whats wrong with me?

LegacyUser

I'm a 23 year old girl whos never had a boyfriend, sad i know. I'm just so sick of being on my own, dont get me wrong I have friends (not a lot mind you) but the few I do have are the best I could ever ask for, but I just really want a proper relationship with a nice guy.
I don't think I'm the most attractive girl in the world (who does?), but guys have told me I was very pretty in the past so I suppose I can't be completely hideous.

The thing is I just can't seem to find anyone.

I'm not particularly confident, but at the same time im not afraid to make the first move if I do see a guy I like, I wish i didn't have to always be the one to make the first move but 9 times out of 10 a guy will never make the first move on me. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, or whats wrong with me, but no matter how, or where I meet a guy nothing ever comes of it, be it through friends, nights out, college, whatever, the most i'll ever get (if i'm lucky) is a few dates, and then things just fizzle out.


I really beginning to think I'm the kind of girl guys just want to sleep with, but would never want a relationship with. The last 2 guys I was interested in, did everything they could to try get me into bed, and both lost interst when they realised I was going to sleep with them that quickly, a few months later and they both have steady girlfriends.


I know I sound desperate, but I think I'm even past being desperate at this stage, I don't even look at guys anymore, no one even takes my fancy, I'm just so fed up of not being able to find a guy i click with that I've lost all interest.

My question I suppose is what am I doing wrong? How can I make guys see me as "girlfriend material" rather than an easy sh*g?

Petey2006

Unfortunately it's a universal problem, and not something you're doing wrong specifically, I don't think. Maybe when it comes to the confidence thing, that might be a problem. Self confidence is very evident in people, and so is a lack thereof. I know, cause i have a bit of a problem with it myself! But I'm trying to change that at the moment, and I hope it'll change things!

Don't be in a rush to find someone. I know sometimes it might feel like a hopeless situation, but it's not. Give it some time, get to know some guys better, and eventually, you'll click with someone. Someone who won't be looking for just an easy lay. I've managed it a few times in the past, so there's hope for everyone!

Sinfonia

lonergirl wrote: »

How can I make guys see me as "girlfriend material" rather than an easy sh*g?

Don't be an easy shag, hold off, and let them get to know you better as a person.

LegacyUser

Don't be an easy shag, hold off, and let them get to know you better as a person.

typo in my post sorry, I don't do the one night stand thing and I'd never sleep with a guy until I got to know him.

kowloon

Holding off on the sexy time is a sure way of filtering out gob$hites.
Maybe you're not socialising in places that would put you in contact with the kind of person you are looking for.

l3LoWnA

There's nothing wrong with you!

Although, I will say this. As long as you are wanting a long-term boyfriend and seeking just that the chances are it's not what you'll get. From my own experience (single at the moment, 26 and a couple of past long-term relationships) I've found that until you are actually happy being single, on your own and quite content with that, you won't actually meet a guy. It's like we give off this desperate invisible odour to new guys that we want a relationship/marriage/babies as soon as we meet them and they, in turn, run a mile.

I don't know, obviously, what your style is but I have one friend who can get any guy she wants (extremely beautiful and friendly girl, like a magnet for s*xy guys) but can never keep a guy after more than a few dates. . . she is also the type of girl who talks (to me at least) about "this guy has to be the one" or "this is the guy the fortune teller talked about" etc. In her mind, she's buying a house, getting married and having kids to every guy she meets after just a few weeks and she ALWAYS scares them off...lately a guy had to tell her (after meeing her just once) that he didn't want a relationship - she had been WAY to over-the-top with texts and wanting to meet again. He was into her, and I'd say if she left the chasing to him they'd still be together. Try and relax and not see every bloke you met as a potential long-term boyfriend.

I have another beautiful friend who is 26, still a virgin and no past long-term relationship under her belt. She looks after her appearance, has the best of style, good qualifications and job and a lovely personality but she just doesn't get the guys. I think lads are afraid of her as she seems (to men) very up herself and high maintenance and possibly non-approachable....this causes lads to run a mile also.

