Troubles with my girl

LegacyUser

right well, first off i've been going out with my girlfriend for just over two months now (although we've known eachother for roughly two years, we met through a friends and talked at parties and talked alot on msn before getting together ) This is my first serious relationship. Things were great when they started. My closest friend as even sworn that she's "the right girl" for me.
Before we actually got together we'd talked about past sexual experiences, as friends do.
I'd told her that i've had a couple of one night stands, nothing major and ive always used protection. (and i've never done anything else with them like foreplay etc) and she told me she's only ever had sex once with her previous boyfriend. (who she left for me)

When we got together things were great! we never saw much granted bar all weekends and whenever either of us were free during the week but it was just great being with eachother. We then had sex after ten days of going out, again used protection as always! and we'd regularly have sex when we got together. Then one day she says that she wants us to get tested for STDs... Granted I was a little shocked at her suggesting it, i've always had a phobia of needles and hospitals but strangely I had no problem with this because I was confident that I didnt have anything, and i'd gladly do it to make her happy. So we went, but there were no places left and we couldnt get seen to. which sucked because it was the only day i could get off work. (I've since used up my annual leave days and cant take anymore until 2008)

anyway. this didnt really throw us, she still said "Meh whenever we're both free we'll go in some morning" and the sex continues on many occasions after this. It was then one night lying in bed that she started playing with me then something sort of stung in my penis. this shocked the hell out of her, I went to the bathroom to examine myself (sorry for being a little off putting here but...) I dicovered it was just hardened smegma under my foreskin that didnt get washed away that morning, it's started pinching me under the gland. I told her it was ok that happened once before AGES ago but this didnt convince her, and she demanded i went to the Doctor to get it seen too. I told her not to be worrying it's absolutley nothing to worry about. (I was just being a dirty bastard and not washing vigorously ).

Again she continues to demand I go to get tested for STDs and i've told her many times I cant get the time off work to do it and the hospital only does those specific tests during the weekdays. this has begun to annoy me, she's making me feel like im a diseased leper and she keeps insisting i've caught something from the numberous of previous one night stands. Not only do I feel like im diseased Vermon, now she's accusing me of being a "Sleep around" Man-slut, Fornicater in the past etc... I don't know "Man-whore" terminology, it's bad enough I regret sleeping with some women in my past, what I dont need is her continuously rubbing it in my face. it just makes me feel like the lowest of the low. and again she has no further interesting in getting tested herself, the only important thing is that "I" get tested...
I mean a conversation between us lately went a little something like this..

Her: Have you gone to get tested yet?
Me: No, Im sorry but I told you I cant get anymore time off work, have you gone?
Her: ...What? I'm not the f*cking man-whore one who's slept with... how many woman was it?
Me: Whoa, where the f*ck is that coming from?

this is just one of the few very similar conversations we've been having lately. I say conversations i obviously mean arguments!
And now she's demanding that we're no longer having sex until i've been tested. And to be honest this isn't bothering me, with all the abuse im getting lately, i just want more time to myself. And last night we were at a Party, she started snapping at me and even told a few friends about "The no sex arrangement until...". It was SO embarrasing! She then left early and It felt like she was only obligated to kiss me, but didnt want to.
What I really want to do now is to actually get tested, just so I can prove to her that i'm clean. But what then after everything is done? to be honest i'm not excited about getting back into a sexual relationship with her, I mean I was really hurt by some of her over exaggerated comments on my past sex life. It feels like im just going to get tested just so i can say "I F*CKING TOLD YOU SO!"

I mean in the last two weeks we havent seen eachother and to be quite frank, I havent missed her much. I've kept myself preoccupied by thinking of all the things about her that i'm not fond off. But, could this just a rough patch that will pass once everything is cleared up.
We were a great couple, and we've alot of friends in common, and if we broke up badly, or even mutually I fear things will just be akward.

AARRRGH

Technotwon wrote: »

i've been going out with my girlfriend for just over two months... This is my first serious relationship.

TBH you can't really be having a serious relationship after only two months, but anyway...

Technotwon wrote: »

she told me she's only ever had sex once with her previous boyfriend. (who she left for me)

Really, really bad sign. If she did that to him, she could do that to you. Just a FYI. (Just like the saying "once a cheater always a cheater".)

Technotwon wrote: »

she's making me feel like im a diseased leper and she keeps insisting i've caught something from the numberous of previous one night stands.

You say you always used condoms during your one night stands, so that pretty much rules out bacterial infections and things like HIV.

You could (and probably do) have genital warts (HPV) though. She probably has them now too. Condoms don't protect you from genital warts. According to the doctors in St. James's Hospital, pretty much every sexually active person has genital warts. Only a tiny percentage, < 5%, get symptoms.

Technotwon wrote: »

she's accusing me of being a "Sleep around" Man-slut, Fornicater in the past etc...

Totally unacceptable. She either extremely jealous or a spa. A bit of both probably!

Technotwon wrote: »

Her: Have you gone to get tested yet?
Me: No

If I were you I'd just figure out a way to get tested. Can you get an advance on a holiday from next year?

