Advice sort about timing for trying for a baby

GMP

Hi all,

I don't know if this is the right forum to post this but am looking for advice on this. Me and my hubby want to start trying for a baby shortly, which i am excited but if we where successful, my main concern is the commuting to work, the effect that will have on the pregrancy, as it involves a commute of about 1.5hrs each way.

I am awaiting a transfer in my job with the health service, the last few years. To get something nearer home but nothing has come up and i don't know ,how much longer i will have to wait. We will both be 30 this year and i am fed up waiting for my work situation to change but am also afraid to be leaving it any longer to try in case we run into problems.

I really don't know what to do, as people say to you that there is never a best time to have a child but with my work situation, i really don't know if it is the best time.

Quality

I know this is probably of no use to you but imo, I think you will know yourself when is the right time.

Maybe there are a few things you could look into with your job?
Could you work from home? Could you afford to shorten your hours or days? Could you stay with family who live closer to your job(one night a week)?

Plenty of women commute to work whilst pregnant, To be honest I dont think travel is much of a hazard in pregnancy.....
but if you had any concerns I would suggest you contact your doctor.

I think you and your husband need to sit down and decide whether to go ahead with trying(IT could take you a while).

when the time is right for you it will happen, and best of luck.

embee

GMP wrote: »

Hi all,

I don't know if this is the right forum to post this but am looking for advice on this. Me and my hubby want to start trying for a baby shortly, which i am excited but if we where successful, my main concern is the commuting to work, the effect that will have on the pregrancy, as it involves a commute of about 1.5hrs each way.

I am awaiting a transfer in my job with the health service, the last few years. To get something nearer home but nothing has come up and i don't know ,how much longer i will have to wait. We will both be 30 this year and i am fed up waiting for my work situation to change but am also afraid to be leaving it any longer to try in case we run into problems.

I really don't know what to do, as people say to you that there is never a best time to have a child but with my work situation, i really don't know if it is the best time.

Hi GMP,

Well, firstly I'd agree with your last statement. There is no "right" time to have a child that will not mean sacrifice at some level in your life, but if ye are both 30 and are thinking of having more than 1 child, I would certainly not be leaving it much longer. I had my first child at 25, and I will be 27 in two days. I know I'm a few years younger than you, but even for myself I do need to start thinking about when to extend the family. I have had to make sacrifices - I don't work anymore, but when I had the baby, I went part-time. I used to be a Clerical Officer in the Health Board - they have job sharing and flexi-time arrangements still, I presume? I know that my aunt who is a Civil Servant went on a job-sharing arrangment with little fuss when she got pregnant, perhaps it is doable for you.

Really, I would say that work is just work, but if you really want children then they will have to come first. Commuting long hours whilst pregnant is no joke - towards the end of my pregnancy I found it very tiring (and physically demanding - lugging a near full term baby around in your stomach is difficult in and of itself... I had a very, very big bump at the end and had to drive in a strange position so that I had enough room to get my giant belly behind the steering wheel and still be able to reach the pedals!) to drive in and out to work, which was half an hour each way so I can only imagine it would be equally hard for yourself if not worse. I had almost constant nausea and vomiting for the entire 9 months, and even got motion sickness when I was driving - not pleasant. It is very hard to know what will happen though - some women sail through pregnancy and barely get tired at all, some women are plagued with fatigue. There is no way of knowing how it will effect you until you are in that situation, unfortunately. The vast majority of my pregnancy was grand, it was the last 8 weeks that I really felt the fatigue. In the last 6 weeks of pregnancy a baby will put on an average of a half a pound of weight per week, so a rapidly growing baby tends to really sap the energy out of you.

Ultimately you need to decide if you can tolerate long commutes at 8 months pregnant. If push came to shove any decent GP will be able to sign you off work towards the end - I had a months sick leave before my maternity leave kicked in, my GP put it down as PID (pregnancy induced hypertension) but I didn't have even remotely high BP.