Anyways, sorry, I know that was a bit long-winded, just wanted to explain why some people dont end up hanging onto their guys. There's nothing wrong with you though, of this I'm sure, EVERY guy (or most) are always on the look out for an easy sh*g so dont take this personally. If you don't sh*g the guy you cannot be labelled an easy sh*g.

All I can say to you really though, is TRY try try to be happy single. Try NOT to be wishing you were in a relatinship. Be happy on your own and I can bet your bottom dollar they'll come knocking, eventually. But even if they aren't too fast to come pouding down your door, at least you'll be happy and not hoping and wishing and waiting and you won't even be thinking about the fact that you're single.

You are still very young and there's absolutely no rush. Enjoy yourself. On your own. For now...

Spoony2

l3LoWnA wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with you!

Although, I will say this. As long as you are wanting a long-term boyfriend and seeking just that the chances are it's not what you'll get. From my own experience (single at the moment, 26 and a couple of past long-term relationships) I've found that until you are actually happy being single, on your own and quite content with that, you won't actually meet a guy. It's like we give off this desperate invisible odour to new guys that we want a relationship/marriage/babies as soon as we meet them and they, in turn, run a mile.

I don't know, obviously, what your style is but I have one friend who can get any guy she wants (extremely beautiful and friendly girl, like a magnet for s*xy guys) but can never keep a guy after more than a few dates. . . she is also the type of girl who talks (to me at least) about "this guy has to be the one" or "this is the guy the fortune teller talked about" etc. In her mind, she's buying a house, getting married and having kids to every guy she meets after just a few weeks and she ALWAYS scares them off...lately a guy had to tell her (after meeing her just once) that he didn't want a relationship - she had been WAY to over-the-top with texts and wanting to meet again. He was into her, and I'd say if she left the chasing to him they'd still be together. Try and relax and not see every bloke you met as a potential long-term boyfriend.

I have another beautiful friend who is 26, still a virgin and no past long-term relationship under her belt. She looks after her appearance, has the best of style, good qualifications and job and a lovely personality but she just doesn't get the guys. I think lads are afraid of her as she seems (to men) very up herself and high maintenance and possibly non-approachable....this causes lads to run a mile also.

Anyways, sorry, I know that was a bit long-winded, just wanted to explain why some people dont end up hanging onto their guys. There's nothing wrong with you though, of this I'm sure, EVERY guy (or most) are always on the look out for an easy sh*g so dont take this personally. If you don't sh*g the guy you cannot be labelled an easy sh*g.

All I can say to you really though, is TRY try try to be happy single. Try NOT to be wishing you were in a relatinship. Be happy on your own and I can bet your bottom dollar they'll come knocking, eventually. But even if they aren't too fast to come pouding down your door, at least you'll be happy and not hoping and wishing and waiting and you won't even be thinking about the fact that you're single.

You are still very young and there's absolutely no rush. Enjoy yourself. On your own. For now...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

she speeks the truth.

I used to want a long term gf. Now a days I would like a releationship that could develop into a long term one with some one who i feel I could get on well with but im willing to take every girl and see where it comes...

Serously dont stress just no that your not the only person and enjoy being single.

Rb

These things come when you least expect it so don't worry about it and enjoy being single/your nights out/etc without worrying about finding someone. Unless you're a mutilated freak with the personality of a brick then you're going to find someone in the end.

Kastro

rb_ie is right... i didnt want a relationship for ages... i got out of a bad one last year and just didnt trust myself with one.. then i went out and met the most amazing girl ever.. whats even weirder is we knew eachother before we got together.

dont be fooled tho.. i can guarentee that everyone that was out of a relationship for a duration of time and got into one has wondered if its right that they should be in it... its the self concious thing playing up... just like when your not in one ya wanna be.
i dunno.. im usless.. hope ya manage to get some help out of this.

congo_90

i agree with the op. Maybe you should as somebody pointed out, find a new place to go out for drinks etc??
also make sure you're not going to be the easy one. A good fella will always stay while as you said yourself the ar*eholes will disapear if the word long term comes into it.

hope i helped!

