her or pay any attention to her is because of her looks and nothing else [Its worded alot better in the book trust me] and then contrasts it with her own experience as a fat girl and points out that people pay attention to her because of her confidence and personnailty.

Its all about taking the what works for you and working that....getting rid of unwanted weight healthy takes time and if you need that confidence boost sooner just think about what does work for you - got good legs? show them, got a fantastic chest? get a good bra and a low top. Got good skin and great hair? splash out and spend some money in the hairdressers.

Dudess

ztoical wrote: »

We've had a few of these threads pop here and in afterhours so OP be ready for alot of "your lazy thats why your fat, no guy would thouch you blah blah"comments from the enlightened members of boards.

I don't know if that will happen though. The OP herself hasn't referred to herself as fat - just "not thin". Those comments would only be an inevitability if she said she was 16 stone.

SuperSean11 wrote: »

At least your honest i suppose:rolleyes:

niceoneted wrote: »

All I can say is Shallow Hal comes to mind here for me

There's nothing wrong with not fancying someone who's fat - it's unhealthy anyway and as such, not the norm - most of us probably aren't programmed to fancy what's unhealthy. And by "fat" I mean really overweight. And that's straying from the original issue anyway since the OP knows she's not fat. It's more that she's afraid she's not thin enough.

ztoical

Dudess wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with not fancying someone who's fat - it's unhealthy anyway and as such, not the norm - most of us probably aren't programmed to fancy what's unhealthy.

ahh normal how we all love to love whats normal :rolleyes:

Dudess

Well being fat isn't normal (in the health sense) just like being underweight isn't normal.

Kevster

I am not attracted to thin girls and am, in fact, most attracted to a girl who is of a normal-to-slightly-overweight range; who wears little-to-no make-up; who's hair is not dyed or purposefully straightened; and who wears casual clothes.

ztoical

Dudess wrote: »

Well being fat isn't normal (in the health sense) just like being underweight isn't normal.

people rarely get the same abuse for being underweight as they do for being overweight. I dislike the use of the word normal, doctors and others in the health profession are more likely to say average rather then normal. I mean you don't say a guy is normal height do you? Would suck for short guys, fat people can shift the extra pounds but what is he to do?

The stigma attached to being fat is that it means you are lazy and have no control over yourself and the abuse that people get is amazing, walking down the street and prefect strangers in cars yelling abuse out the window as they drive by, having people make pig noises when your out shopping or eating in a cafe with friends - I've never seen an underweight person take that kind of abuse - and it adds stress to people making it harder to loose weight.

It takes a long time to take off weight correctly so that you don't put stress on your system and that it stays off - yoyo dieting is actually more dangerous for your system then staying fat and your getting abuse the whole time your getting rid of that weight. The OP may well decide to go and loose some weight but she should do it for the right reasons - for herself because of her health and overall well being and not because she feels she has to be "normal"

ztoical

Kevster wrote: »

I am not attracted to thin girls and am, in fact, most attracted to a girl who is of a normal-to-slightly-overweight range; who wears little-to-no make-up; who's hair is not dyed or purposefully straightened; and who wears casual clothes.

if your into comics and watch zombie films then pm me lol

Kevster

ztoical wrote: »

if your into comics and watch zombie films then pm me lol

...I'm actually regarded as a guy who wears fancy clothes and tries to look his best all the time. I'm not into comics or zombie films either. My favourite films are romantic ones.

aidan24326

fatfriend wrote: »

Hiya, I'm really looking for a male perspective on this but women please feel free to comment also! I've been single for almost two years now and while I've had the odd random hook up in bars/clubs (the usual Irish social scene eh?!) I've yet to come even close to a relationship or anything even resembling one! I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me, and what I'm wondering is this: could it be that I'm not what would be considered 'thin'? I've had low to no self esteem since I broke up with my boyfriend and have always battled with my weight. I'm a size 12-14, which I know isn't considered obese but I'm still larger than my friends, most of whom are 8s or 10s...it's hard going out with them at the weekends feeling like the 'fat friend', and I think that affects my confidence, which in turn affects how guys see me....Am I being stupid? Or do guys prefer a smaller girl? I know it's a childish question to ask (I'm 23!) and I feel pathetic for even mentioning it but it's something that's been bothering me for ages!! Any opinions would be very welcome! Thanks everyone!

As has been said size 12-14 sounds pretty average, insofar as what can be ascertained from those raw numbers. If you honestly feel overweight or don't like how you look then do something about it. Lose that extra few pounds if it would make you feel better. But if you're worried that men will only find you attractive if you're a skinny size 8 then worry no more, that just isn't true. In my experience the majority of men would much prefer a girl to be a bit overweight than a stick insect. The starving size 0 look does nowt for me.

