Suspicions confirmed... she's dumped!

LegacyUser

Been going out with the GF for about 4 years now. The last year hasnt been great to be honest but we've got through it. One of the things was that there was a guy she worked with who started out "pestering" her after about a month she stopped complaining only now have i found out because she started to like the attention. I'd consider myself a pretty attentive boyfriend i always tell ehr she looks good and i do try to be romantic as often as i can.

We had a few rows about this guy over the past year. A couple of work parties of hers i went to he made it obvious he was interested I played it cool and was friendly with him at my GFs request but tbh i wanted to punch his lights out. At one stage i thought i saw them holding hands! So fast forward to the weekend she was going out with a few heads from work on saturday I had a big match on sunday so i stayed in as i wasnt feeling great (usually i'd have a few cokes)

Anyway got into work at 7am this morning and logged onto bebo(were mid 20's). I've got a couple of her work friends as my friends also so i seen there was pictures of saturday night. My GF was in a few but in the background of one.... there is my GF and this guy eating each others faces. I was pretty calm i just sent her the link and told her "its over"

I was cheated on a couple of times before and both times i went mental causing massive scenes. I just feeling a little detached at the moment i'm not even angry maybe i'm in shock.

She's in work at half 8 so i should get an interesting reply, anyway this is just my own little rant!

Victor

You need to let this out. You seem to be keeping it all nice and calm, but something else down the line will trigger something and SNAP!

Talk it out with someone.

LegacyUser

Victor wrote: »

You need to let this out. You seem to be keeping it all nice and calm, but something else down the line will trigger something and SNAP!

Talk it out with someone.

Victor i am pretty angry but i honestly couldnt give 2 ****s, he promised numerous times that nothing was happening with this guy and if shes gonna do this to me after 4 years then she's not worth getting too bothered about. Thankfully unlike that guy on camden street last week i dont have access to an AK47 or there could be a bloody ending to this post (joking i am not an advocate of going postal)

Sephiroth_dude

thats rough,sorry to hear that man..........hahahaha shes gonna get a nice little surprise so when she goes into work ......

whiskeyman

As long as that's 100% your g/f (now ex!) in the photo!!

You'll get over her, don't worry. Best of luck man.

machiavellianme

You did well. Thats the most "cool" ending I could imagine. Just make sure to hold out and dont succumb to the inevitable need to talk. Best of luck in the future.

davyjose

whiskeyman wrote: »

You'll get over her, don't worry. Best of luck man.

I'd echo this. Just go and have some fun dude, it's the best way to deal with it. Moping will do nothing, neither will losing the head or trying keep in contact with her.
Your in the position, right now, of being able to control things. She's gonna come off looking like a slut. Go off, and enjoy being single (I mean that, the best way to get over an ex is to sleep with someone else). And best of luck.

gandalf

Firstly if it definately was your gf in the photo then you have done the right thing imho. However as Victor says you should talk it out with a friend so you have an outlet and don't pent up everything to explode at a later stage.

Good luck man, enjoy being single.

K_P

Horrible as it is to end a relationship, that was a pretty damn cool way of doing it. And no more than she deserves!

r3nu4l

banman567 wrote: »

Anyway got into work at 7am this morning and logged onto bebo(were mid 20's). I've got a couple of her work friends as my friends also so i seen there was pictures of saturday night. My GF was in a few but in the background of one.... there is my GF and this guy eating each others faces. I was pretty calm i just sent her the link and told her "its over"

It's a pretty horrible way to find out and as the others have said, talk to someone about it. As for your bebo 'friends' who are also her colleagues, they are obviously more friends with her than anything else if they never told you what was going on Maybe time to dump them too.

I don't use Bebo so I don't know if this is possible but can you remove them and her from your friends list? Might not be a bad idea.

Reku

Opps, beaten to it by r3nu4l. Well so I'll just say I agree with r3nu4l's post so. Last thing you need at the moment is false friends who are loyal only to your ex and will lie through their teeth to you. How any friend can quietly sit there while that's going on is beyond me.

~Rebel~

Commiserations man. Horrible way to find out.

mastermind2005

jesus that low....

would i be wrong to suggest post the link to the bebo page?

gandalf

mastermind2005 wrote: »

jesus that low....

would i be wrong to suggest post the link to the bebo page?

I really don't think this is a useful suggestion do you. OP do not post any links that can identify you or the others involved in this situation.

mastermind2005

maybe your right, i just tought shaming her might be a way to get back.....

uprooted shane

sorry to hear that man, just want to wish you luck, try to talk about it to a friend or something! good luck dude!

babyguinnessfan

Hi banman,

Really sorry that this has happened to you but you ARE doing the right thing by dumping her. Once a person allows themselves to cheat on someone else they have crossed a personal boundary which they will continue to cross time and time again.
I found out last week that my ex had cheated on me and he has also been dumped. Still feel sick to my stomach but it supposedly gets better.
Take one hour at a time
You are better off without that kind of stress in your life.
Good luck.

funloving

Dumping her was the best thing you could do and I hope you won't forgive her again as you did it in the past...

