A Few Quickies

BRIAN1956

An old man walked into the chemist and asked the pharmacist for some Viagra tablets.

"Sure" said the pharmacist. "How many would you like?"

"Erm, just a few, but coud you cut them up into quaters for me?" Said the O.A.P

"Well, I could" said the pharmacist "But it'd be pointless, you wouldn't get a full erection from such a small amount"

"I don't need a full erection" said the old fella. "Just enough growth to stop me pissing on my shoes!"

---

After great sex, my Thai girlfriend lied there stroking my p*nis.

I asked, "Do you want sex again?"

"No", she replied "I'm just admiring your c*ck. I really miss mine."

---

A couple have just had sex.
The woman says, "If I got pregnant,what would we call the baby?".
The man takes off his condom, ties a knot in it and flushes it down the toilet.
"Well," he says,"if he can get out of that, we'll call him f*cking Houdini

---

A couple were sitting up waiting for their 16 year old son to come home from a social engagement when the boy came into the house with a big smile on his face.

"Hi, Mum! Hi, Dad! he said breathlessly.

"Guess what! I've just had sex for the first time, and it was wonderful!"

His mother turned red and said to her husband, "He's your son. You talk to him".

Then she left the room. The father said "Son, that's great. Now you've become a man and I'm proud of you. I'm going to celebrate the occasion by buying you that ten-speed bike you've been wanting. I hope you don't mind waiting till payday to get it".

"That's OK, Dad", said the boy. "I couldn't ride it right now anyway, my ass is too sore."

---

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by 2 female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the sporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room, when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants,
began hoisting the little boys up one by one, and held onto their "wee wees" to
direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice the he was unusually well endowed.

Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be
in the 4th."

"No, ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the 7th, riding Silver Arrow, but thanks for the lift."

mickrourke

Very Good, I especially liked the pharmicist and the jockey one.

patmac

Last two were very good!

Doodlebug

Ha Ha! Houdindi!!