So frustrated with stupid break up

LegacyUser

Broke up with my ex girlfriend about 3 months ago as I decided that we were just heading down a bad path, we’d grown apart and things had all gotten way to blown out of proportion, and we were sniping at each other way to much and neither of us was very happy. I loved her to bits but I saw that if we’d kept going the relationship would have gone very sour and we would have broken up in bad circumstances and I would have lost her as a friend too.
after we broke up we went through the usual bouts of being mad about each other and hating each other that comes with the territory of a break up but I’ve been trying lately to clear the air and for us to just be friends, I mean I don’t see any reason why there should be any ill will between us but she just keeps finding reasons to get into fights with me.

We were living together but I’ve moved out for November as she’s moving out in December.
But I had to come home tonight as I’m starting a new job tomorrow and needed stuff from the gaff so I dropped round, she was being weird and I asked her what was wrong and she starts in that she’s heard some **** about me so I ask what and she says that she heard I was going to beat up one of her friends

Now a bit of back story, her best friend was going out with a girl who I’d become reasonably good friends with, he cheated on her and broke her heart and at a party one night she gets upset, me and some friends said he was a dick and merely in a macho blokes being supportive way, said we’d kick his ass if she wanted us too, I know it was a dumb thing to do but i figured she'd get the message that it really meant she had the support of her friends not that we were actually forming a hit squad.
needless to say she gets back with him tells him what I said he says it too my ex who’s now pulling a “oh my god I don’t feel safe around you, you’re so violent I just want to get out of here and away from you as quickly as possible” bit which is ridicules, she’s known me for nearly 3 years and knows that I’ve never been in any kind of a real fight and have never started one and am, not even remotely a violent person, but she’s off the hook with this one and its really pissing me off.
I sat her down and explained the story but she’s just looking for an excuse to hate me so it’ll be an easier break up. I was pretty upset because I’d been thinking when I was away that some of the reasons we’d broken up had been my fault and while I’m not talking full responsibility I did want to take responsibility for what I’d done wrong and apologize. So we got talking and i got to apologize and say my bit but all she could do whenever I said I’d miss her and I still thought she was an amazing person was say something snide and go on that she’s deleted all my old text messages and deleted me off myspace and bebo and changed her status to single, real childish ****.

It’s so hard to not just freak out at her but I really do want us to break up amicably.
I miss her so much and I don’t want to think she’s going off hating me.
I really don’t know what to do.

redfacedbear

There's really not a lot that you can do. While you may want an amicable break-up, if she is not in the zone to give you that there is no way you can make her. The best thing to do would be to walk away with no contact to give her time to come to terms with the split.

She is hurt and looking to make you hurt too. Hence the over-reaction to your pub-talk (by the way learn the lesson that you never bad-mouth a girls boyfriend to her face unless you are 100% sure that the relationship is over!), telling you what she's done to her Bebo etc. You are correct it is childish but if that is how she wants to deal with things that is her look-out, just give her some space.

That you continued to live together after breaking up has turned something difficult into something messy and difficult. You did the right thing moving out, now you have to keep any contact to a minimum and let her go.

Finally there is nothing worse than hearing 'I still think you are wonderful and will miss you awfully, but you are still dumped'. While you may feel this you should keep it to yourself.

MzFusspot

When you end it with someone you can't help or influence how they react, if your ex isn't in a place where she can be amicable about it you have to let it go and give her loads of space for the wounds to heal. It's not always a good idea to stay friends when you break up, especially if the break-up was instigated by only one of you. It may be making you feel better to keep things friendly but if it's hurting her then you need to leave her alone and just put up with feeling terrible yourself.

If I had been in your girlfriend's place when you told her she was an amazing person and you'd miss her I probably would have thrown a waterbomb or a sock full of ketchup or something at you when you left the house.