Partner admits they cheated in every relationship

whiskeyman

Let's just say your partner admits to you that they've cheating in every relationship they've been in, sometimes more than once.
They say being with you is like something they've never really experienced and all the other relationships mean nothing now that they experience what your relationship means. They also say they can't imagine them being with anyone else.
This is all just 7 months in, and things have been going amazing.
How would you react?

Thank you

How Strange

How would you react?

As a boards user probably just like you and post a message here looking for feedback.

I'd say that 'confession' was a great big gaff. You just shouldn't share somethings especially if it is about bad behaviour in previous relationships.

Now you are in a position where you don't know if you are being fed a heap of crap or if he/she is telling the truth. It doesn't bode well for the future if he/she is a habitual cheater.

Silverfish

I'd just say 'ok'.


Just because they did it to other people, doesn't mean they'll do it to you. You've no way of knowing one way or the other what will happen in the future, neither will someone else telling you how they'd react help you.

Just go with the flow and see what happens, if she hasn't cheated on you to date, and you are happy, then there isn't a problem.

Jack B. Badd

I would decide whether I trust them. If I do trust them, regardless of what happened before I met them, then I would stay with them. If I don't trust them, then I would dump them because there would be no point staying together. But I haven't been going out with this hypothetical person for the past 7 months so maybe you should make your own mind up about this...

angelicsaz

are u talkin bout me?!!
coz that has me written all over it, then one day i got slapped in the face by the most amazing man well maybe not slapped in the face is the right way of putting it..... hmmm more like bowled over...
i realised i had no need desire lust want to be with anyone else.
I felt so ****ing amazing being with him i didnt need to look to any1 else for anything.
and honestly wat i had with him was deadly, never had it with anyone else and somehow doubt i will.

honestly i highly doubt they would cheat, not when there is so much at stake and the affection is so great.

the thing that has always stuck with me, was when it came to me... i never had a lover... only casual this and that.

it was hard for me to tell my guy about my past, but i did and honestly i think it made him realise how serious i was..... because lets face it.. its all about trust and honesty. all u can do is trust at the end of the day.

axer

OP: How many relationships are we talking about? and approx what age is your gf?

If my girlfriend told me this then it would make me suspicious. I would probably lose at least some respect (and possibly some trust) if she had cheated on her ex's (especially if it was more than once) and was not honest about the "mistake" afterwards i.e. told their ex about their mistake asap. The only glimmer of hope I could take out of something like that was that at least they were honest about it afterwards. I would consider factors that could have led to the cheating e.g. state of the relationship (i.e. was the other partner cheating etc) but I don't believe there are any factors strong enough to justify cheating but hey, thats just my opinion.

At least she has told you about this which might be a positive sign.

Overheal

Depends on the particulars of the situation. Does she love you? Do you love her? Has she said that to anyone before? Vice Versa? etc. etc. etc.

Some people treat the Love word like a tool: others mean it - the kind that once they've said it to someone have since become completely involved with that person, some of these kind of people never date anyone else again.

OP you need to ask those questions in relation to your own case.

Lemming

Silverfish wrote: »

I'd just say 'ok'.

Just because they did it to other people, doesn't mean they'll do it to you. You've no way of knowing one way or the other what will happen in the future, neither will someone else telling you how they'd react help you.

Just go with the flow and see what happens, if she hasn't cheated on you to date, and you are happy, then there isn't a problem.

OP, the above is probably the best bit of feedback you'll get ^^

To be honest, this confession - for want of a better term - can be interpreted seven ways 'till Sunday and you'll tie yourself in knots humming and hawing over stuff that you will, in all likelihood, invent inside your head with little grounding on reality and possibly sound the death-knell on whatever you two have going.

As Silverfish said, if your girlfriend hasn't cheated on you and you're both happy, then what's the problem?

Carrigart Exile

Sounds like someone playing with your head Whiskeyman. I would have serious doubts about a relationship with someone who said that, not because they might cheat on me, but because they were calculated enough to say something they knew would mess with my head.

muppetkiller

Firstly what a stupid thing to say to your boyfriend ? what was she thinking ?
You were hardly going to feel better about her afterwards ...

