Work mate

LegacyUser

My workmate is driving me mad:

He never say hello in the morning, when you ask him a question, its about a 20 second delay,
you could be sitting there all day and not a word BUT yet when he's on the phone he will chat...never even says enjoy ur hoils when you off on a 2 week holiday......it is starting to get me down as its a small office and its just the 2 of us in the room....he will go out and not even say goodbye.....Any suggestionS B4 I go insane?????

Beruthiel

Is he shy perhaps?

When I started in my office there was myself and one other chap, hardly a word outta him. I introduced music to the office and basically made him talk every now and again.
After going to an office night out with him having a few drinks on, you couldn't shut him up. You'd never have guessed he was shy, but it was obvious after that. Some years later now and he is more chatty.
Continue being yourself and perhaps eventually he will get comfortable with you.

Jack B. Badd

OP, does this behaviour apply to everyone or just you? I'm not trying to insinuate that he has a problem with you specifically, I just can't tell from the wording of your post. If it's everyone then possibly he is shy. Maybe you and a few others in the office could gently try to draw him out and get him involved in the social side of working together on a daily basis.

veryangryman

Who doesnt have this situation? I sure as hell do. Its cos its work and as such, your only hangin with him cos your paid to, and vice versa. Still no excuse for lack of manners from him though...

CrazyNoob

Not everyone is friendy
He works with you, while it might be nice if he said hello and was your buddy he doesnt have to be

Some people are private and like that, they will come less private the more you draw them out but he is probably quite content with how it is at the moment.

Obivously being friendly is more rewarding but once you draw him out he will see that

ntlbell

I'm not sure why it's bugging you?

Don't "introduce music" to the office, as people who that generally get on everyone else boobs, and he'll talk less.

continue to be civil and if you must now and then try and start a conversation but if it is obvious he still doesn't want to to talk leave him alone.

LegacyUser

i HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM AND AM LEAVING THIS JOB TOMM BECAUSE OF IT

Marksie

Manners really do cost nothing, so a good morning and basic consideration is always handy.
However, some people strictly delineate between work and personal life. They simply want to do the work and go home.

I know that i am too damned chipper in the morning, usually because i have been awake three hours already and have gotten out of the fugue state.

Thing is unless you are going to push it and enquire then it could cause further issues.

Perhaps you should ask yourself why its getting to you? What do you hope to achieve in getting him to talk? and is there anyway your behaviour is affecting him..do you talk ten to the dozen perhaps.

If you do approach him dont make it in teh accusatory "why are you not talking to me" mode.

veryangryman

Itd be cool if we could all pick our co-workers. Alas, i guess thats why they pay us to be there.

I get on ok with mine, but keep a professional distance. Some people Im more friendly to than others, i guess its easier to bounce off friendlier characters than the more quiet ones.

seamus

Perhaps it was just him in the office before you came, he thought had free reign.

It's more likely as Ber says though, he's probably a bit shy because he doesn't know you that well so doesn't know what to say.
If you greet him in the morning, does he greet you back? If you say bye, does he say bye back?
Try to at least get some form of conversation going with him on the mundane stuff - holidays, weather, traffic, that kind of crap. "Jaysus, it was freezing this morning wasn't it? And where are you coming from? and how do you get in...?" and so forth. You'll find out very quickly if he's interested in actually talking to you (and is just shy) or if he's just one of these grumpy feckers.

Gumbyman

I know where the guy is coming from and have a lot of respect for him. Please do not try to engage in idle banter like weather and commuting. That sort of chat may as well be scripted. I play along with it. He doesn't. Fair play. I have friends. I have people I work with. I have friends that I work with. I find it really really annoying that some people presume that, just because we sit near each other or work together, we must be friends. Would you go up to a stanger in a bus stop and tell them about your holidays? No. Because why would they care?

Granted not saying bye when he leaves or hi when comes in is a bit much if there's just two of you there. Don't know if he ignores your hi and bye.

Work is for work. And Boards.ie posts. Not a place to party or make friends. Sometimes you click with people and you become mates, sometimes you don't. It's not you, it's just the way it is. At least he's keeping it real and not pretending to care. Don't worry about it. It's his loss and all that sort of thing. If things get very frosty confront him and ask him if you have done something to offend him as you're getting a negative vibe. Good luck with it! You are very nice I presume and this means you can't understand people who aren't. Don't change.

seamus

Gumbyman wrote: »

I find it really really annoying that some people presume that, just because we sit near each other or work together, we must be friends. Would you go up to a stanger in a bus stop and tell them about your holidays? No. Because why would they care?

There's no reason to presume that they have to be mates, but I would find it odd that someone would prefer to spend 7.5 hours a day in complete silence with a stranger rather than at least have some sort of banter. If only to make eachother more at ease. You don't have to be best buds.

There's scripted smalltalk which is bull****, but if she asks the guy general questions about himself then the old, "Ah yeah shockin traffic" answers don't really cut it and she can find out very quickly if the guy is just shy or up his own arse.

