when is OK to come back to work

bea2200

Hi All,
Im 25 weeks pregnant. I had an argument with my bf last night because he heard on the radio that now they think that mothers that come back to work before the baby has 1 year, can cause them health problems... so he was saying to me that he would "prefer" me to stay home for the whole year.

I told him that i was definately going to take my 6 months maternity leave and if we could afford it, the 4 months non paid, but that at this very moment i could not promise him i would stay home for 1 year and loose my job, EVEN if we could afford it (which i just know we can't) and because I dont know how I will feel. I mean, i might be dying to go back to work, or i might not.

The difference is that his mother always stayed home with him and his brothers/sisters, whereas my mum went back to work. I'm just not the type of woman that would be happy forever home and getting money from the bf/hubbie. I want my independence and my social life as well.

What do you all think? Anyone heard this on the news yesterday?

kelle

My advise is this - get back as soon as you can because the longer you leave it the harder it will be for your child to settle with a minder- believe me, I know!
My first child was 4mo when I returned to work and there was no problems.
With child no.2, I didn't return to work until she was 2-and-a-half and her health is no different to her brother or younger sister's.
Child no.3 - I didn't return to work until she was 9mo, and it's been hell! She was evicted from the creche she was in first, and it took her 7 weeks to settle with her new childminder. She's too attached to me. I feel i've aged 20 years in the past 3 months!
Like you, I love my independence and having my own money and it's also great to talk to adults.

RIRI

I didn't hear this on the news yesterday.

I would have very strong opinions on anyone stating that a childs health would suffer due to a mother returning to work before the first year is out.

The only reason I could possible see for this would be that due to being in a creche & mixing with other children they MIGHT pick up colds etc more frequently - but this will happen when they go to school anyway.

I went back to work when my son was 14 weeks and he has never had anything more than the sniffles - he's now 3.

My best advice to you would be to wait and see how you feel, as Kelle said it;s great to talk to adults to say nothing of the independence earning your own money brings, that said you might dread the whole idea of leaving babs when the time comes.

Best of luck what ever you decide - don't let anyone forec you into a decision.

dame

Like the others said, go back when you feel ready. Like RIRI said, the child might pick up a few colds and things when they start at a creche or childminders with other kids, but this will happen whatever age the child is and will definitely happen when they go to school. If anything getting a few sniffles in their first year might even make them stronger, as their immune system is developing quicker than it ever will again, up until age 2. If they never get out of the house until then they're never going to meet anything to be able to build up their resistance to it.

I went back to work when my daughter was 4 months 2 days old. She settled right into the creche and we never had any problems. At the time I would have loved to delay returning to work though but couldn't. Take your full 6 months maternity leave, then take the unpaid leave (or portion of it) if you can afford to and want to. After that just see how you feel. If it was me I'd rather keep my job rather than have the stress of looking for a new one a month or two later.

bea2200

Thank you so much for your advice. I will definately keep all that in mind when the subject is brought up again... Im not sure if the news was refering at phisical or emotional health.

Anyway, im too very skeptic about it. If the baby feels loved and it is left in good hands it shouldnt be a problem to go back to work after 6 months (or less if one has to)

Hotblack Desiato

bea2200 wrote: »

I told him that i was definately going to take my 6 months maternity leave and if we could afford it, the 4 months non paid, but that at this very moment i could not promise him i would stay home for 1 year and loose my job

Huh? They HAVE to hold your job open for you on maternity leave. Afaik this includes the unpaid maternity leave as well as the paid.
You also have the legal right to unpaid parental leave, although your employer has some say in when you can take that.

I mean, i might be dying to go back to work, or i might not.

Ideally keep your options open if possible. It could turn out that you hate the though of being parted from your wee one when the time comes. Or you could be dying to get back to work. It doesn't make you a better or worse parent either way.

I'm just not the type of woman that would be happy forever home and getting money from the bf/hubbie. I want my independence and my social life as well.

Forget the social life for the next twenty years or so
You will be "taking" money from him one way or the other anyway. Many women find that their after-tax income barely covers childcare costs, if that's the case then he'll have to pay the lion's share of household bills etc. and maybe even spending money for you too :eek:
You really need to discuss this as a couple. Pooling your resources, financial and non-financial, isn't "dependence" it's caring and what making a family is all about.

NextSteps

ninja900 wrote: »

Huh? They HAVE to hold your job open for you on maternity leave. Afaik this includes the unpaid maternity leave as well as the paid.
You also have the legal right to unpaid parental leave, although your employer has some say in when you can take that.

Plus all your holidays, bank holidays and so on are accrued, so you mightn't be too far off a full year in the end.

dame

UB wrote: »

Plus all your holidays, bank holidays and so on are accrued, so you mightn't be too far off a full year in the end.

True.

The unpaid parental leave of 14 weeks is available (at employers discretion, as in they can refuse to allow you to take it at a particular time) is available up until the child's eighth birthday. Personally I'd rather keep it and use it if God forbid the child needed to go for an operation or to use during summer holidays during the child's first few years at school. It's a personal choice though. You'll see what suits you and your family when your maternity leave is nearly up.

themadchef

Ok everyone will think i'm mad, but i had sections with all my four and this time (twins) went back to work just under 6 weeks after having them.

WHY?
basically my job situation means that i work a block of 4 months in the summer (crazy hours) and all my kids were born just before the season starts. By doing this i can spend 8 months on full pay and work only 12 hours a week during that time. It's a great job, employment is hard to find down here so when you get a decent job you tend to hang onto it. Yes i know im entitled to my leave but the work is only there in the summer. I felt perfectly healthy and fit for work.

I employed 2 ladies to care for my children in my absence and the babies were well cared for. I do the time to get the time! Its just the way it worked for me. Many will disagree with it sure. "how can you leave your babies etc, but if i had the regular 40hr week i'd lose the time elsewhere down the road.

I love my kids but I love work too, it keeps me sane, and with 4 childern and a mortgage i need the job as well.

RIRI

Fair play to you madchef - 6 weeks after a section, with twins - can't be easy.

I think the point you (& just about everyone else) is making is, wait & see how you feel. We have all done what's best for ourselves & our families be that finacially or emotionally.

Slightly off topic but I think this unpaid leave lark is a joke, great if you can afford to take it but realistically who can?