The exs texts

LegacyUser

I broke up with my ex on Christmas Day when i got a text from him ment for someone else basically saying he might dump me for this "hot bird" in work. We were together 3 years and I was furious so i called him and told him where to go

Anyway heard nothing all Christmas day from him no apoligies nutn so That was that. Next dat he text me 3 times

1st text "hi"
2nd text "Can we talk"
3rd text "How are u"

I ignored them anyway, id gotten a new phone for xmas that he had bought me so kicking myself that i could change my number

Then today he got vicious,text me at 10am this morning

1st text "Cow!!!"

I just laughed and deleated it

2nd text at 1pm "Your such a slut I dont know what I ever saw in you"

Once again i deleated it and started considern if this was an everyday occourance il change my number

And then at half 2 today "Im sorry i love you, will you marry me"

*DELEATED*

I dont wana nothing more to do with this creep- im looking forward to the new year as a new beginning, but i dont get it what is going on with these messages, one minute happy, next minute throwing abuse , and next minute proposing (bear in mind i have responded to none of these messages)

Can anyone shed some light?

seamus

Sounds like the effects of alcohol to me.

Wait till the New year and if he's still trying to contact you, maybe talk to him when he's sober and rational. Until then, ignore him.

SouthernBelle

Whatever about not answering his texts (I think you're right), I wouldn't delete them. If he's sending you abusive texts (calling you a slut isn't very nice!), you might need to use them against him in the future. I hope not - sounds like you're well rid.d

Happy New Year!

Sephiroth_dude

Forget about him and move on,he was cheating on you anyway was'nt he? he did'nt even apolise,yup forget the loser and move on,go out new yrs eve and pull urself a nice dude

KTRIC

Forget about him OP.

New year coming and there's plenty of nice guys out there.

astrofool

SouthernBelle wrote: »

Whatever about not answering his texts (I think you're right), I wouldn't delete them. If he's sending you abusive texts (calling you a slut isn't very nice!), you might need to use them against him in the future. I hope not - sounds like you're well rid.d

Happy New Year!

Some people find they have to "get rid" of something in order to make a mental break from it, so the rational thought of keeping the messages just in case becomes clouded by the need not to have it.

drand

What's his number?

Nevyn

Boards.ie does not publish people personal phone numbers.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

Boards.ie does not publish people personal phone numbers.

id no intention of giving it out

corcaighcailin9

Hi adviceplease,wow what a s#$t christmas you've had. I agree with the others that you're probably well rid of this guy before you waste anymore time on him. He has behaved horribly towards you and you deserve better than this.

LegacyUser

corcaighcailin9 wrote: »

Hi adviceplease,wow what a s#$t christmas you've had. I agree with the others that you're probably well rid of this guy before you waste anymore time on him. He has behaved horribly towards you and you deserve better than this.

Ah i really dont care about him, i dont know what i was doing with him in the first place, i just want to be rid of him ya know, i dont want to change my number i only got this phone, i just dont understand the purpose of these messages

how does asking how i am one day and calling me a slut the next day justify anything

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

think it is the effect of drinking on his part

although, does he definitely have his phone? this could also be someone using his phone

Kali

Sounds like you'd be better off without him, obviously sounds like a complete twat... go enjoy the new year with a fresh outlook

Talliesin

adviceplease wrote: »

i dont want to change my number i only got this phone,

You don't need a new phone, just a new SIM.

It's less hassle to change a number you've only just got - and hence less people use to contact you - than one you've had for years.

Just change it.

adviceplease wrote: »

i just dont understand the purpose of these messages

how does asking how i am one day and calling me a slut the next day justify anything

I think you can probably work out asking how you are (he's trying to be nice) and proposing (he's trying to offer you some sort of ultimate deal that'll fix everything) and are only confused about the abusive ones.

If I'm right then you're perhaps forgetting an important motivational factor in the behaviour of almost everyone, which is that of thinking one is in the right.

Actually, I'd say not almost everyone, but absolutely everyone - but not everyone fails to temper this with the knowledge that in reality we aren't really in the right every single time. Still, some people don't let reality get in the way.

