Malapropisms. Post yours

Mr. Presentable

** Should have put this in humour. Oops**

Def: Absurd or humorous misuse of a word, especially by confusion with one of similar sound.


From Christopher in The Sopranos
"Why not? Play captains against each other, create a little dysentery in the ranks."

But I want ones you have actually heard, such as two I have heard:

"My husband is so secretive about his job you'd think he was in MFI (MI5)"

"The new windows we got are PCP (for PVC). They really cheer the house up."

jameshayes

My granny was talking about joyriders and she said they we're driving erotically (erratically)


Made me laugh for hours!

Pighead

Pighead doesn't mean to go off on a tandem but isn't this a bit high brow for AH. The loveable dopey fcukers around here won't know what the hell this thread is all about.

jameshayes

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead doesn't mean to go off on a tandem but isn't this a bit high brow for AH. The loveable dopey fcukers around here won't know what the hell this thread is all about.

:eek: lol

ScumLord

YA, I can't even Pronounce that frickin word.

Dave!

I remember when I was young and in the beavers/scouts, I drew a picture and the leader told me that I was "artistic". I went home and told my parents that the leader said I was "artificial" Not funny or anything, but I was actually thinking about recently...

Rob_l

Is this were I buy drugs?

cance

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead doesn't mean to go off on a tandem but isn't this a bit high brow for AH. The loveable dopey fcukers around here won't know what the hell this thread is all about.

i think you are right, by registering your complaint you are raising the hopes of your stupid brethren.

thats why i voted for you as mod for ah, you're all about the idiots.

Agamemnon

"Let's not jump to the wrong concussion."

"The hand is on the other foot now."

Pighead

cance wrote: »

i think you are right, by registering your complaint you are raising the hopes of your stupid brethren.

thats why i voted for you as mod for ah, you're all about the idiots.

Yeah keep it up pal. Any more slanderous words uttered towards Pighead and you'll find yourself up in court on a nasty charge of definition of character.

Rovi

Years ago, an elderly friend was telling us about a relative who had <whisper>cancer</whisper>, and would have to go for 'radial' treatment. :rolleyes:

Dennis the Stone

You could fill this whole thread with malapropisms from Ricky in Trailer Park Boys:


Wikiquote

Rickyisms are malapropisms used by Ricky, one of the main characters on the TV show Trailer Park Boys.

