Dumped....hugs please girls :(

Clare Bear

Don't even care about going unregistered for this at this stage.

Well ladies today I got dumped. I'm gutted, down in the dumps, lost etc....all the usual...really liked him but while he still likes me and loves being with me, he doesn't see a future with us and didn't want to string me along any longer...I admire him for that at least. It wasn't easy for him to do this.

Now I need to know where to go from here....I've been here before and it took me a stupidly long time to get over that relationship...I don't want to go there again. I know I'm going to feel like crap for a while and I know that's something that I just have to go through. But I need advice, I promised myself I would NEVER get so down in the dumps after a break up ever again. It was the worst time of my life, I don't want to go there again.

Even though it wasn't exactly a really long term thing (6 months), it has still cut me deep. Everything today has reminded me of him...songs that remind me of him keep coming on the radio, little in jokes we had keep coming in to my mind...all sorts of things.

He's out tonight with his friends and I'm staying in alone. Usually I go out with girlfriends one night of the weekend but this weekend 2 of them are away, it's one's boyfriend's birthday and the other is sick in bed with the flu so here I am on a Friday night stuck in for the first time in months. And there is literally no one to call to, bad timing for the weekend that's in it. It's going to be a long weekend. I need advice, good advice from people that have been here and words of wisdom that might help me get through it.

Like I said it wasn't a huge, long term thing but when you like someone you like them and those feelings hurt too.

Where to go from here....2 months ago I moved close to where he lives...which I'm not overly happy in anyway (housemate is never there and it's lonely, I like to be surrounded by people)...so was half thinking of moving anyway....is this a good idea to move and go to a new place, new start etc? Again?! He wants to be friends and as much as I feel sick when I think how much I'll miss his company, the thought of being friends with him and nothing more isn't an option for me....that's the hardest part, I'll miss him terribly.

I'm gutted and heartbroken....I've been here before so I know life goes on but at the same time I don't want to go down the sad, depressed route that I did the last time either.

Advice girls??

AckwelFoley

Is that you Michelle?

Silverfish

Be down in the dumps. Be miserable. Remember everything about the relationship, cry if you feel like it.


But, for this week only. That's all you're allowed.
Then remember, everything passes.


Everything.



Then as soon as you can, get dressed up, go out with your friends, enjoy yourself, do stuff you like. Even if you feel like crap, and you might, do it anyway.

Rozabeez

/me hugs

Awh Clare that sucks, such a horrible feeling! You need to go out and have some fun, just forget about it for the night, any of your girlies around for a session? Hope you're going to be ok!

AckwelFoley

im out of a 7 year thing.

It sucks.

Its actually hell because shes my best freind. .. still...

i miss her so much..

u need to keep busy and avoid things that remind u of him

Sparky

Seriously forget about it and move on. Its a part of life that happens to the best of us and makes us feel totally bad and depressed.
So you are stuck in for a night. Just make the best of it.
Naturally you will be heartbroken, its part of breaking up. You will have to get used to missing someone that you were with for 6 months.
I know I'm speaking from a male perspective, but there will always be plently more fish in that sea.
As Silverfish said, go out and enjoy yourself to take your mind off it.
Also moving away wont solve anything. It just means he is winning if you do it.

Clare Bear

Rozabeez wrote: »

/me hugs

Awh Clare that sucks, such a horrible feeling! You need to go out and have some fun, just forget about it for the night, any of your girlies around for a session? Hope you're going to be ok!

No Roz, it's actually the first weekend in ages that none of them are around, very bad timing I know. God do I wish the Ladies Lounge Beers was this weekend!

Spankeh, it's not about letting him win or lose, he's a good guy, it'd actually be easier if he was a bastard. I wasn't very happy in the apartment as it was and was considering it anyway, not move away from Dublin but just the apartment.

I have to admit I'm a weak person when it comes to this kind of thing. Regarding my last ex I was pathetic, randomly walked past his house just to feel "close" to him, went to bars I knew he went to just so I could see him....all very pathetic behaviour that did me no favours. I don't want to go down that route again.

Even the small things like texts, emails, presents.....what do you do there? Should I just delete them now? Looking at my phone now half the texts are cute ones I kept from him. Should I delete them right now in case I look at them and make myself worse?

Dizzyblonde

Clare, it's ok to wallow in sadness for a while - watch weepy films and really let it out, but give yourself a deadline. As soon as your friends are available get out and enjoy yourself. Have fun being single again and in the future you'll meet another guy who's just as nice.
You know what they say 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all....'

