Dating exclusively...or not

LegacyUser

Ok so I met a guy a few weeks ago who totally 'wowed' me - fireworks, stars, you name it. He seemed just as keen so we started seeing each other.

Anyway it's years since I 'dated' someone and basically I have c*cked it up. We were out one night and the subject of ex-partners came up in passing, not a who's who or anything, but more a 'why are you single' and he said he broke up with his ex because he moved away but if he'd stayed they would still be together. That made me think a little bit (and hope she never moves here!) and I didn't know what to say to that so I said nothing, because we're not bf and gf so it's not my concern. From there fast forward a few weeks and I like him enough to want us to 'date' exclusively so I asked last night and I was trying to bring up the subject, asking how he felt about seeing other people or not, and he is apparently VERY happy to see other people, because he 'only broke up with the ex in August'. I left it there but since then he's been odd toward me, and his texts are strictly platonic in nature (not that they were filthy before but you know what I mean!).

I've been out of the game for years so I think I've come over as a jealous/possessive type and I'm not that way in general, and now he's being so distant I think that's pretty much it for him. I'm sure me trying to engage him in a conversation with me explaining why I'm NOT a stalker would not go down well either!

Basically I don't know what to do here. Should I play it cool back and hope to peak his interest again or have I totally messed it up beyond redemption?! I think even if we stayed just friends I'd be wishing for more the whole time, and he was so keen at the beginning, I think I've ruined it.

biko

Tell him you're ready to take it to the next level and get exclusive.
Are yous having sex yet? That to me would push it over to bf/gf rather than dating/ kissing.

muppetkiller

I fail to see how you messed it up ?
You wanted a relationship and he doesn't. Pretty simple really. He's acting a little distant because he thinks you're too keen and doesn't want you to get too involved/hurt .
Basically your his booty call from now on (If you agree to keep seeing him ).

Maybe just say to him that you're looking for something more and that if he can't provide you with that, then he gets nothing at least you might see if he likes you at all then.

pookie82

You probably don't want to hear this but I'd get out of that situation right now if I were you. He may be wonderful etc but with an ex that recent and the reason for the break up being circumstance and not a falling out of love, there's every chance he's not over her and that may cause problems in the furture. Breaking up cos someone moved away is not a conscious decision to end something that's not working, but a sometimes unavoidable regret. If she does happen to come back like you feared, it doesn't sound like there'd be much stopping him rekindling things.

Getting involvd with someone who has unfinished business with an ex, who broke up with them for reasons beyond their control, is a BAD idea. She'll come back to haunt you more than likely, and even if that doesn't happen, he'll never commit to you properly until he's over her.

Besides, hisreaction to your hints says it all. He's (relatively) newly single, not quite over the ex (or so it sounds) and doesn't want to get tied down. Trying to convince him otherwise would be a waste of your time and would lead to a really hurtful outcome for you.

LegacyUser

Thanks for that. Yeah I was majorly concerned about the ex, 'what if' partners are never good and I did mention it some time later, and he then insisted that he could be with her if he really wanted to but wasn't.

How have I messed it up...well maybe I haven't by looking at your replies. I took it from fun and flirty to distantly platonic by asking if he was seeing other people - though I am half thinking if I'd played it cooler with him for longer he might have come round to my way of thinking...instead of rushing off when I tried to get closer.

We haven't done the deed yet btw lol.

I guess I'll just leave it and if he wants more then great, if not then oh well. A case of me getting carried away in the moment I think. More fish in the sea and all that.