He is, perhaps not constantly but at the times when he sends you those texts, convincing himself that he was in the right. Painting things so that he is in the right is easier if he paints things so that you were in the wrong. Hence all sort of possible scenarios in which you are blameworthy will present themselves to his mind. Since the human mind will, for good and for ill, tend to return to sexual matters on a regular basis the subset of possible scenarios in which you are blameworthy and which contain some sort of sexual angle will outnumber and have more psychological impact than the others. Hence there's about a 5% chance of him calling you a frigid prude, a 2-30% chance of him calling you a bulldyke (depending on whether or not you actually have expressed any degree of interest in women or not) and a 60-90% chance of him calling you a slut or a whore (a remaining 3% chance of his being original enough to think of something non-sexual, unless he's much richer than you in which case he's probably already going for calling you a gold-digger and the only question is whether he adds any of the above into the mix or not).

LegacyUser

Talliesin wrote: »

If I'm right then you're perhaps forgetting an important motivational factor in the behaviour of almost everyone, which is that of thinking one is in the right.

How in the hell could he think hes in the right?What kind of a twit is he

Talliesin wrote: »

He is, perhaps convincing himself that he was in the right. Painting things so that he is in the right is easier if he paints things so that you were in the wrong.

hey it happens everyone when they are drunk

Talliesin wrote: »

60-90% chance of him calling you a slut or a whore

wow ur good


Honestly i tink itsa clasic case of

1. play it cool

2. make her feel shes wrong

3. say sorry and offer something you think is major

Honestly he has no chance- Im changing my number- he can go screw!!

Rogueish

adviceplease - I like your style. Cool, collected and you know you are worth better.

Just get a new SIM card and as you said he can pi$$ off

echosound

You're doing the best thing by ignoring them, he will soon get tired of getting no reaction from you at all.

If they do persist into the new year, I'd advise either calling to tell him to knock it off, or getting someone to have a word on your behalf. I had something similar from an ex, abusive calls and texts,then pleading ones, then he started calling into work and threatening me. All it took to finally get him to stop was a quiet word from a few big strong male workmates (not advocating violence, all it took was a few words from someone he couldn't bully), and he finally copped on that itmight be time to leave me alone.

Ignore him for now, if it goes on and on, make sure he knows he has to stop or there'll be consequences (be that letting his family know what he's up to, or his mates, or whatever, embarrassing him into stopping harassing you).

BaZmO*

The reason for the nice/bad/nice/bad style of texting is because at first he's trying to be nice to get you talk to him but when that doesn't work he gets frustrated and decides to say something nasty just to get you to react. Then he feels bad and tries something nice and so on.

So far it hasn't worked because you've done the right thing by ignoring him. What worries me is the fact that you've been going out for 3 years and then when something like this happens all he can do is text you a heap of times. Why hasn't he rang you or called around to sort it out? He sounds like a loser tbh.

vibrant

Give him back the phone, buy a new one - new number for you.

If he is happy to only contact you BY TEXT over something so huge I'd say you're better off without the man in the future.

Endasaurus

adviceplease wrote: »

I broke up with my ex on Christmas Day when i got a text from him ment for someone else basically saying he might dump me for this "hot bird" in work. We were together 3 years and I was furious so i called him and told him where to go

Are you actually sure this wasn't a stupid joke he's made with one of his mates? I've sent messages like "I wouldn't mind giving her one hahaha" as a mess with the lads but it wouldn't mean I was cheating on my bird or WOULD ever even. Are you sure it was definately definately in all seriousness that he would get rid like that after three years? Are you sure you want to over a stupid text to one of his mates?

I dunno, it seems like he could not have meant it to me somehow, people send messages like this tongue-in-cheek all the time but most of the time they never mean them.


I agree with the others, hes probably convinced that it'll all blow over if he lets it be but now the lack of contact is worrying him. Let him stew hahahaha

Talliesin

adviceplease wrote: »

How in the hell could he think hes in the right?What kind of a twit is he

Well, it's a bit of a jump to go from my theory to taking it as definitely true. It's quite possibly completely off the mark, so it's not worth acting as if it's proven fact.

