Kissing virgin...

JasMatthews

I'm a virgin, but more than that I'm a kissing virgin. An eighteen year old kissing virgin. When I was younger, I made the respectable, but in hindsight somewhat foolish decision to wait out for the right person. When I was younger I got lots of offers to "be with" girls. I waited, but it just never felt like the right time or person. By the time I got to first year, everyone I knew had been kissed before. As time went on, my desire to wait for the right girl was quickly superceded by my desire to kiss any girl. I found myself feeling left out, feeling different from everyone else. Flash forward a few years, and I'm in the not-so-enviable position of being half way through my first year of college without even having kissed anybody else. Most of my friends, wheter from college or home, have not only kissed many girls, but slept with at least one. I want to just get what must seem to everyone else like the small hurdle of kissing my first girl, but it's hard. If I ever do succeed in getting a girlfriend, the big bundle of nerves that I am, do I tell her the humiliating fact that I've never kissed another girl, or do I simply wait until we kiss for her to find out(or to simply think I'm an averagely-experienced but just terrible kisser)? It'd be embarassing to finish college being a virgin, never mind never having kissed someone. I'd definitely like to wait for the right person when it comes to sex, but what am I meant to do when it comes to kissing? Is there anyone else on the board of a similar age in a similar predicament, or anyone else who was of a similar age before they got their first kiss? I know some people might just come on here and call me lame or whatever, but I plan to ignore what you have to say if there's nothing valuable in it. I also know there are those who'll say "Don't worry, it'll happen when it's meant to happen!". A "Keep the faith" type message. Well, I've been keeping the faith for well over six years now, and it seems the more I keep the faith, the less likely I am to receive a miracle as a result.

star-pants

Hey OP -- listen it's rather normal - I didn't get my first proper kiss until I was 18.. and the guy had to try a few times because I'd wuss out (basically same as you, fear of being crap/not knowing what to do). He asked what was up - I was very embarrassed but explained my situation, that I was very nervous etc. He told me all I need to was relax, and that he might catch me when I'm least expecting it lol.
Anyway, a few tries (including dates) later - he got me - and all you do is go with it, surprisingly it comes natural if you like the person you're with the rhythm will just come along. And then there's just practise after that (ie lots more kissing)

I totally understand where you're coming from, I wasn't ready until then, and noone should do anything until they're ready just because 'all your friends have'. Most of my friends had kissed bf/gfs by then but I didn't care too much because it's what feels right for you. I don't mind saying it was another 5yrs before I did something else too (when it felt right).

Should never be a rush to kiss (or more) with someone, it should be whatever comes naturally / feels comfortable for you. Everyone has their first time - definitely nothing to be embarrassed about.

kowloon

Would'nt worry about kissing experience, there aren't any courses in kissing theory as far as i know, just dont go flapping your tongue about like a bird caught in a football net and nobody will know the difference.

deaddonkey

fwiw, i was 20, and it was well worth the wait. it's not unusual, i don't think so anyway.

spurious

Don't half choke her by plunging your tongue in as far as you can.
Most unpleasant to be on the end of.

Dave!

The term is "frigid"

Gumbyman

DaveMcG wrote: »

The term is "frigid"

I'm sure this post was particularly helpful to the OP.

OP - don't worry about it. Think of it like this - surely you have kissed somebody on the cheek before so you know how to do the physical action. Some of the best kisses are this exact same thing, just on the lips. Just prolongue this a little with no tongue and then you've had your first kiss. After a few of these a little experiment with tongue for the French effect. It is surprisingly natural. If she sticks her tongue in your mouth then so be it. Enjoy. I remember my first time and I was petrified. You will be fine. Get the first one over with. Beer might help!

The Dudette

I must say I agree, I was terrified at the thought of my first kiss, it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong runs through your mind at the exact same moment! However, when it did finally happen, it was the most natural thing in the world, kinda like "How come I haven't been doing this before?" and I realised there is in fact NO big deal to kissing! Honestly, you have nothing to worry about, no one will know whether you've kissed 0 or 100 girls

Beruthiel

DaveMcG wrote: »

The term is "frigid"

Dave
You're here long enough to know better.
Helpful comments only or refrain.
B

dirtydress

I know it doesnt sound like the most "respectable" thing...but you say you're in college so why not go out on a society night out or something (im sure there are loads this time of year) and just get with some random person? People often drink too much and might be more willing and then you can have it over with and know that they were probably too tipsy to notice if you "did it right" or not? At least you would have that burden of never having done it off your mind?

Drift

Hey OP .... you're way off my record yet I was 23 the first time I kissed a girl. (you've got 5 whole years to beat that yet; 30% on to your current life!) I was a bit like you in that I didn't take opportunities when I was young and it became a monkey on my back.

