Can ex/lovers be good friends again?

af_thefragile

Yeah, after about 5 months of staying out of each other's lives, my ex is back into my life and trying to work out things between us to try to fix the once amazing friendship we had (we were really good friends before we were bf/gf).

Now this is proving to be quite a tough and challenging task. We still have feelings for each other. We were sorta forced by her mom to break up, we still loved each other a lot when the relationship ended. She's in a relationship with a guy i hate. She says she'ld leave the guy for me. But we both don't really wanna get back into a relationship again. We wanna be able to move on with new lives but still be able to be the cool friends we once were.

I don't know if this is possible. I don't know how this is gonna work. I still feel i love her. She does say she still loves me too and her new bf although he's different and amazing, cannot replace me. Well, one of the last things i want is to get back in a relationship with her. I really wanna move on with a new life. So does she sorta wants the same. But we both don't wanna get out of each others lives once again. We don't wanna lose each other again. We wanna be cool friends again.

Yeah, we want the same things. But i just don't know how its gonna work out. I hate her bf. We both still have feelings for each other. I don't wanna get back in a relationship with her. I dunno if she wants to get back into a relationship with me. We both just don't wanna lose each other again. We both wish we can be cool friends again (like we once were) without having the feeling of wanting each other.

Right now we're speaking to each other. We're pretty open to each other n we understand each other really well. I can tell her everything in my heart n mind, so can she say it all to me, we both can handle the truth. We're not friends yet. We both still feel really strongly towards each other. We both are trying to make this work to be friends again. But we feel too strongly towards each other to just be friends. I really don't know where this is heading!!

Anyone think its possible to achieve what we're trying to achieve or are we heading down a disastrous spiral? One thing i know is that i don't wanna lose her again.

Agent J

Yes they can.

Went out with someone for a few years.. even lived together. We broke up and have stayed friends since. But it was a while before things settled down to being friends. It sounds like you've been smart about it so far imho, A couple of months out of each other lives to create a buffer zone away from the couple you were.


If you can accept the fact you shouldnt be going out and can be happy with just being friends then that is the best starting point. It not easy though and it will probably be a little while before it settles but its doable if you both are on the same page of things and are honest about things.

Best of luck with it.

Lazarus2.0

Sounds like the page you are on is you want her back and she wants you back . Mild denials in your post but you (naturally) hate the current b/f . You still love each other and best buddies to boot ! Cards on the table time ....

davyjose

Af, I actually remember your original post about this. If I'm not mistaken you were given some pretty good advice. Why are you letting this get to you again? you've done the hard part. The fact is, this girl is still with the guy she got with 5 months ago - Why? If her Mom split you up, then how could she so easily move on with this guy for so long?
The girl strikes me as very much being bad news. And my advice is simple: you've done the hard part and gotten over the worst, so why get pulled back in by these small satrands of emotion?
Forget her - I think you mentioned you were in a band - well get on with that, go out and meet some new chicks and don't be the fall guy for your ex's bad decisions.

af_thefragile

Well, one of the first things i did after she made an attempt to get back into my life was to clarify all the things that happened in the past. I had all these questions and doubts bout her using her mom as an excuse n all n she playing with me, which i had to clear out with her first. And so i did it and well i was wrong. It really was her mom that caused the break up and it was just the situations that caused everything to happen over the past. She really is sorry for what she did to me back then... I think i have forgiven her for that. She says she's still with the guy cuz well, he's an awesome guy n he really loves her n all of that stuff. Though she says she'ld leave him for me. But i don't want her to do that cuz i don't wanna get back into a relationship with her. I really don't. I just don't want her out of my life completely like that. I was never comfortable with the fact of completely removing her from my life n forgetting her. It was always there at the back of my mind that someday i'ld get back to her n be able to be friends again. She wants the same too. over the past months she had constantly tried making efforts to get back being friends with me again but i rejected her over 3-4 times cuz i wasn't over it all yet and back then it was best for us to stay out of eachother's lives. Though i did tell her i'ld be back someday n we could be friends then. With this latest attempt of her, before i told her to go away, i did first clarify all the doubts and questions i had in my mind. Once i realized she really wasn't playing games with me n she was sorry for all that happened, i decided to give her the last chance to try to be friends again.