Still, everyone wants to feel they are in the right all the time, simply because being in the right is better than the alternative. We're all motivated to at least downplay our faults and highlight our merits, it's just that this is normally tempered with a certain healthy degree of realism and a certain unhealthy degree of self-doubt. Even if I am on the money here it's likely that this is true for him most of the time, just not the times when he sends you abusive texts.

Whether I'm right or not isn't as important as the fact that you're receiving abusive texts though.

Endasaurus wrote: »

Are you actually sure this wasn't a stupid joke he's made with one of his mates? I've sent messages like "I wouldn't mind giving her one hahaha" as a mess with the lads but it wouldn't mean I was cheating on my bird or WOULD ever even.

There are plenty of people I wouldn't mind "giving one", and I'll merrily say so. That's a very different thing to saying one would dump ones partner to pursue someone, even in jest.

LegacyUser

Endasaurus wrote: »

Are you actually sure this wasn't a stupid joke he's made with one of his mates? I've sent messages like "I wouldn't mind giving her one hahaha" as a mess with the lads but it wouldn't mean I was cheating on my bird or WOULD ever even. Are you sure it was definately definately in all seriousness that he would get rid like that after three years?

I know it was not a joke- i know what hes like when hes caught out, he panics and stutters, then gets mad and normally yells, and thats just what he did so i knew he was lying.

So far today no messages AT ALL so maybe hes copped on and backed off though i know hes going out new years so ill probley get a text then- and by then ill have my new number so screw him

Talliesin

adviceplease wrote: »

i know what hes like when hes caught out, he panics and stutters, then gets mad and normally yells

I am hence upgrading my own view of the theory I presented above from "theory I'm throwing out there" to "working hypothesis".

That behaviour does fit with the possibility I offered.

LegacyUser

its 3.49 am im just back from my friends 21st / house party

left the phone at home and he text me saying "hi sexy" at half two

twit!!!

CrazyNoob

OP IMO
99.999% certain a) he is a twit

and only .001% certain b) someone is messing with his phone

Time for that new number, then text him from the old number random txts to wreck his head for a while

girlwitcurls

do we have the same ex!!sounds too familiar op.

edanto

/phew lucky escape for ya by the sounds of it.

I think it would be a pain to change ur number unless you really had to. Maybe just call him and ask him to stop texting, it's over. You've already decided that, so there's really nothing more to it. course if he doesn't get it, well then you need new options, but for now try telling him to go away.

And ya know what they say about the best way to get over someone - well go on out and have a blast tonight!

Teddi

And I thought it was only women who were head wreakers...hehe

Like everyone else has said, kick is ass to the curb...if that was a g/f of mine, I wouldnt stand for it...adios!

hope your new years goes well

McGinty

phew lucky escape for ya by the sounds of it.

I think it would be a pain to change ur number unless you really had to. Maybe just call him and ask him to stop texting, it's over.

Personally I think the Op is doing the right thing by saying nothing, if she were to ring and ask him to stop it gives him a chance to talk her round. Op keep doing what your doing, a person cannot argue with silence, he will get bored and go away eventually.

Tallisen, I am impressed with your working hypotheses, I second it is a good one We may have to call you Dr.Tallisen

paul666

adviceplease wrote: »

I know it was not a joke- i know what hes like when hes caught out, he panics and stutters, then gets mad and normally yells, and thats just what he did so i knew he was lying.

So far today no messages AT ALL so maybe hes copped on and backed off though i know hes going out new years so ill probley get a text then- and by then ill have my new number so screw him

For the sake of 3 years together could you maybe ring the guy and see what he has to say for himself. He sounds very immature, but in my opinion its hurting him alot because he is going from angry texts to love texts.
He wont stop sending you these random messages for some time to come.

Also guys send those type messages to their friends it makes them feel cool. It might just be him acting the dick. But i suposse thats reason enough to finish with him.