Planet-rugby.com's 2008 Predictions - Hilarious

accensi0n

Hope they're right with the Irish predictions!

With 2007 almost over and another year of rugby ahead we thought we'd caress our crystal ball and see what was to come in 2008...

However, the surprise of England recovering from a 36-0 thrashing to make it to the World Cup Final, Stade Français getting an even uglier kit than last year's pink monstrosity and Australia getting a New Zealander to coach their national side have nothing on the events that we have foreseen...

January: Super 14 pre-season training goes into full swing, with Australian and New Zealand franchises competing to see who can come up with the most rigorous training schedule. The Blues win after coach David Nucifora announces that the follow up to their 2007 training session with the Auckland Fire Service will see them doing the renovations to Eden Park in order to help mayor John Banks cut costs. The Reds' mission to save 'private' Walker, conducted with the Australian Army after their fly-half unexpectedly goes AWOL, comes a close second. In the North Victor Matfield causes controversy when in a bout of confusion he turns out for Toulon in his Bulls kit.

February: The Super 14 kicks off with the Blues emerging as far and away the worst team in the competition as most of their players are struggling to recover from their pre-season training. They do however 'officially' have the best stadium. The Six Nations gets underway. Ireland beat the odds to emerge as top contenders to win the competition after strong performances in their opening games including 28-10 and 15-5 wins over Italy and France respectively.

March: Victor Matfield makes a controversial return to Super 14 rugby, turning out for the Bulls in his Toulon kit. He reveals to the press that he's switched shirts so often lately that he takes two to every game and plays rock-paper-scissors with one of the match officials to decide which one he's going to wear. Ireland thrash England 34-0 to win the Six Nations. A rumour is spread that Ireland skipper Brian O'Driscoll is in possession of a four-leaf clover.

April: The ELVs introduced in the Super 14 are a hot topic of discussion after a series of dismal performances from New Zealand and South African sides. New Zealand's Chris Masoe breaks down after revealing that he barely understood the rules before the ELVs were implemented, and now has no idea what he is doing at all. The Heineken Cup semi-finals, surprisingly, feature two Irish teams, Leinster and Ulster. London Wasps and Stade Français also make it through.

May: Wasps take on Leinster, who cruised through their semi-final clash with Stade Français, in a thrilling showdown, with Leinster eventually beating the defending champions 22-15. Brian O'Driscoll is unavailable for comment after the game. In the South, the Bulls lose out to the Crusaders in their Super 14 semi-final clash. Richie McCaw's men go on to face an in-form Sharks team in the Final. The Sharks, who produce a fine display of running rugby to win the competition, credit their victory to the 'French flair' introduced by fly-half Frederic Michalak. O'Driscoll reveals that he is indeed in possession of a four-leaf clover, which he has sown into his underpants, after Leinster secure the Magners League title.

June: Test rugby gets underway, with Ireland dominating in the Northern Hemisphere. In the South the Springboks, who are still without a coach, announce their team. The side, selected by Cheeky Watson and Bhutana Khompela, controversially includes two minor cabinet ministers who are reported to be "keen on the game". Luke Watson is named as captain.

July: The Tri-Nations gets under way with the Springboks, who have now dropped Watson as captain and re-appointed John Smit, taking on New Zealand. The Boks, still coachless, are soundly thrashed. Rumour spreads that Chester Williams is close to being confirmed as the Boks new coach. In Australia the Australian Rugby Union (ARU) announce that they will be launching a new domestic competition to replace the ARC.

August: The return games of the Tri-Nations get underway, with Australia and New Zealand both scoring record wins over the Boks, who have appointed Chester Williams as coach. Meanwhile, Ireland record their first loss of the year. Brian O'Driscoll reveals afterwards that he has lost his four leaf clover - in an unfortunate washing accident.

September: The Tri-Nations finale sees Australia and New Zealand contesting the crown. The Wallabies front row of Matt Dunning, Stephen Moore and 'Rodzilla' are completely overwhelmed by their New Zealand counterparts. However the All Blacks, who are struggling with the new ELVs, are dominated on all other fronts. Australia win. New Wallaby captain Matt Giteau collapses under the weight of the Bledisloe Cup and the Tri-Nations trophy.

October: The Australian Rugby Competition, or ARC 2, is launched with much fanfare. Much like any bad sequel, the competition is not a huge success and attracts even less attention than the original. The ARU are reported to be planning, and budgeting, for an ARC 3 and 4.

November: Europe's domestic leagues get back underway. England launch an unsuccessful appeal to the RFU to have French clubs banned from the Heineken Cup on the grounds that they are no longer French. Mike Catt and Lawrence Dallaglio present evidence that 90 per cent of the players are either South African or Argentinian - they are told to stop whining.

December: With the entire Sharks team having been signed by Bath, and the Bulls all heading to Toulon with Victor Matfield, South African papers reveal that discussions are underway to find ways to keep players in the country. Stade Français ditch their pink kit and adopt a new strip; a lovely electric purple number with bright orange polka dots. They get thrashed by Leinster, who's captain Brian O'Driscoll is now rumoured to be in possession of a lucky rabbit's foot.

And then to 2009...

hardCopy

Loving the South Afrcan bit.

I think we need more than magic boxers though.

Timothy Bryce

Ulster in a H-Cup semi final? Classic!