Bout me, I just can't find it easy to forget someone who meant so much to me. Like we were brilliant friends and even after the break up it was the friend i missed more than the gf.
The girl probably is bad news. I can't really tell.

A few weeks ago i had met this other girl who i really liked and i felt i could feel proper love again. Well, things didn't quite go anywhere with the girl but it did make me realize that i'm not stuck back onto my ex anymore n i actually can fall in love once again.

What i'm trying to say is that I really just wanna be friends with her. Its probably cuz i haven't found another girl that i've been feeling strongly towards my ex. Once i find some other cool girl, i'm pretty sure i can fully see my ex as just a friend... Atleast i hope for now!!

I'm really careful with where this is heading now. We both are trying our best to not let it head towards another relationship cuz we both really don't wanna be in it again. The only reason why i don't wanna let go of her is cuz we can be really good friends. Like even after staying away from eachother for around 5-6months, we can still speak to eachother for hours without getting bored. Then she knows me and understands me better than anyone else i know. Same goes the other way around too. We get along with eachother much better than we get along with anyone elz. And this is now even after everything that has happened in the past n us staying away from eachother for that long.

I'm not the guy for my ex to fall back on if she screws up somewhere. Its quite a fact that i'm not gonna get back into a relationship with her. I'm being really careful with this and I've said it clearly to her that this is the last chance i'm giving her to be friends. If she screws this one up then she can forget me and i mean it.

Its just i hear some people saying ex-lovers can be good friends while some saying you can never be friends with your ex...
I'm trying to be friends with my ex here. I want it to work... I just wanted to know if it can actually work out...

davyjose

You need to really ask yourself what the best case scenario to come out of this is. In a year from now what do you expect from this situation - you, her and her boyfriend to sit around chatting about "the good ol' days"? Or for her to hang out with you and you to feel no sadness while her boyfriend is cool with her hanging out with her ex (you)? Or perhaps you and her to get back together with her somehow undoing all of the pain and torment she caused you?
I don't mean to rain on your parade here, but unless you can say - to yourself - that you can genuinely see a suitable resolution to all this, with her in your life, then I don't recommend you choose this path over an actual, real future.
You can choose now (because I'm sure you feel less pain and attachment) to look forward, or look backwards. To be honest (and I think you will see this someday soon) looking backwards is just plain boring. And nobody told you this would be quickly overcome, but you're getting there. In 6 months time, it'll be summer and you'll be out with your mates and the world will be yours for the taking ... or, you can still be mixed up in this mess. The thought of which would make me shudder.

DublinWriter

af_thefragile wrote: »

I don't know if this is possible. I don't know how this is gonna work. I still feel i love her. She does say she still loves me too and her new bf although he's different and amazing, cannot replace me.

Three of my ex's are now my closest friends.

But there was an awful lot of 'table clearing' to do before I could get to that state with them.

Sounds like you are still holding a torch for her, that's dangerous if you just want to be friends.

af_thefragile

Right now we're speaking to eachother and i'm just seeing where this takes us. It looks like we're doing fine. We do have the feelings for eachother but we understand eachother and are trying to support eachother from trying to fall back into a relationship n try to work our way to being friends.
I do feel i love her but i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna do anything bout it.

Her bf is cool with her speaking to me and trying to be friends again. She says i mean more to her than her bf does so if he is not cool bout us being friends, he'ld hafta deal with it himself.

Getting back with her is not an option. She really can't undo all that happened over the past months. I've told her clearly many times that we just can't be in a relationship again and that is the best decision for both of us.

I'ld like to fix all the glitches that make me feel uncomfortable and weird bout her. Some things like her with her bf which sometimes gets me worked up. And the strong feelings i feel for her. I just wanna be able to meet her, hug her and sit besides her without feeling the desperate need to put my arms around her and kiss her. I just wanna be able to see her as a friend and i want both of us to get over each other n move on with our lives.

