How many chances do you get at real love?

LegacyUser

My boyfriend of three years left me 2 months ago, moving out of our home. We'd had problems for the previous 9 months or so, but I felt they were things we could work through. I guess we couldn't. But the thing is, I know we loved each other so much. I know I loved him so much; still do. We were so perfectly suited in 99% of ways, we had the same dreams, a shared future. I really thought this was it, he was the one; we talked about marriage and babies.

I've been properly in love once already before (I don't mean the sort of love where you say you love someone cos you think they're so great, but the sort where you see yourself getting old with that person, together forever) and that hit the rocks too (we were too serious too young).

I'm starting to think sh*t, have I blown all my chances? I mean, can you find *the one* more than twice?!? There just can't be that many people out there with whom you can have that special feeling of love, that seriousness of connection with each other. I'm 28 and I've been lucky enough to find two such men and useless enough to lose both of them. I really want to get married and have kids in the future, but I can't bear the thought of 'settling' for someone who I'll never love as much as my ex.

I know there's no answer to this, but how many chances do you get? I guess I'm hoping to hear people tell me they've found real, proper love 3 or 4 times (I'm just kinda skeptical and oh so sad).

biko

One major love per decade for me.

Pj!

Tough question.
Are ya telling me there is a second love out there for me? Hope so!

But really there are tons of people out there.
If not, see ya at the auld folks dancing in 40 years!

Karen_*

Jemima I know exactly how you're feeling. I think thre's someone for everyone and as your two relationships didn't work out then obviously they weren't the men for you. You'll get more chances but I understand that at the moment things look bleak to you.

I feel like I've just blown a relationship too but I realise that while I played some part it its breakdown it wouldn't possibly have worked even if I'd been perfect. Because he wasn't perfect either and I don't think either of us were ready to be in a relationship.

I've learned alot from it although I'm totally gutted. I've so much work to do on myself so that I can be happy with who I am. I hope when I've come through it that I'll get another chance and meet someone. Don't blame yourself totally that things didn't work out, you didn't blow things all by yourself.

CathyMoran

I found that I got several chances at true love with the same man - for some reason (being scared), I kept on rejecting him but he persisted. There were two times when he gave up on me and fate intervened - the first was a few years ago when he decided to date someone else, the second was when we were on the verge of splitting and I got very ill and told him that I wanted to marry him (and we finally did). We could not be happier together. So yes, you get more than one chance at real love. Personally, I do not think that you have found your true love yet. These relationships are just trainer relationships for the real thing. Several years ago I dated someone who was very similar to my husband in looks and personality - it turns out that he was just a shaddow of my husband who I truely adore - I learned a lot from that relationship and took it with me into my new relationship which worked (eventually)

kermitdfrog

Of course you get more "chances". It's not down to "fate" or destiny, there isn't just one person for you, otherwise what are the odds you'd even live in the same country, ever, or actually meet your one person among the six billion on the planet? There will be someone out there for you, prior relationships just make you who you are, and will be part of what make you the person that is suited to the next person.

SarahSassy

You are still young. Those relationships were just trainer relationship and you have learned a lot from them.

Dont get bitter and negative. There is someone out there for everyone.

estar

:)

Overheal

If you want to define love as someone you imagine growing old with andf raising a family together and being whole and intimate with? Yeah, I believe that can come around a lot more than once.

Its all in your head. If you've been raised by disney movies then that would probably be your canon - you'll find your true love and live happily ever after and theres only one. The way I understand it however is that love is far from finite: love your friends, love your family. so why not be able to love more than one person like 'the one'? Seems impossible to me for there not to be 'the two' or 'the twenty'.