breaking up with gf

j0e

Well I ve been going out with my girlfriend for over a year its been great but its over. I havent talked to her in over a week nor seen her in over 2 weeks had sex in like 3. We both go to the same uni and wont see each other till januray. I want to end it but am really unsure how to do it. I doubt we ill meet up in the coming days weeks due to the fact we live like 40miles away and her parents hate me (never met me but was raised a catholic her father is off a certain order that likes to march etc etc) and there is no way im going to invite her to my house to break up. I dont want to be an asshole but like maybe giving her a phone call could be the only logical option at this point? If i get really cowardly I'd text her but that is super low. Im confused :S

Miss Fluff

If you haven't seen each other in 2 weeks I am sure she has probably got an idea that something is amiss. Arrange to meet her tomorrow and do it face-to-face.

DubLegs

I'd agree try to meet up with her and do it face to face. I personally think it's cowardly doing it over the phone etc rather than face to face.

the dee

Do NOT text her. Nothing's worse than that. If you really have no other option then call her.

You could wait till you see each other next. It should be easier to do when you haven't seen each other in a long time, you'll both be a bit distant from each other anyway.

thecleverone

Well I ve been going out with my girlfriend for over a year its been great but its over.

You say its been great, but then say its over. Why would you want to finish with her if its been so great? Is it because

I havent talked to her in over a week nor seen her in over 2 weeks had sex in like 3.

If so, could you not pick up the phone to talk to her? Or oganise a date so you can see her?

I doubt we ill meet up in the coming days weeks due to the fact we live like 40miles away....I dont want to be an asshole but like maybe giving her a phone call could be the only logical option at this point?

If you are going to break up with her, I think you owe her the courtsey of travelling the 40 miles after being together for a year. Don't phone her but certainly DO NOT TEXT HER. You are right, that would be an all time low.

You havn't explained why you want to break up with her though.

Ginny

God you have to do it face to face, there's nothing more soul destroying then been broken up with on the phone or by text.

Mazeire

If you have been with her over a year would it kill you to leave it another two weeks and let her have Christmas? After all, it sounds like its just ran its course, not like she's a total wagon or anything...

j0e

Dont know really just kinda drifted also we are both pretty young (her 20 me 22). I'm not really up for that much commitment. I mean it was great yeah and all, but after a year things can change and for the past like 3months its just being going along with it out of routine. I realise I don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore and whats been happening has just been hurting both of us. Some problems with the whole going up to meet her if I do that she ill prob think it cause I want to exchange gifts or something with her and I dont want to build her up. Also breaking up in person is going to be so ****ing harsh and I know for a fact she will cry and hate me.

Ginny

But breaking up is hard it always is, best to get it done with asap and not drag it along, you have to have enough respect left for her to do it face to face, can you not just drop up to her instead of summoning her to you?
At least then you're the one walking out the door and she might have people to comfort her around.

j0e

Mazeire wrote: »

If you have been with her over a year would it kill you to leave it another two weeks and let her have Christmas? After all, it sounds like its just ran its course, not like she's a total wagon or anything...

Yeah but thats the thing I figure if I do it now she can have christmas with her family and friends and she wont have to see me like everyday so it'ill help her get over it. Her two best friends study in England so she only sees them at holidays.

padser

j0e wrote: »

Some problems with the whole going up to meet her if I do that she ill prob think it cause I want to exchange gifts or something with her and I dont want to build her up. Also breaking up in person is going to be so ****ing harsh and I know for a fact she will cry and hate me.

Yeah sounds like a bit of a rough situation. If you havn't spoken in over a week why don't you just basically let it lie over christmas and then maybe break it off in January. Seems like the obvious thing to do. She should have a fair idea its coming then as well. Plus if you do it when you are back in uni there's no family hassle etc

Lollipops23

I understand when you say that it has been great,but it's over. At this age people do a lot of growing and changing. I'd say she knows somethings not right,she hasn't even spoken to you in a week. I reckon do it before Xmas, don't have this hanging over both of you all through it. You're not a bad person for wanting to break up,it's just natural. But do try and do it face-to-face, somewhere both neutral and quiet.

biko

Face to face, unless you can't arrange a meeting. Then a phone call.
Is she suspecting anything? If so do it now. If not wait till after Christmas.
m2c

CoffeeAndTV

Joe,

You're best doing it face to face. You might realise when you see her that you still care for her and breaking up isn't what you want at all.

Are your friends influencing your decision? If I'm honest, it sounds like you're breaking up with her because either you're a little bored of her/the parent thing/cba with the 40 mile thing or just that you think you can do better.

The grass is always greener - go up and see her. If you still feel the same when you see her, discuss the problems in the relationship with her and see if it's worth another go. If you decide it isn't then finish it with her and don't attempt any contact with her ever again.

JCDUB

Text her Joe, it'll save the awkward silence etc.

Sure you're broken up already, all the text will do is confirm this with both of you.

Mazeire

j0e wrote: »

Yeah but thats the thing I figure if I do it now she can have christmas with her family and friends and she wont have to see me like everyday so it'ill help her get over it. Her two best friends study in England so she only sees them at holidays.

I undertand where you are coming from but i presume that after a year you will have friends in common yeah? When you break it off there is a chance that some of them will think you're a b*stard. If you break her heart at Christmas and leave her sobbing while looking at the present she bought you, ruining her families Christmas in the process, her family and the majority of your shared friends will think you're a b*stard.
Seriously the only person that will get any benefit out of doing it now is you. You will not only mess up her Christmas but a lot of other peoples by doing it now. Just put on a brave face for another two weeks.

JCDUB

Mazeire wrote: »

her family and the majority of your shared friends will think you're a b*stard.