I'ld like to do all the 'table clearing' and get to that state with my ex. I don't even wanna think of her as my ex anymore. I wanna think of her as a good friend of mine.
We're both trying to work on this. We don't know how to get there. The thoughts of her with her bf does get me a little worked up. She gets a more bitter side of me during then. But she understands and takes it until i get over the facts and we're cool again.

Its not that i've stopped looking for other girls now that my ex is back. I'm still looking/open to find the right girl for me to get along with. My ex, i dunno what she's gonna do with her current bf. Tbh i don't think their relationship is gonna last but she does say he loves her n she loves him too. I've pretty much stopped caring bout her and her bf. Its just at times i don't feel good bout it. But i hope i can completely stop caring bout them with time.

Maybe i'm still holding a torch for her, but i don't wanna for long. Or i just wanna as a friend. I'm just hoping with time we can get over the strong feelings we have for eachother and move on with our lives while staying friends.

One things that helps is she lives in another town. So we haven't seen eachother since we broke up. Although she says she wanna meet me, i've told her i don't wanna meet her until i'm sure i can meet her just as a friend and nothing more. I hope keeping the physical distance between us should help us with this.

tbh

I just want to be the first to say "this will all end in tears".

however, maybe it needs to.

by the way, you're good at kidding yourself Al. You know exactly what's happening, you just want someone to justify it for you. It's your life dude, and it's your heart. Good luck buddy

Wibbs

Jesus, still with this? I remember the original thread well where he got some good advice from more than one poster. 99% of which advised him to walk away, but no, here we are again......

OK Recap.

She left you because she fancied the other guy more. Fact.

It was bugger all to do with her mother. Fact.

She won't leave the other guy if he "gets in the way of the two of you". Fact. Try it and see.

You want more than friends. Fact. If you didn't none of this would bother you.

She wants you as the pink fluffy puppy dog bestest friend to be her shoulder to cry on while she's sitting on the other guy's willy. Fact.

You need to grow up, grow a pair and stop being such a spineless emo and move on. Biggest fact of all.

Harsh? Maybe. True? pretty much and the sooner the OP gets this this sooner he might actually cop the fck on.

Wibbs

PS as for your question of whether exes can be friends. In your case that's going to be difficult as you seem to have some difficulty with the concept of what friends actually are. You're clearly not emotionally mature enough yet to understand that. Your obsessive repetitively worded musings at the moment show the beginnings of serious obsessive thought and I'm sure your mates at this stage are well sick of hearing about your ex. That's the thing you need to fix and not worry about whether you can be friends or not.

Petey2006

You said it yourself-

af_thefragile wrote: »

I really wanna move on with a new life.

So just do it. Forget her and move on. You wont ever be good friends, going by what you've written. It just wont happen. So put it all behind you and get on with your life.

tbh

jesus al, you broke wibbs

Wibbs

tbh wrote: »

jesus al, you broke wibbs

I was broken years ago, didn't you notice?

Look OP, There's a point where patience ceases to be a virtue and becomes a liability to the person looking for advice. That point at least with me has been well reached. Now my advice may be as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit and equally as useless, but enough people are of the same opinion and advice. Advice you may do well to heed. Repetitive thoughts and self pity can only go on for so long before it'll effect your ability to form good relationships with yourself and others, friends or lovers. Treat this as a learning experience and actually learn from it. Better for you.

ali.c

af_thefragile wrote: »

One thing i know is that i don't wanna lose her again.

Wibbs post hit the nail on the head, tbh though this quote says to me that you are not ready to be friends with her. She'd leave her new bf for you? and your more important that him to her? Says alot about the level of respect she has for her current bf and her personal intergrity IMHO. Seems to me like she wants to have here cake and eat it. If she is not happy with her current bf then she needs to sort this out for herself, not leaving you hanging on to see if crumbs of her affections come your way.

Marksie

Wibbs (once again) is correct.

What is clear to me is that you have got back in touch with expectations and some hopes.

