single mother dating???

girlwitcurls

im a young mum with a 2 year old. her dad left us a few months ago and now i finally feel ready to date! i went online and met a lovely fella but how do i approach this with my daughter and my family?

irelandsown

There is no point introducing him to your daughter until you know you can trust him and like him enough. See how you get on and enjoy yourself. Whether you tell your family or not is up to you. Do you think they would not approve of you dating?

girlwitcurls

i was hurt badly in the past and i know my mum would worry (even though im well old enough!)its hard to date outside the home i dont get out much as im a full time student too.

super_furry

I don't think it's nearly as big a stigma as it was ten years ago or so, so really I wouldn't worry about it. It's more than likely not going to be a big issue for him. Be up front with him, let him know you have a daughter but be careful about letting him into her life until you know that it's a relationship that actually going somewhere and has a future.

girlwitcurls

oh i know the stigma is gone but its just the fact i cant go out much so when should i bring this man home even for dinner(no funny business!)

LegacyUser

Hi ya,

I was in a similar reversed role a few years back where I was the one meeting the family and a lovely little daughter of three. I met her folks first and they were friendly however a little suspicious of me and my intentions...which was natural enough (guess they would be after the father ran back to the UK on them..........and I got the "lets walk son" chat from the dad feeling me out. To be fair I think he was more checking I had a job and a few acres of land )

Anyways her mom introduced me to the little girl properly the following sunday, went to the zoo and had a fun time.....we did this about once a week until she got use to me about the place (not at home thought) and it worked out really well. I never acted like a dad though, leaving the parent role to her mum which I thought best. To the girl I was her mums friend and after a few weeks would call to the house and often play together....

I'd suggest just the three of you meeting up somewhere......(like z Zoo or Phoneix Part to look at the deer) somewhere there is a distraction for the child and gently have your boyfriend a little more often about. I think the key for me was that the child didn't see me as a threat between her and her mother.

Best with it, I know its not so easy as it sounds and probbaly good idea to give your boyfriend an idea of what you might be thinking in advance of you all meeting up.

Overheal

I'd be careful OP it wouldnt be the first thread Ive read here in the last 2 weeks even, where someone in your situation found out that internet boyfriend turned out to be a stalker.

Blackpitts

does he know you have a daughter?
did u ask him out already?

girlwitcurls

thanks sunsetting for advice, well ive met this man a few times out on dates and made it clear of my situation i was completely honest from the start and im pretty sure he aint a stalker!im just unsure how my little girl will take it and scared people will think im trying to replace her dad.

l3LoWnA

girlwitcurls wrote: »

im a young mum with a 2 year old. her dad left us a few months ago and now i finally feel ready to date! i went online and met a lovely fella but how do i approach this with my daughter and my family?

My daughter (now three) was asking me about my ex last night (I dumped him a few months ago) and she was giggling telling me she wanted me to have a boyfriend. Then she said shyly that she could change into a boy and be my boyfriend! How cute....

It's so so hard to date when you're a Lone Parent and still living with your parents. It's strange how suddenly their agenda changes to what's right for your child rather than for you and how suspicoius they are of any man you bring into your life or even contemplate bringing into your life. They couldn't give a toss about who you end up with as long as the person is a good father figure for the child :rolleyes: (as if you don't actually care about your own child's welfare) And if you can't afford babysitters and/or don't want to go out very often to meet up with a new(ish) boyfriend, then you'd generally want to bring a guy casually 'round to your house for a few hours without it being marriage!!! :rolleyes:

I lived alone with my daughter for 2 years and it was so much easier to get to know someone as they could pop around in the early stages with a bottle of wine and a DVD once my daughter had gone to bed and be gone before my bed-time, so she was none-the-wiser. If we decided to continue with the relationship then I'd do the whole introductions thing. This way, it's easy to get to know someone without having to go through all the hassle of introductions to your parents etc. Can't wait to start building my own house.

As for my last boyfriend, he wasn't from where I'm from and so he had to spend whole weekends down here in order that we got to spend time together. He was introduced to my daughter very early on (about 3 weeks into relationship) and they got on great. I can't say him being gone out of her life has had any major effect though, (he's gone nearly 3 months now) as she only really ever saw him every second weekend, granted for a good few months, but none-the-less not very often. Also, the only spare bed-space in our house was next to me in my double bed, and before I actually had him sleeping in there I asked my daughter where she thought he should sleep. She said bluntly "in your bed mammy" so once she was fine with that, so was I.

