Just broke up [hearts in bits]

LegacyUser

Few facts , with gf nearly 2 years, recently weve been having arguments etc
just little ones, mainly cause i dont get to see her much, i have a monay personality but i really loved the girl and by the looks of it she loved me too, recently texts had been off so i just told her to tell me straight up and she just said she couldnt handle it anymore and we argue too much, too stressful, its me not you etc
i just cant grasp the fact how someone tells you they will love you forever and how they text you every day saying how much they miss you... then just turn stone cold. Second time this has happened where ive been completley shocked.


im in denial right now but im going to break into pieces in a few hours, i need some serious advice on how to handle this without breaking into pieces and going into serious depression, last time i stopped eating and i think i was just bone.
And i dont think il try getting back with her as its completley over, although she was in tears, she made it clear that she didnt want to be together so its one of those situations where someone just does it and then doesnt look back, regardless how hard it was.

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seraphimvc

i have no idea why is that nobody is replying...which is rare on this board...:o

mate,tough up!2 yrs?mine was 3 yrs,heart broken enough that i wasnt given a chance to see her from that day i leave till now,long distance relationship.

you are a lad,be strong!thats the best advice i can think of.dont feel pity or let it down yourself,we are man,mate!tough up!:D

Marksie

seraphimvc wrote: »

.

you are a lad,be strong!thats the best advice i can think of.dont feel pity or let it down yourself,we are man,mate!tough up!:D

In other words bottle it in so it can't be released.

I would say go the outher way, let it go throuh you as it will. In that way whats the feelings have passed through they will be gone for good, not lurking away there colouring everything else you do in youur life for a long tiome to come.

Only you youraself can look at what was the cause of the breakupo. You say you didn't see each pther much and were arguing.
The latter is a sign of communication issues on both parts I guess. But the recurent theme of your arguments seems to be the amount of time you spent tiogether. The its not you it me is a standard line when one or other is unhappy and feels teh relationship isnt going anywhere
It may not seem like ti at the moment but things will get better.
But everything that happens in life, large or small is a lesson, good or bad.

But this is the second time? with the same person aor with someone else?
what were the causes of teh first.? similar different?

She has made the decision and you are right in what you say. She isn't looking back neither should you.

Take some time to do things for ourself. Keep active, sure you are going tio feel like ****e for a while, but alwas rememebr what it was like the first time. If you feel yoursefl going that route again make a conscious decision to do things.

Your comment about lloving forever, well thnigs change everything is subject to entropy, part of it is changing with it rather than assuming things will stay the same and especially if you reduce the ammount of time yuo spend together. Have a look at how things went wrong in your relationship from your aspect, you have touched on things.

BUT diont do it know. For now, just let it out, get out, keep active, do things you7 want.
DO NOT shut yuorself away. That will not help you at all, lying in bed simply starting at a ceiling wondering will do no good whatsoever

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies,
last time = other girl, that was a around 2/3 years ago though.
I get really attached to things and i just cant cope with the fact she wont be there in my life, not only that i will miss her but just the presence of her in my head, that shes my gf.
Everything i touch gets tainted with depression, i cant eat, watch, play or anything.
Im just really really really hurt and although shes the type of person that realises shes made a mistake, i have this alse hope of her coming back to me but its killing me inside all the same.
I woke up in the middle of the night and it was the worst feeling ever, my heart sometimes feels like it has some sort of disease, i feel phsyical pain.

does anyone have any stories of getting back after their breakups? Althouh i should just be a man about it and move on mentally.

curiousxxx1

You need to mourn the loss of your relationship.... Even if you go crazy and do silly stuff you still need to grieve the fact that its over!
No one likes break ups, but it's part of life.
All the best

CathyMoran

Break ups are never easy - personally when I had my last bad break up I cried solidly for a month but then I just decided to get my own life back and dated someone within that next month. You need to mourn the loss of her for a short while and then move on - the best revenge that you can have on her is being happy. You never know what can happen in the future though so don't do or say things that you might regret (from painful personal experience).

Rockstar*

Hi ,

I have been on the receiving end of this before and know how tough it is.

Broke up with my gf yestaerday myself but it was me who called it this time.

The reason your gf seems cold is becasue she has probably decided that it might be best you dont see each other for a while at least - the only way you can do this is to have a clean break - staying in touch only prolongs an already crap experience mate and thats the reality of it.

Im in a very bad place right now like yourself and can only hope you get through it

As for how to get over it? Im afraid I just dont know, even though I have been in the situation a few times before when it actually happens I dont know how to do anything but exist!!

Best of luck!;)

Rb

OP: These things happen.
As was said above, she's probably decided that despite how she might feel, enough is enough and it had to end, no matter how much hurt it caused herself she probably saw it as a positive thing down the line since as you said, you were beginning to argue a lot and whatever.
Try not to get too down about yourself over it anyway, sometimes it's just not meant to be. Go see your mates and have a few drinks, relax etc and talk to whoevers closest to you about it, get it off your chest etc.
There's loads going through this every day of every month of every year, and 99% of them come out fine after it. You'll get over it eventually, so just try and vent it and then enjoy your new found time to yourself and the single life after being in a relationship for 2 years.

Good luck.

CathyMoran

heartbroken2 wrote: »

does anyone have any stories of getting back after their breakups? Althouh i should just be a man about it and move on mentally.

Yes, I ended up getting back together after a horid break up and am now married to him, if you are meant to be with someone fate will intervene, I see that myself. We were on the verge of splitting for the last time when fate intervened, I got ill and managed to convince him that I was serious about us and we are happily married 11 months now. (We had been dating on and off for 9 years at that stage). I would not assume that you will get back together though, ours was the exception.

