help

whattodo??

Over the weekend my bf took an overdose-due to work/personal issues. I was the one who found him went to the hospital and stsyed there for the weekend with him, but over the weekend i found out a few things that have me questioning our relationship (we've been together 3yrs).

Firstly it seems he'd been telling people that we had broken up-i thought thing were going pretty good...

Secondly i saw on his computer he's been on chatrooms, exchanging pics/videos with other girls, asked him about it but he said it was just harmless fun and i didnt want to push it with him. But in my opinion it wasn't harmless....because he been real depressed lately i thought that was why he seemed to have less interest then usual in me but obviously he's just been getting it online.

Now i'm not sure where our relationship is going, can i ask him for a break when he's so unstable?? Or is it that he wants one too but hasn't the courage to say so???

biko

Perhaps he was going to break up with you? Anyway, wait for him to at least leave the hospital. Then have a serious sit down with him. Maybe even break up.

whattodo??

well no he sent a text accidently to my phone which said "after getting beck with the gf"

Dreamer 7

Wow, what a horrible thing to go through, do you want a break? Chatting online etc can be a way of boosting low self confidence without having to meet in person so this may be a symptom of his depression rather than actually wanting to cheat on you.
As for telling people that you were broken up, in his mind maybe he thought it was imminent anyway and wanted to save face?? Or maybe he thought u would find out about the online stuff and you would dump him anyway??
You need to sit down together for a good chat although he may not be up to it just yet.
If you love him, give him the time and suport he needs to get over this, even as a friend before you make any decisions about your relationships future

Best of luck OP

Marksie

OK.
My first question is going to be: How are you feeling of yourself? are you OK?

Advice in this situation is pretty limited. All his behaviour may simply be symptoms of a major underlying issue.

What is obvious is that he has been unable to communicate this to you and its built up until he has made a drastic call for help.

I am not suggesting for one minute that this lack of communication is down to you. But it is there none-the-less.

He will probably need to see professional help to begin working through what has happened and more importantly why. You will have to talk to him at some point as to the whys of this adn it will need you to be open and prepared.

You may not like what you hear, but it probably needs to be fully aired.

whattodo??

We have been communicating about the major issues what caused this, it seemed all along that he couldn't communicate to members of his family properly.

yes he is going to get professional help and i am prepared to talk to him openly, and to hear what he has to say, but i have a lot to say too but i not sure when i can bring it all up or if it will upset him

Marksie

Well you shuld bring it up at some point. But maybe when he is most stable.

But how are your coping?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I dont mean to sound harsh when writing this, but whats happened is terrible and in fairness its all been turned round and now everyone will be looking to/at you for answers.

You found out recently that your boyfriend was seeking extra solice from chatrooms, texting etc he might have even been seeing someone else. But, i think he deep down he doesnt wanna lose you and he's taken this drastic action.

However, this is a form of emotional blackmail - you will prob be thinking how will people think if you break up, they will be talking and thinking your the cause etc.

I feel for you in this situation, as now its you that has to be strong. But dont forget how you are feeling and plz question everything in your relation before staying with this man.
Simply ask yourself, before this situation, would his actions have caused you to break-up?

Also, you found him, plz take time to find and speak to someone professional about this tramatic event....you will need to find a way to overcome that memory.

I wish you every happiness, whichever route you take.

Sean

Miss Fluff

Poor you, must be so upsetting for you. You said he has been really depressed, this culminated in an overdose. He evidently needs to get specialist care (following a proper diagnosis) so I'd be inclined to talk to him when this has been sorted. He may have some serious psychogical condition which has only manifested itself now for example but you can't be sure. Bide your time until he gets seen to and then discuss it properly. His depression may have isolated him to an extent where the chatroom stuff was merely light relief, again you can't be sure. 3 years is a long time to be with him and it must be particularly difficult for you that you didn't know that his depression was to such an extent. Like I say, bide your time for now and discuss it later.

whattodo??

thank you all for your kind words. i've felt so alone, confused and upset all weekend.

I guess biding my time t wait until he can talk properly is the best option

padser

whattodo?? wrote: »

Over the weekend my bf took an overdose-due to work/personal issues

whattodo?? wrote: »

Now i'm not sure where our relationship is going, can i ask him for a break

No I'v seen some posts on PI that have disgusted me with their level of self centredness and pure selfishness but this one really takes the biscuit. At least give the poor guy time to get out of hospital FFS.

MagicMarker

padser wrote: »

No I'v seen some posts on PI that have disgusted me with their level of self centredness and pure selfishness but this one really takes the biscuit. At least give the poor guy time to get out of hospital FFS.

Try reading the whole post.

estar

people can do very strange things when upset and also be very selfish

if hes upset enough to want to take an overdose, he probably falls into this category.

for now, if you can, support him as a friend. let him recover before you
lay any of the talk on him. pressure of any kind is not going to get you
the answers you want, or put him in the frame of mind to recover.

if he is suffering from emotional stress of the level to take an overdose he
is not going to be able to empathise with how unfeeling he has been to you just yet. perhaps you are angry and have a right to be, but now is probably not the time.

tritium

padser wrote: »

No I'v seen some posts on PI that have disgusted me with their level of self centredness and pure selfishness but this one really takes the biscuit. At least give the poor guy time to get out of hospital FFS.

TBH the OP seems to be the least selfish person in this whole situation!

Personally, and I realise this sounds harsh, I'd usually be telling the OP to ditch the guy for his behaviour, overdose or not! Given the time of year though, and given that the b/f seems to be lucky enough to have a girlfriend that really cares about him and his problems, I'd advise the sit down and work it through once he's on his feet approach.

That said, this kind of situation can easily become emotional blackmail OP. Be very clear before you sit down with him what you expect from your future, and what sacrifices you are and are not willing to make. Its very easy to get trapped in a relationship with someone whose behaviour has you emotionally pinned to the floor

Lollipops23

padser wrote: »

No I'v seen some posts on PI that have disgusted me with their level of self centredness and pure selfishness but this one really takes the biscuit. At least give the poor guy time to get out of hospital FFS.

Good lord,this girl is going through a rough enough time as it is without you laying into her. I can only imagine how she must be feeling after the trauma of finding her bf in that state AND realising he had been hiding the extent of his depression from her. Give her a break. She has every right to have confused feelings,as well as fear,worry and distress. And the FYI the fact that her BF tried to do this to himself could be construed as selfish(not by me, I reckon he's going through some pretty horrible stuff at the min)

OP, I hope you're doing ok and taking good care of yourself.

whattodo??

padser wrote: »

No I'v seen some posts on PI that have disgusted me with their level of self centredness and pure selfishness but this one really takes the biscuit. At least give the poor guy time to get out of hospital FFS.

Padser- i dont think you have any idea what i have been through with this guy, i have asked for some outside advice as i am totally confused and don't see why that is a problem to you???