Becoming an alcoholic.....scared

LegacyUser

Happy Monday all. I need some advice on something and appreciate all contributions.

I comr from a family of alcoholics, now Im not sure about the fact that there is such a thing as an alcoholic gene, but Im starrting to be afraid there might be some truth in it. Ive begun in the last few months to drink and smoke far heavier than I should be doing and Im afraid Ive let myself fall into a trap here. I cant seem to stop myself buying that bottle of wine at the end of the day, some days 2.

I go home, sip it all night and fall into bed nicely/nastily sozzled. Idont have any kids or any other half, so no harm being done to anyone else apart from my pocket, weight and head.

Now that Im coming out and saying "it", ie that Ive got a problem with this, what do I do? I need to address this right now otherwise Im in a lot of trouble. What are the first steps - and noone plese say "simply stop drinking" cos I would if I could.

Thanks

craichoe

Fallingintoit wrote: »

Happy Monday all. I need some advice on something and appreciate all contributions.

I comr from a family of alcoholics, now Im not sure about the fact that there is such a thing as an alcoholic gene, but Im starrting to be afraid there might be some truth in it. Ive begun in the last few months to drink and smoke far heavier than I should be doing and Im afraid Ive let myself fall into a trap here. I cant seem to stop myself buying that bottle of wine at the end of the day, some days 2.

I go home, sip it all night and fall into bed nicely/nastily sozzled. Idont have any kids or any other half, so no harm being done to anyone else apart from my pocket, weight and head.

Now that Im coming out and saying "it", ie that Ive got a problem with this, what do I do? I need to address this right now otherwise Im in a lot of trouble. What are the first steps - and noone plese say "simply stop drinking" cos I would if I could.

Thanks

Your aware of it so thats good, I wouldn't go off recommending AA or anything as it sounds like you may just be drinking out of pure boredom.

We've all been there. I'd recommend trying to get out and do other stuff. Go to the Cinema, table quizzes, meetup with some friends, have a poker night.

Drinking Wine and Beer should be a social activity, limit it to this, although saying that you don't HAVE to drink to talk/meet to people.

Try limiting yourself to drinking friday and saturday and see how you get on.

Zombrex

Fallingintoit wrote: »

and noone plese say "simply stop drinking" cos I would if I could.

What happens if you try

Serious question. Do you literally sit there thinking about nothing else except having a drink? What is the longest you have ever made yourself go without having a drink

The first step is realizing you have a problem. The second (much much harder) step is realizing that no one other than you is going to solve your problem. You have to do this.

People can help, but ultimately until you are prepared to commit to yourself it won't work.

LegacyUser

Get a boyfriend. You don't sound like an Aacoholic.. you sound bored and lonely. I wouldn't blame you.

Take up some hobbies, you'll find yourself in the house alone less and it's usually good way of meeting people.

monkeyfudge

Yep... have you actually just tried stopping?

I give it up for a month every now and then... just so I know that I can control my drinking. There'd also be a lot of alcoholism in my family as well, so I like keep it in check.

purple'n'gold

If you come from a line of alcoholics that is a danger sign. Go to your nearest
Aiseiri Centre asap and have a chat with them. Better to take charge of this now if you are concerned about it.

tbh

How would you feel if you came home one evening and there was someone or something there that meant you couldn't have a drink? Like a visitor or someone?

prendy

try occupying yourself with a hobby or something in the evening.
sometimes people drink out of sheer boredom.

Sam Vimes

as craichoe says, you're drinking because you're bored. i recommend joining a night course. it gives you something to do in the evenings and a qualification at the end of it


my avatar in no way makes me a hypocrite

SubjectSean

Fallingintoit wrote: »

noone plese say "simply stop drinking" cos I would if I could.