What is unattractive (to most) is extremes, very overweight or the famine-stricken look. There are probably good evolutionary reasons why we're programmed to think like that. You sound like you're not anywhere near either of those extremes, so don't worry. Have more confidence in yourself and you'll be fine. You are pulling the odd randomer in bars/clubs so you're obviously managing to attract guys. As regards a relationship you probably just haven't attracted the right one, yet! That almost certainly has little or nothing to do with your weight.

Dudess

ztoical wrote: »

people rarely get the same abuse for being underweight as they do for being overweight. I dislike the use of the word normal, doctors and others in the health profession are more likely to say average rather then normal. I mean you don't say a guy is normal height do you? Would suck for short guys, fat people can shift the extra pounds but what is he to do?

The stigma attached to being fat is that it means you are lazy and have no control over yourself and the abuse that people get is amazing, walking down the street and prefect strangers in cars yelling abuse out the window as they drive by, having people make pig noises when your out shopping or eating in a cafe with friends - I've never seen an underweight person take that kind of abuse - and it adds stress to people making it harder to loose weight.

It takes a long time to take off weight correctly so that you don't put stress on your system and that it stays off - yoyo dieting is actually more dangerous for your system then staying fat and your getting abuse the whole time your getting rid of that weight. The OP may well decide to go and loose some weight but she should do it for the right reasons - for herself because of her health and overall well being and not because she feels she has to be "normal"

I agree with everything you're saying - I wouldn't be skinny for anything and I love my curves. But I'm not fat. And as I said, I'm using the term "normal" - actually I didn't use the word initially, rather I said "the norm" - in the medical sense. It's not normal to carry extra weight, just like it's not normal to have anything wrong with you healthwise - e.g. getting regular headaches. A doctor might say that's not "the norm".
I agree: diets don't work - both from a physical and psychological point of view. Living a healthy lifestyle should be the focus, weight loss will follow. I suggested to the OP that she maybe do exercise for the "feelgood" factor, and ditto about healthy eating - firming up her bod will result from that eventually, but I advised her to do these things primarily in order to increase her sense of well-being, which will more than likely help her to believe in herself more if she sticks with them.

pisslips

Hey, I've had people call me, ''skinny'', when I was a 12+1/2 stone 5ft11' 20yr old male with about 8% body fat....which is almost the perfect healthy weight.
So wtf do people know?, the skinny ones will call you too fat and the big ones will call you too skinny.

To begin with 12-14 isn't fat.However, if I was to go out with a group of my mates and we were to meet up with a group of girls and one or tow of them happened to be heavier significantly than the others, something would definitely click in all of our heads, where to magnify our attention. It's pretty **** but it's true.If I got talking to the girl and she happened to be interesting and a bit sexy/fun(not ott obviously), thenmy initial reaction would have become null and void.I'm sorry I can't justify it, snap judgement, I'd prefer a size10 or something, though putting a number on a person is such a ridiculous concept anyway.

cowzerp

No, i would not go out with an overweight person..

Dudess

The OP isn't overweight though - as in fat. She's just not skinny - average size.
OP, for a start, why not change your unreg name to something besides "fatfriend". You are not fat.

minidazzler

My perspective as an 18 year old male.

I know feck all about sizes but if 12 - 14 is what I think it is then you are not big. AFAIK my mammy is a 10 (or at least that was the size I bought her for christmas) She is tiny and I could not imagine 12 - 14 being much bigger.

Anyway on to the real point. If it is what I am thinking then In my opinion they are the hot girls. I cant stand skinny girls(they look like they will break)
I purposely go after girls who are not the "skinny" ones because they are so damned annoying. and it looks very odd me being 6'2"

From what you describe you are
a) not big
b) shy
c) 23

I know your type.(hate to generalise but this is me waffling) Ye are the ones who will cling to friends. DONT do that. It is very scary for guys like me to walk into a group of girls and pick one out I **** my brick unless I have alot of Liquid confidence. Try to be more open. (liquid confidence helps me) and just dont snob fellas off just because you are shy. Accept that drink, dance and then if he doesnt ask for yours then you ask for his number. It can be nerve wracking to ask a girl her number.

