Santa's Dead!!!

timmywex

Is There a Santa Claus? A Scientific Analysis
1. No known species of reindeer can fly. However, there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has seen.

2. There are an estimated 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn’t – apparently – handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total – a mere 378 million, according to the Population Census Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there is at least one good child to each home.


3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west, which seems logical. This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each ‘Christian’ household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get into the sleigh, and move on to the next house.

Assuming that these 91,800,000 stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but which for purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .76 miles per household, a total trip of 75,500,000 miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours. This means that Santa’s sled is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times faster than the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the ability of ‘flying reindeer’ (see point 1) to pull perhaps ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight or even nine. We need more. Actually, we need 214,191 more, or a total of 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,420 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the ocean liner Queen Elizabeth.

5. This 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance, which will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14,300,000,000,000,000,000 (14.3 quintillion) joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will almost instantaneously burst into flames, exposing the reindeer behind them, who will repeat the process, and they will also create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to acceleration forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion, if Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.

Laslo

Way to ruin Christmas.

Sabre0001

I'm pretty sure all those arguments were countered by magic and fairy dust and are therefore null and void...

Watch "The Santa Clause". And Merry Christmas to you too

squrm

Santa's magic.

End of.

seraphimvc

someone heard of a movie called Stalking Santa?;)

aidan_walsh

Santa's magic.

An irrefutable argument that utterly negates your statement.

EDIT: Goddamn it squrm

smashey

timmywex is evil.

RAFC

OP do you really know anything - Santa is MAGIC hello!!!!!!

Of course he is not dead he is coming to my house tonight, and if you want a visit too, 'you better watch out' and change your mind FAST :):)

WindSock

I hearby order Science and Magic to stay at least 5 feet from each other at all times.

arybvtcw0eolkf

OP have obviously not seen the movie 'Miracle on 34th Street' where Santa explains how he can magically slow down time, and how his raindeer only fly on Christmas eve.

Bah Humbug OP.

l3LoWnA

Miracle on 34th Street was on this morning but we couldn't watch it all

Myself and the small one had to go to my work-place to meet Santa himself! He was there to tell all the children to go to bed early tonight and sleep tight. He said he was just going home to make sure the elves had the sleigh prepared and then he was heading off to deliver all the presents

It's true!!

Science? Meh!

subway

i know someone whos not getting any presents this year .
santy is magic, thats how he does it.

ejmaztec

Timmywex may have copied and pasted all of his post from various inaccurate internet sources, but I still believe that Santy will visit him tonight. I don't know what he's going to give him though, when he arrives with his big sack.:eek:

dlofnep

Great thread.

toiletduck

I hear Santa will no longer be delivering coal to bold children. The Green's slapped a carbon tax on him for it.

Jay D

flogen

toiletduck wrote: »

I hear Santa will no longer be delivering coal to bold children. The Green's slapped a carbon tax on him for it.

Nope, it's a small bag of wood pellets for brats now.

Sully

We all know who will be getting wood pellets / coal for xmas now...

faceman

Santa claus is buried in thomastown in co. kilkenny

beanyb

Santa is clearly real. He's always on the news on Christmas Eve getting ready to head off. RTE would never lie to us.

faceman

^ From the Dublin Airport website on flight arrivals between 11pm and 12 midnight.

Origin Airline Flight Scheduled Time Status
London-LHR Bmi BD135 24-12-2007 23:10
Poznan Aer Lingus EI2365 24-12-2007 23:10
Barcelona Aer Lingus EI565 24-12-2007 23:20
Warsaw Aer Lingus EI2363 24-12-2007 23:25
North Pole Unknown SANTA1 24-12-2007 23:59

Toto Wolfcastle

MOOOOOMMMM! Timmywex said Santa's dead! Who's gonna bring my presents?

PHB

Did you ever consider the possibility that Santa can slow down time?

Capt'n Midnight

How do you think he pays for the presents ?
He fakes his own death and cleans up on the insurance.

Mweelrea

watch miricle on 34th street
then you'll get your proof!

Overheal

Santa possesses an ancient piece of technology known as a chronometron - using untold power, this pulls Santa and his reindeer almost completely out of the flow of time.

evryone knows that.

bushy...

faceman wrote: »

^ From the Dublin Airport website on flight arrivals between 11pm and 12 midnight.

Origin Airline Flight Scheduled Time Status
London-LHR Bmi BD135 24-12-2007 23:10
Poznan Aer Lingus EI2365 24-12-2007 23:10
Barcelona Aer Lingus EI565 24-12-2007 23:20
Warsaw Aer Lingus EI2363 24-12-2007 23:25
North Pole Unknown SANTA1 24-12-2007 23:59

dazberry

It's a well know fact (rushes off to edit Wikipedia) that Santa trained Hiro Nakamura (Heroes) how to bend / jump backward and foward in time and teleport. QED.