Technotwon wrote: »

And now she's demanding that we're no longer having sex until i've been tested.

Even though you've already had sex loads of times?

Could it be that she's feeling guilty about something and is taking it out on you? Could she have had unprotected sex with someone (I'm thinking after you got together), is freaking it about having caught something, and wants you to be the one who gets tested for it?

Technotwon wrote: »

And last night we were at a Party, she started snapping at me and even told a few friends about "The no sex arrangement until...". It was SO embarrasing!

Totally unacceptable. She sounds like a total headcase. Do yourself a favour and dump her now. If she's like this after two months - the honeymoon period - what is she going to be like in a few months or years?

Technotwon wrote: »

What I really want to do now is to actually get tested, just so I can prove to her that i'm clean. But what then after everything is done?

You don't need this ****. She sounds like a spa. Just get rid of her.

I really don't think the problem is that she genuinely believes you have STD's. I think there is something else going on here, most likely some kind of weird guilt about sex thing.

Technotwon wrote: »

I mean in the last two weeks we havent seen eachother and to be quite frank, I havent missed her much.

Really I think if you're having these kind of problems after two months, she's not the girl for you.

Sorry if I'm being a bit harsh, bit it sounds like your relationship has gone ****ed after only two months.

I can undersand why she would be upset. You don't value her enough to look after her sexual health.
If she thought she was preggers and put off getting tested week after week. Giving you some lame excuse. How would you feel?

Sounds like it has turned nasty though, so best leave well enough alone.

estar

call in sick and get tested

not for her but for yourself

you should find out about whatever that problem is - whether nothing or something

because it could potentially damage your health

there are many doctors in dublin that perform sexual health
tests on the spot

also she shouldnt have told people about your private sexual health
at a party.

but to me, the problem isnt with your girl, the problem is you have a potential
health problem that you havent gotten investigated.

go and get checked out, and hopefully you will get a clean bill of health.

bronte

Op, it is totally unacceptable that she brought this up in public. That is YOUR business, I hope you called her on it.

estar

revision

i dont think her reaction is appropriate - i dont think you shoud call people names. everyone has a sexual history

and just because someone is monogamous doenst meant that
they are not a risk

if you sleep with someone who has slept with ten people, then your
risk is also great

i really think it is unforgiveable she discussed your private matters
with mutual acquaintances

but i really think you should get tested

acorntoast

Hi OP,

There's no harm in getting tested. Do you think you can attend the STD clinic without taking a holiday to cover you? I know a lot of employers allow employees to attend dental/medical appointments without using holiday time.

Has she herself been tested since you were both turned away from the hospital? I am hoping that the answer is yes. If it isn't, then I would feel that the issue is not at all about your sexual health, but more about her being a bully and a bit of a control freak. Talking about your issues confidentially to a friend is one thing, but embarrassing you in public like that - is really not ok.

Carrigart Exile

acorntoast wrote: »

Hi OP,

There's no harm in getting tested. Do you think you can attend the STD clinic without taking a holiday to cover you? I know a lot of employers allow employees to attend dental/medical appointments without using holiday time.

Has she herself been tested since you were both turned away from the hospital? I am hoping that the answer is yes. If it isn't, then I would feel that the issue is not at all about your sexual health, but more about her being a bully and a bit of a control freak. Talking about your issues confidentially to a friend is one thing, but embarrassing you in public like that - is really not ok.

I would get tested for my own piece of mind and then tell her you are never seeing her again, she has shown a great deal of disrespect to you, do not compound that by showing similar disrespect to yourself. Why do people who cannot handle the answer always ask 'the how many' question?

the_syco

acorntoast wrote: »

Has she herself been tested since you were both turned away from the hospital? I am hoping that the answer is yes. If it isn't, then I would feel that the issue is not at all about your sexual health, but more about her being a bully and a bit of a control freak. Talking about your issues confidentially to a friend is one thing, but embarrassing you in public like that - is really not ok.

I second this. Also, if this is the case, dump her.

Reku

Hmm... really is rather stupid and shortsighted of the government not to have any STD clinics open on weekends...

But anyway, OP do you use condoms when with her (you say you used protection for the first time together so I assume you continued to use it when having sex with each other)? She's well within her rights to hold out on sex if she doesn't feel happy about it but I think it sounds a little like perhaps it's not just the STDs that are her motivation and she may just be playing headgames/testing you.
Is it not strange that she seems to insist that you go together, why can she not go on her own and then when you get a chance you go on your own? You're both adults afterall.
Odds are if you've been as sexually active with each other as your post implies, and haven't always used condoms, anything the other had you probably both have now anyway.

dudara

Two points.

1. If you can't take a day off, then go get tested privately at the weekend. There are doctors listed in the sticky at the top of this forum. It will cost some money to do it privately. Remember here, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, so make sure that you both get tested.

2. If she is calling you names like that after only 2 months in a relationship, then I would not be holding out much hope for the relationship. Sounds extremely immature to me.

Dr_Teeth

imo I think you should get tested, show her the negative result, and then dump her. Her attitude and actions (mentioning all this in public? wtf!) do not bode well for the future.