Age Difference

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Do you think that the age difference between a 20 year old man and a 16 year old girl is too much? I'm interested in a girl who's younger than me and I'm stuck on whether the age gap would be too much.

Leave the sex aspect out of it, I realise the legal implications, assume we're not going to have sex till she's 17. She looks as old as I do, most people think she's my age. We get on really well and I know she's interested in me. I just don't know what to do!

Goat Mouth

there use to be a rule in my school, which most of us followed
The Age gap: Half your age +7

granted I realise we were all alot younger then, personally i've no quams with an age gap, however i'd like to point out or or two things with this one.

I'm assuming she's still in school?
It might be hard if you were up for nights out yet she's too young to go out to most places. which can be frustrating for them. (I had an older girlfriend and it bothered me when i couldnt go out to town with her)
Sexually sepeaking, you could just hold off until she was 17? Not the hardest thing to do to be honest. However if she wante to persue a sexual relationship with you, and you're not to sure if you should, then dont!

white_falcon

Confused20 wrote: »

Hi there,

Do you think that the age difference between a 20 year old man and a 16 year old girl is too much? I'm interested in a girl who's younger than me and I'm stuck on whether the age gap would be too much.

Leave the sex aspect out of it, I realise the legal implications, assume we're not going to have sex till she's 17. She looks as old as I do, most people think she's my age. We get on really well and I know she's interested in me. I just don't know what to do!

its funny - if it was a girl it would be ok, but a guy doing that is seen as unacceptable in some situations. ur saying you dont wanna have sex with her - thats good - you obviously like her as a person. however, being 20 and her being 16, theres definitively some sexual attraction...so eh...you'd wanna be careful for both your sakes still its up to yourself what you do. if you do there will be people unhappy. theres always plenty more fish in the sea

humbert

Yes, 4 years is massive at that age. If you don't notice it you are either shockingly immature or deluded.

farva

I'd say that 20 and 16 is a bit much of a gap, especially if your in college/work and she's in school. It'd be pretty weird for you hanging around with her friends her age, assuming they're say 15 to 17.

I'm 21 and all my mates are between 20 and 22, if 1 of them announced that they were into a 16/17 year old they'd get an unbelieveable amount of stick, because the age gap is just that bit too big!

MagicMarker

If it's legal then it's all cool!

This isn't legal, don't see her until she's 17. We both know you're not going to wait to have sex until she's 17!! I mean come on!:)

Lux23

I suppose it all depends on the couple. If your comfortable with her and her parents don't object then I don't see a problem. You will feel a strain sometimes though. When I was 17 I went out with a 27 year old and he said he never thought there was a huge difference between us.

supertramp

Confused20 wrote: »

Hi there,

Do you think that the age difference between a 20 year old man and a 16 year old girl is too much? I'm interested in a girl who's younger than me and I'm stuck on whether the age gap would be too much.

Leave the sex aspect out of it, I realise the legal implications, assume we're not going to have sex till she's 17. She looks as old as I do, most people think she's my age. We get on really well and I know she's interested in me. I just don't know what to do!

I was expecting a bigger gap.....4 years is absolutely nothing!!!!! All that about formula's divide this by 7, etc is crap.

There was 20 years between my grand parents, now that's an age gap

5uspect

I think its really more the actual age group than the age difference.
16 and 20 sounds bad, but 18 and 22 isn't all that weird. 22 and 26 is plain normal.
Generally I'd say notions about age taboos come from social transitions like school or university.

Anyway aren't them winnins more emotionally mature than men?

K_P

A 4 year age difference would mean nothing if it weren't for the fact that she's in school (probably just doen her junior cert in fact) and you're in college / working. Even with the best intentions in the world, I think it's a bit dodgy. Sorry.

corcaighcailin9

I personally wouldn't go there, confused. KP is right in a few years nobody would bat an eyelid but if she's still at school, then ye are literally in very different places right now. Sorry.

Cheeky_gal

supertramp wrote: »

I was expecting a bigger gap.....4 years is absolutely nothing!!!!! All that about formula's divide this by 7, etc is crap.

There was 20 years between my grand parents, now that's an age gap

I totally agree....thats nothing...I was expecting waaaay worse! End of day, It's all about maturity. End of.

MagicMarker

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

I totally agree....thats nothing...I was expecting waaaay worse! End of day, It's all about maturity. End of.

Is that still the case between a 14 year old and 18 year old?

Like i said OP: It's not a big gap and only for a stupid law i'd say go for it. But the laws the law, you should leave it till she turns 17.

Cheeky_gal

MagicMarker wrote: »

Is that still the case between a 14 year old and 18 year old?

Like i said OP: It's not a big gap and only for a stupid law i'd say go for it. But the laws the law, you should leave it till she turns 17.

No definately not, I'd say when you're 16, it's acceptable to go out with a 22/23 yr old max.
Anything below 16 is just wrong.

Dudess

Goat Mouth wrote: »

there use to be a rule in my school, which most of us followed
The Age gap: Half your age +7

So there are people who actually paid heed to that "rule"?! OP, NEVER follow that ludicrous "rule".