Then you have to face the fact that there is no good in you saying that you are "becoming" an alcoholic. You are an alcoholic by definition if you cannot stop drinking. At least you have recognised that you cannot stop on your own and are seeking help before it drags on and ruins your life. You should go to your GP or a local clinic. These are the people best able to help you. Also if you have a God, pray to it for the willpower to overcome. It's sometimes hard to shake these monkeys but it can be done.

craichoe

SubjectSean wrote: »

Then you have to face the fact that there is no good in you saying that you are "becoming" an alcoholic. You are an alcoholic by definition if you cannot stop drinking. At least you have recognised that you cannot stop on your own and are seeking help before it drags on and ruins your life. You should go to your GP or a local clinic. These are the people best able to help you. Also if you have a God, pray to it for the willpower to overcome. It's sometimes hard to shake these monkeys but it can be done.

Thats a bit strong,

I've moved to a country where theres more to do than drink and tbh, Ireland is very drink orientated. There other stuff to do here. I think he/she is drinking more out of boredom than anything else. I don't think "god" will help out here either. Its just a simple lifestyle change.

Its the headaches and generally feeling crap the next day that makes this person feel that way imo.

Going head on and dealing with it as an outright addiction when you haven't even attempted to deal with it by making a few changes to the way you spend your time can lower your self esteem i feel.

However if you do feel like you need to go to a GP or Clinic then you can do that too.

At the the end of the day how you choose to live your life is up to you

LegacyUser

Hi again. Thank you for all the replies.

If Im being honest, I knwo Im on the bad path here. Im scared I cant walk off it. I wke up every morning feeling like crap saying thats it, not drinking tonight but as soon as I leave work - or if I manage to get out for lunch even - bang! There it is.....somehow before I even know it, Im on the first of the night.

Now Im not stupis, I know what Im doing here. I sit at my desk, day in and day out hiding the fact that Im shaking or my nerves are in bits. I wake up late, run ou the door, make up en route and everyone thinks Im grand.

To answer one of the first q's, if there was someone therre that meant I couldnt drink? Tbh, I havent met that person yet. And if I did, I wouldnt care - who would they be to stop me having my wine. Im turning into a bit of a schitzo onthis. I rem when I was young hating my mas drunken violence and spitefulness, Im meither but the apple doesnt fall far from the tree and I know Ive been bad in the past through drink, but not anymore.

I am terrified that Im going to turn into her. Yet I nearly feel outside my self int he lack of willpower. That soounds strange but its true. Are there any former alcoholics here? Are these the first stages of alcoholism? For soem who grew up around it, I dont knwo a hell of a lot about it. I grew up trying to ignore it and now find myself ignoring myself.

Im 31 btw, so old enough to be aware. But I swore Id never get here aadn look at me now! Exactly where I said I wouldnt be. I feel like Ive let myself down and broken the only important promise I ever made myself. But its been hard to keep with all that has passed int he last few years and I can never imagine not drinking again cos its the only thing that helps me sleep now.

Holy crap. Im in trouble here.

How Strange

OP, from your second post I would say that you are on your way to being an alcoholic although you might not be one yet. You say that alcohol has always affected your mood and you've done things in the past while drunk.
Your family has a history of alcohol abuse and you had a very difficult relationship with your mother because of alcohol.

Only you can stop this before it gets out of hand. You have the willpower inside you to do that but for some reason you have chosen to give into your demons for the moment.

I would say don't let it go too far. If you don't stop this soon you will find yourself in that black hole of addiction where you just can't get out or it is easier to stay where you are.

Stop drinking tonight. Yes, it can be that easy. Pick up the phone and talk to the samaritans or some other support group and then consider what you need to do in your life to ensure you don't fall into this trap again.