Agent Smith

Clare Bear wrote: »

No Roz, it's actually the first weekend in ages that none of them are around, very bad timing I know. God do I wish the Ladies Lounge Beers was this weekend!

Spankeh, it's not about letting him win or lose, he's a good guy, it'd actually be easier if he was a bastard. I wasn't very happy in the apartment as it was and was considering it anyway, not move away from Dublin but just the apartment.

I have to admit I'm a weak person when it comes to this kind of thing. Regarding my last ex I was pathetic, randomly walked past his house just to feel "close" to him, went to bars I knew he went to just so I could see him....all very pathetic behaviour that did me no favours. I don't want to go down that route again.

Even the small things like texts, emails, presents.....what do you do there? Should I just delete them now? Looking at my phone now half the texts are cute ones I kept from him. Should I delete them right now in case I look at them and make myself worse?

Learn from your Past, Delete and Move on.

Tom Dunne

*hugs Clare Bear*

Not much else I can do or say, really.

tallaght01

Now, I'm no expert on relationships.

Cocked up every single one I've been in.

BUT, it does mean I'm an expert in "moving on", LOL

I have a pretty strict policy of cutting all contact when you break up. The earlier the better.

I always get the practicalities sorted, like giving stuff back to each other etc.

Then i tell them, in a nice way, that it's better to have some time apart.

Then I delete phone numbers. email addresses etc, with no real intention of ever making contact again.

A lot of people say that it's an immature way to go about things, and that's fair enough.

And if you can face it when this guy moves on and starts dating other people, or looks like he's gotten over it before you, then fair play to you, you're better at this stuff than I am.

I used to try all that being friends stuff. I think it only works if the split was by mutual agreement.

Otherwise, cut all contact. It's still gonna be hard. But in a few weeks you'll defo be in a much better position than if you'd stayed in touch.

Feel free to bin his advice. it'#s not for everyone. it's definitely right for me though. A lot of people stay friends with their exes.

Whatever you choose to do, i hope it goes well.

You definitely won't have any difficulties in bagging yourself a hottie when the time comes to move on

Einstein

hmmm...me agrees with tom...

/hug

staby

Big hug at ya..

Know whats its like Pet.

gcgirl

AS the auld saying goes ''you have to kiss a few frogs before you get your prince'' and here's a hug from me!

CathyMoran

Big hug - sorry that it happened to you.

Clare Bear

Thank you Tallaght....I know you're right and that cutting all contact even though it will be hard at first, in the long run is the best thing.

Just can't get my head around actually doing it and not seeing him again

He could easily be friends with me because his feelings for me aren't as strong as mine are for him obviously. Neither of us knew what we wanted but he broke it off because despite liking me and saying he'd really miss me, he didn't see a future. And I know deep down myself that if there's no future in a relationship what's the point.

Doesn't make it any easier though.

Trying hard here to delete all the texts, emails, chats etc....but I can't

tallaght01

Clare Bear wrote: »

Trying hard here to delete all the texts, emails, chats etc....but I can't :

Jaysus, you don't have to do all that stuff right now LOL

That's quick moving, even for a stone-hearted swine like me

Give it a few days if it's too hard to deal with now

And remember......in exactly 1 week post-dumping we're allowed slag u about it :P

Them's is the rules

Einstein

Clare Bear wrote: »

Trying hard here to delete all the texts, emails, chats etc....but I can't

don't be in a hurry clare...this kinda stuff takes time. Nothing says you have to delete all that stuff straight away ye kno?
...i know I couldn't do it for sure...

time...time...time...it sucks, but it works.

/me hugs again

Quality

Ahh Clare, Sorry to here about your break up,

Its his loss, Wait until you see, By the time you are over him, He will be running back to you, and it will be too little too late.

Delete all his texts, emails etc,,, Delete his number, delete him from bebo, delete his email. Remove yourself from all contact from him. Dont reply to his texts or ring him back.

This is not being immature, this is getting on with your life. He has decided you have no future together so don't torture yourself by being friends with him.

Your a beautiful, intelligent young woman, with your whole life ahead of you, Have a good cry over the weekend and Monday morning get up and get on with it!!

Quality

Oh and make sure, you keep a few photos...

then you can look back and say "Look at that gob****e, I used to go out with"

x x x x

Sparky

Ah sorry, I didnt pick up exactly that you lived in that suitation.

Have agree with above too, cutting off all contact makes it a hell of alot easier tbh. Spend more time out now with your mates. Be more independant. Do activities to keep your mind off the whole thing.
If you keep up what you are at now, you'll only fool yourself into false feelings. Ya know, the ones of "maybe he might come back to me" etc. Dont even think that things could have worked if you done A or B a certain way. You told yourself and us that you knew it would never work out, so in essence its a good thing this has happened now rather than if you were more settled in.

