Advice please ladies!

Alfaservice

My girlfriend and I were on holidays in October and she saw this ring in a shop but she wouldn't buy it cos she said it was too expensive. It was about €250. She doesn't wear much flashy jewellery. So being the best boyfriend in the world (and let's face it, whipped) I snuck back and got it for her. I kind of had an inkling that I'd put it away and use it to propose to her when the time was right. But now I'm thinking I should give it to her for Christmas and get a proper more expensive engagement ring later on when I'm making proper money again (I'm back studying at the moment).

But then I'm thinking if people are asking her about it around Christmas time and whether it means what they think it means, it might be embarrassing for her to explain that no it's just a gift and not an engagement ring. We're going out a year or so and I'm just wondering if you got a ring off your boyfriend would you be upset that it wasn't an engagement ring? Like if I'm giving her jewellery should I steer clear of a ring? Part of me thinks that she'll open the box and then be all disappointed if I don't propose. (I know that sounds big-headed!) Anyway, is it too sensitive a subject?

lezizi

Is your girlfriend expecting you to propose. You could propose with that ring at xmas and if she wants a more expensive ring you could always get it when you are making more money, but if she picked the ring herself she'd prob love it.
If it was me i think Id be a bit dissapointed if my boyfriend got me a ring and didnt propose, even though i asked my boyfriend for a ring for xmas and i know it'll def not be an engagement ring so ill be in for a dissapoinment.
If you are ready to propose then do if not just give it to her as an xmas present.

How Strange

OP, it depends on the ring. Is it a dress ring that she would only wear when going out or is it something she would wear all the time? Does it look like an engagement ring?

I think if it is a ring that can be worn all the time and looks like an engagement ring then it could be a huge faux pas regardless of your good intentions.

It also depends on your gf - is she expecting you to propose at Christmas?

If you know for sure that its costume jewellery that she would wear the odd them then it may be fine. Also, don't just give her the ring. Get her something else as well.

Imagine how she might feel when she tells people that you got her a ring for Christmas - they ask what kind of ring- and then she has to get defensive and explain 'no its not that kind of ring'. Not a nice situation for a girl to be in.

Cathmandooo

Totally agree with Lezizi. She'll love that you went back and got it. I'm sure she appreciates that you dont have much money now and if you promise that when you're in a good job that ye can both go pick a real engagement ring she'll be over the moon.

If you're ready to propose then do it!

Although personally I'd hate to be proposed to on Christmas Day but that's a different matter

Alfaservice

How Strange wrote: »

OP, it depends on the ring. Is it a dress ring that she would only wear when going out or is it something she would wear all the time? Does it look like an engagement ring?

I think if it is a ring that can be worn all the time and looks like an engagement ring then it could be a huge faux pas regardless of your good intentions.

It also depends on your gf - is she expecting you to propose at Christmas?

If you know for sure that its costume jewellery that she would wear the odd them then it may be fine. Also, don't just give her the ring. Get her something else as well.

Imagine how she might feel when she tells people that you got her a ring for Christmas - they ask what kind of ring- and then she has to get defensive and explain 'no its not that kind of ring'. Not a nice situation for a girl to be in.

Yeah I'm getting her a bunch of other stuff but the situation you describe is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. It doesn't really look like an engagement ring I suppose, but I'm no expert. She's not expecting me to propose. I love her but Jaysus you wouldn't know what could be going through her mind! Maybe she is!

How Strange

OP, it's a potential minefield.

The main problem is if she thinks for even a second that it means a proposal then it doesn't matter one bit if you give her the best presents in the world straight after. She will be disappointed.

Think about it very carefully. Maybe give her all her presents first and then give her the ring but make sure to say 'remember you saw it on holidays and thought it was too expensive so I went back and got it for you'.

Having said that, do you think she was fishing at the time? Was she sussing you out on the issue of rings and marriage? If you are a student then maybe she was thinking that you couldn't afford an expensive one.

You don't seem ready to get married otherwise you wouldn't be posting here.

Two choices - give her the ring and state that you got it for her because she said she liked it - you still run the risk of bitter disappointment or don't give it to her at all - save it up for when you are ready (at which stage she may want a more expensive one so there's another minefield) or sell it on ebay and chalk it up to being a little bit niaive.

I've no desire to get married but if I opened a present from my bf and it was a ring engagement would probably be my initial reaction and then if he said it was just a present of course I would be a little disappointed.

Alfaservice

How Strange wrote: »

OP, it's a potential minefield.

