He won't go away

LegacyUser

Ok ill admit this is ALL my fault- I got drunk last weekend and gave my number to a foreign guy(think he is egypitian or something)we were kissing in the club for a few minutes and he was taking away to me and i wasnt even listening to him and just kept saying "yea" everytime he talked(that how flutered i was)

Anyway we shared a cab on the way home so he saw where i lived,So he calls me the next day talking about some wedding, so i assumed he had a wedding to go to and i was like ok , and he says in broken english"So when do ya wanna get married" Turns out he had proposed to me in the beer garden of the club and id accepted(I dont remember)

Talked to my friends and they said he got down on one knee and proposed to me in front of everyone and i said ya(i really dont remember any of this).

I have spoken to this guy and told him i remember NONE of it and that i was very drunk and it was a mistake , but he wont accept it,He called to my house at 12 o clock last night TWISTED slurring something in egyptian and said it was a curse, and today i had 17 voice messages from him when i got back from work

What am i going to do?

Gaz

Tell him to **** off and threaten him with the guards .... either that or a swift kick to the balls

mikemac

A verbal contract is binding in a court of law, you'll have to marry him I'm afraid
Maybe ask the legal forum

Failing that, change your number and move house.

MagicMarker

WEGOTTHAT wrote: »

Ok ill admit this is ALL my fault- I got drunk last weekend and gave my number to a foreign guy(think he is egypitian or something)we were kissing in the club for a few minutes and he was taking away to me and i wasnt even listening to him and just kept saying "yea" everytime he talked(that how flutered i was)

Anyway we shared a cab on the way home so he saw where i lived,So he calls me the next day talking about some wedding, so i assumed he had a wedding to go to and i was like ok , and he says in broken english"So when do ya wanna get married" Turns out he had proposed to me in the beer garden of the club and id accepted(I dont remember)

Talked to my friends and they said he got down on one knee and proposed to me in front of everyone and i said ya(i really dont remember any of this).

I have spoken to this guy and told him i remember NONE of it and that i was very drunk and it was a mistake , but he wont accept it,He called to my house at 12 o clock last night TWISTED slurring something in egyptian and said it was a curse, and today i had 17 voice messages from him when i got back from work

What am i going to do?

Learning how to not get soo twisted that you meet some random guy and share a cab with him and forget about most of the night previous would be a good start.

After that? Who knows, you got yourself into the mess, go to the guards and get some kind of retraining order.

Lol.
Tell the Gardaí immediately and they can warn him off.
I don't want to worry you too much but this is dangerous!
You don't know the guy,he could be deranged or anything or jump you or kidnap you.

Also,saying yah to a proposal of marriage when drunk as a skunk in a night club has about as much force in law as a cat saying meee ow instead.
Not that we live in a society that makes engaged people go through with marriages anyway as if they are a fait compli.
Engaged people break up all the time and lol you are not engaged.

I'm serious about the Guards though-tell them to tell him to stop harassing you and do that immediately please.

Also sharing the cab with him was seriously stupid and dangerous.
You shouldnt allow yourself to get so drunk that you do dangerous things like that.
You could have been raped.

kowloon

KEEP the voicemail, you might need it later if things get more out of hand

Talliesin

WEGOTTHAT wrote: »

Ok ill admit this is ALL my fault

No, it's mostly his fault.

You were unwise, but there's a difference between unwise and morally reprehensible. You were unwise, he's a scumbag.

So. Start getting wise.

Keep the voicemail, but get another number.

Call the Gardai.

IRISH RAIL

Ha sorry for laughing
I was in a club last 2 weeks ago with my gf and her sister
something similar happened with her sis an eygyptian guy god only knows how many txts and missed calls she had but after ignoring him he dissapered get a male friend to stay with you for a bit if he sees him he might get the point

Oilrig

op, get as far away as you can from this guy.

If he calls tell him to sod off. If he texts, ignore them. He's a nutcase.

Some of the ME guys are extremely dodgy in their attitude to women. Be warned.

l3LoWnA

If he continues pestering you definately call the gardai. It may only take one phone call from them to let him know you are serious and get him to back down. Alternatively buy a massive baseball bat, leave it right inside your font door.....next time he calls.........bam!! Problem solved!

No seriously, if he calls your phone get a male friend/family member to nwer your phone and maybe he'll think you're already married. TELL him you're married or something - he sounds like a FREAK!!!

dame

In Egypt many men have up to 4 wives (depending on how many they can afford). The first wife is the most important. I'd ask him which number wife you'd be and be highly insulted if he said number 2/3/4!

No seriously, look after yourself. Don't take taxis alone with strangers. Try not to be alone any time soon (until you've definitely gotten rid of this guy). Tell your friends and family so they can look out for you. Keep record of his pestering to show the guards (if it continues after a very definite warning from you (with witnesses preferrably, don't be alone) or if it you are scared of him in any way).

l3LoWnA

dame wrote: »

In Egypt many men have up to 4 wives (depending on how many they can afford). The first wife is the most important. I'd ask him which number wife you'd be and be highly insulted if he said number 2/3/4!

