Be less of a coward

LegacyUser

Hi.
There's something that has been of concern to me lately... I feel that I'm too much of a wuss! I'm a 20 year old guy, about 5ft 10, and strong enough. I don't do any martial arts and have not been in a fight (barely even been confronted) since I was about 12.

Every so often there'll be a fight in my presence, and I'll get scared and have to keep away from it! Recently at a party a fight broke out between 3 or 4 people. I wasn't beside it but if I wanted to I could have made my way down and tried to seperate it. But I didn't!

Again recently, there was a bit of hassle outside a nightclub and a friend of mine passed a comment, which resulted in him almost ending up in a fight with the instigator also. I was standing right there yet I didn't try to calm it down, truth be told I just wanted to run! Nothing happened with my mate thank god, but the other guy ended up in a fight with someone else as I was walking away (things had settled down at that point), and rather than stand and watch, as most people would do, I kept going in case I ended up getting caught up in it.

Those were just examples, but that's generally my reaction when confronted with danger or conflict, my "flight" instinct is stronger than my "fight" instinct!

Now in these situations, it has never been the case AFAIK that it was a friend actually in a fight (even if it came close). And what's concerning me especially is that if it WERE a friend, I might end up being too afraid to get involved I just don't know how I would react if I were "thrust" into such a situation.

I'm sure alot of people would consider this a reasonably intelligent method of self-preservation! And the usual advice is to get away from any potentially dangerous situation (flight rather than fight), but at the same time if a mate is in danger I don't want to be running away and getting the Gards, I want to try to help.

But any kind of confrontation or scrapping makes me feel a bit queasy. Which is strange because I love watching fights on TV or from far away

Anyway, any advice or comments, go ahead

dudara

Flight is a strong natural instinct and not one to be ashamed of. Most martial artists and self-defense teachers will tell you to run rather than fight the majority of the time. There's often nothing to be gained by being involved in a fight that you easily could have avoided.

However, sometimes in life, you will find yourself needing to stand up and be counted. But don't go aggressively looking for fights, that's a recipe for disaster.

If you want to experience what fighting is like, then sign up for some martial arts classes (or ultimate fighting) that involve full contact. Once you've been smacked around a few times in training, you gain a lot of respect for fighting.

gcgirl

I don't think your being a coward ! your better off not getting involved in fights. there are many ways of getting out of fighting like outwitting people i think Bruce Lee went on about the art of fighting without fighting if you follow!

Beruthiel

cowardly wrote: »

Recently at a party a fight broke out between 3 or 4 people.

Time to hang out with people who have grown up a bit?

Again recently, there was a bit of hassle outside a nightclub and a friend of mine passed a comment, which resulted in him almost ending up in a fight with the instigator also.

Anyone dumb enough to make a comment in order to start a fight should be left to it.

In all my years on this planet, I've never put myself in a situation whereby I needed to get a few digs in. I wouldn't worry about it.

How Strange

OP, manys a young person has ended up in hospital or worse for getting involved in a fight that wasn't theirs to begin with.

I think in this day and age young lads should be encouraged to walk away from fights especially drunken ones where your participation could be met with a broken glass, knife or gun.

Carry on as you are doing now and maybe have a word with your mates about picking fights at the end of a night.

sunnyjim

Mate, even if you take up martial arts, you might still find yourself avoiding fights.

Tis for the best. Just make sure you put up a good one when you need to.

Canis Lupus

Jaysus I hate fighting. All it takes is a mis (or well) placed fist,knee, head, curb, bottle, wall etc etc to ruin your day. It's better to not fight and come out scratch free than to potentially spend some quality time in hospital or a police cell.

Just thank your lucky stars that fights have broken out around you and not directed at you. They're never fun. Relax about being seen to be brave. One day you may unlucky enough to get involved and you won't really want to do it again cos street fights tend to be drunken and you're usually outnumbered by the scum.

Max_Damage

You could try practicing in any Abrakababra on any given Saturday night. Practice makes perfect!

Nothingcompares

Two problems

Society brain washing you into thinking you should fight
Low self-esteem

All normally adjusted people abhor violence and avoid it. You are doing the right thing avoiding fights. It's completely natural to feel the way you do.

You shouldn't feel that you need to learn to fight or overcome your fear so that if the situation arises and you need to "hop" in to help a friend out. If your friends are getting in fights/arguments/drunken nonsense it's most likely a personality problem on their side, the best thing you could do is to encourage them to avoid that ****.

You'll gain a lot more self-confidence being involved in positive physical activities like rugby, soccer, gaa and indeed martial arts/combat sports. If you're interested in exploring your own sense of flight/fight you should get involved in something like rugby/MMA/boxing etc., more information available on martial arts forum.

dresden8

Agree with the earlier replies, stop hanging around with tossers who are going to get you kicked to death by scumbags.