Best of luck in your baby-making adventures - enjoy

GMP

Hi Quality.

Thanks for your comments. I feel the time is right now but then i let all my conerns with my work predicament kick in and i get scarred and start to change my mind but i suppose with all women with this it is only natural to feel scarred when making such an important decision and as you said it could take awhile.

I have sat down and spoke it all through it my husband and he said he fully supports me with it, as he knows its going to be hard. I did look into the option before working from home, a few days a week but my request was turned down in work. I could look at reducing my hours or days but it's hard to find out that information, if i would be alloweed to, as they would be wondering why i would want to reduce my hours or days and then deciding on when to do it, as i won't know until i am pregrant, how i am.

But thanks for your advice and support.

GMP

Hi embee, gosh you certainly did have very bad morning sickness right up till the nine months and the fatigue. My mother had very bad morning sickness on us,
i wonder can daughters follows suit??.

I can look into reducing my hours or days but job sharing won't work in my place, as it is a small office but it's trying to find out information in a discrect way to put my mind at ease to make a definate decision to start trying.


With this I know i can't really put it off any longer and i know the commuting is going to be hell even just with the fatigue but it will be all worth it in the end for the buddle of joy that it brings me.

Quality

Your very lucky you have a husband who supports you, thats the main hurdle

I think your job may be a little bit more sympathetic to you working from home if you are pregnant. Is there anyone else in your job that works from home?

YOu have to sit down and prioritize what you want in life..

And get in touch with a nice doctor who is willing to sign some sick certs for you towards the end...

embee

GMP wrote: »

Hi embee, gosh you certainly did have very bad morning sickness right up till the nine months and the fatigue. My mother had very bad morning sickness on us,
i wonder can daughters follows suit??.

I can look into reducing my hours or days but job sharing won't work in my place, as it is a small office but it's trying to find out information in a discrect way to put my mind at ease to make a definate decision to start trying.


With this I know i can't really put it off any longer and i know the commuting is going to be hell even just with the fatigue but it will be all worth it in the end for the buddle of joy that it brings me.

GMP,

You have the right attitude ... for me, pregnancy was no barrel of laughs but my little girl is just so wonderful and funny and beautiful that 9 months out of your life is a more than fair trade-off for what you get in the end

I asked my Mam earlier what her morning sickness was like with her 4 pregnancies... she sailed through the two boys pregnancies but was sick as a dog with me and my sister. I was sick a lot of the time too and I had a girl, but I don't know if that follows suit with most women. There are theories out there that if a woman is carrying a girl she will be more prone to sickness because there is extra oestrogen in her body, but afaik that hasn't been either proved or disproved. There is also some evidence to suggest that in some cases, women have similar labours to their mothers. My Mam had quickish labours and didn't need pain relief... I had a similar labour (though it is likely my 3 hour labour is down to me being induced!) and all I used for pain relief was gas and air (mega stuff!)

Quality wrote: »

Your very lucky you have a husband who supports you, thats the main hurdle..........
............And get in touch with a nice doctor who is willing to sign some sick certs for you towards the end...

Would defiintely agree with Quality here - a hubby who is on board and supportive can and will make the world of difference... and deffo try to find a nice GP who is prepared to sign you off towards the end if needs be.

Good luck - having kids is such an adventure!!!!

GMP

Hi quality and embee, thank you both of your words of encouragment. unfortunately no one else in work, works from home, as i think they feel that it could be abused and only will know when i am in the position if pregrant, that they may reconsider.

You both are right, work should not dedicate to me, how i live my life, i will have to work around and hope it all works out in the end, as i know it's going to be hard. I have a nice family doctor that i go to, already when i am sick and he now is even concerned with the commuting not to run myself into the ground, never mind with the added blessing of pregrancy oneday.

Quality

Enjoy every minute off it!!

Especially the trying part!!!;);)