Friends ditching you on a night out

DirkVoodoo

Hi guys,

I'm classifying this as a personal issue, but really it pales in comparison to a lot of the real issues here. I'm a male, 24.

Anyway, my story is as follows:

Was out last nite with a few friends. I cycled into UCD to meet them on my bike at around 9pm (was totally frozen by the time I got there!) so I only had room in my bag for a shirt, jacket and a pair of jeans. I knew that the plan for that night was to have a few drinks, then go meet a few of the girls from college who were on a "girls night out". I was dressed smart but was wearing my converse like I always do as the aren't really runners and I can cycle in them (this is important for the main story).

So, after a few drinks in college we headed into town to meet the girls. Giving them a call on the way in we found out they were in the Shelbourne (?). I could not for the life of me understand why we, a couple of students, were all going to the shelbourne, but there ya go! So, we get in no problem, met the girls and left for cheaper pastures.

The girls then chose Ron Black's on Dawson street (again, students!) and I was there thinking "bollocks, I really need proper shoes here!".

So, obviously what happened next was I didn't get in. The two ahead of me: a guy and a girl went in, followed by two more behind me: 2 girls. The rest of my mates (3 left!) stayed outside and said "screw this, we'll go to the porterhouse".

So, we are there stood outside while the 4 on the inside (3 girls on their night out and 1 of the lads who seems desperate to get into one of them) are separated from us by a pane of glass.

I contemplated getting a taxi and spending €50 euro to go home and come back with some shoes, but then I realised (and this is my "issue"): What kind of people call you a friend and yet leave you standing outside in the blistering winter cold to get into some snobby bar? I considered it something of a character test, as the 3 who stayed outside would be good friends who I consider "honest people", i.e. they don't smile at you through their teeth. I could never imagine doing that to a friend and I thought it was almost common practice that when one of your friends doesn't get in (assuming they arent wasted and acting the maggot), you leave the place and move on? I told the 3 outside that I was going to head home and they should head on in to Ron Blacks (feeling slightly turnip-ish for ruining their night too).

So I popped in a taxi and got home for 12:30...

Was I overreacting? Should I forget about it and move on? What do I say to these people when I see them next, people who I see every day and yet now my idea about how they perceive me has been shattered. I mean, I'm really cut up about this (not in a bad way, just feeling a bit down) and I just wanted to get a few opinions so I can cop-myself-on.

manTime

The only one who was a spa in the incident was the lad who went in with 3 girls, you said yourself they were out on a girls night and theyll stick together and have their plans ye, wouldnt look into too much its just a poxy night out so what

Tusky

The only reason I would leave a mate in that situation is if he/she knew they had to dress up and didn't bother. i.e If it was for a formal 21st or something. If they didn't make an effort and I did then I would probably say 'sorry amigo' and go on in. In this case, I cant understand why yea all just didn't go to another bar as there are plenty that you can get into without shoes...in fact, Ive never been refused for not wearing shoes...anywhere.

I wouldnt be too angry at the guy as a) he didnt leave you on your own b) he was trying to get with the girl c) he was probably pretty drunk at that stage.

If he left you on your own, you would have a proper reason to be angry at him.

McSween

agree with Tusky-when i started reading I thought the whole lot of them left you on your own. Should have no complaints to be honest, well done to those who stayed with you but to be fair to the lad inside, he was trying to score.

Tusky

Also, over the years I have learned that under the influence of booze even close friends will sometimes do ****ty things. You can't always be angry or hold grudges or you will end up with no friends. Its only if someone is repeatedly ****ty that you should start worrying.

DirkVoodoo

True. Cheers lads, appreciate the replies.

I'm a pretty sensitive person by nature and always tend to read far too much into these kind of things.

I'll just learn from it and move on, file it away under "silly nites out"

Daithio

Yeah it's not a massive deal but I can see why you're annoyed. I mean if the girls were really decent they'd see you didn't get in and go somewhere else. If your mate said he tried to at least say it to the girls that they should go somewhere else then I'd be cool with him, but if he didn't even bother I think that would annoy me a bit. But I probably wouldn't be too keen on the girls afterwards, although it's not a big enough issue at all to warrant any sort of confrontation.

shakenbake

Dirkvoodoo, don't confuse friends with people you know well and go out drinking with. There's a difference. Social situations like that are less about friendships and more about scene, social status and putting yourself out there. It's just a bit of darwinism ... cruel but real !

Your post makes you out to be a level headed young lady, I like that. *hugs* take it easy

red_ice

if a girl followed me and my mates (in your situation) into a bar with us on a mans night out all the lads with the exception of the one she was hangin out of would be p1ssed off. That chaps a gimp on alot of levels.

- He ditched your group.
- Expected the other 2 lads to come in and ditch you.
- Barged in on a girls night.
- Didnt flinch at the tought of you sitting outside on your own.

The chaps a tool. The other 2 lads seem sound enough tho, and if i was in that situation i would have opted to go home, but now that i think about it it would have been better not to have gone home. I would have made the point that the girls were having a girls night and that us 3 (you 3) should have gone to a bar better suited to your tastes, not some cocktail joint. the fact that they pointed out it was a GIRLS NIGHT should be clear cut enough for your mates.