A few years back my friend and her boyfriend (not my sis :P ) were in Egypt and they hadn't been getting along for a few days. The locals tried to trade a heard of cattle/camels for my friend Ash.....her boyfriend said he came VERY close to completing the deal :eek:

OP - watch those egyptians - he probably thinks he's getting you free as you accepted his proposal - the least he could do is offer you a heard of cows?! Tell him you're father has already arranged your marriage and your husband-to-be is a black belt/bare kuckle boxing champion/racist/getting out of jail tomorrow?

Reku

micmclo wrote: »

A verbal contract is binding in a court of law, you'll have to marry him I'm afraid
Maybe ask the legal forum

A contract of any kind is however null and void if either party signs under duress or while under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Tristrame wrote: »

Lol.
Tell the Gardaí immediately and they can warn him off.
I don't want to worry you too much but this is dangerous!
You don't know the guy,he could be deranged or anything or jump you or kidnap you.

With the kidnapping possibility it also gives the gardai somewhere to start enquiring should you go missing, at least they'll already know you've been having problems with this guy.

Tristrame wrote: »

You shouldnt allow yourself to get so drunk that you do dangerous things like that.
You could have been raped.

AFAIK there was that Judge here in Ireland (no idea if he's still on the bar) who said women who come before him to claim rape when their entire goal for the night in question was to get completely out of their heads' drunk will be turned away as they have to accept responsibility for their own actions. It's like how they are talking about doing breathaliser tests on parties involved in vehicular accidents, even if you were entirely in the right, it's still a case of you should not let yourself drink that much if you are going to be driving/cycling somewhere afterwards.

Talliesin wrote: »

No, it's mostly his fault.

You were unwise, but there's a difference between unwise and morally reprehensible. You were unwise, he's a scumbag.

So. Start getting wise.

Keep the voicemail, but get another number.

Call the Gardai.

You're forgetting that most countries don't have the same drinking problems we have and in some countries/cultures complete misogyny is also the norm, we may think he's a terrible person but this may just be the culture which he grew up in. He may not appreciate just how much being drunk will have shorted out the "no" part of her brain.
Short of getting the Gardai after him and avoiding the "Beer Garden" indefinitely I don't think he'll get the message, at the moment I don't believe he's done anything that would require charges, so best to do it sooner rather than later, at least that way on the miniscule chance that it is a genuine case of him being simple and the whole thing being a big misunderstanding all he'll get is a warning, not anything serious.

dudara

l3LoWnA Please do not advocate violence in this forum. Any further comments in such a manner from posters will result in an immediate ban.

dudara

whiskeyman

you were lucky if you ask me.
You were out of it, and can't remember much of the night.
You could have been raped, or worse.

For the moment, just avoid all contact. If he shows up or acts in any way threatening, call the guards and get some male friends around for 'show'.

I think you're learning your lesson the hard way...

CrazyNoob

You should stop drinking

Not remember a proposal from an idiot - is either 1) you over do it on the drink and are a mess
OR 2) you cant handle your drink.

As for the problem of him pestering you, a simple **** off I dont like you, you repulse me go away or I'll ring the gardai - should suffice

Lux23

Jaysus that was some night you had. Just tell him to go away and that if he doesn't you will call the Guards on him. If he is doesn't then do go to the Guards. I had a similar experience with an indian guy, I never said I would marry him but he would text and ring me ten times a day asking me out etc. I just ignored him and he gave up.

r3nu4l

Go to the Gardaí, give them permission to access your phone records and voice mail (you'll need to sign a form). Then change your phone number. Having him know where you live is the bad part, if it was just your number you would be okay but now that he's shown up at your house you need to do something about it.

Don't answer the door to him if he calls around again. Instead report it to the gardaí. Tell them that you realise they probably won't come out to do anything about it but that you want it on record that he called again.

Good luck!

Duckjob

^^^^^
What Whiskeyman said.

Consider yourself lucky. The next time, you might be a news story of a partially clothed body found in a laneway.

Report to the Gardai and give them access to your phone records etc. They'll probably scare him away.

Miss Fluff

You don't need to be told how foolish you were. Get the cops on to him if he hassles you again. Do you live on your own or do you share with any guys? If the latter, get them to answer the door to him next time.

*Lees*

Duckjob wrote: »

^^^^^
What Whiskeyman said.

Consider yourself lucky. The next time, you might be a news story of a partially clothed body found in a laneway.
.

Agreed!! I think you must know this already but what you did was insanely stupid, I'm sure you have learned your lesson and your lucky nothing serious happened! Just be careful...
On another note, I can't believe your friends would leave you go off with a guy on your own knowing how drunk you were!! Especially a foreign guy... not being racist or anything but some have a totally different culture and they have a completely different attitude towards women!
You should let this be a lesson, have a chat with your friends and make a pact to stick together on a night out, drink can make people do stupid things, be smart!

magnia

i think you should marry him and have a hen night and let the same thing happen again, repeat 5 or 6 times then cash in the engagement rings.

the_syco

magnia wrote: »

i think you should marry him and have a hen night and let the same thing happen again, repeat 5 or 6 times then cash in the engagement rings.

