stuttering (no offence implied)

sd123

A guy sits down at a bar in Belfast and a random guy with a very strong stutter (phrasing?) sits beside him. He starts rambling on bout how he got a job interview that very morning for a very high paid job presenting TV for the BBC.

i... i...i.... h... h.... had a j...j....j...job interview t.. t...t... this morning... b...b...but it d...d...didn't g...go t..t....that well, he said.

n...n...not that i.. i... it was a v..very b...b....b...bad interview b..but i...i...i just d...d..didn't get the j...j...job.

The guy at the bar had a few pints in him and chanced the question, 'did they give you a reason as to why you didn't get the job?'

the guy said, i...i..it's b..because i'm catholic!

dak

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: 'It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your appendage is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering. Patient: Ddddd octttor . Whhaaat cccan I dddo? (Doctor what can I do? )The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the appendage and freeing him from this horrible problem. The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be worth it. The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up. Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the operation. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches. The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says:I dddoonnn? t ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble.

finkaboutit555

Two guys walk into a bar:

One man goes to the barman "I'll have a pint of guinness and my friend here will have a......" He turns to his friend "OK Donkey What do you want?"

His Friend Goes " I I I I I'LLLLLL H H H H AAAAAVVVVEEE AAAAAAA PPPPPPPPPIIIINNNNTTTT OOOOFFFFFF GGGGGGGGUUUUIIIINNNNNEEESSSS TTTTOOOO"

The first Guy Goes " OK Barman A pint of Guinness for me and a pint for my friend Donkey"

They drink their pints and the first announces that he is going to the toilets and Says "OK DONKEY YOUR ROUND"

Donkey goes to the bar and goes "CCCCAAAANNNN IIIII HHHHAAAVVVE TTTWWWOOO PPPPIIINNTTTSSS OOOOOFFFFF GGGGUUUIIIINNNNEEESSS PPPPPLLLEEEAAASSEE?"

The barman goes "Thats Grand" serves the two pints and says to the man " If you dont mind me saying I think that is a bloody disgrace!!!"

Donkey goes "WWWHHHAATTT?"

The barman Goes "The Way He Keeps Calling You Donkey,Its Just not On..!"

Donkey goes "OH THAT....... HE AW HE AW HE Always Calls Me That!!"

EdgarAllenPoo

Thank you Billy Connelly.

finkaboutit555

NO its God Bless BILLY CONNOLLY