Boooorrrrrrreeeeeeeeedddddddd

Feelgood

Completely and utterly bored sh1teless here lads, someone amuse me

I need

a) A good story or joke
b) A brainteaser
c) Someone to shout abuse at me and call me names
d) Someone to talk dirty to me....
e) A simple go f**k yourself might even do the trick..

aidan_walsh

e)

Feelgood

aidan_walsh wrote: »

e)

Thanks dude, really appreciate you taking the time out...

Pighead

Hmmm Feelgood eh. Your username is an anagram of Gee Flood which reminds me of the wonderful sex Pighead had with your mother last weekend. Lovely woman, lovely gee.

Mr. Presentable

Pighead wrote: »

Hmmm Feelgood eh. Your username is an anagram of Gee Flood which reminds me of the wonderful sex Pighead had with your mother last weekend. Lovely woman, lovely gee.

Aaah. Ham in a kebab. Tasty

The Novacastrian

muck, mud, silage...other dirty things

assh*le, D*ckhead, w*nker

OR

try this, great for boredom, but you may have seen it before

http://www.teclasap.com.br/sapserver/puzzle/

Feelgood

And Pighead your name is an anagram of Heap Dig which I'm pretty sure is some sort of farming term somewhere in the west of Ireland...

and also "Head" which your sister most gracefully offered to me last evening, and "gip" which proceeded to shoot over your sisters face after a rather amateur head session..


I'll tell me ma you were asking for her..

The Dudette

My mate used to pick me up after work in a green Clio....one evening, it was p*ssing rain, dull and harder to see without my glasses and a green Clio pulled up right where she normally would.

I see a girl in the driver seat, open the door and climb into the back of the car with two heavy shopping bags....

It was not my mate, the girl looked terrified and so I proceeded to get scramble out of the car mumbling my apologies....

Then had to wait remotely near the poor girl, for my friend to arrive.

Oh the mortification!

arybvtcw0eolkf

Feelgood wrote: »

Completely and utterly bored sh1teless here lads, someone amuse me

I need

a) A good story or joke
b) A brainteaser
c) Someone to shout abuse at me and call me names
d) Someone to talk dirty to me....
e) A simple go f**k yourself might even do the trick..

Well I was bored the other day and so went out and bought myself a new Sony 42" Bravia LCD TV and a Sony home threatre system. In a few minutes I'm going to rock the house with another deadly movie.

If your REALLY bored I can PM you all the latest text jokes about a certain dead celebrity junkie, but their a little sick.

ScumLord

One of our local postmen is an ex-legionnaire, he's supposed to be a hard core, black belt, super fit military dude. I've been wondering how seriously he takes he's job as a postman and would he deliver a package at any costs. I need a handful of terrorists/mercenaries to try and hijack he's post van to see what he's reaction would be. Unless you can think of a better way to get a reaction out of him?

arybvtcw0eolkf

ScumLord wrote: »

One of our local postmen is an ex-legionnaire, he's supposed to be a hard core, black belt, super fit military dude.

Apart from the postman bit I'm all of the above.

Would you hire me to do a hit on him?.

(Oh, I'm ex-FCA if thats any good )

togster

ScumLord wrote: »

One of our local postmen is an ex-legionnaire, he's supposed to be a hard core, black belt, super fit military dude. I've been wondering how seriously he takes he's job as a postman and would he deliver a package at any costs. I need a handful of terrorists/mercenaries to try and hijack he's post van to see what he's reaction would be. Unless you can think of a better way to get a reaction out of him?

Stoned?

ScumLord

Mairt wrote: »

Apart from the postman bit I'm all of the above.

Would you hire me to do a hit on him?.

(Oh, I'm ex-FCA if thats any good )

Excellent. Would be a youth vs experience battle royal. Will you work for peanuts.

My moneys still on the legionnaire there supposed to be truly hardcore. And he's a postman.

togster

Mairt wrote: »

Apart from the postman bit I'm all of the above.

Would you hire me to do a hit on him?.

(Oh, I'm ex-FCA if thats any good )

Im sure the job requires a bit of discretion...:rolleyes:

marcsignal

Here's a joke for you OP

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling , and the 86-year-old said ,"Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc ?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.
He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang , bang'. Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied , "My point exactly."

arybvtcw0eolkf

togster wrote: »

Im sure the job requires a bit of discretion...:rolleyes:

What?.