The good news is it's nothing to worry about. It WILL happen, and more than likely it'll happen when you least expect it to. In my case a girl pretty much launched herself at me and I was a good 30 seconds kissing her before my brain even got the chance to register "oh hang a minute this is my first kiss what the hell should I be doing." Kissing is not the big deal that the soppy romance films make it out to be. It's two people locking their lips and sometimes slipping the tongue in. Any eejit can do it to a half decent level and with the drunken state of most people (especially those your age) in pubs and clubs a half decent level is all that will happen first time anyway.

As to whether to tell the girl or not; it depends on your situation. If it's a randomer who you've just met then I wouldn't bother - just fire ahead and follow her lead. If its someone on a date then you can tell them if you feel like it and I doubt she'll think any worse of you. If she does she's not worth it. If you don't tell her in advance she may or may not realise it's your first time (probably not if you play it cool). I started shaking like a leaf so she kinda guessed in my case.

Key Points:
1. Relax you've 60-70 years left in you yet. You won't die without kissing anyone.

2. If you're relaxed and happy about yourself the girls will be all over you and even if you don't try to kiss any of them one will eventually try to kiss you.

3. You can speed up the process by chatting up randomers in pubs and clubs if it's your thing or getting to know girls outside the drinking culture and inviting them out of dates.

4. Kissing is fun but it's not like your missing out on breathing. When it starts happening you'll wonder why you made such a big deal of it in your own head.

5. First time it happens just follow the girls lead. Don't try to be a hero!

Pherekydes

DaveMcG wrote: »

The term is "frigid"

Nothing whatsoever to do with frigidity. Just because some people don't operate on your timetable doesn't imply frigidity.

Drift wrote: »

Key Points:
1. Relax you've 60-70 years left in you yet. You won't die without kissing anyone.

2. If you're relaxed and happy about yourself the girls will be all over you and even if you don't try to kiss any of them one will eventually try to kiss you.

3. You can speed up the process by chatting up randomers in pubs and clubs if it's your thing or getting to know girls outside the drinking culture and inviting them out of dates.

4. Kissing is fun but it's not like your missing out on breathing. When it starts happening you'll wonder why you made such a big deal of it in your own head.

5. First time it happens just follow the girls lead. Don't try to be a hero!

1, 4 and 5: Good points.

3: You don't need to jump the gun and go for a "randomer".

I had my first kiss at 18, which is pretty late. Friendship and dating come first, so try to make friends with girls first. If you're trying too hard the girls will sense it.

muboop1

JasMatthews wrote: »

I'm a virgin, but more than that I'm a kissing virgin. An eighteen year old kissing virgin. When I was younger, I made the respectable, but in hindsight somewhat foolish decision to wait out for the right person. When I was younger I got lots of offers to "be with" girls. I waited, but it just never felt like the right time or person. By the time I got to first year, everyone I knew had been kissed before. As time went on, my desire to wait for the right girl was quickly superceded by my desire to kiss any girl. I found myself feeling left out, feeling different from everyone else. Flash forward a few years, and I'm in the not-so-enviable position of being half way through my first year of college without even having kissed anybody else. Most of my friends, wheter from college or home, have not only kissed many girls, but slept with at least one. I want to just get what must seem to everyone else like the small hurdle of kissing my first girl, but it's hard. If I ever do succeed in getting a girlfriend, the big bundle of nerves that I am, do I tell her the humiliating fact that I've never kissed another girl, or do I simply wait until we kiss for her to find out(or to simply think I'm an averagely-experienced but just terrible kisser)? It'd be embarassing to finish college being a virgin, never mind never having kissed someone. I'd definitely like to wait for the right person when it comes to sex, but what am I meant to do when it comes to kissing? Is there anyone else on the board of a similar age in a similar predicament, or anyone else who was of a similar age before they got their first kiss? I know some people might just come on here and call me lame or whatever, but I plan to ignore what you have to say if there's nothing valuable in it. I also know there are those who'll say "Don't worry, it'll happen when it's meant to happen!". A "Keep the faith" type message. Well, I've been keeping the faith for well over six years now, and it seems the more I keep the faith, the less likely I am to receive a miracle as a result.

mate honestly relax!! this is far from the worst thing that could happen! personally i have no time for kissing anybody unless its someone i realy care about! so the whole getting the right person is still the best option! i actually couldnt care less for a random kiss... in the end it means nothing! and could probely have bad consequences!

look... a kiss with some random girl is meaningless... you talk of it like its some milestone...
its not...
dude, a kiss is only good and special if its with someone you realy care about, as a way of expressing it...
some random girl isnt going to fufil that for you
it will mean nothing just to of kissed someone you dont care about... you have waited this long... whats a little longer?

plus dude... heres a little interesting thing iv found... when you look for a girl you dont get one... when you are happy with yourself and your situation... one comes along... basically they are always going to be a pain in your ass... there when you dont want one... gone when you do...

so your better just accepting this and getting on with it... it will happen just give it time...