This means you havent moved on at all.

Simply put 5 months was not long enough for you to move on.

I have been in similar situations and it has taken a year, two years, sometimes never.

Reduce the contact slowly and accept that it is over in the romanatic emotional aspect.
Holding onto pipe dreams will serve no purpose in the end.

*Page*

ignore what i said...
you guys need more like 5 years...

if you still "love" each other get away and far away until your emotions have sorted themselves out

metrovelvet

Why dont you want to be in a relationship with her? You keep saying it over and over... like the lady who protests too much.

To answer thr original question ,imo yes, as long as the potential energy has been actualised and used up. Otherwise that charge is the wrong substance/energy for the wrong form "friends."

Beruthiel

af_thefragile wrote: »

One thing i know is that i don't wanna lose her again.

You're still in love with her.
You absolutely cannot be friends with someone you are in love with.
It will all end in tears.
Cut her out of your life and move on.

I have nothing else to add as Wibbs has pretty much covered it. Read his comments a few times and take it in.
You may not like what is being said, but it's straight, honest and to the point.

dudara

Beruthiel wrote: »

You're still in love with her.
You absolutely cannot be friends with someone you are in love with.
It will all end in tears.
Cut her out of your life and move on.

Quote the truth.

Friends can love each other, but people who are in love are lovers.

Lawless_Samurai

Yeah I was in a pretty similar situation a few months back. Last year my then girlfriend broke up with me. After about a four month period we kinda got back on speaking terms and that lead to a friendship that was pretty strong.

Was being the important word here because a little while ago we got in a pretty big fight which I won't go into now but just give this bit of advice... Be sure a friendship is all both of you are looking for. If either of you are looking for something else to grow out of it and that doesn't happen it can be pretty painful all over again.

Wibbs

Lawless_Samurai wrote: »

Be sure a friendship is all both of you are looking for. If either of you are looking for something else to grow out of it and that doesn't happen it can be pretty painful all over again.

Nail on the head.

Time to put on my cynical hat here and say this;

It's real easy and I may be waaaay off base, but let me spell it out for you as I see it OP.

She's back in your life simply because while she is in love with this guy and is attracted to him, he doesn't fulfill all of her emotional needs(no one will, but she's obviously not copped that yet), so she looks to you. Mr. old faithful puppy dog. If he did cover all the bases she wouldn't be coming out with all this guff about love etc to you. If someone is truly in love with another or even infatuated, he or she is hardly likely to be coming out with that kind of stuff to a recent ex. No way. You would be a nice memory at best or someone to be avoided at worst. The odd time she might check up on your to see how you are and that's about it. I would say this is even more the case with women, as usually when they're done with someone they're done.

BTW I'm sure he would love to hear the stuff she's apparently been saying to you.:rolleyes: In the end though he's getting more of the benefits of her.

Now she knows you're the emotional sensitive type. That's why she dumped you in the first place. She was attracted to it at the start, but found it wasn't enough or too much. He probably isn't nearly as "sensitive", that's why she got the horn for him. That said she knows you'll take up the shortfall in his temperament and "be there for her". She's making a Frankenstein boyfriend out of the two of you.

He's getting the better part of the deal. You won't. He gets to go out with her, call her his girlfriend and do the beast with two backs with her. You won't. She'll keep the both of you in play and why not, it's a good deal for her and an ok deal for him as you'll be one dealing with her emo side. Bad deal for you as you wait around wondering what's what and you will, still living in limbo land. 5 months will pass again and you'll be right back here on the same old treadmill.

She wants to have her cake and eat it and you my friend are busy making up ingredients in the bakery.

Here endeth my pop psychology, but I suspect I'm not too wide of the mark.

helpmeplease

I remember the original thread, and AFAIR I think Wibbs or someone else pointed out that this could happen, ie she comes crawling back after the rebound guy doesn't work out.
OP you are past the worst part of the break up. Keep running, you had a lucky escape IMO. Do not look back for a long time.

How about start doing whats best for you and stop worrying about this girl who has messed you around and wrecked your head for the last 6 months??