D.

Apparently, he died in 1564:

Alarming evidence that Father Christmas died in 1564 has turned up in the records of a country church.

While every child knows that this could not possibly be the real Santa Claus, nevertheless someone called Father Christmas was laid to rest in a churchyard in the village of Dedham, Essex, on May 30 that year.

An entry in the parish record for that month states: "The 30[th] Day, Father Christmas was buried." Any headstone marking his grave disappeared many years ago

Source: The Telegraph

star-pants

Yeh well me and my sister saw santa putting presents in our stockings one Christmas eve so :P to you OP!!

utick

SANTA was alive until i shot him 2 years ago

tech77

Doesn't the "slowing down time" thing only address part of the OP's argument- ie the time constraint bit.
What about the other stuff.

And the "magic" argument is just lazy.
Maybe somebody could counter each of the OPs points with plausible (pseudo-) science of their own.
I'd give it a go but the cynic in me can't help siding with the OP on this one- sorry kids
(Do kids even read AH?)

Mweelrea

utick wrote: »

SANTA was alive until i shot him 2 years ago

if thats true how did i get my pressies last year?

tech77

tech77 wrote: »

Doesn't the "slowing down time" thing only address part of the OP's argument- ie the time constraint bit.
What about the other stuff.

And the "magic" argument is just lazy.
Maybe somebody could counter each of the OPs points with plausible (pseudo-) science of their own.
I'd give it a go but the cynic in me can't help siding with the OP on this one- sorry kids
(Do kids even read AH?)

So, whenever you have kids, what are you going to tell em exactly?

patrickc

timmywex wrote: »

Is There a Santa Claus? A Scientific Analysis
1. No known species of reindeer can fly. However, there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has seen.

2. There are an estimated 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn’t – apparently – handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total – a mere 378 million, according to the Population Census Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there is at least one good child to each home.


3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west, which seems logical. This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each ‘Christian’ household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get into the sleigh, and move on to the next house.

Assuming that these 91,800,000 stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but which for purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .76 miles per household, a total trip of 75,500,000 miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours. This means that Santa’s sled is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times faster than the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the ability of ‘flying reindeer’ (see point 1) to pull perhaps ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight or even nine. We need more. Actually, we need 214,191 more, or a total of 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,420 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the ocean liner Queen Elizabeth.

5. This 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance, which will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14,300,000,000,000,000,000 (14.3 quintillion) joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will almost instantaneously burst into flames, exposing the reindeer behind them, who will repeat the process, and they will also create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to acceleration forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion, if Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.

ba humbug to you sh*thead

alan4cult

Maybe, there are loads of Santas! This thread is evil.

Capt'n Midnight

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/8/88/Sadea.jpg

eggplantman

did you no that santa was green until coke cola got their hands on him

highlydebased

Haha.


Finnair carries him around

http://www.airliners.net/open.file/1308015/L/

alan4cult

I didn't know coke could do that!

eggplantman

alan4cult wrote: »

I didn't know coke could do that!

well they did,up in till a while ago,santa was a 7ft tall man wearing leaves

Capt'n Midnight

eggplantman wrote: »

did you no that santa was green until coke cola got their hands on him

http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/8/88/Cokechristmas.jpg

arybvtcw0eolkf

star-pants wrote: »

Yeh well me and my sister saw santa putting presents in our stockings one Christmas eve so :P to you OP!!

Ever see Santa empty his sack?.

Statso

eggplantman wrote: »

did you no that santa was green until coke cola got their hands on him

Thats actually an urban myth, Santa had already appeared in other pictures dressed in all red before Coca Colas ad campaign.

Santa Claus

Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated !

Mairt wrote: »

Ever see Santa empty his sack?.

OK, I'm not proud of that porn video I made but myself and Mrs Claus were on a break at the time.
Personally I blame the naughty girls who were my co-stars...they forced me into it (and several things into me) !

drdre

beanyb wrote: »

Santa is clearly real. He's always on the news on Christmas Eve getting ready to head off. RTE would never lie to us.

toiletduck

I just stumbled downstairs and heard him. But by the time I ran to the tree he had gone Oh well, next year

eggplantman

Statso wrote: »

Thats actually an urban myth, Santa had already appeared in other pictures dressed in all red before Coca Colas ad campaign.

can you back that up?

alan4cult

eggplantman wrote: »

can you back that up?

Sleighs don't have reverse gear.

thefinalstage

alan4cult wrote: »

Sleighs don't have reverse gear.

Check and mate.