A Few Jokes

rocky25

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrist’s office. "What seems to be the problem" the doctor asked?
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you,
But I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night"

Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night; I dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.

My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with his patients. It's a real shame 'cause he's a really good vet.


Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much, it scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading again.

Little girl gets lost in Tesco’s; The Security guard asks her 'what's your Mum like?' Little girl replies 'vodka and red bull'.

Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital to have a dangerous mole removed from his penis...... he won't be shagging one of those again!

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period.

Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the receptionist asks 'do you have reservations'?
The bride answers 'Yes, I won't take it up the ar**'

A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger. He said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your tits - it's worked for your arse'.



It's important to keep fit as you get older. My granny started walking 5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know where the hell she is!

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, 'Honey, my hands are freezing! She says, well put them between my thighs and that will warm them up.

After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, Man! My hands are really freezing! She says again, well. Put them between my thighs and warm them up again. He does, and again that warms him up.

After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood to get them through the night. When he returns to the cabin, he states once again, Honey, my hands are really, really freezing. She looks at him and says, for crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold!

vorbis

very good, liked the toilet paper one