Examples

"Lucy is banging cops which is no big deal I guess. I don't run Lucy she's for to be her own woman" (free to be)
"Lucy might have a problem, but what Lucy doesn't know won't learn her." (hurt)
"Get me two bags of chips Dressed All Over and Zesty Mordant". (All Dressed and Zesty, Mordant is French for Zesty and is a mix-up of reading both languages on the bilingual packaging in Canada)
"Yeah get me some jalapano chips" [pronounced ja-LAP-ano] (jalapeño)
"Worst case Ontario..." (scenario)
"Its basically Peach 'n Cake" (Piece of Cake)
"Supply and Command..." (demand)
"Denial and Error..." (trial)
"Make my words" (Mark)
"Hey Bubs are you watching that documentary on Saskatchewans?" (Sasquatches)
"(While addressing the Judge in court) Thank you your Majesty." (Honour which is still incorrect. In Canada a female judge is to be referred to as My Lady.)
"She's just going through a phrase...." (phase)
"Make like a tree and **** off." (leave)
"I dont wanna say atodaso Julian but atodaso, I ****ing todaso." (told you so)
"It was golfing flames, flames just golfing, golfing." (engulfed in)
"It's a Catch 23 situation." (Catch 22)
"(To Alex Lifeson of Rush) Well play that Diane Sawyer song then." (Tom Sawyer - Rush song)
"This Trailer Park looks like a tropical earthquake blew through here Lahey." (storm)
"We can get 2 birds stoned at once." (kill 2 birds with one stone)
"Why do you look like Indianapolis Jones? (Indiana)
"He passed with flying carpets." (colours)
"It doesn't take rocket appliances." (science)
"It's not rocket appliances" (Brain surgery or Rocket science)
"Trinity's at the age where it's gorilla see gorilla do." (monkey)
"Do you got a search warranty for that?" (warrant)
"I must be fire retarded or something." (retardant)
"I'm not a pezmist, I'm an optometrist. (Pessimist, Optimist)
"These plates got me from Tuscany, Arizona to Kentville, Nova Scotia." (Tucson) - Ray, Ricky's Dad
"I'll drive you back to the park Lucy but there is probably a pretty good chance that it might be over between us" (Ricky uses a triple conditional, just one would be sufficient)
"If my dad and Julian and Bubbles hadn't had been out all night getting lap-dances and getting drunk, the whole thing could have been preventative". (prevented)
"To be honest with you I ****ing hate bagmitten. I mean I played it in jail but thats because you can't smoke which is ****ed. So to take your mind off the cigarettes you play sports." (badminton)
"Breaker, Breaker come in earth. This is Rocketship 27, some aliens ****ed over the carbinator in engine number four, we are going to try to re****ulate it and land on Juniper". (carburator, repair, Jupiter)
"That's not a ladybug. That's a cannerpillar. (caterpillar)
"How to get Buhurbon stains out of Kahayki pants" (Bourbon, Khaki)
"One man's garbage is another man person's good ungarbage". ("One man's garbage is another man's treasure")
"Au gratin" (gratis, free; au gratin is with cheese)
"I surance" (Insurance)
"Swallow my prize" (pride)
"Neither here, there, and everywhere" (Neither here nor there)
"Boys, let's make toast" (Let's toast)
"There's no lurches in there Bubbles is there?" (leeches)
"I know what you're doing, Lahey, you're trying to fill my feet." (fill my shoes)
"You gotta remember, every kid goes through phrases." (phases)
"What Julian don't grow won't burn him". (know, hurt)
"Nice decnals!" (decals)
"I'm sorry to yell at you guys, i'm just ****ing stretched out!" (stressed)
"I don't need your cherry trees." (charity)
"What if he has radies." (rabies)
"Supply and command." (demand)
"What comes around is all around" (What goes around comes around)
"Do you own space? No. Nay-saw does." (Incorrectly pronounces NASA)
"Do unto others as you do unto you." (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you)
"One day I will go somewhere that is hot, like Majaica or the Dromedary Republic" (Jamaica, Dominican Republic)
"Trinity made a life-ing thing basically out of this chicken. Started with a little eggy thing, and heated it up under these incu-baker things, and it ... it was bornt." (incubator, born)
"We'll split it 50/50/50"
(To Trevor and Cory) "Well I'd like for you two to come with us but it's clear to see who makes the pants here." (wears the pants)
"I hate to have to give you an ultimarium" (ultimatum)
"That's what they are Julian... Raykens.. ****in' Raykens" (racoons)
"I'm not working for J-Roc, thats against my vice principles" (principles)
"Three months, that's pretty good for whores." (in reference to Ray's jail sentence for solicitation of prostitution)
"What the **** do them clothes them doin there?" (...are those clothes doing there?)
"Bubbles, I don't want any rich peopleman's food, I want some ****in meat that's cooked" (people)
"It's survival of the fitness, boys" (fittest)
"If Randy thinks he's smartiner than me, he's wrong." (smarter)
"You gotta do illegal things once in a while, and then maturinate into a better person." (mature)
"Your thoughts might be better than mine, but I have thoughts going around in my head too about...different thinkings...about brain things that you can use and...doing different things."
(To ****ty Bill) "Take a shower for ****'s sake! You look like a hobolo!" (hobo)
(To Randy) "**** off Randy and go get some hypo-suction" (liposuction)
Credulance
Ricky: (yelling for Jacob) ****-goofs!
Bubbles: Ricky, do they really respond to "****-goofs?"
Ricky: Yeah.
Bubbles: *awkward look* ****-goofs!
"Holy ****, you got us a limit-zine?" (Limousine)

Ruu_Old

Biology class in secondary school, a chap sitting beside me.

*looking confused at picture of virus on the blackboard* "...but that woman on telly had an organism!" :eek:

cance

Ruu wrote: »

*looking confused at picture of virus on the blackboard* "...but that woman on telly had an organism!" :eek:

Mr. Presentable

DaveMcG wrote: »

I remember when I was young and in the beavers/scouts, I drew a picture and the leader told me that I was "artistic". I went home and told my parents that the leader said I was "artificial" Not funny or anything, but I was actually thinking about recently...

Go on, you really said you were "autistic", didn't you?

jameshayes

nipplenuts wrote: »

Go on, you really said you were "autistic", didn't you?

was gonna say it but didn't have the courage!

Dennis the Stone

Only saw that you wanted ones from us now, sorry

LadyJ

I used to say "Satanic Gardens" instead of "Botanic Gardens" when I was small.

smokingman

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead doesn't mean to go off on a tandem but isn't this a bit high brow for AH. The loveable dopey fcukers around here won't know what the hell this thread is all about.

I see what you did there - very funny but you're not standing up for the stupids really though, just looking down on their poor ignorance.....bless.

Pighead

smokingman wrote: »

I see what you did there - very funny but you're not standing up for the stupids really though, just looking down on their poor ignorance.....bless.

You've got Pighead all wrong buddy. Maybe the post sounded like it was demeaning of the stupids but really it was meant affectionately.

But fair enough, Pighead admits he may have made a mistake with regards getting his point across. Just remember, Pighead makes mistakes too, he's not inflammable.

smokingman

Pighead wrote: »

You've got Pighead all wrong buddy. Maybe the post sounded like it was demeaning of the stupids but really it was meant affectionately.