Don't throw your youth away on alcohol. There is so much more to life. You just have to see that for yourself and see that you deserve a full, happy and long life without the demon of alcoholism hanging over you.

girlwitcurls

well done on asking for advice, its not easy. i have lived with an alcoholic and i too share the same fear.good luck x

Nevyn

http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/

estar

you are probably not an alcoholic yet, but if you keep on drinking every day you will be

well done on being honest with yourself. if you stop now, you may be able
to have the odd drink now and then when you have it under control

the first step with any problem is recognising you have a problem, then after that you engage the support network you need to fight the habit.

you are going to find it much easier doing this with help.

if you dont want your families help, then go to professional services.

go to a gym class every night, and tire yourself out every night
so that you have less time to think about drink.

go the cinema so that you have less time to drink after work

buy some books.

fight the habit now, and recognise it as damaging

its not just the health impact

its all the things you are missing out on by drinking every night

- feeling good in the morning
- having cash to spend on extra clothes / stuff
- not feeling guilty for drinking every night
- worrying you will re-live the experiences of your family
- not performing well in work because of your hangovers

LegacyUser

I dont knwo a hell of a lot about it. I grew up trying to ignore it and now find myself ignoring myself.




Im 31 btw, so old enough to be aware. But I swore Id never get here aadn look at me now! Exactly where I said I wouldnt be. I feel like Ive let myself down and broken the only important promise I ever made myself. But its been hard to keep with all that has passed int he last few years and I can never imagine not drinking again cos its the only thing that helps me sleep now.


just asking from the above, but have you had a major trauma to spark off the path as you call it? You sound like youve tried really hard all your life to keep this under control and now yure scared because you cant control wanting to sleep every night? What makes you want to get lost in sleep every night? Why was that important? What runs through your head at night?

If Im even on the right track here, you might need alcohol counselling but it sounds like there are other issues at play here as well. And thats okay. If you managed not to drink tonight, write down even what comes into your head. All of it. But in the morning, not winding yourself up all night writing things down. Just breath and try to sleep and then examine it in the morning.

Now is the time to start examining whats gone onand going on in your life. Youve gotten to 31, managed to keep a lid on it but whether you like it or not, everything comes out and manifests itself in some way, so now is the time to start the repairs. It might help if you tell us why you are drinking as opposed to when.

i hope you have a good nights rest and post fresh in the morning!
Take care and Ill read this thread tomorrow for your answersd.

strawberrybox

hey i have to say you are very brave to first recognise that your drinking is becoming out of hand it such an easy thing to ignore and pretend its not happening but your not stupid as you said you know the signs as you have lived with it all around you- i have had experience with dealing with alcahol as im sure you know in your heart you dont drink becuase your bored or lonely and filling your time with things to do is only putting off the inevitable because even if your the busiest person alive all you will be thinking about is having a drink untill it consumes you- your drinking habits sound way beyond just bored with nothing to do you said yourself its the only way you can sleep these days

so my advice to you is to get yourself to an AA meeting now before everyone jumps on me for saying this the only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking you can just go along and listen to see whats its all about you dont have to say anything just listen to the people there and you may identify with some of them or you may not but there is no harm in just going along to see - if you recognise yourself in some of the people they can help you so much to see how they coped and how they came out of it and turned their lives around- but you may see that you are not an alcholic at all and your drinking habits are just a bit out of hand at the moment but either way there is no harm going to AA and there is no shame either

ok im not going to rant on but good luck with what ever you decide to do and remember you are not alone there are people out there who are going through exactully the same thing you are

estar

I am terrified that Im going to turn into her. Yet I nearly feel outside my self int he lack of willpower. That soounds strange but its true. Are there any former alcoholics here? Are these the first stages of alcoholism? For soem who grew up around it, I dont knwo a hell of a lot about it. I grew up trying to ignore it and now find myself ignoring myself.

Im 31 btw, so old enough to be aware. But I swore Id never get here aadn look at me now! Exactly where I said I wouldnt be. I feel like Ive let myself down and broken the only important promise I ever made myself. But its been hard to keep with all that has passed int he last few years and I can never imagine not drinking again cos its the only thing that helps me sleep now.