If she was still cheating on you it means she had no respect for you,your love and she didn't learn from the past and I don't think she ever will..


If she says she's sorry and she won't do it again don't listen to her.

I know it hurts but you'll be better off without her.
There's plenty of fish in the sea...many are cruel sharks but don't stop looking for a nice girl,I know you'll find her.

channaigh

has she rang you yet. that is so cool the way you've just handel it "its over "caught rotten.
go have a laugh

star-pants

Hey OP - that's horrible...and a not nice way to find out!!
But you did the right thing - by just sending the link & saying 'its over'
A friend of mine found out her bf was cheating - he was away in spain & promised nothing was going on - but she found pics online of him & a girl. So I told her to post the pics to him with the title 'where's wally?'
I've been cheated on myself and it sucks pet. But at least now you know and hopefully can begin to move on *hug*

Mighty_Mouse

The cold way is the only way for these situations.
Personally I like to handle the whole situation in about 2 sentences.
......."Get your stuff. Get out".
Then absolute stony silence from then on!


Its the sweetest most effective revenge.
Cos everyone has that deep down need not to feel guilty.
They need so so so so badly to explain the situation, give it context, talk things through etc etc

I would never give her the satisfaction. (no matter how long the relationship has lasted)

Gumbyman

Fair play man. I'm giving you a big high five. You've made the best of a very bad situation. At least you found out now instead of a few more years down the line. Sorry for your loss but massive respect for your reaction. Treat her with the absolute disdain which she deserves. Be strong brother. You can, and will, do better.

Xavi6

Fair play mate. You definitely did the right thing. Anyone else looking forward to her justification for it?!

Similiar thing happened to me , The shock was sickening indeed... I feel for you
You did the right thing though
Has she contacted you ?

pookie82

I think you really need to question the intelligence of her "friends" who were stupid enough to post a pic like that where you could see it, but I'm delighted she was caught out. I don't know if I'd be so quick to delete them all though, it's down to them you found out at all and they may not necessarily have been in on the whole thing - it wasn't their place to stop her or tell you unless they're incredibly close to you.

No doubt you'll get the whole crying down the phone routine for a while now but it sounds like you've reached that point where something just snaps (in a positive way) and you realise without anger or remorse that it's over and that this person is of absolutley no advantage to you in your life.

Ignore the cow from now on. Cheating really is the worst form of betrayal.

P.S. On a slightly different note, I honestly can't believe the stupidity of people who use Bebo without an ounce of cop on and get caught out like that!!! How many times have there been problems on here related to dodgy comments and suspicious photos on that site??? It's great that these people get shown up and all, but how they constantly let themselves get exposed on the net for all to see is a mystery to me.

MicraBoy

pookie82 wrote: »

.

P.S. On a slightly different note, I honestly can't believe the stupidity of people who use Bebo without an ounce of cop on and get caught out like that!!! How many times have there been problems on here related to dodgy comments and suspicious photos on that site??? It's great that these people get shown up and all, but how they constantly let themselves get exposed on the net for all to see is a mystery to me.

Well unless the person who posted the pic was trying to do the OP a favour by exposing the gf, without having to say it to his face. They could always claim it wasn't on purpose.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the support, Yeah she has called, emailed and txt, "its not what it looks like etc etc he was going home and he was just givin me a peck on the cheek..." Its not pec on the cheek beleive me!

Then she said "i was hammered and missing you etc etc and it didnt mean anything blah blah blah.

She wants to meet up to talk , we live together so i'm taking a half day to go get me stuff and a friend is gonna pick me and drop me back to my parents before she gets back from work.
I've no intention of speaking to her anymore, thanks for the support boardsies!

GAAman

Believe it or not mate im delighted for you (Cos you said you been cheated on before as have i and they got away with it for a long time before being found out)

Hope you find someone who treats you the way you deserve

paddylonglegs

Any word yet?This is a really good post.If I was able to see her face I would love to see the look on it!

Best of luck

Dave!

Fair play for playing it cool. All the best, you deserve better than her.

Zombrex

banman567 wrote: »

Been going out with the GF for about 4 years now. The last year hasnt been great to be honest but we've got through it. One of the things was that there was a guy she worked with who started out "pestering" her after about a month she stopped complaining only now have i found out because she started to like the attention. I'd consider myself a pretty attentive boyfriend i always tell ehr she looks good and i do try to be romantic as often as i can.

