ex girlfiend

blahblah06

Guys can i ask you something. I broke up with the girlfriend a few months back and we are still great friends. but the thing is it has come to light that she is going to live with her ex before me in a foreign country. Now i have moved on but i feel this will ruin everything we had and ruins the last 5 years of our relationship. we were engaged and all.

what would you be feeling if u were told this?

Ruu_Old

What do you mean it ruins things?
It is her life and if she wants to move away then it is her business to be honest. Maybe she wants bit of distance.

blahblah06

i dont mind her moving away but moving away to her ex is killing me. fine move on with someone else but its like was she thinking about this guy all the time we were together ya know

Wibbs

If you were together for five years it was hardly a rebound now was it? In any case if you are over her, it wouldn't matter. In fact if you love her at all even as a friend, just be happy she's happy and moving on. You're feelings while somewhat natural are based entirely on your ego. If you were loved up with someone new yourself, I suspect you wouldn't be so worked up, either. In any case you broke up with her by my reading of it, so you can hardly bug out over her being with someone else.

blahblah06

Hi wibbs,

I never said it was a rebound but going back to the ex just makes me feel like the whole 5 years were a joke between us.

Your right I did break up with her alright but still I just cant get my head around why someone would go back to an ex after an engagement. scared of change maybe?

I do hope it works out for her dont get me wrong but she has hurt me in such a bad way by doing this. if you knew me you would understand haha.


Thanks for listening u guys.


Anyone else have any other feelings id appreciate hearing. suppose im just wanting a bit of a shoulder to cry on.

Marksie

Well perhaps you haven't moved on as much as youu thought.

Its her reasonings why she has moved back with the ex, but its affecting you perhaps more than it should.

TBH i WOULD be curious, and to a point could see where you are coming from but it would be a fleeting moment, but i wouldn't feel that it had negated the past 5 years.

You and your life is more important now, iof that is what she wanted to do then thats right for her.

biko

I understand that you are upset that she has gone back to her ex after all this time but really that's the way life goes. It does not change what you two had.

blahblah06

Hi Marksie,

I will always have feelings for her after all i cant just drop that. it was me that broke up with her because she hurt me badly so I just dont know what to do. dont get me wrong I want to go on with life and would love her to also but not with this guy. She says she is going over to catch up but I dont believe this is the case after what has came to light.

Him paying for ticked on his cc and her lying to me about length of talking etc.

Can I just cut someone like this out of my life or do i just keep hurting?

Mighty_Mouse

IMO I just think its impossible to move on with constant communications and "best friends" approach.
In fact, I'd even call it the immature approach!

I find some women fierce predictable creatures.... especially "relationship girls"!!
Yer missus is starting to think long term . She knows she doesnt want to be with you. After 5 years together, ye know each other so well that there's nothing you'll ever be able to do to change her mind about that. So ye broke up.

But thing is, lovers dont make friends most the times.
In fact I bet you're the one doing all the running in order to maintain the "friendship" ?
I'd ask her straight out whether she's all that bothered if the friendship fades & dies? Which would be completely normal by the way.

So she's split from you.
She's probably more comfortable with relationships than dating, ex's come on the scene.................bla bla bla ..... old flames rekindled.

It doesnt make less of yer 5 years together buddy.
She wasnt thinking about this guy all the time cos if she was she'd have ended things earlier. She certainly wouldnt of said yes to engagement.

Anyways, the point here is to draw a line in the sand.
Park that part of yer life in a box and start afresh.
Its a part of yer life that was good, enjoyable, will always be there etc etc .......now just let it go.

The good thing is life is long enough to go through it all over again!!!

blahblah06

I asked her about the friendshio thing and she didnt reply to me so I should just take the hint and forget.

JuliusCaesar

Mighty_Mouse wrote: »

But thing is, lovers dont make friends most the times.

In fact, I think it's only possible to change from being lovers to friends by letting a long period of time elapse between phases. For me, it's a year. And I have become good friends with a couple of ex's like this - it enabled me to rediscover what I liked about them in the first place without emotions being high and interfering.

qz

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

In fact, I think it's only possible to change from being lovers to friends by letting a long period of time elapse between phases. For me, it's a year. And I have become good friends with a couple of ex's like this - it enabled me to rediscover what I liked about them in the first place without emotions being high and interfering.

+1

I've been broken up with my girlfriend for about 4 months now and initially we both said we'd be friends and we tried meeting up. I couldn't take it, it was just way too hard to try and move on when you're seeing this person or getting texts every other day. And from "getting texts" you can guess that I wasn't too keen on keeping a friendship alive. It just caused too much heartache and it wasn't worth it, that was the whole reason I ended the relationship in the first place.

I had some great times with her undoubtedly, but you really do have to move on mate. It's what I'm doing. I know your situation is fairly different to mine with regards to the relationship length and the ex-boyfriend etc, but it's the best advice I can give.

What's the point worrying about it?

pookie82

For the record i understand where you're coming from. It's one thing that she's moving on already (a few months after a five year relationship has ended seems a bit soon to move abroad with someone else, but everyone's different) but for it to be with an ex would in my opinion be very hurtful. It does make one wonder (whether it's true or not) if they always had unfinished business/if you meant as much as you thought you did/ if your relationship was nothing more than a (very) extended gap-filler between their breaking up and getting back together.

However, five years is a long time to be with someone if your heart is elsewhere. so i wouldn't allow these developments to taint your ideas of what you both had. Perhaps she has decided to give things with this guy another go as he's familiar, offering solace and a fresh start, and maybe he's someone she feels safe with.

Also, after a long term relationship ends, whatever the circumstances, one of the worst things can be the idea of meeting someone new and having to start from scratch all over again with a veritable stranger. So maybe she wants to move on but without the effort of getting to know someone else from scratch.

Truth is, we can only really speculate about her motivations. I think that five years together and an engagement show that what you had, at one time or another, was definitely real and genuine. It'd be a long time to live a lie.

But do take a step back from the friendship thing for a while. Wait and see how this new development pans out, and if her contact remains consitent while abroad. If you're determined to make the friendship work, the best advice on here is to take a break from the contact and give it time. Try not to let what she's doing now ruin the memory of what you had.

Son_of_Belial

If it's over, it's over. Let her off.