Feelgood

The Dudette wrote: »

My mate used to pick me up after work in a green Clio....one evening, it was p*ssing rain, dull and harder to see without my glasses and a green Clio pulled up right where she normally would.

I see a girl in the driver seat, open the door and climb into the back of the car with two heavy shopping bags....

It was not my mate, the girl looked terrified and so I proceeded to get scramble out of the car mumbling my apologies....

Then had to wait remotely near the poor girl, for my friend to arrive.

Oh the mortification!

So what your saying is you have a habit of getting into cars with complete strangers??..

PM me for my Reg Number....

RosieJoe

Buy yourself a copy of Hello magazine, free Pearl Necklace with every issue this month

pinksoir

simply this:

http://www.fugly.com/media/view.php?cat=DOWNLOADS&id=709

classic time waster.

philstar

marcsignal wrote: »

Here's a joke for you OP

The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied , "My point exactly."

aaahh i get it now, took me a while

its a naughty joke;) (beaver tee hee)

Feelgood

RosieJoe wrote: »

Buy yourself a copy of Hello magazine, free Pearl Necklace with every issue this month

Hmmmmm free sex toys??.

RxQueen

:mad: i have be giving this quiz to win and ipod

how many four letters words or more can you make out of the word TOPFLIGHT?

i can only get to, im simple help greatly needed!!

Feelgood

emo!! wrote: »

:mad: i have be giving this quiz to win and ipod

how many four letters words or more can you make out of the word TOPFLIGHT?

i can only get to, im simple help greatly needed!!

FILO
FLIP
FLIT
FLOG
FLOP
FOIL
GIFT
GILT
GOLF
GLOP
HILT
HOLT
LIFT
LOFT
LOTH
LOTI
PHOT
PITH
PLOT
THIO
TILT
TOFT
TOIL
TOIT
TOPH
TOPI


Next.............:)

marcsignal

emo!! wrote: »

:mad: i have be giving this quiz to win and ipod

how many four letters words or more can you make out of the word TOPFLIGHT?

i can only get to, im simple help greatly needed!!

FLIGHT
FIGHT
TILT
FLOG
TIGHT
PLIGHT
PLOT

thats all i can find for now

RxQueen

im impressed! how both this one i cant do this either

Maurice and gary are working here 7 years marurice is older than gary , when maurice is twice his current age , gary will be 51, what age is gary and maurice now??

RxQueen

marcsignal wrote: »

FLIGHT
FIGHT
TILT
FLOG
TIGHT
PLIGHT
PLOT

thats all i can find for now

thanks:D

Oh oh oh!

How many fingers am I holding up?

marcsignal

Feelgood wrote: »

FILO
FLIP
FLIT
FLOG
FLOP
FOIL
GIFT
GILT
GOLF
GLOP
HILT
HOLT
LIFT
LOFT
LOTH
LOTI
PHOT
PITH
PLOT
THIO
TILT
TOFT
TOIL
TOIT
TOPH
TOPI


Next.............:)

F*CK ME ?? I feel like burning my previous post now

Feelgood

emo!! wrote: »

:mad: i have be giving this quiz to win and ipod

how many four letters words or more can you make out of the word TOPFLIGHT?

i can only get to, im simple help greatly needed!!

4 or more.....

FIGHT
FILTH
FLIGHT
LIGHT
LITHO
PILOT
PLIGHT
THIOL
TIGHT
TILTH

That was fun!.

Feelgood

Deleted User wrote: »

Oh oh oh!

How many fingers am I holding up?

TWO - as you are taking option "E" - Go Fu*k yourself....:D

Feelgood

Feelgood wrote: »

4 or more.....

LITHO


That was fun!.

Note this is refering to making prints by lithography, and not describing and Eastern Europeans...

Feelgood

Feelgood wrote: »

TWO - as you are taking option "E" - Go Fu*k yourself....:D

Ha! No!

It was three! Your turn!

ScumLord

pinksoir wrote: »

simply this:

http://www.fugly.com/media/view.php?cat=DOWNLOADS&id=709

classic time waster.

Me Heart!

Feelgood

pinksoir wrote: »

simply this:

http://www.fugly.com/media/view.php?cat=DOWNLOADS&id=709

classic time waster.

Think I just soiled myself.....:(

pinksoir

lol

one of the greatest videos of all time features that game! I'd post it in the cool videos section, but it's more appropriate here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFN-liGURPI

enjoy.

