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The Sun (criticss much appreciated)

supertramp · 2007-11-27 19:50:02

Got bored, so I came up with this light hearted piece. Maybe i should just stick with short stories? The Sun In the boundaries of discomfort the dame of my eye shone her bright light down into the vales of torment. Her realms set forth an air of dignity, capturing the winged rats of despair, doucing the high palaces with…

27-11-2007 7:50pm

#1

supertramp

Closed Accounts Posts: 241 ✭✭

Join Date: November 2007

Posts: 182

Got bored, so I came up with this light hearted piece. Maybe i should just stick with short stories?

The Sun

In the boundaries of discomfort
the dame of my eye
shone her bright light down
into the vales of torment.

Her realms set forth an air of dignity,
capturing the winged rats of despair,
doucing the high palaces with
scenic snows and pleasant wonders

Came trickling with the slopes,
a gathering stream of hope
into a river running calm,
gifting a meadow a vision of peace.

The great flower on the eve of her hour,
soaking our sorrow, her needs were shallow.
She shone too long, her petal not long
faded with the wind into a song
where forever she would belong.

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