What to do if you're falling in love with your best friend?

Amtmann

Hi folks, it's my first post on this forum. I have to get this off my chest, and there is no one I can tell or confide in in the 'real' world, so here it goes...

I'm a guy, she's a girl. We really click as friends, we've known each other for 3 years. We really are very very close. I'm starting to love her, she's always on my mind, and I don't think I could ever meet someone more perfect for me. We're both in our mid-20s. But it can never be. I know that. So the problem is, what can I do? I will not tell her, because that would cause problems, and I don't want that, and in any case, there's no point.

Any advice?

estar

this has happened to me in the past
and to many others i am sure with differing results

it actually happened to me twice.

once i fell in love with my best friend. i didnt tell him for three years
then something happened but it turned out he just wanted to be
casual. after trying to change his mind, we no longer speak
as it became nasty, him phoning me at night wanting to come
over and talk - ie sleep with me - me wanting to believe him-
la de la - you get the picture

case number two
got friendly with guy i worked with, he told me he really liked me after
a year, i said i couldnt as i wanted us to be friends, he said grand
and actually was my friend, and then after another year i reconsidered
as he was so great and we are still going out

if you had asked me at the time - who is th right person for you
i would have said oh, definitely case 1, case 2 is too sensible etc
it turned out case 1 was a p5ick and case 2 is great. however
i had to find out, as im that type of person.

im telling you this as you really dont know how its going to go
you never will know unless you take the leap, all you can do is prepare
yourself for the consequences

there are some things that you do know
- this is not the only possible girl you could love
- this is not the only girl you will ever click with as a friend or lover
- once your heart crosses the line its unlikely in the short term you
are going to be able to be her friend - it will be too painful

you may as well confess and find out. if only to clear the air.

why would it never work, is she seeing someone ?

Amtmann

estar wrote: »

there are some things that you do know
- this is not the only possible girl you could love
- this is not the only girl you will ever click with as a friend or lover
- once your heart crosses the line its unlikely in the short term you
are going to be able to be her friend - it will be too painful

you may as well confess and find out. if only to clear the air.

why would it never work, is she seeing someone ?

She is engaged to and living with a guy and they've a son together. But rarely speaks about him and doesn't he usually doesn't come up in conversation. So we'll never be together.

Your point number three - about crossing the line and friendship becoming impossible to maintain - is in danger of approaching. I need to prevent that from happening, as I can't lose her as a friend. I have to snap myself out of it somehow.

Thanks for your reply estar...

estar

i know how painful it is believe me - and what happens is
you end up fantasizing about how great life would be
with them, how it would never be the same with anyone
else, and perhaps you might lose perspective on who
they are in reality, which is just another person at the
end of the day, with faults and with good points.

some people say that having fantasies about unavailable
people is a way of staying safe - picking someone
unavailabel to like so that no one else stands a chance
of hurting you. im not saying that this is your situation
just thats what some people said to me, and it rang a chord.

she is definitely at the moment out of bounds, as you confirmed.
in this situation i advise taking a step back.

at the end of the day - your happiness is what is important to you
and long term this girl isnt going to give it to you

make new female friends - or new male friends.
take up a new interest. avoid seeing her alone, and taking her
confidances. protect yourself.

you are young. you have many things to do and people to meet.
and she needs to invest in her relationship with her fiance and
her child, as that is her future now. take a step back.