Holy crap. Im in trouble here.[/QUOTE]

its going to be ok. you are a different person to your mother. its good to
take the issue seriously, but not good to start beating yourself up about it.
that starts a negative spiral, and means you want to drink to escape.

most addictions are started by blocking emotions (ive heard). you engage in the habit to escape. you need to find what it is you are escaping and face it, whether it be loneliness, issues from the past, low self esteem, dis satisfaction with your job, and then find real answers for these problems.

how do you feel before you drink - do you feel panicy, unhappy, lonely.
engage the feeling and face it, rather than drinking to make it go away.

the fact that alcohol is impacting on your life means that you have an issue with it, whether it be two glasses a night or two bottles. if it is causing
you distress then yes you have a problem.

its not the end of the world. you can turn this around. you are only 31. you have so much of life left to live.

dont be 35 saying the same thing. it only takes 28 days to lay the foundation of a new habit. start planning the change, and see it as a positive exciting
event, that opens up whole new avenues for you. there is no shame in facing the truth . there is only shame in not facing it.

make a list of the things you want to achieve- not just stop drinking.
all the positive things - save money. wake up without a hangover.
be early to work. socialise without the fear of loss of control. feeling
like you are the boss. focus on these positive things.

i promise you that if you focus on the positive, and seek appropriate help
things will get better

LegacyUser

Hi again.

Thanks for the responses. I know only i know whether or not i am actually an alcoholic but its really encouraging to hear im not a lost cause. Even from strangers!

I did drink last night. Not as much as usual but I drank cos i had to. So my question is answered now at least. Im going to try to detox myself and if that doesnt work then im signing in after xmas. Im on the verge of ruining my life here and i have to get he self preservation hat on. I dont want to go into what i experienced on a public forum, i had counselling but never really got into it. I cant face it even now cos ill go mad, stark raving lunatic mad. if i have to go into all that then I might as well just keep drinking cus there is no way im going back down memory lane for that one. ive done my best to block it out and will continue to do so but illaddress the boozing issue and concentrate on that.

Once more, thanks all who replied. Ye are a really sound base.

xxx

Victor

Op, can I suggest you don't try anything drastic by yourself. Have a word with your GP and he can suggest some methods to ease the transition.

strawberrybox

hey obviously you havent blocked out what happend to you your just running away from all the feelings that that may bring up with drinking so unless you deal with the root cause you will never be fully free and you will probably find it nearly impossible to give up your crutch- your drinking to bury your feelings and numb yourself to the world you cant go on like this please please consider going along to an AA meeting there is no need to do this by yourself you dont have to say a word about yourself or your situation buy im sure you will come across someone with a nearly identical story to yourself and you can meet on a one to one and have a chat that way- please dont dismiss it as somewhere for smelly old men to go and moan its so not like that - i live with an alchaholic and AA has done absoutley wonders for him he has made loads of good friends there and its a very safe and supportive enviorment and there are loads of young normal people just like yourself in there

pretty-in-pink

It sounds to me like you have formed a physical dependancy on alcohol, you know you have an emotional one from what you have said. Using drink as a crutch or a reality avoidance tool is dangerous. For the sake of your health, face your problems. Yes its scary, yes it will hurt, the longer you leave it though, the harder it will be. None of us need to drink- it should be a social thing, not an excuse to be alone and get drunk. I grew up around both a recovering addict and a using addict (alcohol). Both of them are clean now, but the signs do stick around in your head(or they did in mine).

If you manage to kick alcohol, then keep up the work getting to the root of the problem and fixing it- otherwise you will become a dry drunk. I know for a while I went a bit....crazy..but I have cut back a lot on drink, and am dealing with the things I was running from- and it does work- I promise, it mightn't be easy, but its worth it. You are not a lost cause, I could go into the big higher-power, inner-child thing, but I don't want to get jumped on, and as it's personal to each person, it mightn't be best to talk about it- if you want to talk then you can join and PM me, or you can check out the various AA family support sites.