Finally, be careful about meeting guys online. ESPECIALLY when you have a daughter. I've heard of paedophiles preying on single mothers and using single parent dating sites to meet up with the likes of myself and yourself in order to get into a situation where their prey is easily accesible. I'm not trying to scare you and I'm sure you're aware of these things and they guy you've met is genuine, I'm only throwing it out there...

girlwitcurls

wow thats a lot to take in. well i live alone with my daughter but the fella lives miles away so really we can only meet up the weekends, noone realises how bloody impossible it is. my little girl is my world and i wont let or never will let anyone ever hurt her,thanks x

k-a-t-e

Hi just read your post and had to reply. I'm not in the same position at all but was struck by your sincerity and dedication to your daughter. I really hope you find someone who floatsyour boat. I have met a fella of an internetthing who as a bit weird - be careful not just for your daughter but for yourself as well.

Let us know how you get on

Kate:D

girlwitcurls

thanks kate.i too have met some oddballs online so i really have sussed this one out and really think it could be serious!

l3LoWnA

girlwitcurls wrote: »

wow thats a lot to take in. well i live alone with my daughter but the fella lives miles away so really we can only meet up the weekends, noone realises how bloody impossible it is. my little girl is my world and i wont let or never will let anyone ever hurt her,thanks x

You say you've met him a few times, and you trust him? Do you see it going places? Does he? I don't see much harm in introducing him to your daughter. Has he met her at all yet? Does he want to or have ye talked about it?

You're lucky to have met someone so soon after your ex left.

Have you mentioned him to any of your other family members yet? Would you tell them you met him on the internet? Personally, I wouldn't but that's because my parents would immediately jump to crazy conclusions and asume he's out for mine and my daughters blood for some reason.

girlwitcurls

i have met him a few times he has met my daughter in passing nothing serious.jesus no i wouldnt tell my mum that she would automatically think he was a serial killer!!well my ex left us in march so do u think its too soon?i was with him for near 4 years.

l3LoWnA

girlwitcurls wrote: »

i have met him a few times he has met my daughter in passing nothing serious.jesus no i wouldnt tell my mum that she would automatically think he was a serial killer!!well my ex left us in march so do u think its too soon?i was with him for near 4 years.

I don't think it's too soon but the fact that you're doubting it yourself makes me wonder....do you think it's too soon? And if you do, why? Do you still hope ex will come back or anything like that? I'm only asking as you didn't give much info - is he history?

....is it completely finished with ex? Does your daughter still have contact with him? Do you still have much contact with him. By god, if you're sure your ex is history (to you at least) and won't be marching back into your life and replacing this new guy in the near future, confusing everybody in the process, I think 9 months is plenty of time. Its sad to say, but your daughter (at 2) probably has little recollection of him being around now at this stage anyways, unless she's always being reminded of it.

If you wait any longer you'll be growing cobwebs

girlwitcurls

lol thanks `yes knocking the cobwebs off me as is! history is very complicated he was in and out in and out when it suited him(in regards to taking my daughter every second weekend)he stops and starts when it suits so i stopped him seeing her completely it was confusing her. so he has not taken action yet and im not sure if he will or not.he has been harrasing me by phone so making it tougher to move on but he is history i dont want a loser like that in my life anymore i want a real man who i can once and for all have stability with!my life sounds like one from dallas there but genuinely i am normal im a student midwife wit great supports family and friends.

l3LoWnA

girlwitcurls wrote: »

history is very complicated he was in and out in and out when it suited him(in regards to taking my daughter every second weekend)he stops and starts when it suits so i stopped him seeing her completely it was confusing her. so he has not taken action yet and im not sure if he will or not.he has been harrasing me by phone so making it tougher to move on but he is history i dont want a loser like that in my life anymore i want a real man who i can once and for all have stability with!

You're dead right, sounds like ex has some growing-up to do. And for the same reasons (stability etc) I'm happy to remain single for the foreseeable future until Mr. absolutely-totally-right (for me AND daughter) comes along and sweeps us off our feet - I'd say I'll have tarantulas weaving webs on me by then!! :rolleyes:

You seem to want to make your ex history and a new man in your life will more than likely help you put the past where it belongs, in the past (if that's what you want). It's such a shame he couldn't have been more steady with the access thing though, for your daughters sake. Maybe he'll mature a bit over time and eventually she can have some sort of relationship with her dad. As for the hear and now, why not give this new guy a chance? He knows your situation, so I'm sure he's prepared to take things slowly?

my life sounds like one from dallas

Sounds pretty normal to me!

but genuinely i am normal im a student midwife wit great supports family and friends.

That's great, at least you have support and a decent career lined up to support yourself and your daughter in the future

I'd say it's your turn for a bit of happiness now and I hope this new thing with the new guy works out for ya. (and I hope, for everyones sake, your daughters father cops on to himself a bit and thinks of the child instead of himself...)