We had a few rows about this guy over the past year. A couple of work parties of hers i went to he made it obvious he was interested I played it cool and was friendly with him at my GFs request but tbh i wanted to punch his lights out. At one stage i thought i saw them holding hands! So fast forward to the weekend she was going out with a few heads from work on saturday I had a big match on sunday so i stayed in as i wasnt feeling great (usually i'd have a few cokes)

Anyway got into work at 7am this morning and logged onto bebo(were mid 20's). I've got a couple of her work friends as my friends also so i seen there was pictures of saturday night. My GF was in a few but in the background of one.... there is my GF and this guy eating each others faces. I was pretty calm i just sent her the link and told her "its over"

I was cheated on a couple of times before and both times i went mental causing massive scenes. I just feeling a little detached at the moment i'm not even angry maybe i'm in shock.

She's in work at half 8 so i should get an interesting reply, anyway this is just my own little rant!

Fair play.

Its a difficult situation to be in. If a guy gets jealous he risks being considered an over protective assh*le. On the other hand we can generally tell when something is up, and I know a ton of guys who have lost girlfriends to other guys who started out as "just friends" after their girlfriends told them there was nothing to worry.

Fair play to the way you handled it. It sucks but at least you get some satisfaction of catching her red handed.

And I know it hurts like hell but really you are much better off without this one. If you can't trust someone what do you have?

babyguinnessfan

Hi OP - how are you holding up? If you can, go to the gym or something tonight - great way to help (even if it's just a baby step) release anger and tension. Sending you lots of hugs.

Victor

mastermind2005 wrote: »

would i be wrong to suggest post the link to the bebo page?

Marla Singer, go away. You tourist.

TheDriver

Can I suggest let her think about it, let things settle down and maybe think about talking to her as 4 years is a long time to throw away over something she I'm sure knows is wrong. Don't be so hasty to throw it all away if ye were having a good time together as a couple anyways. Move out and play it handy for few days, see if she really wants to make ammends or just really doesn't care. Leave it for maybe 3 days, don't talk etc. Don't do anything you'll regret all the same.
P.S. Nicely handled so far and if itsnot meant to be, then so be it also.

davyjose

banman567 wrote: »

Thanks for the support, Yeah she has called, emailed and txt, "its not what it looks like etc etc he was going home and he was just givin me a peck on the cheek..." Its not pec on the cheek beleive me!

Then she said "i was hammered and missing you etc etc and it didnt mean anything blah blah blah.

She wants to meet up to talk , we live together so i'm taking a half day to go get me stuff and a friend is gonna pick me and drop me back to my parents before she gets back from work.
I've no intention of speaking to her anymore, thanks for the support boardsies!

So she lied to you, and then when she realised you weren't buying it she modified her story. Real smooth of her. Dude, you are doing the right thing. What Mighty mouse said is SO true - just let her fry in her own juices. And remember always that she'll always feel worse than you.
I've noticed that women (any I've, or any of my mates, have split with anyway) always want to come out of these things clean - without any black marks on them. So they try to reason with you, end on good terms etc. Don't give her that opportunity!

Jesus Wept

TheDriver wrote: »

Can I suggest let her think about it, let things settle down and maybe think about talking to her as 4 years is a long time to throw away over something she I'm sure knows is wrong. Don't be so hasty to throw it all away if ye were having a good time together as a couple anyways. Move out and play it handy for few days, see if she really wants to make ammends or just really doesn't care.

No, no, no, no, no.

MagicMarker

banman567 wrote: »

Thanks for the support, Yeah she has called, emailed and txt, "its not what it looks like etc etc he was going home and he was just givin me a peck on the cheek..." Its not pec on the cheek beleive me!

Then she said "i was hammered and missing you etc etc and it didnt mean anything blah blah blah.

She wants to meet up to talk , we live together so i'm taking a half day to go get me stuff and a friend is gonna pick me and drop me back to my parents before she gets back from work.
I've no intention of speaking to her anymore, thanks for the support boardsies!

Wow man fair play to you, you handled this excellently! I hope for your sake that you're renting!!

But seriously, you'll be over this in no time! Have fun in the mean time.

Dukephil

Hi OP,

Well done. I have to echo to predominant sentiments expressed by the other Boarders. "Thanks for togging out, and good luck in the cup!"

BTW - Seems too convenient to assume that the photo was accidentally posted. Perhaps someone at her work has it in for her too?

You are leaving with yuor chin up and the warm feeling that you have is the dignity you retained.

Four years is quite a while though - Coppers on Saturday?

Mighty_Mouse

Yeah she has called, emailed and txt, "its not what it looks like etc etc he was going home and he was just givin me a peck on the cheek..." Its not pec on the cheek beleive me!