The main problem is if she thinks for even a second that it means a proposal then it doesn't matter one bit if you give her the best presents in the world straight after. She will be disappointed.

Think about it very carefully. Maybe give her all her presents first and then give her the ring but make sure to say 'remember you saw it on holidays and thought it was too expensive so I went back and got it for you'.

Having said that, do you think she was fishing at the time? Was she sussing you out on the issue of rings and marriage? If you are a student then maybe she was thinking that you couldn't afford an expensive one.

You don't seem ready to get married otherwise you wouldn't be posting here.

Two choices - give her the ring and state that you got it for her because she said she liked it - you still run the risk of bitter disappointment or don't give it to her at all - save it up for when you are ready (at which stage she may want a more expensive one so there's another minefield) or sell it on ebay and chalk it up to being a little bit niaive.

I've no desire to get married but if I opened a present from my bf and it was a ring engagement would probably be my initial reaction and then if he said it was just a present of course I would be a little disappointed.

No don't think she was fishing when we were on holidays. I'm holding off proposing 'cos I'm not really sure she'd say yes. I think you're right though. It could prove disastrous and put a downer on Christmas if it came across the wrong way. Can't put it on E-bay though! Will give it to her when the time's right.

Miss Fluff

Bl00dy hell, minefield or what. When's her birthday? Would be very wary of producing something like that. What age are you?

LegacyUser

You're only going out a year... whatever you do - don't propose.

I'd say go ahead and give her the ring - she saw it and liked it, so you went and got it for her. What's the big deal?

If you're really (needlessly imo) worried that she'll be dissappointed(??!!), tell her (jokingly), that the engagement ring will be much nicer - then you can gauge her response...

I'd be more worried about what her friends would say if you did propose, i.e: "Is he crazy?? Are you Crazy!?" etc, etc.

just my unregistered 2 cents..

Pigletlover

Has she said anything to indicate that she would like to get engaged? I got a ring off my boyfriend for christmas when we had been going out for around 2 years. I knew it was a ring as soon as he handed me the box but I wasn't expecting it to be an engagement ring because we had only been going out a couple of years and it wasn't something we had ever talked about. If you want to marry your girlfriend, then by all means use the ring to propose, explaining that you will buy her another ring when you can afford to if that's what you intend to do, but don't propose just because you're worried that it's what your girlfriend will be expecting when you hand her the ring. Even if she does think this, I'm sure she'll get over it quickly, unless you have given her reason to believe that you might be about to ask her to marry you.

Seraphina

wtf? how is a ring a minefield?
i mean if you're going out 5 years and she's fishing for marraige and you buy a ring but dont propose then thats bad, but you're only together a year, and she mentioned she liked the ring on holidays.
i'd say just give it to her, its a lovely thoughtful gift to go back and buy something like that.
you could save it for her birthday too, but if you're having the ring qualms now, they'll only be worse when you're going out for longer.

methinks all these ladies are overanalysing everything. not every woman grows up dying for her wedding day. i mean have you two even discussed if marraige is on the cards yet?

you're giving her other stuff, and considering its a ring she pointed out she liked, i doubt she'll be disappointed if there's no proposal, im sure she'll just be delighted that you remembered it. i know i would be.

giggles

You’ve only been going out for a year so she may not be expecting an engagement ring just yet?

I spotted a lovely diamond ring for the same price in a jeweller’s window whilst out shopping with my boyfriend. I was going to buy it for myself when my boyfriend stepped in and offered to get it as my birthday present as it was around the same time anyways. I suppose the ring could pass as an engagement ring, but I've never looked at it as anything more than a birthday present.

P.S. I love the fact that you went back and got it for her - very thoughtful

*Lees*

Seraphina wrote: »

wtf? how is a ring a minefield?
i mean if you're going out 5 years and she's fishing for marraige and you buy a ring but dont propose then thats bad, but you're only together a year, and she mentioned she liked the ring on holidays.
i'd say just give it to her, its a lovely thoughtful gift to go back and buy something like that.
you could save it for her birthday too, but if you're having the ring qualms now, they'll only be worse when you're going out for longer.

methinks all these ladies are overanalysing everything. not every woman grows up dying for her wedding day. i mean have you two even discussed if marraige is on the cards yet?

you're giving her other stuff, and considering its a ring she pointed out she liked, i doubt she'll be disappointed if there's no proposal, im sure she'll just be delighted that you remembered it. i know i would be.