Ps. If you really cant delete msgs emails etc, get your friend to do it.

Clare Bear

Thank you Quality.

Well the texts are gone, I feel sick. I won't delete the emails yet but I had to do that with the texts, just too much there for me to dwell over.


I really should have gone unreg for this! But I just don't really care who sees me on here (I doubt very much he will so safe there, I think)....Even the thought of getting to know someone all over again, the effort of it all...not saying I want to at the moment but even the thought of starting all over again if and when it does happen again. I don't know how people in very long term type relationships cope with this sort of thing. Ye must be laughing at me with my 6 months....but everyone hurts in different ways.

Sorry for the self pity and all, but what a horrible way to start off a New Year

monkeyfudge

At times like this I like to think of the moon.

When you are the moon, there is a person people say is the sun. I saw the sun once, and he came past me, really fast. And it was an, it was called, the, an eclipse. And he came fast! But as he came past, I, I licked his back. And he doesn't know I licked his back! All in his yellow suit!... I'm the moon.

I think there is a simple truth in that.

Tom Dunne

monkeyfudge wrote: »

At times like this I like to think of the moon.

When you are the moon, there is a person people say is the sun. I saw the sun once, and he came past me, really fast. And it was an, it was called, the, an eclipse. And he came fast! But as he came past, I, I licked his back. And he doesn't know I licked his back! All in his yellow suit!... I'm the moon.

I think there is a simple truth in that.

Words of wisdom.

I think.

Quality

Dont be worrying girl.. Now get yourself a box of tissues and a bottle of wine, stick on q102 and have a wail.... I mean cry.

Your only human.

x x x

Star Lord

Clare Bear wrote: »

Ye must be laughing at me with my 6 months....

Clare that's silly to think that, we all sympathise and empathise with you, we've all been there, having our heart broken and finding it difficult. Deleting all the texts was a big move, and a brave one, you'll regret it for a while when you're hurting but in the long run you'll be glad.

My heart goes out to you huni, and I'm sending hugs your way

metaoblivia

((hugs))

It's tough, I know. I agree with the other posters who advised cutting off all contact. It won't do you any good to dwell. All this means is that there's someone better for you down the road.

Jules

6 months is still 6 months... but Silverfish is fight, give yourself a week. Laugh about the good , cry about the bad. Look at the emails and txts but then just stop. Cold turkey. Get up and do something. If your not happy with your home situation then move out of that too. Fresh start!

hugs to you.... you will be ok!

Will

never easy,
i agree with tallaght01. i was going out with a canadian girl for 7months in France. We both broke it off because it was going sour.
Next day after a few man tears were shed, i decided to just cut her out of my life gradually.
First with the texts (even the saved ones), music that reminded me of her gone from my itunes, removed her from my msn, then blocked her just in case, facebook etc. etc.

was quite difficult, going out on the pull the next night helped a lot too.

in the mean time, chin up

Crumble Froo

oh man, no matter how much the hurt remains, i could not remove the music.

monkeyfudge

narco wrote: »

oh man, no matter how much the hurt remains, i could not remove the music.

Yeah... me and my first serious girlfriend had a Rolling Stones track as our song... no way would I rip The Stones out over her...

Will

it sucks because it was such a great song, jeff buckley - hallelujah.
she used to sing it to me

monkeyfudge

Wilburt wrote: »

it sucks because it was such a great song, jeff buckley - hallelujah.
she used to sing it to me

Meh... it's overplayed.

Sympathy for the Devil on the other hand....

(I think there is another thread in this... apologies to Clairebear for the mini hi-jack)

Kazobel

Aww Clairebear thats crap, six months is still six month and bonds are created so you're not being silly at all, we've all been there so don't let it get you down



Take care hon and listen to the great advice being given

ladybirdirl

Clarebear,

Hugs to you...you need to take the night,laugh then cry,eat chocolate,drink vino..whatever gets you through it

Take it one day at a time

Ladybird

Carlito78

*hugs* Galore Clare,,,,!!! Isnt it soo nice that there are so many people who know how you are feeling eh?