Then she said "i was hammered and missing you etc etc and it didnt mean anything blah blah blah.

What an idiot! The fact that you knew about the flirty history between them & she stil tried to lie!!
Her only chance was to tell the complete brutal honest truth.

4 years is a long time.
Ye have so much in common which makes its so hard to manage these situations.
But honestly, if you can go 4-5 weeks of complete silence its worth it.
If she calls round, refuse to see her.
If you meet her in the street, calmly walk past & blank her.
Dont utter a sound at anytime.

Also refuse to talk about the "circumstances" of how ye finished with people ye know. ie dont go round town telling everyone she a cheat!! (keep necessary get-it-off-yer-chest conversations to the very close & personal inner circle)

It does a few things.
a- It will drive her nuts!
b - You will see how hard she works to try and save the relationship (will reassure your confidence in time, even if you never talk to her again)
c- if you give it enough time you will see whether she runs back to work-colleague guy.
d - keeps the ball in your court.
e - The only way you wil get over this quickly is to feel like you acted with dignity
f - With zero information to work with from your side. People she knows will draw their own conclusions. (which are always worse!)

If you break silence before you know the above then you will never know for sure if she genuinely made a mistake.

Finallly at all times; stay calm. Give yourself time to get perspective.
See how you feel then.

Wing Walker

What can I say? If Carlsberg did dumpings, this'd probably be their best!

Well done for taking such a difficult step and ending it outright. I think you did the right thing.

Best of luck with the future.

LegacyUser

Dukephil wrote: »

Four years is quite a while though - Coppers on Saturday?

Ah coppers... Yes i'll be there, you'll notice me gropping every woman! Actually no you wont every one does that!
Will probably head down the country for a bit of peace and some country pints of guiness

MayMay

Well done OP, you're doing the right thing. You WILL find someone better out there who deserves you, best of luck.

lenovoguy

Yeah sounds good. I must say you seem to be taking this rather well. I just worry that it may end up like Jim Carrey in Me Myself and Irene if you don't talk to someone. Four years is a very long time to spend with someone, and the resulting upheaval will not be nice, so you should talk to friends or family, or even get a bit of counselling, even if you feel you don't need it.

I totally sympathise with your situation though. I went out with a girl a few years ago, for not quite as long mind, , and I loved her to bits but it was a similar problem. Old boyfriend kept popping up and hassling her and she never told him to let lost outright, but kept telling me about it, as if she was sort of relishing the attention and trying to gauge how I reacted. Also, she met her current boyfriend while we were going out and i caught them holding hands one time, and the fact they got together about 2 months after we broke up makes me wonder was the same thing going on as is here.

The point is, it seems to be a common tactic used by some girls and that now that you have found out you can move on, but maybe with a little help from close friends/family along the way. Theyll be more than happy to help!

Magic Pips

babyguinnessfan wrote: »

Once a person allows themselves to cheat on someone else they have crossed a personal boundary which they will continue to cross time and time again.

Not sure i'd agree with that, i would've cheated on a girlfriend when i was younger, but i've grown up and haven't done it in years 5+ (i'm 27 now)

OP, sorry to hear it happened to you, but glad you found out. g'luck

follow mighty mouse's advice to a tee

Laslo

Good move. Best advice has already been given - ignore her. Don't talk to her at all. Treat her like a dirty pariah. It'll drive her nuts and really make her feel bad.

dodgyme

banman567 wrote: »

Ah some country pints of guiness

yum yum

tritium

Good move OP and a truely excellent way to handle it. Keep your chin up, TBH you deserve better than a lying cow who can't even admit what happened. Stay strong, ignore her, and get on with the rest of your life!

Good luck

py2006

I love the fact that your leaving work early and clearing your stuff out of the house!

Do me a favour, change your mobile number and don't tell her! Do not respond to any emails, calls, texts etc. It will eat away at her and drive in insane which she more than deserves. Silence is deadly!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE avoid the "talk"! She doesn't deserve it. It is only to make herself feel less guilty about things!

She has even lied to you again by saying it was a goodbye peck or whatever!

Victor

Be careful not to burn your bridges. You might want to get back those CDs you forget to collect.

Keyzer

banman567 wrote: »

Thanks for the support, Yeah she has called, emailed and txt, "its not what it looks like etc etc he was going home and he was just givin me a peck on the cheek..." Its not pec on the cheek beleive me!

Then she said "i was hammered and missing you etc etc and it didnt mean anything blah blah blah.

She wants to meet up to talk , we live together so i'm taking a half day to go get me stuff and a friend is gonna pick me and drop me back to my parents before she gets back from work.
I've no intention of speaking to her anymore, thanks for the support boardsies!

Legendary...

Your my hero...