Terry

Rather than being pissed off at your friend for folloing the girls (Obviously trying to score), take a look at your self and try to see what the problem is.



Got it yet?

Then answer is, if you are going into town, chances are you wil end up somewhere with a dress code. Wear shoes in future and don't ruin the night for th rest of your friends.

Bluefoam

I've never had a problem getting into Ron Blacks with converse on. If you go with the attitude that you belong there they generally won't stop you.

Atomic Pineapple

i agree with red ice but terry also has a point.

when your goin out you should always wear shoes and bring id.

your mates should have pointed out to you before you went into town that you should have shoes though, i always say it to anyone coming with us

Dave!

A trick I've heard is, if you're wearing black socks, take them off and put them on OVER your runners/converse Supposedly it can work too! It just means the bouncers won't notice big white things from the distance. If they scrutinise them, you'd be in for a bit of a slating though

OT: He didn't leave you on your own. He was trying to get stuck into one of the girls... I wouldn't read too much into it TBH.

prod_igy

The guy that went in with the girls was ahead of you in the que and got in before you so maybe he didn't see that you didn't get in. I've been in the sitaution a few times where i go into a nightclub and only realise 20minutes later that one the lads did'nt get in.

I wouldn't blame him also because he was trying to score one the girls (if a guy is scoring a bird you may aswell say goodbye to him for the rest of the night!)

Finally, i think you should have went off with the other 2 lads. Groups regularly get split up on a night out and go their separate ways, there should be no problem there.

Terry

DaveMcG wrote: »

A trick I've heard is, if you're wearing black socks, take them off and put them on OVER your runners/converse Supposedly it can work too! It just means the bouncers won't notice big white things from the distance. If they scrutinise them, you'd be in for a bit of a slating though

OT: He didn't leave you on your own. He was trying to get stuck into one of the girls... I wouldn't read too much into it TBH.

I've seen people use the sock thing and get away with it.
It's funny if nothing else.

MIN2511

DaveMcG wrote: »

A trick I've heard is, if you're wearing black socks, take them off and put them on OVER your runners/converse Supposedly it can work too! It just means the bouncers won't notice big white things from the distance. If they scrutinise them, you'd be in for a bit of a slating though

Very funny, never seen this before tbh
OP, i used to be sensitive too. Once we went out and i didn't have id and got turned away:mad:. My mates all went in:mad: ended up going home. But then i thought it was my fault for not taking my id not theirs, one persons night ruined compared to 8 people...
Cheer up:D

spinandscribble

tbh i live in galway so have little experience with dress code, i do remember some mates couldnt get in with rock hoodies on years ago though.
however if i did live indublin and planned a night out and a mate didnt bother with the dress code (ie. didnt have shoes in handbag or wear flat boots ect) i'd be pissy. wouldnt say much but would remind them in the future about their shoes. i would have stayed outside with you.
it wasnt like you were left alone though. there were 4 of you!!! it wasnt fair on the other 3 if you ask me since they needed to stay with you. besides the other ones mightnt have known what happened.
it was right that you went home..

it happened to me on my leaving cert results night. i didnt get in, think there was a ID problem, i forget. anyway i left, couldnt bare the fact half my friends were willing to stay outside with me to find somewhere else. didn't even thing of the other half tbh.

MagicMarker

When i was 11 me and my friends went to see Dumb and Dumber. The ticket lady asked me how old i was, i said ''11''. She said she couldn't let me in, i hadn't realised it was rated 12:( My friends were all 14/15/16, man i felt like a bastard!!!

OP: I wouldn't worry about it, he was drunk, wanting to score and went in before you. Ya can't blame him, although personally, i wouldn't leave a bunch of lads and go off on my own with another group.

On a side note, i hate wearing shoes. I prefer to wear what i'm comfortable. If somewhere doesn't let me in for that, fúck em.

vorbis

I'd be a little annoyed at the ones who stayed inside. I mean it didn't sound like a pre planned night as such. Ye were just bar hopping. No reason why ye couldn't just move along to another bar. Regarding not having the correct shoes, I would usually wear shoes but can see the point about being caught out. I've gone out plenty times to meet some friends in a right dive of a bar then someone suggests moving on to some swanky place.

If anything at least it shows that you're more drinking buddies and friends with the other 3.

Umaro

Sometimes people who you think you are good friends are just lame. And sometimes it takes a little incident like this to see who your real mates are - just be happy it wasn't worse.

By the way, your story reminded me of this ad: http://www.carling.com/belong/space/

Kind of off-topic, but I still think it's relevant.

biko

Terry wrote: »

Then answer is, if you are going into town, chances are you wil end up somewhere with a dress code. Wear shoes in future and don't ruin the night for th rest of your friends.