LegacyUser

Gumbyman wrote: »

Would you go up to a stanger in a bus stop and tell them about your holidays? No. Because why would they care?

I agree with you in most part, and think you gave a very balanced view there Gumbyman. But one point I don't agree with is, in fact people in Ireland will tell you at a bus stop about their holidays. Honest, been there. Done it myself. In fact, people in Ireland will pretty much tell you their life story and anyone elses they know about at times. We like talking and are quite chatty creatures. So when it isn't receiprocated sometimes I think we take it too personally. But I think that's part of your point anyway, and I'm probably just posting this to make idle converstaion and avoid work! But I know what the OP means and sometimes it's hard not to take it personal. But if I was you OP I would just move on from worrying about it, and focus on work and leave them to it. They could surprise you some day and come out with something that will totally astound you. Or not. Like gumby says...is what it is, and so be it....

Overheal

You could walk into work one morning, slam a bottle of vodka on the table and insist on drowning the ice... :rolleyes:

That or take turns Irish'ing your coffee.

Ned Flanders wrote:

Oh ho! We dont use the I word in this house!

Oriel

There is always the chance that you're really annoying and he doesn't like you.

elambra

Gumbyman wrote: »

I know where the guy is coming from and have a lot of respect for him. Please do not try to engage in idle banter like weather and commuting. That sort of chat may as well be scripted. I play along with it. He doesn't. Fair play. I have friends. I have people I work with. I have friends that I work with. I find it really really annoying that some people presume that, just because we sit near each other or work together, we must be friends. Would you go up to a stanger in a bus stop and tell them about your holidays? No. Because why would they care?

Granted not saying bye when he leaves or hi when comes in is a bit much if there's just two of you there. Don't know if he ignores your hi and bye.

Work is for work. And Boards.ie posts. Not a place to party or make friends. Sometimes you click with people and you become mates, sometimes you don't. It's not you, it's just the way it is. At least he's keeping it real and not pretending to care. Don't worry about it. It's his loss and all that sort of thing. If things get very frosty confront him and ask him if you have done something to offend him as you're getting a negative vibe. Good luck with it! You are very nice I presume and this means you can't understand people who aren't. Don't change.

cheer up mate! it's better to be nice to fellow humans than to be ignorant, the world would be a better place without bitter losers like him..

paul_ire57

macy babe wrote: »

My workmate is driving me mad:

He never say hello in the morning, when you ask him a question, its about a 20 second delay,
you could be sitting there all day and not a word BUT yet when he's on the phone he will chat...never even says enjoy ur hoils when you off on a 2 week holiday......it is starting to get me down as its a small office and its just the 2 of us in the room....he will go out and not even say goodbye.....Any suggestionS B4 I go insane?????

Maybe get some headphones and amuse yourself with music/radio. At least you arent disturbing him, and get the comfort of listening to the radio or music in peace to keep yourself distracted from his rudeness.

I guess you have to accept he may be a private person or shy, but no one is above good manners and a polite good morning or good evening in and out of the office especially when that courtesy is being extended to you is never going to kill anyone.

Theres always the flip side and you could be as cold and unfriendly as he is and see if you get a reaction out of him. Maybe turn your desk around so he only sees your back. At least if you get a reaction from him you may get a conversation started where you can air your grievances with his behaviour?

Hope it works out for you as its hard enough having to work 5 days a week without having to deal wth issues with the people you work with, especially when its in a small office!

Paul

Gumbyman

I'm perfectly cheery thanks very much! Of course it's nice to be nice. If somebody says hello I'll say hello and I'll smile bla-dee-blah. If some stranger starts telling me the minute details of their Christmas dinner and which aunt cooked the most amazing broth I find it irritating. I will try to politely show that I am in no way interested by looking away and not responding. More often than not these hints don't work and the person rabbits on. It is like somebody grating nails on a blackboard. But I tolerate it. People like to talk about themselves. People ask questions, frequently, just so you will ask them back and they can talk. Who is ignorant, the person who intrudes upon the peace of another or the person who quietly tolerates it? Bitter loser? Come off it.

Of course this guy could be just an ignorant pr1ck who has decided to make things uncomfortable for OP. There's always that possibility. I'd always wish people well if they're going on holidays or even on Friday evening because I mean it and it is genuine.

mada999

The dude is probably shy..give him a chance..
maybe he's flat out busy ?

vorbis

that would wreck my head as well. Just in case other people missed it.
There are TWO people in the room, HER and THIS GUY. If you sat next to someone in an open office you wouldn't be too concerned about not talking to your neighbour.

But just the two of ye in the same room!!! Its frankly really rude not to at least talk a little bit to the other person in thsi situation. ONe of my roommates is like this, would barely talk to me. I'm not looking to be friends but the odd bit of conversation would surely be expected.

Not too sure what you can do Macy babe. Ask other people what he is like with them. Tbh though, I wouldn't use the shy excuse with him. He just sounds like a prat.