Wow I said alot but they are my thoughts on the subject. As an 18 year old male I go for the girls who are real and not so breakable.

estar

12-14 is not large
men dont mind girls being large
my sister got married a size 16 - she refused to diet
her husband married the woman and not the size

i was a size ten and was so miserable as i was surviving on
vegetables. i got no male attention. then i got sick of that
and am now a size 14. i get much more male attention.

you will get a boyfriend when you love yourself, are
totally interested in life and live every day to the full.
then you will attract other people.

it is not a question of your weight. love yourself. at 12-14 you
are perfectly normal.

Lux23

Your not in the least bit fat if anything is holding you back is your lack of self confidence and its always foolish to compare yourself to other women. Look at it this way, you may be looking at a girl wishing you had her frame but shes probably wishing she had your tits!!!

The trick is to accept the way you are built and learn to love the good bits and forget about the horrible bits!!!

cowzerp

Dudess wrote: »

The OP isn't overweight though - as in fat. She's just not skinny - average size.
OP, for a start, why not change your unreg name to something besides "fatfriend". You are not fat.

Actually, i never said fat, size 12-14 is big enough unless she's quite tall, size 8-10 is healthy for a girl of about 5,5" or so-12-14 for a girl of the same height would make the girl plump, and as a personal trainer i'd guess that she'd be 1-2 stone overweight-im guessing height so may be way off, if she's smaller then the diagnosis is worse and if she's taller its a bit better.

mikemac

minidazzler wrote: »

I know feck all about sizes but if 12 - 14 is what I think it is then you are now big.

Now big or not big?
You might want to correct this as it isn't clear and it can mean the opposite when the OP reads your post

estar

its more important to be fit than thin

work out regularly and you will achieve the natural fit figure
whether than be 10 12 14

muscle is heavier than fat, so you might weigh more but be leaner

a fit healthy body is all any man can ask for.

many of them could do with keeping an eye on their figures also.

minidazzler

micmclo wrote: »

Now big or not big?
You might want to correct this as it isn't clear and it can mean the opposite when the OP reads your post

oopsie daisy It was Not but I type too wuickly and never proof read.

sobriquet

I don't have a 'type' as such, but I generally find myself more attracted to slimmer women. Nothing conscious about it, and I'd say that's the way it is for most blokes - you're attracted to who you're attracted to, it's an imprecise science. For myself and my mates when we're out, you'd be surprised the variation in the women different lads are into.

The trouble with issues like these is that it's really hard to make qualified statements about when you're talking about categories of people, all nicely bracketed. There's always an anecdote to strike off someone else's rule. Like this one: I was once with a women, a friend of mates GF, that was definitely, let's say, not slim - probably a size 14 or maybe bigger, I don't know. Good looking, fierce sound and confidence in spades. Popular girl. It's not so much the fat her skin covered, but that she fit comfortably in it.

cowzerp

estar wrote: »

its more important to be fit than thin

work out regularly and you will achieve the natural fit figure
whether than be 10 12 14

muscle is heavier than fat, so you might weigh more but be leaner

The question is about would you fancy someone who was not thin, not whats more important, fitness or thin!!

And the muscle been heavier than fat argument is stupid and probably the most ignorant comment in the fitness world as it means nothing, it would make you heavier but not bigger, muscle is heavy but not large in mass as compared to fat which is larger in size Lb for Lb, most sports people have more muscle mass but are thin as opposed to stocky fat girls.

Seraphina

hate to go against the grain here, but 12-14 could easily be quite overweight and fat depending on the OP's frame and stature. i am a size 8/10 and i'm still quite curvy ( i dislike the implication that if you fit into a size 8 you're skin and bones! ) if i gained enough weight to go up to a size 12-14 i would be very very VERY wobbly and probably look awful (well in my opinion i would anyway, there would probably still be guys that found me attractive but i prefer to stay the way i am now - i am quite active/athlectic), it really depends on how you carry your weight and your natural frame size, dress size cant really tell you much.

OP as others have said, if you think its your weight thats holding you back, its more likely that your self confidence has been affected by your weight and THATS whats holding you back. there's probably nothing wrong with the size you are now, but there's also nothing wrong with wanting to lose a few inches if you think that will make you feel better/more confident in yourself

LegacyUser

As a girl who is a size 14/16, and not short of attention, its all about confidence and being comfortable with yourself!Buy clothes that flatter your figure and if you want to ehance your natural figure buy good support 'Bridget Jones Knickers'! I find they are great at giving a smooth shape and making features like your hips really sexy!! Fortunately Im lucky to have the curves that boys like, and all my girlfriends are rather jealous of them!!!

moco

My weight can vary from a size 6 to a 12. I can tell you I get much more male attention when I'm smaller but I don't know if that's because I feel better about myself and have more confidence then.