+1 always wear proper shoes when you go out. Partly so you don't have to put your friends on a spot and partly you look better.

the_syco

DirkVoodoo wrote: »

Was out last nite with a few friends. I cycled into UCD to meet them on my bike at around 9pm (was totally frozen by the time I got there!) so I only had room in my bag for a shirt, jacket and a pair of jeans. I knew that the plan for that night was to have a few drinks, then go meet a few of the girls from college who were on a "girls night out". I was dressed smart but was wearing my converse like I always do as the aren't really runners and I can cycle in them (this is important for the main story).

True, the guy who left you sounds like a twat, but you have to admit: you knew you were going out, yet you only wore runners. My advice: instead of spending €50 on a taxi, spend €50 on a bigger bag that can hold the clothes + shoes, or get the bus to UCD (you don't mention where you come from, so I don't know if this is possible).

LegacyUser

Tusky wrote: »

Also, over the years I have learned that under the influence of booze even close friends will sometimes do ****ty things. You can't always be angry or hold grudges or you will end up with no friends. Its only if someone is repeatedly ****ty that you should start worrying.

lol your right...lads do silly things when they are drunk...throw a bird into the equation and it's multiplied!!!

sunnyjim

Oh man, what are ya complaining about? You were going to town, you should have been prepared.

Tha Gopher

Terry wrote: »

Rather than being pissed off at your friend for folloing the girls (Obviously trying to score), take a look at your self and try to see what the problem is.



Got it yet?

Then answer is, if you are going into town, chances are you wil end up somewhere with a dress code. Wear shoes in future and don't ruin the night for th rest of your friends.

Indeed. If everyone else is wearing proper going out clothes and you arent, those who made the effort arent obliged to hang out with you. I have a mate who hasnt bothered buying a proper going out jacket. There have been times when I have told him that if he wears his blue Nike jacket Im not going to bother my arse headin out with him that night (in itself not a bad jacket for daily wear, but if I were a bouncer Id refuse him). Known him 3 years, its not an issue between late March and October, he can just go out in his shirt, but in the winter if a bouncer sees a guy approaching he will think

a- This guy is too cheap to buy a jacket

or

b- This guy must have alot of drink/possibly drugs in him to be able to withstand the cold with no coat

And come on, you are 24 and yet your are bitching like an 18 year old student up from the sticks who wants everyone to go to Barcode and the like because its cheap. Grown ups dont go to the likes of Barcode, simple as. And yil get nowhere with these birds complaining about the drink prices.

Fabio

The guy that joined the girls seems like a tool.

I know what you are getting at OP...similar things have happened to me before and they do teach you who your friends really are. In saying that though you can't expect them all to go to a place on your whim (a place that'll allow converse in) so take that into account in future.

Next time, just bring shoes and go out with people you know won't ditch you...finding those people can take a long time though as those you thought you could trust before often tend to be the ones to do the most ditching!

Creachadóir

Terry wrote: »

Rather than being pissed off at your friend for folloing the girls (Obviously trying to score), take a look at your self and try to see what the problem is.



Got it yet?

Then answer is, if you are going into town, chances are you wil end up somewhere with a dress code. Wear shoes in future and don't ruin the night for th rest of your friends.

+1 Most places have a dress code when it's busy on a Friday/Saturday night! You were suiting yourself wearing runners, they were suiting themselves going into the place they wanted to go. Majority rules in most of these situations. And you weren't left on your own.

DirkVoodoo

Wow, I havent visited this thread in a while

Well, I ended up going to the odeon on saturday after a reunion dinner of sorts and met one of the girls. Apologised for potentially messing up her girls night out and pointed to my nice shiny black shoes. We both had a laugh about it in the end.

I have learned my lesson, on more than one issue...

Thanks for the replies. Happy Christmas!

LegacyUser

DirkVoodoo wrote: »

Wow, I havent visited this thread in a while

Well, I ended up going to the odeon on saturday after a reunion dinner of sorts and met one of the girls. Apologised for potentially messing up her girls night out and pointed to my nice shiny black shoes. We both had a laugh about it in the end.

I have learned my lesson, on more than one issue...

Thanks for the replies. Happy Christmas!

Were you at that engineering thing? My mate was there.

At least u sorted it out so fair play

DirkVoodoo

Yeah, it was an engineering thing

WindSock

Eh? they didn't ditch you, what are you on about? You should have went off with them to the porterhouse like they suggested instead of sulking off and having a crappy night.

BaZmO*

2 things.

1) You didn't get in because of your runners. I've been into loads of places in town wearing trainers. Bouncers only use the trainer thing as an excuse for not liking the look of you, be it because you are too drunk or look like you might cause trouble.

2) Your friend didn't leave you on your own. You were left with another 3(?) people that said they were going to the Porterhouse. It was you that got all stroppy and wanted to go home on your on. Maybe the bouncers were right about you being too drunk to get in?

Lux23

I haven't had this experience but I do feel that the person without ID or proper shoes etc shouldn't really expect the whole group to change plans because they decided not to wear shoes. I hung around with one fella in my late teens/eary twenties who would never wear shoes and who also had very picky taste in bars so we would spend ages traipsing around town trying to get into whatever bar. If you couldn't fit shoes in your bag get a bigger bag!!