Her family (well certainly her bigoted father) already think he's a ba*tard.

bright blue eye

What happened between the two of you that you have seen or spoken in a while? Just curious!!

j0e

Just drifted apart liked being on my own, realised I didnt love her realised I wanted to do more things with myself realised I didnt want a relationship. Seen what I could do on my own and how i was being held me back, sounds really horrible I know but its just how I feel. At this point I am 110% certain it is over I think i should do this really soon cause its just dragging around me while I dont

JCDUB: it sounds so easy, and I have close to doing it, but its pretty ****ing horrible to do,

In person will be horrible too and hard to arrange, could be for the best but i think she ill bring her two mates along which could make it 10xtimes harder. Me sitting in starbucks with the 3 of them then I turn to her and say what I have to say finish my coffee and leave. Thats going to be next to impossible.

If im a really pussy ill text, but at this stage I think ill phone that way I can tell her without seeing her and her mates can comfort her.

Sephiroth_dude

Seriously break up with face to face,do not txt her or ring her its bad form these things are better done face to face,3 yrs ago I was going with a girl,I broke up her via txt and im telling ya I regret doing it to this day and I wont ever do it again,its a horrible way to end things and now she hates my guts,rightfully so too.So if your braking up with her buddy,have the balls to do face to face,and best of luck

guydub

Face to Face is the best option. Do not do it over the phone. Show the Girl some respect .

estar

j0e wrote: »

Well I ve been going out with my girlfriend for over a year its been great but its over. I havent talked to her in over a week nor seen her in over 2 weeks had sex in like 3. We both go to the same uni and wont see each other till januray. I want to end it but am really unsure how to do it. I doubt we ill meet up in the coming days weeks due to the fact we live like 40miles away and her parents hate me (never met me but was raised a catholic her father is off a certain order that likes to march etc etc) and there is no way im going to invite her to my house to break up. I dont want to be an asshole but like maybe giving her a phone call could be the only logical option at this point? If i get really cowardly I'd text her but that is super low. Im confused :S

is she ignoring you? why dont you just phone her and speak about it
before just breaking up.

j0e

id say its the oppsite if anything, but im clear of what I want its just the direction I take to get there

muboop1

mate... you say you dont want to make her cry, that you dont want her to hate you...

but if you dont have the decency to say it to her face, that is all the more definate...

after all that time you were together... does she not at least deserve to see your face as you say it? the phone is one of the worst ways you can do this... showing complete disrespect for her and all you experienced together!

you need to do this face to face, yes it will hurt, but it is a sad thing! something you should be able to get sad over! face up to it and do it justice, else you would have to be heartless! you seem to be sayiung you are doing the kinder thing by doing it by phone... but kinder to who? you or her?

most definately her...

all you will show is totaly cowardice and direspect for her...
give her at least that...

LegacyUser

I was broken up with by text a month ago. This thread is making me feel even worse about it!

I understand why he did it like that, even though it's a sucky way to end things. We didn't get to see each other often and like you, he didn't want to meet up just to break up. Say if he had arranged to meet up and didn't let on that anything was up, then I would have been excited to see him, looking forward to spending time together and would've felt awful when I realised he was dumping me. At least he didn't see me cry. He doesn't know how hurt I am, not cause of the text but because we're over, and that's fine by me.

Another failed relationship ended when the guy wanted to meet up to "talk". I rang him and asked him what was going on, dragged it out of him, he wanted to break up. God, this is a bit depressing!

Anywho, if you want to do it face to face, before Christmas doesn't seem like it's gonna work. She'll prob won't know what's coming and will think you're bringing her a special pressie or something. Unless you tell her you're coming out to see her as you "need to talk". She'll probably get the message.

But a text message, it's cold. Most girls wouldn't be as understanding as I am. And breaking up with someone a week before Christmas... ouch! That would ruin my Christmas anyway. Maybe hold off a couple of weeks!

j0e

Well its kinda too late for that, basicly I txted her told her id like to meet up and talk, was told couldnt happen till jan, asked me what was it about. I didnt respond she twigged it all came out turns out both of us where unhappy for months. Feel better its out and done but still a little tinge of pain

Mulan

I broke up with a girl before over the phone. I was still mad about my ex. I knew my ex. was keen to get back together. So I picked up the phone and broke it off. She asked me if it was because of me ex. and I answered yes. She thanked me for being honest, and that was it. I'm now married to my ex. with 2 great kids.

Short story!!

Mulan

Sorry,
My advice would be to ring her and have a chat. If need be, meet up. I wouldn't force the issue.

Good luck

WhiteWashMan

j0e wrote: »

I know for a fact she will cry and hate me.

Yeah, but somehow she will get over you and go out with other people again.
Besides, she may be thinking the exact same thing as you. I mean, if there hasn't been any communication for a few weeks etc, then she may be having the same thoughts.

Just do it. If you don't want the relationship, then don't waste your time or the girls time. And people get hurt in relationships, it's not something you can change. And if she hates you, well, you won't be going out with each other, so it really doesn't matter.

Most importantly though, is do it as soon as possible. Get it out of the way like ripping a band-aid off. The longer you leave it, the more painful and awkward it will be. Especially if she has a xmas pressie for you and you don't have one for her!

The Hill Billy

j0e wrote: »

I txted her told her id like to meet up and talk, was told couldnt happen till jan

j0e - If she can't make the time to see you until January (especially over Christmas) you don't really have a relationship to begin with. Call her, tell her it is over, wish her luck & move on.

bilbo79

j0e wrote: »

If im a really pussy ill text, but at this stage I think ill phone that way I can tell her without seeing her and her mates can comfort her.

E mail her if you dont like using the phone...or leave an answer machine message, then she can play it over and over. thats what she gets for bringing in the 2 mates as back up.

Lollipops23

erm,people he doesn't need to email/ring/meet her now!