Drift

muboop1 wrote: »

look... a kiss with some random girl is meaningless... you talk of it like its some milestone...
its not...
dude, a kiss is only good and special if its with someone you realy care about, as a way of expressing it...
some random girl isnt going to fufil that for you

Very well pit muboop and slow coach. I should have said that in my post.

Randomer = rubbing bits of your faces together.
Someone Important = real kiss

muboop1 wrote: »

when you look for a girl you dont get one... when you are happy with yourself and your situation... one comes along... basically they are always going to be a pain in your ass... there when you dont want one... gone when you do...

+1, QFT, or whatever the kids call it these days

Awayindahils

I was 15 when I had my first kiss. I got one of my friends to kiss me, he was a very bad kisses, I jumped backwards after about 3 seconds, said eww gross, and didn't kiss anyone for 2 years after that. I was so embarrassed by not having kissed anyone but now I'm more embarrassed my reaction, which apparently on top of everything else was very loud.

Stop stressing out about it- makes a huge difference. Go out and have fun and don't over think it too much.

ansionnachclist

I was 17 when I got my first kiss, was nervous as hell and I think I burped... funny to think about it again lol.

Play spin the bottle sometime. Get a group of people to get some girls out, bring some beers and spin that bottle.
Get one of your mates beforehand and ask him/her to dare you to kiss someone full on tongues or for him/her to ask someone else to kiss you.

Its all good fun and it'll be something to talk about the next day :P.

If you're not comfortable with that, try going out to college socials and try and notice some college girls from your college and say: "Hey, you're studying <insert topic here>, I've seen you around... blah blah blah.
Might even make a friend out of it or even a girlfriend. You've got to go out on the mentality that you're out to enjoy yourself.
Good luck .

Kaldorn

OP Do you look like Rocky Dennis?

azezil

I was nearly 23yrs old before I kissed someone, I wouldn't fret about it
I was damn near shítting myself when I first tried but it all happened so fast that I didn't have time to think, just went with the flow and loved it!

af_thefragile

Hey,
I know there's a lot of social pressure around with losing virginity and all. Causes people to do things they're not really completely ready for.
But well, sometimes sticking to your opinions and in your case "waiting for the right person" is the best way to go about it.
Its tough not to give into all the social pressure around you. But when you hold out, it all really worth it at the end.

You really don't wanna get on with some girl just for the sake of losing your virginity. You might even end up regretting the descision if you find out the girl is not suitable for you and you had your first time with someone whom you don't like.

Basically, just remember there're loads more people like you around. I myself was 19 when i first properly made out with a girl.

You're still really young. Just stop worrying bout such little things and live your life. When the time will come, you'll find the right girl for you and you'll love every single bit of it.
But then just remember there's a lot more to life than kissing girls, losing ur virginity or being in relationships. Stop worrying bout these things. They usually happen on their own, usually when u lease expect it!
Concentrate on the bigger picture, the more imporant things in your life that actually matter and live your life.

muboop1 wrote: »

plus dude... heres a little interesting thing iv found... when you look for a girl you dont get one... when you are happy with yourself and your situation... one comes along... basically they are always going to be a pain in your ass... there when you dont want one... gone when you do...

+2 QFT indeed!!

muboop1

ha... thought i was gonna get abused for that one...

Victor

Kaldorn wrote: »

OP Do you look like Rocky Dennis?

Behave.

Marksie

OP: Kissing is an art and is much better if you put meaning bheind it. Whetehr you wait for the right one or until you simply find an attraction is up to you really. Its no-one elses business and what you feel confortable with.

No-one is particularly good when they start, i remember my fuirst one mainly because i cut my lip on her teeth as we went for it a little too quickly.

but as for how to kiss, visualise what you want, anticipate, put everythinginto it, take it nice and slowly and gently and allow it to deepen and go with whats happening.

Never rush it :-)

MissDefied

DaveMcG wrote: »

The term is "frigid"

What sort of an ass are you? This is neither helpful nor funny.


OP Do you look like Rocky Dennis?

You related to Dave by any chance? Quite amazing if there are two complete twats of this calibre who aren't somehow connected.