Stop feeling sorry for her btw, she is being selfish. The mom thing is an excuse, if she really loved you, no one would have ever come between you, ever.

I have a friend going through something similar at the minute and I wish you would both just man up and stop making excuses for the exes.

OP Neither of you can be friends until your heads are sorted, and at the min, it looks like you both need a long time for that to happen.

Get your life together, then think about friendship. Btw, its clear that you are not ready for friendship as you have such a grudge against her BF.

The day that you can see her in a relationship with someone else and be genuinely happy for her, is the day that you can be her genuine friend.

I dunno if thats any good, but thats my 2c anyway.

Good luck OP, don't wilt now.

Tar.Aldarion

Maybe after the time where you look at them, your heart hurts, you can't talk and you just stare at them till you can get away phase.

SW81

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

Maybe after the time where you look at them, your heart hurts, you can't talk and you just stare at them till you can get away phase.

I wonder in some cases does that ever leave? I broke up with my ex 2 years ago and am now happy with someone else but saw him recently and all those old feelings came back....it was horrible...thought I was completely over the whole thing....damn ex's!

af_thefragile

Well, i guess it has all come down to acceptance now.

She's doing pretty well i guess. She's probably moving in with her bf soon too. They're doing fine together. Dunno if i should mention this but she told me she's even got on the pill now. Yeah, so well as i've been accepting everything life's been throwing at me all along, i've accepted all of these facts too.

I don't think the past really matters at this point. The past's a mess that i've left behind. Things have changed a lot since then and well i never wanted to get back in a relationship with her anyway. She wasn't fit for me from the start. And no, i swear i'm not rationalizing!

So well, maybe its a good thing i've got to face all these realities early on so that i can get over it all soon n move on with my own life and then like the person above me, i won't feel all weird if i see my ex and her bf together sometime in the future.

I've gotta bury the old feelings for her once and for all. Bury it all and move on with my new life.

The only reason i guess i felt strong towards my ex was cuz she came back during a weird phase of my life when i haven't been doing very great lately. Things haven't been going great in coll n i sorta had even left my band cuz i couldn't properly commit to it anymore. I was getting a lil alone n by myself when she came back into my life as much needed help. Which sorta lighted up the old feelings n get me all weird. Though in all reality i was pretty much over her and doing fine with my life before she came in and spoilt things.

But i think now i'm over this. And as you guys have told me too... its really not worth going back to her. I need to concentrate more on moving on with my life than trying to make things work out with my ex. I know i can do much better than her and i do deserve a better person than her.

We're sorta back in eachothers lives now but she's pretty insignificant there and her presence is not really gonna effect my life anymore. I just don't feel right telling her to get out of my life again. Neither would i mind an extra "friend" in my life. I actually wish she does fine with her bf as she does say he's a really nice guy n all.

Bout me, i'll be fine. As you guys have said it yourself, i've gotten past the worst. This is nothing compared to what i had been through in summer. I've got better things to concentrate on in my life. I'll be fine. I don't know if i'm ready for a friendship with her yet. Well, i don't care anyway. I'm not gonna spoil more of time behind this girl. There's a bigger and better world out there for me.

Thanks for the support guys.

Lawless_Samurai

Wibbs wrote: »

She's back in your life simply because while she is in love with this guy and is attracted to him, he doesn't fulfill all of her emotional needs(no one will, but she's obviously not copped that yet), so she looks to you. Mr. old faithful puppy dog. If he did cover all the bases she wouldn't be coming out with all this guff about love etc to you. If someone is truly in love with another or even infatuated, he or she is hardly likely to be coming out with that kind of stuff to a recent ex. No way. You would be a nice memory at best or someone to be avoided at worst. The odd time she might check up on your to see how you are and that's about it. I would say this is even more the case with women, as usually when they're done with someone they're done.

BTW I'm sure he would love to hear the stuff she's apparently been saying to you.:rolleyes: In the end though he's getting more of the benefits of her.