My advice echoes what everyone else has been saying but I think the main thing is TIME. Very dramatic I know, but break-ups can be like a death so you have to just take one day at a time and not expect it to be OK too soon...But try to forget all the "little" details of your relationship cos you wont get anywhere if you keep mulling over them. Think about how you felt when you got over the last relationship...I bet you laughed at how upset you were once you were ok? So think about that. YOU KNOW there'll come a day when you will think back and say "What was i so upset about HIM for" You just have to accept that that might take a little while..IN the meantime- as soon as you can- get your hairdone, get your eyebrows done get dressed out and go score a cute boy

Chin Up.
PS DH is on on Tuesday, cant be all that bad !!!

monkeyfudge

ladybirdirl wrote: »

Clarebear,

Hugs to you...you need to take the night,laugh then cry,eat chocolate,drink vino..whatever gets you through it

Mmmm... Ben & Jerry FTW!

SarahSassy

Mmmmmmmmm red wine (strictly medicinal of course)

Crumble Froo

bohemian raspberry. get a group of mates over, open the icecream, turn on queen, and sing it windsock/blitzkrieg style together.

DeVore

wow.... In the breakup, make sure you get the dog ... he can keep the white stick!!

DeV.

Clare Bear

DeVore wrote: »

wow.... In the breakup, make sure you get the dog ... he can keep the white stick!!

DeV.

Girls, I can't even drink a glass of water tonight let alone icecream. I just want to sleep for a week. It is good to know how many of you have been here though and I know myself I will get through it....doesn't make it any easier right now though. Judging by what all of you have said I can't stay friends with him, the more I think about it the more I know I can't too....that's the worst thing, I've lost my buddy

Carlito78

No NO NO you cant stay friends!!! YOU KNOW thats only an excuse to have him somehow, even if you cant have him the way you want.

Take it day by day and you'll be fine!!!
XXX

citytillidie

Aww Claire

Sorry to hear that *hands you a tissue and gives you a hug*

Having seen your picture on your bebo it is his loss

jellie

aww poor u *hugs* its a horrible feeling, but it doesnt last forever. cry as much as you want & let it all out. slowly itll get better & youll think of him less & less. & then youll start noticing cute men again!

oh & id recommend the no contact thing. learnt the hard way that it only drags things out longer & makes it worse.

marshmallow

Know exactly what you're feeling - got dumped myself today

It's sh*t..

I'm terrible though with exes, I still talk to all of them (3, now 4)
I've kissed/got back with every one of them after the break up, really pathetic actually!

Just none have them have been bad break ups, just bad timing usually..
I see no reasn not to still be friends esp as 3 out of 4 were friends prior to going out.

I really dunno if I can stay friends with new ex, think it'd be too hard. Dont wanna lose him though..

Clare Bear

marshmallow wrote: »

Know exactly what you're feeling - got dumped myself today

It's sh*t..

I'm terrible though with exes, I still talk to all of them (3, now 4)
I've kissed/got back with every one of them after the break up, really pathetic actually!

Just none have them have been bad break ups, just bad timing usually..
I see no reasn not to still be friends esp as 3 out of 4 were friends prior to going out.

I really dunno if I can stay friends with new ex, think it'd be too hard. Dont wanna lose him though..

I know, I'm the same...I'm thinking I'd rather be friends than nothing at all but I know in my own head I'd just hope for something to happen again and if he doesn't see a future with us then what's the point in false hope.

Hope you're okay Marshmallow, it isn't a nice place to be right now

Maple

you're not pathetic girl, you're hurt. its ok to be upset. i do think the others are right tho, take some distance from him. don't try and be his friend just yet, you're only crucifying yourself.

sorry about your breakup too marshmellow, mind yourself pet.

Maple

oh and forgot to say, move out of your apartment if you're not happy there. get yourself into a house with a bunch of people and have a frfesh start for yourself.

Clare Bear

maple wrote: »

oh and forgot to say, move out of your apartment if you're not happy there. get yourself into a house with a bunch of people and have a frfesh start for yourself.

Yeah I think I should, the fact that on the rare occasion my housemate is there, she's all over her boyfriend won't help me in any way. I wasn't happy there as it was, now I know I have to move.

feylya

I was dumped about 4 months ago and tbh, I'm still fairly choked up about it. Delete everything you can of him from your life. As for wanting the beers this weekend, there's one simple fix for that - Post a new thread, asking for beers in town tomorrow. I know there'll be quite a few Boardsies in Fibbers tomorrow evening but I don't know if that's your scene. Either way, *hugs*!

Maple

Clare Bear wrote: »

Yeah I think I should, the fact that on the rare occasion my housemate is there, she's all over her boyfriend won't help me in any way. I wasn't happy there as it was, now I know I have to move.

its the best decision missus. get yourself into a nice house with a few people.