Op: You sound like a lovely, mature and caring fella. First kisses aren't as great as they're cracked up to be. And if you think about it, you're not in a worse position than anyone as everyone just muddles through it. You know the basics, and there really isn't much to it after that. In my opinion, you've waited til now for someone you care about so a while longer will be worth the wait. On the other hand, if it happens with someone you aren't hugely interested in, just go with it. Either way, it really isn't the end of the world. I'd say the first time you sleep with someone is far more important, so be more judicious when making that decision!

I wish there were more guys like you around! Good luck to you, it'll be fine.

Marksie

Missdefied: A warning was given to one of the posters. There is a strict policy on personal abuse in this forum.
banned 1 week

manTime

Your problem seems to have stemmed from adopting this belief to 'wait for the special one' made popular during the mid 90's mostly on american wholesome 'Seventh Hevaen' style shows, manTime is also dissapointted to read that you somehow have not learnt anything fromn your failings on adopting this

JasMatthews wrote: »

I'd definitely like to wait for the right person when it comes to sex,

Sex is a gift to be enjoyed, True you shouldnt have sex with someone you dont like, but friends and likeminded people are more than perfect. A partner will come in its own time.

manTime does'nt advocate a time limit but never avoid the situations or be embarresed for seeking it.

LegacyUser

JasMatthews wrote: »

I also know there are those who'll say "Don't worry, it'll happen when it's meant to happen!". A "Keep the faith" type message. Well, I've been keeping the faith for well over six years now, and it seems the more I keep the faith, the less likely I am to receive a miracle as a result.

Hi OP,

I was in the same position as you a few years ago. I was 25 before I had my first kiss and I know it's easier said than done but try not to get too stressed out about it. It was such a relief to me once it had actually happened. I look back now and it all seems so silly but it was a huge deal to me at the time and beforehand.

It will happen when you're ready for it to

LegacyUser

i am in a similar situation buddy. i am 20 and have never kissed anyone yet appart from a peck on the cheek.

its a big wieght on my shoulders and kind of stunted my social life alot. always try to hide it as i feel very embarrassed and lesser about it if i told someone. there is loads of social presure on us. everyone seems to be way ahead. probably alot more common than it seems but to me im the only person on the planet thats a frigit at my age.

someday maybe........

noker

Go to a club and just kiss any girl. You'l never have to see them again. This will get you over the nerves when seeing a girl you like.

Nerves are the biggest thing . Kissing comes naturally

Max_Damage

noker wrote: »

Go to a club and just kiss any girl.

And get done for harassment.

kowloon

noker wrote: »

Go to a club and just kiss any girl.

And i wasted all that time with that consent rubbish :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Hey OP, I was 18 when I had my first kiss. (I'm a girl) It's absolutely nothing to be scared about, I found it came completely naturally.

TherapyBoy

DaveMcG wrote: »

The term is "frigid"

Kaldorn wrote: »

OP Do you look like Rocky Dennis?

^
These comments aren't "personal abuse"?

Marksie wrote: »

There is a strict policy on personal abuse in this forum.

spinandscribble

op when you meet a girl that you think is special she wont care if you're unexperienced. when i met my current bf, he was inexperienced. he had kissed a girl before but she taught him how to kiss badly, at least he thought that was the way to kiss. half a hour after our first kiss i had calmed him down to kiss well and now he's a great kisser. if the girl is special she will care enough not to be bothered.

Overheal

spinandscribble wrote: »

op when you meet a girl that you think is special she wont care if you're unexperienced. when i met my current bf, he was inexperienced. he had kissed a girl before but she taught him how to kiss badly, at least he thought that was the way to kiss. half a hour after our first kiss i had calmed him down to kiss well and now he's a great kisser. if the girl is special she will care enough not to be bothered.

+1. She won't care whether youre a n00b or not. And don't let yourself be intimidated when you find someone you like that has more experience than you either. Just go with the moment. You'll find its natural as anything.

KrazeeEyezKilla

Just do it. Don't think about it too much. When I had my first kiss and later when I lost my virginity both happened by surprise and I was better off for it as I was much calmer.

LegacyUser

Was 19 at my grads with a really nice girl who was definitely well more experienced in more ways than kissing,it was in front of a load of people and she asked me to kiss her,i couldnt not do it so just went for it.She opened her mouth and for a split second i didnt have a clue what to do.Then just slipped my tongue in and it went from there.We were kissing for the rest of the night afterwards-best night of my life so far.When it happens it will be great,thought it would never happen me but if it looks like she wants you to kiss her,do it.You wont regret it.

Pigman II

Kaldorn wrote: »

OP Do you look like Rocky Dennis?

Even Rocky Dennis got laid by the time he was 16 so he's well ahead of this guy.

OP just practise on a few random burds before you go worrying embarrasing yourself in front of your future wife.