LegacyUser

Hey, I feel your pain. I was broken up with too very recently. It was similar to your situation in that all of a sudden texts seemed very cold and distant. I knew something was up, braced myself and I was right. But as far as I was concerned, up until then everything was great. We weren't arguing, he was so affectionate then everything fell apart and I don't know why.

I understand what you mean about a physical pain. I know it's such a cliche but it does get better with time. You already know this - you said something like this happened to you before. I'm sure you're well over that by now, you'll get over this too.

Try to keep yourself occupied. Are you in college/work? Personally, although I don't enjoy my job I find it takes my mind off things because I'm so busy. It's the time at home when I'm doing nothing that it hurts the most. And like you mentioned, I've been waking up at night too. I remember what's happened and it hits me all over again. But I know I'll be ok with a bit of time and you will be too.

Learn from what happened last time. Make an effort to keep eating, even if it's only small meals, whatever you can get into yourself. Don't let yourself become even more run down. And try to get some exercise too. Avoid moping around, thinking too much. Good luck

LegacyUser

Its strange that we chose the same name OP. I feel your pain. There is some great advice in a thread I posted a couple of years back. It'll be a long read but worth it.

And it does get kinda easier OP.

Kinda.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=269323

l3LoWnA

Heartbroken2 & SadToo,

Just want to let ye know I'm feeling for ye guys. Don't have much to add as it's hard to know what to say to someone who's so heartbroken, not many words that will help how you feel! I suppose all I can say, is time is a heeler and dont be afraid to cry......

......try and get out and about though and Socialise a bit, things might not seem as bad.....definately change your routine a bit from what it was when in the relationship....ie., if most evenings you sat in together or sat in the house texting her/him change that, get out and meet friends or do anything to take your mind off it a bit.....

jellie

breakups are never much fun some of the following might help:
- no contact with the person. unfortunately not that easy, but i learned the hard way it only makes it worse
- spending time around other people, doing things unrelated to the person & just generally getting distracted
- work/college can help but only after a certain point, sometimes (especially if its been recent) you cant concentrate on these things
- if you need to cry then cry. after the initial 1st few days of awfulness id sometimes be feeling really sad in college so id go home, have a good cry & let it out, then id be able to go back & actually do some work

basically the 1st few days/week youre probably going to feel awful & theres nothing you can do about it. but as others have said, and no matter how cliche it sounds, the pain does ease over time. sometime next week you might only think about her once in the day. in a couple of weeks youll have days you wont even think about her. then in a month youll go a few days without thinking about her & soon youll hardly ever think about her at all.

(I actually ended up getting back with my bf after 2 months apart, but its not a good way to heal, hoping youll get back together. it probably wouldnt have happened if i had clung to the past, but by trying to move on & having nothing to do with each other we both realised how much we missed each other)

LegacyUser

dude,

similar thing happened me recently,went to bits....cudnt eat...sleepin was tough enuf....i found the best thing was,

sat down on night,first wrote out a list of good things about her....
secondaly wrote a list of the not so good things,things i was not happy with,and ...well it was alot longer than the first list,it helped me realise in some way i think,give it a try maybe...

Saskia

I feel for you OP. It gets easier with time. Keep busy

LegacyUser

thank you all for taking your time to reply, im sorry i dont have time to quote anyone specifically but special thanks to people sharing the same experience, it is indeed horrible and time does heal but the memory will always haunt me.
Anyway a turn of events, as i texted her, i got a positive response, her saying she missed me already and another one later stating she will always love me, im not sure wether she is just being nice or is hinting of going for it again, either way she did say she was very upset and everything reminded me of her but at the break up her initial reason was she couldnt do it, so im not sure at all.
I kept very busy over the week and it worked a treat.

LegacyUser

just an update that me and my gf are back together, after an awful week, the texts made it worse for me eventually. I think it worked out for the best as we both realised how much we actually ment to each other - me more than her so, i belive. But anyway its completley changed me and id request anyone breaking up to think twice, its a horrible experience

seraphimvc

we are happy for you!!:Dbest wishes!!

CathyMoran

Delighted that you two are back, hopefully you will end up as happy as my hubby and I are, best wishes.

Wibbs

heartbreak2 wrote: »

just an update that me and my gf are back together, after an awful week, the texts made it worse for me eventually. I think it worked out for the best as we both realised how much we actually ment to each other - me more than her so, i belive. But anyway its completley changed me and id request anyone breaking up to think twice, its a horrible experience

Cool and I'm happy for you, now the real work starts. This was and is a big red flag in the relationship. Her issues with you and your issues with her are still in play. Just because you're back together, doesn't mean a damn thing unless effort is made on both sides.

You missed each other and still have that connection, but that alone will not keep you together. I guarantee it. You mentioned your moany personality, well that's an area to start working with. No one likes a moaner so do something about it. This is for your sake BTW not hers. Her being happier is just a welcome side effect and will help the relationship. In any case you can't change her only support her, so work on the parts of you that hold you back and can or want to change.

If you both don't work on this then next time around you(or her) may not be so lucky and someone new might help stop the missing each other part.

You've been given a second chance. Use it or lose it.

estar

you get really into someone not because of who they were
but of what they represented to you

what was it that you really lked about her?

does this compare with the reality of the fighting and not getting along>

i think if you break down the reasons for liking someone it helps

as clearly you werent making each other happy

so what was it that you cant forget

shinners007

brill news hope it works out well for ye both!!!

SarahSassy

Make sure you talk about the causes of the breakup and that should reduce the possibilities of it happening again.

Good luck.