Reku

l3LoWnA wrote: »

EVERY guy (or most) are always on the look out for an easy sh*g so dont take this personally.

Hey!:eek:
Not all of us are like that! Well, yeah, probably most... but not all!
All women want babies! See, works both ways.:rolleyes:



Anyway OP, don't let any guy pressure you into having sex just so he'll hang about a bit longer, as after he's gone to chase some other girl at least you'll still have your self respect if you don't give in. Besides, nice as sex might be, if you don't love your partner and have intimacy between you I doubt the cuddling afterwards would be anywhere near as nice.:o

Then throw in the following about that guys who only go after the easy lay:
1. can you be sure he's not caught something
2. could you trust him to be faithful
3. have to wonder if they follow the "if something is hard to do it's not worth doing" philosophy for everything else in life (sorry, worst accidental pun I've ever made, my bad!:o)

Your post also leads me to believe that you see a guy you think is cute and then ask him out, then things usually fizzle out fast. Which kind of implies that you go out eying up lads as boyfriend material or nothing, perhaps you should try just being friends with a few, see how that goes, if you fall for one you can move on that, if you don't then at least you've another friend. If you are only "on the prowl" for a boyfriend, then odds are you are going to mostly meet lads who are "on the prowl" for an easy lay.

fec26

I know this post is old but I am in the same situation as the 23 year old in this post and I need to offload. It is easier to offload to people who do not know you. I feel I cannot speak to my family and friends about this because I do not want them to worry or be upset for me. And for my friends it is the same old story with me. And I don't want to tell them yet more pitiful stories about the men I meet. It is enough that I feel low myself than to be worrying everyone else. I hear so many cliches about finding the one yet every time I meet someone I like it does not work out. I have not been in a relationship since I was 16. I have been hurt so many times since that I feel worthless.

I am a successful person and independent.I have been told by many people that I am beautiful, but this is difficult to believe when I keep getting treated like dirt. If I am so beautiful then why does no one want me? If I am such a special person then why does no one make me feel that way? I have been described by friends as pretty, lovely, nice, trustworthy and I consider myself to be a loyal person who would never cheat on someone but I cannot seem to find a guy. I really would like a relationship, I have many interests but no one to share them with. This leads to me doing a lot of things on my own and there is a stigma attached to this, especially in Ireland. Don't get me wrong I like the freedom to do what I want but it would be nice to find someone to share these interests with. I have a lot of friends but at this stage everyone is moving on with their life - and I worry that I will be left alone without anyone.

It upsets me that I have such a low opinion of men as I have some great men in my life. Unfortunately there is no spark with these men.

I recently fell for another male friend of mine but he is acting strange with me now. I suspect he knows I am interested and he has backed off. Perhaps I read the signals wrong but I thought he liked me. Yet again someone who I thought was interested has backed off - perhaps he sensed I was interested and didn't want to give me the wrong idea or ran a mile. But why has he backed off...whats wrong with me?I don't think I let out any desperation vibe!

My self confidence is low because of some of the arseholes that I have met in the past also. I seem to be a magnet to arseholes!All through college I met the wrong types of guys - mostly the ones who were after one thing! Because I didn't sleep with anyone they soon moved on! Don't get me wrong I have met a few lovely guys too but even they have treated me badly when I started to like them, further reinforcing my low opinion of men in general.

I am a virgin,not for religious reasons but for the simple fact that I do not want to sleep with a guy I don't trust. I want to be with someone who cares about me - not somebody who pretends to care. I want to be with someone who respects and understands me.

I am not looking for answers here - I just wanted to offload where I can remain anonymous. Perhaps I am asking too much of the male population.

I really wish there were more decent guys out there!I'm losing hope in finding anyone. Perhaps I need to see a counsellor! Thanks for letting me offload

Ickle Magoo

Please do not drag up other peoples threads from 4 years ago to off-load in.

If you have an issue and you wish to post, please post your own thread.

Many thanks