As for this case: to those who say four years is nothing, well surely it depends on the ages of the two people involved. Obviously four years is nothing if you're talking about a 24-year-old and a 28-year-old. But a 16-year-old is still a child, a 20-year-old is an adult. And she's still in school - even if it's leaving cert (she might be turning 17 fairly soon) I think it's just wrong for a guy to be going out with a schoolgirl.

davyjose

I think the problem here OP, is that people will assume you are having sex. And that is the point at which it might be frowned upon. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite because I've said it time and again, age gaps are nothing; but as 5uspect said it's age-groups that are the problem. She's technically a minor, and you are not. If she were 14 and you were 18, there would still be an even bigger problem.
Having said that, I think if you, her, and her folks are cool with it, then go for it.
This is a cultural thing too - in America this sort of age-gap, at this age, happens quite a lot.

Fanny Cradock

As long as you brush up on your boy bands and what hot in the world of mobile phone ring tones you'll be just fine!

As an example, if this was a question from a 26 year old in relation to a 22 year old there would be no problem. However, there is a massive difference in your case.

Keep walking. Nothing to see here.

Leeby

white_falcon wrote: »

its funny - if it was a girl it would be ok, but a guy doing that is seen as unacceptable in some situations. ur saying you dont wanna have sex with her - thats good - you obviously like her as a person. however, being 20 and her being 16, theres definitively some sexual attraction...so eh...you'd wanna be careful for both your sakes still its up to yourself what you do. if you do there will be people unhappy. theres always plenty more fish in the sea

That's total bull! You really think that if a 20 year old female was on here saying they were considering starting a relationship with a 16 year old boy noone would bat an eyelid?!!

To the OP: 4 years may not seem a big age gap but when one of you is still in school then 4 years seems a hell of a lot bigger! My advice would be to steer clear. I'm curious how you're even socialising with 16 year olds when you're 20, not that there's anything wrong with being friends but I'm slightly curious about the circumstances in which you met her.

Overheal

I also have to say no, this just sounds odd.

kowloon

Goat Mouth wrote: »

It might be hard if you were up for nights out yet she's too young to go out to most places. which can be frustrating for them. (I had an older girlfriend and it bothered me when i couldnt go out to town with her)

I wish to frequent this magical establishment that filters out the underagers, where do i sign up?

Must be a mature 16yr old if things are working.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys.

I'm in college and she's in secondary school. Its the age-group difference thats the problem to me really, we're at different stages in our life. Its funny though, about two years ago I started a bit of a fling with a 26 year old woman and noone batted an eyelid at it and the age gap was 9 years and we were definitely in different stages in life. But with this I see people getting upset by it.

Usually I couldn't care less about what others think about what I do but if I'm going to have a relationship with someone I'd like to be able to do it without people getting upset.

On the age thing, I'm just 20 (a few days ago) and she's just 16 (about a month ago).

Lil' Smiler

I've heard of bigger age gaps than that.
I was once 17 (had just turned) and was going out with a guy who was 19 and turned 20 during the relationship (eurgh if you'd even call it that - *shivers* with the memories)

It does cause problems coz I couldn't easily go to the pub and he had all his college events and I felt like a gimp when his friends would ask what I'm doing in college etc and had to embarrassingly say that I was in 5th year


It's each to their own, I'd say her parents won't be happy, your friends will slag you but it's stuff you'e gonna have to put up with if you like her!!


How did you two meet by the way?

LegacyUser

I'd rather not say exactly, just to keep this anonymous but it was through a sports club where most of her family are involved.

I've had a bigger age gap myself but this just seems different. I suppose if I look at how I have to think about it so much I probably shouldn't do it. Her parents like me, and know their daughter likes me and seem pretty ok with the whole thing.

I guess I'm looking for someone to come up to me and say, go on its fine, do it. That's not going to happen though and thats whats killing me!

Rattlehead_ie

Personally I wouldn't do it, but each to their own and I would have no problems with any of my friends or anyone else going out with someone with the age gap its only 4 yrs. Saying that though there is the matter of maturity in the relationship, the girl may be very mature and you guys would have a lot in common if so great go for it, otherwise there for the most part is a huge difference in maturity between the likes of a 16 and 20 even 18 year old.

davyjose

Confused20 wrote: »

I'd Her parents like me, and know their daughter likes me and seem pretty ok with the whole thing.

I guess I'm looking for someone to come up to me and say, go on its fine, do it. That's not going to happen though and thats whats killing me!

Listen mate, you have to be comfortable with this. I've been in relationships with an age gap myself, and at first you're kinda looking around real shifty eyed, expecting old ladies to hit you with their handbags, but after a while you get comfortable with it (then you realise that you've nothing in common - kidding), so don't leave it with any regrets.
How would you have responded to this thread if it were someone else, and not you, can I ask?

AngryBadger

A 16-year old is in no way comparable to a 20-year old. There is no earthly way I could possibly advise you to pursue this.

I don't know this particular child so I'm not going to comment on her. WHat I am going to say is that at 16 she's in the middle of some very rapid changes, you're way too far away from that state of mind (I hope) to be able to interact with her on the same level.

