How do I get over her?

LegacyUser

Will keep this brief.
Have been married for years and have children. Like most marriages we have had our ups and downs but the relationship still shows the scars.
Last year under unusual circumstances I was placed in regular & close contact with a female friend of my wife. TBH I had admired this woman for years but it was no more than admiration. During this period of regular contact we got to know each other very well and there was a mutual attraction. Nothing physical happened. One evening we talked untill nearly 4am. She told me how she sometimes wished we had met when we were both single. I found myself wishing the same. We found we had a lot in common. I told her I had admired her for years and thought she was an absolute cracker. Then there was a moment when she brought her face close to mine and looked in my eyes. I wanted to kiss her (and all the rest) but something stopped me. The following day she approached me and said that she had almost done something very foolish the night before and that perhaps we should limit our contact in future as I was married and she was just out of being married. We made unspoken arrangements to avoid each other and this worked for 18 months. I thought about her every day.
I accidently bumped into her recently and we talked for a short while. That spark is still there and I think it's mutual. We went our seperate ways.
I still think about her, I wish I didn't. I am being dishonest with my wife and it hurts.
How do I get over this woman? I have thrown myself into work (made a lot of cash). Voluntary work, joined a club, a gym, took up a new hobby - but I still have sleepless nights thinking about her. How do I move on? Should I leave my marriage, throw caution to the wind and pursue this woman? I just dont know anymore.

warrenaldo

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Cathmandooo

There's no guarantee that it'll ever work out with this woman. you could royally shoot yourself in the foot and mess up your life by dumping your wife and kids.

Anyones life can get a little boring and predictable. Re-ignite the spark with your wife. Surprise her with a weekend away, sit her down when the kids have gone to bed and just talk to her for hours, tell her how much she means to you, put the effort in and you might just realise how lucky you are!

tbh

You choose to think about her. You can choose not to.

Dizzyblonde

Cathooo wrote: »

Anyones life can get a little boring and predictable. Re-ignite the spark with your wife. Surprise her with a weekend away, sit her down when the kids have gone to bed and just talk to her for hours, tell her how much she means to you, put the effort in and you might just realise how lucky you are!

Exactly. You need to invest in your relationship with your wife - if it's dull then you're 50% to blame. You could end up very lonely if you lose your family in the pursuit of this other woman.

Marksie

Have you worked on your marriage issues?

Are they resolving or not?

How do you feel about your wife and have you tried to reconnect to her?

Are you sure these feelings you have for the other person are "real" or just a case of having what you can't have?.

Does the other woman have feelings for you or were you reading more into things?

What will be the ramifications if you leave your wife?

Are you prepared to weather the storm of a marriage break-up?

If you stay married will you fail to fulfill who you both are i.e you and your wife.

These are some of the questions you ask yourself. I am not going to say yes or no, because no-one but yourselves knows whats going on.
Advice here will vary greatly, but in the end its your choice. Think all of everything through carefully and consciously.

Then decide
I