It's not worth it.

Kess73

In my eyes, the OP is showing a lot of sense for a young lad. You are not a coward for not getting involved in fights. Any idiot can get in a fight and it is not brave to get into one. It takes more of a man to walk away.

Just keep doing what you are doing, and if you want some ring time, go to a boxing club, where you will get training, fitness, confidence, and be even more inclined not to get into fights away from a ring.

Capt'n Midnight

Doesn't matter if you have a black belt someone could get lucky with a knife. It's happened. To people who have fought at Europen level. And they didn't walk away afterwards. Or breath. Do you have a black belt or similar prowess in fisticuffs ? How would you react to a street fighter biting off a finger when you point at them ? Would you be 100% sober at that time of night ? Would you be tired / dulled from all that dancing/standing around ?

I seem to remember that raising your arm within striking distance is technically assult (not too sure about this though).

If you step into something that started off-camera you could be the only one they have the CCTV evidence against.

There is a reason for Bouncers and Cameras.

It wasn't me!

So much as a physical threat can be considered assault. I really wouldn't advise taking up a martial art or even boxing to experience fighting, there really isn't anything in the world like it. Boxing will make you a lot handier in a fight, as decent boxers do not go down easily, but it's still a sport, not like someone in a fight. By all means, continue to avoid fights wherever possible, as it's only sensible practice. You will be able to help friends though in situations. I'm a lot more inclined to get involved where a friend is involved, whereas if the threat is to me I'll walk away every time if possible. I will say though, take pride in defending yourself where it's important. There's a quote I like to throw out whenever anyone gets on the anti-violence high horse, as I believe that sometimes there is a time to fight. "We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm." - George Orwell. Violence, when directed towards you, is not to be tolerated.

af_thefragile

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." ~Ambrose Redmoo

Everyone gets afraid at times and there's nothing wrong with it.
You don't have to get involved in every fight out there. Especially when it doesn't concern you at all. There's no point trying to act hero where its entirely unnecessary.

Whats more importat is the ablility to be able to stand up for yourself and know when to use your courage in the right way.
Knowing the fact you'll do your best to fight off anyone or anything that'ld be a threat to you or your loved ones or something of significant importance. Something more important than the fear in you.

WhiteWashMan

Jaysus, you sound sensible to me.
I havent been in a fight since i was about 10, and i certainly dont intend to get into one now.
Why would anyone want to fight?

I dont have to prove myself to anyone. Im well aware that there are many millions of people in the world who could kick my head in, I dont need to prove it!

If a fight erupts, I go the other way, and I dont put myself in any situations where I would have to throw myself into a fight.

Sense. You have it. Keep it. Be happy you have it. YOu want to fight, pick up a copy of street fighter, or join a karate club.

IamBeowulf

cowardly wrote: »

Hi.
There's something that has been of concern to me lately... I feel that I'm too much of a wuss! I'm a 20 year old guy, about 5ft 10, and strong enough. I don't do any martial arts and have not been in a fight (barely even been confronted) since I was about 12.

Every so often there'll be a fight in my presence, and I'll get scared and have to keep away from it! Recently at a party a fight broke out between 3 or 4 people. I wasn't beside it but if I wanted to I could have made my way down and tried to seperate it. But I didn't!

Again recently, there was a bit of hassle outside a nightclub and a friend of mine passed a comment, which resulted in him almost ending up in a fight with the instigator also. I was standing right there yet I didn't try to calm it down, truth be told I just wanted to run! Nothing happened with my mate thank god, but the other guy ended up in a fight with someone else as I was walking away (things had settled down at that point), and rather than stand and watch, as most people would do, I kept going in case I ended up getting caught up in it.

Those were just examples, but that's generally my reaction when confronted with danger or conflict, my "flight" instinct is stronger than my "fight" instinct!

Now in these situations, it has never been the case AFAIK that it was a friend actually in a fight (even if it came close). And what's concerning me especially is that if it WERE a friend, I might end up being too afraid to get involved I just don't know how I would react if I were "thrust" into such a situation.

I'm sure alot of people would consider this a reasonably intelligent method of self-preservation! And the usual advice is to get away from any potentially dangerous situation (flight rather than fight), but at the same time if a mate is in danger I don't want to be running away and getting the Gards, I want to try to help.

But any kind of confrontation or scrapping makes me feel a bit queasy. Which is strange because I love watching fights on TV or from far away

Anyway, any advice or comments, go ahead

Sometimes I'm paralysed with fear if a fight seems to be breaking out. I was left with a few stitches after taking on two guys (they attacked me). I know now that running would have been the best choice then, and that what I feel now in those times when things get heavy, is just my common sense kicking in overdrive.

