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For Sale !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • 28-11-2007 7:21pm
    #1
    dak
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭


    FOR SALE: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend.
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    .Wife knows everything.

    ************************************************************
    This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this handsome blonde muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts.

    Making sure she goes through his line she leans over and asks if he'll carry her groceries out to which he responds, "Sure lady."

    They no sooner get out of the store and she again leans over and whispers, "You know, I have an Itchy Pussy."

    He responds, "You'll have to point it out to me lady, all those Japanese cars look alike!!"


    **************************************************************
    Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears.

    "We can't see each other anymore...." she sobbed.

    "Why?" gasped Declan.

    "Daddy says crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you, a mere crab, and a poor one at that, are the lowest class of crustacean... and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."

    Declan was shattered, and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness and to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion. That night, the great Lobster Ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.

    Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in. The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne. Slowly, painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the floor...and all could see that he was walking not sideways, but FORWARDS, one claw after another!

    Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally looked King Lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush. Finally, the crab spoke..............



    "****, I'm pissed."


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