Pherekydes

Feelgood wrote: »

Completely and utterly bored sh1teless here lads, someone amuse me

I need

a) A good story or joke
b) A brainteaser
c) Someone to shout abuse at me and call me names
d) Someone to talk dirty to me....
e) A simple go f**k yourself might even do the trick..

a) Why don't married men go to hell? Coz you can't go there twice.

b) Suppose we have an unknown number of objects. When counted in threes, 2 are left over, when counted in fives, 3 are left over, and when counted in sevens, 2 are left over. How many objects are there?

c) Get back to work, you lazy waster!

d) Go wash yourself, will ya?

e) Now be off with you.

One Cold Hand

Feelgood wrote: »

Completely and utterly bored sh1teless here lads,

As a wise man once said: only boring people get bored.....

One Cold Hand

Slow coach wrote: »

b) Suppose we have an unknown number of objects. When counted in threes, 2 are left over, when counted in fives, 3 are left over, and when counted in sevens, 2 are left over. How many objects are there?

23.

Feelgood

One Cold Hand wrote: »

As a wise man once said: only boring people get bored.....

As another wise man once said: He who has cold hands quite possibly has Buerger's disease.

Quality

Why does santa have such a big sack???

Quality

Cause he only comes once a year

Ba dum dum dum

Feelgood

Quality wrote: »

Why does santa have such a big sack???

Well most likely because he has got lots of toys to deliver to lots of kids?, I mean a normal type rucksack like any of the ones listed here,
http://www.edirectory.ie/ir/10000/default/rid/190
probably wouldn't just have the capacity for Santa's needs, saying that
however given the very high velocity and altitudes that Santa travels at,
such a bag might just provide the proper protection for said toys.

I think the main question we should be asking is why does Santa even use a sack at all when they are so many more feasible options, such as the use of a Boeing 747 or the new Airbus A380 cargo liners, while not as environmental friendly as reindeer they would probably allow Santa to travel at slightly faster speeds while also carrying twice as much items than that of the usual 'sack' method, thus allow Santa to get the job done over twice as fast.

I think someone really needs to sit down with Santa and Mrs. Claus and review the requirements documentation here and create a decent uptodate project plan, as you can all probably imagine he is using legacy procedures..

RxQueen

Feelgood wrote: »

Well most likely because he has got lots of toys to deliver to lots of kids?, I mean a normal type rucksack like any of the ones listed here,
http://www.edirectory.ie/ir/10000/default/rid/190
probably wouldn't just have the capacity for Santa's needs, saying that
however given the very high velocity and altitudes that Santa travels at,
such a bag might just provide the proper protection for said toys.

I think the main question we should be asking is why does Santa even use a sack at all when they are so many more feasible options, such as the use of a Boeing 747 or the new Airbus A380 cargo liners, while not as environmental friendly as reindeer they would probably allow Santa to travel at slightly faster speeds while also carrying twice as much items than that of the usual 'sack' method, thus allow Santa to get the job done over twice as fast.

I think someone really needs to sit down with Santa and Mrs. Claus and review the requirements documentation here and create a decent uptodate project plan, as you can all probably imagine he is using legacy procedures..

ROFL!:D, great post!

Quality

Right //////////// What came first


the chicken


or



the egg?

Feelgood

Quality wrote: »

Right //////////// What came first
the chicken
or
the egg?

Or even more importantly.....

The Man

or

The Woman...

RxQueen

Feelgood wrote: »

Or even more importantly.....

The Man

or

The Woman...

it was adam before eve in the storybook

Feelgood

emo!! wrote: »

it was adam before eve in the storybook

Ha the storybook....well said....greatest selling science fiction novel known to man...:rolleyes:

RxQueen

ill edit that for you :::Ha the storybook....well said....greatest selling science fiction novel known to man and woman!:D

Ballerina

emo!! wrote: »

im impressed! how both this one i cant do this either

Maurice and gary are working here 7 years marurice is older than gary , when maurice is twice his current age , gary will be 51, what age is gary and maurice now??

this is killing me,whats the answer????

RxQueen

the answer is 22 asked the maths forum for help. god i know how you feel it was bugging me to!

Feelgood

Ballerina wrote: »

this is killing me,whats the answer????

Yeah I know....I specifically said "Brain teaser" not "Brain Melter"...