Now she knows you're the emotional sensitive type. That's why she dumped you in the first place. She was attracted to it at the start, but found it wasn't enough or too much. He probably isn't nearly as "sensitive", that's why she got the horn for him. That said she knows you'll take up the shortfall in his temperament and "be there for her". She's making a Frankenstein boyfriend out of the two of you.

He's getting the better part of the deal. You won't. He gets to go out with her, call her his girlfriend and do the beast with two backs with her. You won't. She'll keep the both of you in play and why not, it's a good deal for her and an ok deal for him as you'll be one dealing with her emo side. Bad deal for you as you wait around wondering what's what and you will, still living in limbo land. 5 months will pass again and you'll be right back here on the same old treadmill.

She wants to have her cake and eat it and you my friend are busy making up ingredients in the bakery.

Here endeth my pop psychology, but I suspect I'm not too wide of the mark.

Dude I wish I knew you about a year and bitish ago! Would have saved me alot of bother!!! :D

Hairspray

To save a lot more hassle and back and forthing about this subject ,long story short exs cannot be friends ,it just dosen't work.End off!

davyjose

af_thefragile wrote: »

i haven't been doing very great lately. Things haven't been going great in coll n i sorta had even left my band cuz i couldn't properly commit to it anymore. I was getting a lil alone n by myself when she came back into my life as much needed help. Which sorta lighted up the old feelings n get me all weird.

That's because she broke your heart, and you aren't over her, and proof that this statement:

af_thefragile wrote: »

Though in all reality i was pretty much over her and doing fine with my life before she came in and spoilt things.

isn't true!

estar

not going to work - you are now not friends - you are exes.

you sound like you are both still into each other, especially you.

the way she is treating her current boyfriend is disgraceful.

saying such things about him is totally disrespectful

she is probably telling the boyfriend a pack of lies about your
friendship- im sure she isnt telling him what she is telling you

seriously wake up and see the lack of friendship or honesty
in her story

af_thefragile

davyjose wrote: »

That's because she broke your heart, and you aren't over her, and proof that this statement: isn't true!

No, no... That was completely unrelated to her. It was actually cuz i had sorta ended up losing contact with most of the new friends i had made in my coll.

And i didn't say i was completely over her but i was pretty much over her to not be bothered by her at that stage. I had started to fancy this other girl in my class n stuff too but then for some reason she stopped hanging around with me and we stopped speaking to each other.


And i guess its true we can't be friends. Well i'm not gonna bother myself about this girl anymore. I'm rather gonna spend my time n energy moving on with this new life of mine and living my life.

Wibbs

estar wrote: »

not going to work - you are now not friends - you are exes.

Exactly and exes who are friends have either moved on totally or the relationship wasn't as serious in the first place.

you sound like you are both still into each other, especially you.

He yes, her no. She's missing something from the current squeeze that she got from the OP. Emotional support is the usual one or intellectual stimulation, she's getting stimulated in the other regions by the new guy.

the way she is treating her current boyfriend is disgraceful.

Agreed, though he's getting the better part of the deal. I suspect he gets mostly the good stuff of the relationship minus the emo bit.

saying such things about him is totally disrespectful

That is is. Hopefully new guy doesn't fall too hard for her. Better for him if he doesn't as she's clearly a confused emotional kid.

she is probably telling the boyfriend a pack of lies about your
friendship- im sure she isnt telling him what she is telling you

Oh you can be sure of that!:)

Lawless_Samurai wrote:

Dude I wish I knew you about a year and bitish ago! Would have saved me alot of bother!!!:D:D

Thanks for the vote of confidence.:) Funny enough, in the past I was the new guy in the above scenario. Luckily I didn't get emotionally attached as I could see she was still in contact with her significant ex and had a feeling about her stability. The almost daily contact with the ex was a huge warning flag. Always is, unless the ex has decided to come out of the closet.