Try to not drink, give it 24 hours. and once you have done that, do another 24. Take it in small steps, and stop running from the past- we can't erase what has made us who we are, so deal with it, so you can close it and move on. Best of luck xx

Miss Fluff

+ 1, What Pretty-In-Pink said, good advice.

You mentioned in an earlier post that if you "manage to get out at lunch".....do you drink at lunchtime OP?

A lot of compulsions are as a result of habit. Do you buy wine on the way home from work on a daily basis? If so, take a different route home today. Don't go into the shop/off-license. What you're going through is a vicious cycle. You feel like sh1t because you are drinking so much, and then drinking as a comfort which results in you feeling even worse. I'm not saying you will have to give up drink forever and that's something you don't need to think about today. All you need to think about is not having a drink this evening for example. It is all habitual, don't have one today and then see how you feel tomorrow (rotten I should imagine, you will probably have difficulty nodding off) but at least you will have proved to yourself that you didn't "have to" have a drink.

You are holding down a job, you obviously have it together in lots of other ways and it will do wonders for your self-esteem if you can knock it on the head for a while and think about things with a clear head. To be constantly hungover is only living a half-life hon. Don't have any wine when you get home. Get yourself a nice DVD, face-pack and a long bath and concentrate on a bit of "me" time this evening, you deserve it.

hi-fi

Im going to try to detox myself and if that doesnt work then im signing in after xmas.

Stop codin yourself, go to AA today. Look it up on the internet, find out where your nearest meeting is and get your backside in there. This way, just for today you won't have bought the wine to take home, if you can't sleep tonight then so be it. We're only talking one night, worry about tomorrow night when it comes.
You can sit at the back and just listen, they won't bite you, Your problems and reasons for drinking are secondary right now, if you have stuff to sort out you're not going to do it as a drinking alcoholic and from your last post it sounds like you're hiding from your past inside a bottle of wine, or mabey your past is your excuse.
Wouldn't it be good to go into christmas knowing that you're not alone and have someone to call on day or night? that is what AA is about.
I'm really not trying to be hard here but you have to call a spade a spade-you can't sleep, you've got the shakes and you don't feel you're in control anymore, very soon you won't be able to see any of this for yourself, you'll have to justify your drinking some way, so please go NOW while you still have some of your wits about you. After christmas might be too late. I really wish you all the best and know what you're going through.

LegacyUser

Thanks all. Im going to do something about it. I killed nearly three bottels last night. I just kept on and on and on. I was alone int he house so for me that a great evening of getting completly plastered and falling into bed before anyone gets back to see me. Im a bit paranoid people are going to start suspecting something soon. Im at the desk here and in bits. I havent looked up all day cos my head feels like its going to fall off.

even in this last few days, with posting honestly on here, im starting to be even more scared but more confident that its not too late. Im leaving early today and going home. Ive bought a ton of beauty products and am going to spend the evening concentrating on that. I dont want to go for a walk because there are offies where i live and some really good pubs too. I know ill step into them if i go a wandering.

I dont think aa is a good idea at the moment until i get my head around the fact that i am in a very dangerous position now. jesus, I was scared when i posted first but now im terrified. for the first time ive though, what if i CANT stop drinking? what the hell will i do? this is secret that ive kept but my roomies know at this point that things have really gone downhill in the last few months. but they dont say anything because they think i am more dependent on it than i really am.

omg. i just read the last line again and realsied its an out and out lie. I even sound like an alcoholic. crap. Im going to have to start from the ground up here. has anyone any experience of getting off it and how it feels for the first few weeks? how did you do it? Ill post later when i can think straigh. Im too hungover and all over the place here. the next post will hopefully make more sense.

LegacyUser

Ok I had the same problem, only spirits rather than wine. Just switch to something else less harmful and non addictive to get you wasted at night. For example, smoke a joint of Spice, which is a legal herbal blend that - I assure you - gets you stoned and relaxed just like cannabis. After that you won't even think to drink.