But to your question ...I'd be very taken back by it personally...but things are going great with you guys so maybe give her a chance to earn your trust again...as a statement like that would definitley ring the alarm bells in my head.

echosound

Agreed with silverfish and lemming's posts. your Gf has admitted to you that she had cheated in all her previous relationships but she had said that YOUR relationship is like nothing she had ever experienced and she can't imagine being with anyone else.
How old are you both? If the previous relationships were when she was younger (teens, early twenties) then it just points to the fact that she was a bit more immature, and is more mature now, and possibly that the previous relationships were not viewed as proper serious ones, or where she was unhappy and messed up by not doing the decent thing and breaking up before seeing other people, whereas this one you have together is the real deal.

I know some people say "once a cheater, always a cheater" but people do and can change when something is "right". when you meet the right person, often something just clicks and you realise that this person is the one for you, and thoughts of all others go out the window.

In previous relationships, I never stopped "checking out" other men, and although I never acted on it, the thoughts were there - could I do better, what was I missing out on, etc. However, since the day I started going out with my now DH, I have never even thought to check out another man, as I realised this was the one for me, and I couldn't see myself with anyone else. I realised all the previous relationships I had were poor imitations of the "real thing" and perhaps this is where your GF is at right now - she is looking back over her past, has realised her previous relationships were never the real deal, and has the feeling that with you, it is.

I don't doubt that the fact that she is a serial cheater is playing on your mind, but if she has been faithful to you so far, and has given you no reason to lose trust in her, then go with it and see how things pan out. As I said, she may have just realised the reason she kept cheating was the previous relationships were not right and this one is. I'm not saying she's a super person for cheating on people and hurting them in the past, she's not, it's a horrible thing to do, but that's just it - it's in the past, and let her prove to you that this time, it's different.

nacho libre

whiskeyman wrote: »

Let's just say your partner admits to you that they've cheating in every relationship they've been in, sometimes more than once.
They say being with you is like something they've never really experienced and all the other relationships mean nothing now that they experience what your relationship means. They also say they can't imagine them being with anyone else.
This is all just 7 months in, and things have been going amazing.
How would you react?

Thank you

I would point her in the direction of the door. cheating once or twice is understandable but someone who cheats in every relationship seems fickle to me. if i was in your situation i would doubt that i'm really that special to her but rather that she is immature and still in the 'puppy phase' with me.
good luck to you if you continue with this relationship. i hope it works out.

Femelade

I cheated in every relationhip i was in, except for the one i am in now...and my boyfriend cheated in every relationship he was in, except the one he is now. we are together15 months and we are very happy. i trust him and he trusts me.

jdivision

An ex of mine told me that. I was concerned at the time but I just said forget about it and we moved on together. Relationship ended eventually because we moved to different countries but she never cheated on me. We're mates now having moved back here at different times and afaik she never cheated on any of her other boyfriends after me either. I'd say it was more to do with being young than anything else.

Doodee

Worked with a Swedish Girl once who said this to me when her BF wasn't around.
Afaik she remained faithful to him right up until she heading home to Sweden . I'd say don't worry

MagicMarker

Femmy wrote: »

I cheated in every relationhip i was in, except for the one i am in now...and my boyfriend cheated in every relationship he was in, except the one he is now. we are together15 months and we are very happy. i trust him and he trusts me.

How long were you with your other partners? And your bf his?

You haven't cheated yet And he hasn't cheated yet, but how can you be sure?

Femelade

MagicMarker wrote: »

How long were you with your other partners? And your bf his?

You haven't cheated yet And he hasn't cheated yet, but how can you be sure?

i was with a guy for 4 yrs and cheated on him near the start, other relationships were only a few months here and there. much the same for him, he was seeing a girl for a few yrs and cheated on her, then a few short term ones which he also cheated on.

well i know i havent cheated..and to be honest i know he hasnt cheated either..he hasnt had much of a chance to cheat really, we spend every weekend together. he has gone out maybe 5-6 times in the last 15 months without me, and if he cheated on any of those occasions, i would have found out.