+ 1

They are going out with eachother for a year!! when she opens the box and sees the ring I doubt it would even cross her mind that it's an engagement ring!!!!! I know I wouldn't anyway and I wouldn't be disapointed if my boyfriend went to the trouble of going back to the shop and getting it for me, I would be really impressed!! Give it to her as a christmas present OP! She won't be disapointed!!!!!!:)

sjaakie

if you give her that ring at christmas, she will simply just love you for it, a very romantic gesture of you .. dont mention engagement or whatever, it has nothing to do with that so why worry about it.

I think its a very very nice thing what you did, regardless if it cost 1 euro or 250.000 its the thought that counts.

gl.

kittenkiller

Alfaservice wrote: »

My girlfriend and I were on holidays in October and she saw this ring in a shop but she wouldn't buy it cos she said it was too expensive. It was about €250. She doesn't wear much flashy jewellery. So being the best boyfriend in the world (and let's face it, whipped) I snuck back and got it for her. I kind of had an inkling that I'd put it away and use it to propose to her when the time was right. But now I'm thinking I should give it to her for Christmas and get a proper more expensive engagement ring later on when I'm making proper money again (I'm back studying at the moment).

But then I'm thinking if people are asking her about it around Christmas time and whether it means what they think it means, it might be embarrassing for her to explain that no it's just a gift and not an engagement ring. We're going out a year or so and I'm just wondering if you got a ring off your boyfriend would you be upset that it wasn't an engagement ring? Like if I'm giving her jewellery should I steer clear of a ring? Part of me thinks that she'll open the box and then be all disappointed if I don't propose. (I know that sounds big-headed!) Anyway, is it too sensitive a subject?

Get her the matching earring and then there'll be no confusion about the meaning of the ring!
AND she get's more flash stuff for christmas!

AARRRGH

I don't really get it.

A ring worth €250 has nothing to do with an engagement ring. I don't really understand how she might confuse the two

Also, you've only been going out with her for a year. It takes a lot longer than that before you know the real person. I would strongly recommend you wait a few more years before you even consider proposing. (Obviously do whatever you want, but there's a reason why more people don't consider marriage after a year!)

fuzzywiggle

I got a ring off an ex boyfriend for christmas one year..was diamondy and all sparkly and i wore it on my ring finger. I never had to explain it wasnt an engagement ring. So go for it! No harm in rings as xmas pressies!

Capt'n Midnight

kittenkiller wrote: »

Get her the matching earring and then there'll be no confusion about the meaning of the ring!
AND she get's more flash stuff for christmas!

LOL

just remember to give the earrings first

Alfaservice

*Lees* wrote: »

+ 1

They are going out with eachother for a year!! when she opens the box and sees the ring I doubt it would even cross her mind that it's an engagement ring!!!!! I know I wouldn't anyway and I wouldn't be disapointed if my boyfriend went to the trouble of going back to the shop and getting it for me, I would be really impressed!! Give it to her as a christmas present OP! She won't be disapointed!!!!!!:)

Ok well that's sorted it. Was a bit unsure yesterday after some of the other comments, but think I should just go ahead now and give it to her. Thanks for the advice. Jaysus when I was buying it I really didn't think a ring could cause so much hassle. Next Christmas she's getting a Nintendo!

strawberrybox

Seriously you are only going out for a year there is no way she can be dissapointed if its not an engagement ring she will just see it as the thoughfull gesture that it is end of story and she will be able to tell all her mates how nice you are for doing that for her so defo give it to her

Mr. Incognito

"Now my next present, was something you saw on holidays and really wanted so I went back and got it for you, now don't get excited, I'm not proposing but I know you really liked this ring so, Ta-Da Merry Christmas!"

The end. (Insert sexual favours here)

AARRRGH

SetantaL wrote: »

"Now my next present, was something you saw on holidays and really wanted so I went back and got it for you, now don't get excited, I'm not proposing but I know you really liked this ring so, Ta-Da Merry Christmas!"

I really don't think he should mention proposing or even assume she'll be thinking of a proposal when all he is doing is giving her a (cheapish) ring which isn't an engagement ring, and they've only been together one year.

Certainly it's a nice gesture, but what does it have to do with getting married?

Can people not give rings as presents anymore??

How Strange

The reason I said she might think it was an engagement ring is because the OP seemed to think she would presume that too. He knows her and we don't. From that I assumed that marriage was discussed at some time and she might be waiting for the question to be asked. Hence his reluctance to hand over a ring at Christmas.

If that's not the case then go ahead and give her the ring as part of her present. Not all gf's are chomping at the bit to get married and she will probably just be flattered that you went back and bought it for her.