But fair enough, Pighead admits he may have made a mistake with regards getting his point across. Just remember, Pighead makes mistakes too, he's not inflammable.

You're so bumble.

Mr. Presentable

Pighead wrote: »

You've got Pighead all wrong buddy. Maybe the post sounded like it was demeaning of the stupids but really it was meant affectionately.

But fair enough, Pighead admits he may have made a mistake with regards getting his point across. Just remember, Pighead makes mistakes too, he's not inflammable.

Or is he?

http://www.rte.ie/news/2007/1217/pigs.html

Slow Motion

Not strictly a malapropism, but my brother once referred to someone as, "As short as two thick planks that one!"

Pighead

nipplenuts wrote: »

Or is he?

http://www.rte.ie/news/2007/1217/pigs.html

Thats what happens when you don't invest in fire distinguishers.

Alanstrainor

My physics teacher in sixth year, tried to say "the acoustics in here are terrible". but said : "The autistics in here are terrible" We laughed for a whole week straight.

Alan

One of my mates has 2 of the best ones ever.....

"And Tom Jones comes walking out swinging a microwave"....(microphone)

and, referring to another one of the lads who was chatting up some birds in town...

"look at him, he reckons he's a regular Casablanca"

Red Hand

How many of ye pronounce the Bogeyman as the Boogeyman (as in the dance)?

Thats how it was pronounced when I was young and unfortunately, thats how I pronounce it now-which seems to conjure up an image of a 7 foot tall hairy monster in platform shoes and an afro.

Karoma

There have been threads alon these lines recently enough, Piggy. Don't knock it. ¬_¬


Damned if I can think of many examples off-hand but I remember the laughs when a girl in secondary school made the orgasm / organism mistake; quite a common one I should imagine.

/wanders off to read overheardindublin.com

pljudge321

In sixth class our teacher asked what the troubles in the north were about.

The response delivered in all honesty;

"It was a fight between the catholics and the prostitutes"

Mr. Presentable

Deleted User wrote: »

"look at him, he reckons he's a regular Casablanca"

Best one for me so far. LOL

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

was discussing an episode of star trek with a few friends at school years ago, and a friend of mine who was trying to be heard over the din said, loud enough 'and then they had to ejaculate the warp core'.

course, in keeping with the laws of physics the building quitened down just as he was saying it.

tech77

smokingman wrote: »

I see what you did there - very funny but you're not standing up for the stupids really though, just looking down on their poor ignorance.....bless.

Can't believe it took so long to spot Pighead's (deliberate?) malapropism.
Pighead may have a point about AH.

And yeah i'm sure it was deliberate as well, Pighead doesn't make mistakes

Pompey Magnus

I used to think Ouija Boards were called "Luigi Boards".

Pherekydes

Very popular (lately - for obvious reasons): Kris Kindle.

It's Kringle, obviously, seeing as the man is known as Kris Kringle.

Mordeth

Mordeth wrote: »

was discussing an episode of star trek with a few friends at school years ago, and a friend of mine who was trying to be heard over the din said, loud enough 'and then they had to ejaculate the warp core'.

course, in keeping with the laws of physics the building quitened down just as he was saying it.

Haha, love that one:D

LadyJ

Slow coach wrote: »

Very popular (lately - for obvious reasons): Kris Kindle.

It's Kringle, obviously, seeing as the man is known as Kris Kringle.

Kris Kindle actually is what the ritual is called though it can be called Kris Kringle.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_Santa

l3LoWnA

My gran goes to the "saloon" to get her hair done! I think it's cute Everytime she mentions it I picture clint eastwood coming through the swinging doors, pistol in hand and whipping his hat off for a shave and trim!

l3LoWnA

LadyJ wrote: »

Kris Kindle actually is what the ritual is called though it can be called Kris Kringle.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_Santa

+1

Kris Kringle
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Kris Kringle may refer to:
an American (mis-)pronunciation of Christkindl or Christkindel, the German Christmas gift-bringer

Pherekydes

l3LoWnA wrote: »

+1

Kris Kringle
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Kris Kringle may refer to:
an American (mis-)pronunciation of Christkindl or Christkindel, the German Christmas gift-bringer

Sh!t, you learn something new every day. Thanks, ladies.

Stephen P

I've heard the word waiver been pronounced "weever" and "wafter"

KingOfFairview

when I was about 8 I wanted a viewmaster (http://www.cbs.umn.edu/ic/equipment/images/viewmaster.jpg) as a present, but through massive confusion asked for a masturbator instead (I must have heard the word at school)

GhostInTheRuins

In school years ago we had to design a fake brand and present it to the class. One group designed an exotic fruit drink and one of the lads described it as "Delicious erotic flavour", cue the teachers and class rolling about the place