I strongly suspect that in a few months you'll have very a different view of this girl.

*Page*

for me 2 above 2 below is as far as i go when it comes to age gaps...

Cost Boy!!

I dont see the problem im 17 and my boyfriend is 29 who turns 30 tomorrow, and we've been together for over a year and a half. As far as i'm concerned age is just a number not a problem. I get on great with his friends, family etc. and its the same for him with my family and friends and we do everything together i couldn't be happier. So dont worry about the age thing.

aidan24326

Confused20 wrote: »

Hi there,

Do you think that the age difference between a 20 year old man and a 16 year old girl is too much? I'm interested in a girl who's younger than me and I'm stuck on whether the age gap would be too much.

Leave the sex aspect out of it, I realise the legal implications, assume we're not going to have sex till she's 17. She looks as old as I do, most people think she's my age. We get on really well and I know she's interested in me. I just don't know what to do!

It isn't a huge gap. If you like her then it's worth exploring, provided she's reasonably mature for her age. If she is I don't see a problem. Just tread carefully re: the whole sex thing, you'd be flirting with danger there.

witchywoman

a 16 yr old girl is too impressionable , im afraid id take a dim view of you if i was her mum, my younger sis had a 20 yr old b.f when she was 16, she ended up pregnant, and he stood by her, ill never forget giving him a piece of my mind when i found out, now fast forward 10 years, my sister now understands what an idiot she was, theyre no longer together, they have a beautiful son alright, but she cant stand him, family occasions are a nightmare of walking on eggshells, usually ending up in her hurling abuse at him and quoting her lost innocence etc, i know it takes 2 to tango but as he was older, he should have known better.dont go there, is my advice!!

aidan24326

witchywoman wrote: »

a 16 yr old girl is too impressionable , im afraid id take a dim view of you if i was her mum, my younger sis had a 20 yr old b.f when she was 16, she ended up pregnant, and he stood by her, ill never forget giving him a piece of my mind when i found out, now fast forward 10 years, my sister now understands what an idiot she was, theyre no longer together, they have a beautiful son alright, but she cant stand him, family occasions are a nightmare of walking on eggshells, usually ending up in her hurling abuse at him and quoting her lost innocence etc, i know it takes 2 to tango but as he was older, he should have known better.dont go there, is my advice!!

You're describing a relationship situation that has nothing whatsoever to do with the OP. Just beacuse that's what happened with your sister doesn't mean it has to always be like that. Jumping the gun a bit to be talking about babies and them ending up hating each other!

gcgirl

As A mother to 2 girls i would prefer them to go out with boys their own age !

Mighty_Mouse

Leave the sex aspect out of it, I realise the legal implications, assume we're not going to have sex till she's 17. She looks as old as I do, most people think she's my age.

Multiply/divide/subtract by 7................................whatever.

Fact is; the girls only 16.
I've a smart savvy sister that age but fact is she's definitly not at an age where she could hold her own in an adult relationship.
Loads of 16 year old girls have "crushes" on older boys.

Leave her be for another few years buddy.

dRNk SAnTA

I am 20 aswell but I would never go near someone who has just turned 16. Its too young and its illegal. I would think badly of any guy who was with someone that young.

I think witchywoman has a good point about girls that young being impressionable. Growing up I knew 2 girls with older boyfriends and those guys seemed like absolute sleazeballs. Also, for girls in school an older boyfriend is like a trophy, so it is easy to take advantage of that.

There seem to be a few people here taking the whole "age is just a number" thing to the extreme. Like, with that kind of attitude would it be ok for the OP to be with a 15 year old? 14 year old? Of course not, that would be absolutely sick.

There is a 4 year gap difference between you, that is 1/4 of her whole life. Go find someone legal.

af_thefragile

I seriously doubt it'll work.

Right now things might seem like they're working great between the two of ye but at the end of the day she's a 16yr old teenage girl and you're a more mature 20yr old guy.
There is a big gap in the maturity between the two of ye and that gap will start showing up and affecting your relationship after a while.

She might look and sound all grown up and mature but nothing can beat the fact that she is a 16yr old girl and that is how mature she's gonna get. Its just gonna be a matter of time before the difference in this maturity level starts to bring differnces in your relationship.
Trust me it'll happen! I've sorta been there myself.
And by the time you realise its not really gonna work, it'll probably be too late!

Its not the age difference that matters here. Its the fact that she's only 16 that matters.
16yr old girls usually don't have a clue what they're doing.
One moment they feel they're in "true" love and nothing can change their love for you, next moment they're off with the next guy leaving you wondering what just happened and where you went wrong!

Piece of advise, leave her and pick a girl of around your own age group to avoid some serious heartache in the future!!

GerryRyan

No qualms about age gap (once it's legal obviously). First gf was 22, when I was 17 ... no problem there (except she thought I was 19 for the first month) Did get the odd slag about it but it lasted about 8 months. It's not the age, but the maturity and compatibility imo.

I've always hung about with people older than myself, down to the fact that I pretty much despised most of the people in my school (long story there).

So the weekends involved hanging about, or drinking with, an older and sounder crowd.

My gf now is the same age btw.