Of course I only ever saw her in perfect girlfriend mode at first. The social life was great and so was the sex. That is until he finally blew her out and walked away(I found out later). Then I got the "woe is me" about her life on an almost constant basis and she even told me that she missed him.:eek: Forget about her, I missed him at that stage. I tell you he would have made a fortune as a shrink.:)

I got tired of being her daddy so we split up. A month later she's back with the ex. Of course 6 months after that she finds another bloke that she gets the hots for and the ex is back to big brother mode. I gather from mutual friends that this pattern repeated for years afterwards.

I've been in the OP's shoes too. Very similar stuff. I walked away from her and of course she comes running after me. Dropped the rebound bloke like a hot snot in the process. Clearly a loony so I split up with her soon after. I reckon I saved the rebound guy a lot of hassle too.

The fact is if you play around with people like this it almost always comes back to bite you on the arse.

Wibbs

af_thefragile wrote: »

Well, i guess it has all come down to acceptance now.

Yep accepting that she's a confused emotional muppet and your setting yourself up for more grief by having her in your life.

She's doing pretty well i guess. She's probably moving in with her bf soon too. They're doing fine together. Dunno if i should mention this but she told me she's even got on the pill now.

Hang on a second. She's probably moving in with this guy, she's ridin the arse off him and says he loves her and he's an "amazing" boyfriend, yet she's told you she would leave him for you and she's making overtures of a slightly more than friendly nature especially considering you're an ex?????? Eh Hello! She's both a liar and a disloyal git. Great catch alright. Sheesh. How in God's name can you want to have any relationship with a muppet like that. TBH I actually feel sorry for the new guy. He has no idea how much of a freak she is, by what you're telling us(he doesn't yet, he will though, trust me. The lunacy will come out soon enough).

I don't think the past really matters at this point. The past's a mess that i've left behind.

The past matters as you learn from the past if you have any sense.

She wasn't fit for me from the start. And no, i swear i'm not rationalizing!

I hope for your sake that's true.

af_thefragile

Well, my ex is a truck load of emotional baggage. I was sorta relieved after the break up that i didn't need to deal with all that baggage anymore and i could go ahead and find a more emotionally stable girl.

Guess she came back to me cuz her bf (obvously) couldn't handle all her baggage as well as i did when we were together. So as you said there, he was getting all the good bits of the relationship while i here was supposed to take care of her baggage which her bf was pretty inefficient at taking care of.

Tbh i don't really care bout her bf. I think they both would make a good match for each other. I never had any intention of getting back into a relationship with her and neither will i ever have. I can find myself someone much better than her, someone more stable and mature.

So yeah, i really am not gonna waste anymore time over this girl and i'm gonna move on with my life. I'm sure i can find someone much better than her. Its not gonna be too tough.

af_thefragile

Final post.

Just said goodbye to my ex for the last time. This time with no intention of ever getting back in the future. I'm convinced now that we just can't be friends. And i am better off without her. All she brings into my life is ****.
I'm stronger without her, i'm overall better without her.
I'm not gonna drag an element of my past into my present and future and ruin my life over it.
Past is past, i've left it behind. I've learned from my mistakes. I've moved on.
I don't need it anymore in my life.
She can continue screwing her bf. She's expecting too much from life by expecting me to still be her doormat.
She blew it, she lost me. She might feel sorry, i don't feel sorry anymore for her.

This is finally the end of everything there was between me n this girl.

Wibbs

Cool and good for you. Now be aware, like a hormonal terminator, she will be back. Money on that. It's one of life's little jokes, that when you finally let go of someone you have been working frantically to get back with, they show up. Just so you're prepared for that when it happens.

the dee

I am (fairly) successfully friends with my ex. Mind you, there was extreme difficulty for about 3 years, whenever one of us started going out with someone else the tears and heartache returned.

In the end I went to Australia for 8 months. I don't know if it was the time and distance, or the wonderful man I met over there, but our past in the past now and we get along fine as friends. We are no where near as close as we once were though. But I doubt if your friendship with your ex will be the same as when you were together minus the physical contact. I think you need distance and need to focus on yourself for a while.

Lawless_Samurai

af_thefragile wrote: »

This is finally the end of everything there was between me n this girl.

Right move dude, right move


Good Luck