Fight only when it is your only way to survive the night. Otherwise let the pigheaded dumbassed little sh1ts scuffle with some of their own kind.

Don't be ashamed or embarrassed by your feelings.

Pigeon Reaper

You have sense. Most of the time you should walk away from a fight. You just don't know what might happen during a physical fight especially on a street. If idiots insist on fighting at parties or clubs I just leave as it's not worth the hassle. You may eventually need to step in if a person can't defend themselves and looks like they're about to be seriously hurt but you pick when to do this. Most normal people have an aversion to agressive situations and you will find people who fight have some serious underlying problems including a lack of confidence. At the end of the day have you ever regretted walking away from a situation that you describe?

seamus

Your reaction can also largely depend on your state of mind at the time.

I can certainly think of a couple of times when I've jumped in and broken up fights and other similar circumstances when I hesitated and couldn't jump in.

Your mind probably weighs up the contenders when it starts. And it probably happens in a fraction of a second without you knowing about it. If it thinks that you're going to end up getting hurt without making much of a difference, then you get the instinct to run. If it thinks that you can do this with little risk to yourself, you may get the fight instinct. In the case of 3 or 4 people at a party, you probably didn't care too much whether any of them got hurt and probably thought that you'd end up with a few stray digs in the head. So not getting involved is the smart choice there.

An interesting phenomenon I've noticed is that people are far happier to get involved in these things if they see someone else doing the same. So while initially everyone will freeze, once one guy jumps in trying to break it up, you usually find five or six will come from nowhere and offer their help.

CrazyNoob

OP you really dont have a problem, I think you are doing the right thing.

If you went in to break something up, it only takes a spilt second for things to escalate and get serious, (eg a punch and knock head on kerb , a knife etc)
Far better off out of the way of idiots!

Most people have an inherent fear of being hit. Nothing cowardly with that, being hit is not a nice feeling so keeping out of the way in normal

From someone who has been in fair share of fights (both starting them and started on) it took me long time (4-5 years) to realise Flight is the better option in 99.9% (no 100%) of time.

kmick

Nothingcompares wrote: »

All normally adjusted people abhor violence and avoid it.

This is true. Do what your instinct tells you and walk away every time. The first rule of any self defence course is run until you can run no more. Fight only if given no choice.

If your friend gets involved then he is an idiot. Try and take him away from the scene as quickly as possible so he does not get involved. Some people cant keep their trap shut. If he objects leave him there he is old enough to look after himself.

Believe me being a coward is a lot less hassle than spending 12 hours in A&E on a saturday night with a busted head. My wife works in Intensive care and every Saturday night they get a serious head injury. Only half of them survive!! Think about that stat.

Overheal

I would always say run from the fight - fights only need to occur when you have no other choice. Theres times when it may seem necessary though but if you aren't comfortable doing so then don't.

A couple months ago we were staggering out of the pub and a fight broke out that involved a lot of downhill shoving - a lot of people got knocked around and everything else. Around the centre of the fight was 2 6' guys beating up on this 4' girl (I didnt see this happen but was told it later). So it spiraled out of control quickly.

The only thing I did in that fight was pull my friend out of it - she's a pistol and was using her fighting skills as i learned later to give one of the tall guys a direct kick to the side of the head. Massive bleeding ensued. But as I was pulling her out I was holding her arms back - she couldnt block and ended up getting punched in the face. She was perfectly fine but I got all sorts of hell for pulling her out like I did. And for not getting rightly involved. But **** her I pulled her out of what I perceived to be a bad situation. People were getting ripped open all over the place. Bodies were all over the ground as people walked on top of them as they tried to get back up. It was mental.

OP I wouldn't worry about it. You need to prioritise in such a situation. Your first priority is your safety, then your friend's safety, and finally (if you are a bit of a vigilante) the safety of others - in this case, the 4' girl. Now, I've been taking Tae Kwon Do classes and technically should have been able to execute some n00bish kicks myself but I was only concerned with the safety of my party. The truth is you don't know who might pull out a weapon and escalate it to the point of lethal.

I've never entered a fight personally unless it was to extricate someone I knew. If one of my friends (from TKD say) asked me to go join them and protect that girl though, I suppose I would have gone with them but that was not the case. Because you could not be sure if she had any friends around to help her or if the 2 guys attacking her werent her boyfriend or something.. but there is no need to get involved in a conventional fight (guys vs guys or girls vs girls) - unconventional is more along the lines of a serious mismatch: like 2 guys kicking a girl on the ground.

Don't be ashamed for taking flight OP. more often than not the average person will end up doing more damage to themself than you would inflict on someone else. You have been doing the right thing.