If you're happy at the weight you're at then don't worry about what anyone else thinks but if you're not then try and do something about it for yourself. If you're unhappy and not feeling at your most confident that's what could be stopping guys from approaching you.

Dudess

Seraphina wrote: »

hate to go against the grain here, but 12-14 could easily be quite overweight and fat depending on the OP's frame and stature.

Agreed, but nobody who is a size 12-14 is gonna be a "big, fat person".

greenkittie

Seraphina wrote: »

i am a size 8/10 and i'm still quite curvy ( i dislike the implication that if you fit into a size 8 you're skin and bones! ) if i gained enough weight to go up to a size 12-14 i would be very very VERY wobbly and probably look awful (well in my opinion i would anyway, there would probably still be guys that found me attractive but i prefer to stay the way i am now - i am quite active/athlectic), it really depends on how you carry your weight and your natural frame size, dress size cant really tell you much.

I would be the same as you, size 8/10 but definatly curvy. A couple of years ago i briefly went up to a size 12 and people were actually saying to me that i should do something about it. Its all to do with frame size, im average height but have a small frame so can carry less weight.
The best thing is to find a healthy happy size for your body and try and maintain it, as we dont know what the OP looks like we cant really speculate on what that would be for her.

In reply to the "Would you go out with someone who wouldn't be considered 'thin'?" question.. How many larger girls and guys do you see around the place who are in a couple?... Just as many as there are thinner people in couples.

estar

cowzerp wrote: »

The question is about would you fancy someone who was not thin, not whats more important, fitness or thin!!

And the muscle been heavier than fat argument is stupid and probably the most ignorant comment in the fitness world as it means nothing, it would make you heavier but not bigger, muscle is heavy but not large in mass as compared to fat which is larger in size Lb for Lb, most sports people have more muscle mass but are thin as opposed to stocky fat girls.

the question is that the girl is comparing herself to her size 8 friends,
and wondering if her size is contributing to her single status.

and my answer is that being thin is not an indicator of attractiveness,
or health, that being fit is more important, and that accepting yourself as you are, and being happy in your own skin, is the most attractive thing
to most people, while staying in a range of weight that is healthy.

if you choose to make statements such as - no i limit myself to people
I consider not over weight, than that is your choice. but most people
in my experience do not proceed to choose a future partner based on
whether they are a size 8 or 12, but rather on how the person
makes them feel about themselves, how the person fits into thier life,
how attractive the person is both personality wise and appearance wise,
etc.

if your life is centered around fitness, it makes sense for you to have this
as a high priority for a partner. it wouldnt be mine, but i respect your choice.

regarding muscle versus fat. every gym i have ever visited has told me
that building muscle through training and replacing fat means you
dont lose much actual weight on the scales, but appear thinner. this was simply an aside
to my main point, there is no need to call me stupid, there are more elegant
ways to correct what I said if indeed it is incorrect. i assure you, i am far from
stupid.

your reference to stocky fat girls - of which you would consider me undoubtedly one. i am a size 14, walk 2 miles every lunchtime, train three times a week, have excellent fitness,
eat mostly whatever I want, dont smoke or drink to excess, and have never
been short of male attention. i just choose not to fanatically limit what I eat, as I observe other girls doing. life is too short to be a walking diet, or point calculating machine. i consider someone who has to stress over every calorie
they eat as someone in a trap. i would rather be gaining knowledge, learning something or making new friends than engaging in quasi obsessive dieting behaviours. as morrissey said - some girls are bigger than others. some girls mothers are bigger than other girls mothers.

go figure.

estar

cowzerp wrote: »

Actually, i never said fat, size 12-14 is big enough unless she's quite tall, size 8-10 is healthy for a girl of about 5,5" or so-12-14 for a girl of the same height would make the girl plump, and as a personal trainer i'd guess that she'd be 1-2 stone overweight-im guessing height so may be way off, if she's smaller then the diagnosis is worse and if she's taller its a bit better.

its not about size anyway, its about the amount of fat on your body.
i was a size ten and because of my frame i lookd awful. i was under nourished, my hair was lank, and im 5 foot 6. another person may naturally
look and feel their best at size ten and 5 ft 6.

the point being everyones body and build is different. what works for one person does not for another. there are no universal statements saying
size 12-14 is big enough - it depends if you have a heavy or light build.

the single most important things for anyone to consider in this area, is how
healthy they are. not what size. how healthy. are they eating a good diet.
are they getting a moderate amount of exercise. do they feel good about themselves.

also, in my experience, men like women that like themselves.

my advice to this girl is be healthy and like yourself.