Or try <snip>Not too sure about this</snip>, which is also legal, not harmful and non addictive. A couple of cups is like drinking two bottles of wine (without the hangover though), incredibly relaxing, sleep like a baby, and with a very pleasant afterglow that lasts all the way into next day.

ellenmelon

however you decide to battle this, you shouldnt do it alone. go to your GP and if they're indifferent towards you, find someone that will help you. you need to do this. alchoholism is so destructive and you deserve to live a happier life.
from the sounds of it, you need help with the underlying issue from your past as well as your addiction to alchohol.
i feel really strongly that you shouldnt do this by yourself...your GP will be able to refer you to someone or you could try a phone counselling service..the AA have numbers on their website you can call.
take care dude/dudette... and keep talking to us here if you need too..

LegacyUser

Hi all. Thansk for the really helpful replies. The last few days have been a total disaster - it being the holiday season and all. Im going to sort thisout but not yet. Im going to get the xmas over with and take it from there in the new year. I feel really really down now that i know ive a problem and just feel like helll all teh time but quitting at this time of year would only raise awareness of the problem and Ive a ton of parties over the next few weeks so Im just going to coast it and get over the season.

I know this is not an ideal solution but Im tired and not in fighting form. This weeks examination of self has left me wreaked in my head. Im ashamed Ive let it get this far but I know I can fix this when Im feeling better. Ive looked up AA and there are no meetings that I can get to in my area. I dont drive and I work 12 hours days at a minumum so I cant get there. Im going to do a plan of action out for the new year and take it from there. I feel out of control and dread what the next few weeks will bring. I dread waking up having to examine and remember what happenned the night before but know I cant counter this yet. Im beginning to think whats the point. Was I alwasy destined for this and if i was, why fight it. A life without alcohol seems very empty with far too much headspace for thinking. It fkn depresses me just thinking about it.

Ill post again in the new year when Im functioning better.

Thansk again all.

Miss Fluff

If you're not ready to knock it on the head until 2008 can't you at least try and cut down? If you had 3 bottles of wine last night for example, can't you just have one tonight instead? You won't feel like you're depriving yourself that way but it may help you prepare your body better for giving it completely in a few weeks.

pretty-in-pink

Fallingintoit wrote: »

Hi all. Thansk for the really helpful replies. The last few days have been a total disaster - it being the holiday season and all. Im going to sort thisout but not yet. Im going to get the xmas over with and take it from there in the new year. I feel really really down now that i know ive a problem and just feel like helll all teh time but quitting at this time of year would only raise awareness of the problem and Ive a ton of parties over the next few weeks so Im just going to coast it and get over the season.

I know this is not an ideal solution but Im tired and not in fighting form. This weeks examination of self has left me wreaked in my head. Im ashamed Ive let it get this far but I know I can fix this when Im feeling better. Ive looked up AA and there are no meetings that I can get to in my area. I dont drive and I work 12 hours days at a minumum so I cant get there. Im going to do a plan of action out for the new year and take it from there. I feel out of control and dread what the next few weeks will bring. I dread waking up having to examine and remember what happenned the night before but know I cant counter this yet. Im beginning to think whats the point. Was I alwasy destined for this and if i was, why fight it. A life without alcohol seems very empty with far too much headspace for thinking. It fkn depresses me just thinking about it.

Ill post again in the new year when Im functioning better.

Thansk again all.

Ok firstly- people will probably be relieved you have given up. Christmas is not an excuse to drink. Part of the nature of the disease is that you find reasons to feed you habit.

Secondly, that is BS about the meetings. How do I know? Well they have them everywhere. If you can get to the pub, and you work long shifts -but have no car this suggest you live in a town. Which means there is more then one place you can get to a meeting.
It seems that you are burying your head back in the sand. You stand to lose a lot if you continue this destructive behaviour. Simply stop, and take it an hour at a time,