Boyfriend Troubles!!!

LegacyUser

Ok I’m with my boyfriend about 6 months and we are really happy except for a something thats annoyed me
Since I’ve been with him he’s been ill about 4-5 times usually virus or flu. first couple of time’s I volunteered the nursing services but basically left him alone to moan and feel sorry for himself also play video games and do nothing.
He said he doesn’t like being around me when he’s sick so its his excuse to be by himself …ok I can see why this is too I sometimes feel the same.
He was sick 2 weeks ago and didn’t see me for a week I was slightly pissed but I was just subjected to him saying I’m just like this when I get sick

Ok so I said to him during the week that I’d see him Saturday he said he had something planned which is grand so I said Friday then he said yeah grand!
We both have schedules during the week which we stick to his revolves around his online gaming and me around my friends family etc
He’s told yesterday morning just after I left his that he’s coming down with a cough which I though was odd as he was fine when I was with him. Talking to him last night he said he felt worse.
I’ve been busy with work all day and I told him I’d call at 5 basically because I know he’ll be moaning and then say not to bother coming over which I don’t want as I can only see him once this next week
I really think he just wants to do something else and doesn’t want me there as he wants to play games (most likely) which really annoys me that he would lie.
But then I’m thinking grand if my boyfriend doesn’t want to hang out with me I shouldn’t have to convince him to and exactly WTF are you doing girl…

I was thinking I should just leave it and to make myself scarce when I’m busy so he’ll cop the hell on but I don’t want to be game playing.

I want to speak to him but I don’t know what exactly to say without sounding like the worst bitch in the world because other than this he’s pretty much perfect other than making me want to scream sometimes.

Mr. Incognito

You sound like his booty call to me

MayMay

Distance yourself from him for a little while, he'll come running, I guarantee it!

On the other hand it doesn't sound like he's too bothered? You deserve better than that.

LegacyUser

SetantaL wrote: »

You sound like his booty call to me

I wouldn't really think we've had a relationship thats pretty much normal
We go to dinner and the pictures and family events etc all the time

k-a-t-e

Give him the space he so obviously wants. If he gets in touch then all well and good....if he doesn't then move on. Harsh but effective.

SheroN

Is he made of glass? How many times has he been sick in a 6 month period?

He should lay off the online gaming and do some exercise/eat better.

also you sound like his booty call.

aye

clickhereto. wrote: »

I really think he just wants to do something else and doesn’t want me there as he wants to play games (most likely) which really annoys me that he would lie.
But then I’m thinking grand if my boyfriend doesn’t want to hang out with me I shouldn’t have to convince him to and exactly WTF are you doing girl…

why would a girl wanna go out with someone who wants to play games instead of being with her.
most guys like games, myself included, but if i was with a girl and she asked if i wanted to hang out with her or sit at home playing ps2, i know which i'd pick.

also does he not have any real friends?
if he is getting sick all the time his diet must be messed up.

padser

Rather then build an edifice around assuming he is not sick - consider that he actually is!

Carrigart Exile

if he is spending all of his spare time in the house on the computer no wonder he is ill regularly

StormWarrior

Maybe he has a weak immune system, it happens. Lots of people don't feel like hanging out with their other half when they're ill, he probably doesn't want you to see him all snotty and disgusting.

drdre

k-a-t-e wrote: »

Give him the space he so obviously wants. If he gets in touch then all well and good....if he doesn't then move on. Harsh but effective.

I would agree with you.

professore

StormWarrior wrote: »

Maybe he has a weak immune system, it happens. Lots of people don't feel like hanging out with their other half when they're ill, he probably doesn't want you to see him all snotty and disgusting.

Sounds like his gaming is more important to him than you. He may be addicted. What if you start living together, will he book a hotel every time he gets sick?

Rb

Sounds like he has an unhealthy fixation on online gaming. If he's letting it affect his relationship, then it's a huge problem (for him).

Don't know what you can do about it though, pointing it out might be a good start but addicts can rarely admit they have a problem.

Overheal

SheroN wrote: »

Is he made of glass? How many times has he been sick in a 6 month period?

He should lay off the online gaming and do some exercise/eat better.

also you sound like his booty call.

oh yes "online gaming causes CANCER"

:rolleyes:

I doubt its the gaming so much - never heard of anything like that. I mean seriously, Im in a games dev course: all we do is play, or code, or code, or code, or code, and occasionally we drink and fight and you dont hear about us getting sick - just over-tired.

Regardless, assuming hes not lying about it or stretching it, it sounds serious enough: you really are not supposed to be sick that frequently. Has he been to a doctor? Smack the muppet - he needs to go see a doctor and get on some pills or something: that doesnt sound right and it could well be serious.

But tbh it wouldnt be the first time I heard something similar: friend of mine had a smoking hot g/f. What did he do? Broke up with her because she kept trying to disrupt is online video game schedule (ie. 90% of his free time) with things like "sex" and a "relationship" - so don't exclude the possibility OP.

St Bill

Overheal wrote: »

oh yes "online gaming causes CANCER"

Ah that's a bit over the top

Bottle_of_Smoke

Keep mentioning your male friends when talking to him. A sense of urgency might do him some good.

Kipperhell

he sounds like he has a life you don't think much of. If he likes to game that is his provocative. If he has to tell you he sick to do his own thing then you could easily be over crowding and for what ever reason he doesn't feel comfortable telling you. That is either

A) You have overreacted or dismiss his activities in favour of couples activity
He just isn't very direct with people

Now you have to be clear on any issue you have. He may tell you he prefers more time with or without you. You then decide if you need more or less yourself.

I have seen this loads of times and personally I feel women look at the whole thing very differently to men. A woman will try and change variables to judge what he is thinking by his reactions." Distance yourself from him for a little while, he'll come running, I guarantee it!". This ends up complicating things and making it shadow boxing with the shadow being real and having no idea why they are being hit.

No ultimatum needed about time like "me or the games". You need to talk to him and find out what amount of time he expects or feels he wants to spend with you. You might find you completely disagree. Either way there is no reason he should have to change as it might be you who needs to expect less.

You are starting here with the premise he is lying about being sick. Talk to him is the only solution. He may be sick for a reason . Depression can make somebody want to be alone or feel ill as can bad diet, drugs etc...

My single female friends that expected men to spend more time with them when they were in relationships. Male single friends felt crowded when in relationships. This can be a stumbling block that is best to approach correctly now for you future relationships whether with this guy or not.