She'd get stoned by the "husband" and his family. As in, stoned with rocks, not weed.

=-=

OP, do the Gardai route, and cut down on the drink. The foreign dude may see marrying you as a quick way to get citizenship here, so that he can work here.

dudara

magnia has been banned from PI for their stunning contributions to other threads. Please ignore.

Overheal

micmclo wrote: »

A verbal contract is binding in a court of law, you'll have to marry him I'm afraid
Maybe ask the legal forum

Failing that, change your number and move house.

All contracts can be void if the defendant can prove the presence of intoxicating levels of alcohol in their system at the time of the agreement.

OP please take your drinking more seriously: it all sounds well and mundane when "oh haha i woke up this morning half naked in my friends bathtub on the other side of town and i dont know how i got there!" but as you can probably now see, some really dangerous sh1t can go on especially when alcohol is involved. Drink as much as merry-times merit and save the rest for your survival sense: you honestly never know when you need it and more often its when everyones flying around the place drunk.

My first blackout experience: all I remember is having a quiet but shot-filled night at the local when i was 17. Then I remember trying to find my key in the backyard, and i must have fell all over the half-finished porch cos my hand was covered in blood and my chest hurt like a bitch for weeks - i think i fell on top of the hard concrete corner. I count myself lucky that even without the benefit of short-term memory I was able to get back inside and bandaged myself up and crashrd into bed.

doubly dangerous for you: you're a girl, and the male population makes for the most of the serial rapists. How do you know your drink wasnt spiked!? It didnt necessarily have to be the rape pill: could get spiked with anything ranging from Dispirin (that would make you incredibly drowsy) or ecstasy or god knows what.

Sorry if im drilling it in but it has to be learned.

Reku

Overheal wrote: »

(that would make you incredibly drowsy)

:eek: Never knew that could do that!! Now extra glad I avoid taking it except as a last resort. Might it not be wise for you/the mods to remove this info, just in case anyone got ideas to try it?

Anyway, OP I'm sure you see the amount of concern people are feeling about the fact that you could get that drunk that you would agree to something like this, and worse still, not remember. Hopefully this will be more than enough of a lesson to prevent something far worse happening at a future time.

Overheal

Dispirin on its own is fairly harmless. Its a dillutable aspirin (or "Dispersable Aspirin", hence Dispirin), not much more. when you mix it with Alcohol though it has the same effect as mixing alcohol with any other painkiller.

EDIT: ooh i may have to correct myself: wikipedia reports aspirin + alcohol increases the risk of [stomach bleeding]. Says nothing about drowsiness.

either way alcohol + meds = 90% of the time bad, 10% not well advised. Keep your thumb over your drink ladies.

SpAcEd OuT

jesus lads everyones saying shes an idiot for going out, getting drunk, and heading home with a random guy

I mean can any girl here honestly say shes hasnt at least had dozen one night stands

bit hypocritical to be lambusting her when everyone here has probably done the same.

OP I think you should introduce him to your 'boyfriend' make sure hes big and intimidating so he won't pester you again

Overheal

to be fair, Spacey, I'd say most girls here would be able to claim they hadnt had one one night stand. I mean, lol, if that were the case, mathematically speaking, I would have been a happy man many more times than whats actually true

Theres nothing wrong with a good time but there IS something wrong with random guys. If you can think it, someone has done it. And I've thought of it. and with drink on them, us guys as a race can be senseless and dangerous; as the riot outside the nightvlub yesterday reinforced in me. 3 6" guys beating up a 4'6" girl on the ground FFS. If they can kill one they can rape one.

You owe it to yourself and others around you to know your limit - when your judgment starts to get impaired, you need check yourself.

Talliesin

farohar wrote: »

You're forgetting that...

No, your forgetting that that's completely irrelevant.

MagicMarker

SpAcEd OuT wrote: »

I mean can any girl here honestly say shes hasnt at least had dozen one night stands

What planet do you live on?

kowloon

MagicMarker wrote: »

What planet do you live on?

And how would one travel to said magical land?

speaktofrank

Why not try being honest? When he calls tell him you were drunk, had no idea what you said and you don't want to marry him. If necessary tell him you have a boyfriend.
If this doesn't work tell him you don't want him to call anymore and if he does, the guards will intervene and have his ass back on a flight to Egypt in no time at all.

Reku

Talliesin wrote: »

No, your forgetting that that's completely irrelevant.

I assume you think that that twit who was arrested for mooning while abroad should have remained in prison for the entire duration of the sentence given to him so? Or that we should all adopt the American stance on lawsuits at the drop of a hat? Different cultures expect different things in people's behaviours, everything from how much they drink, how they act on a night out, whether earnings or the opposite gender is acceptable workplace discussion, etc....

This man is from a different culture, it is very relevant for the simple reason that he may not realise that his behaviour is completely unacceptable here, there are places where the standard practice for men who have been rejected is to intentionally leave the woman disfigured via some rather horrific methods. Then take into account that in some cultures you word is your bond and as such saying yes to anything it will be expected that you will hold to that agreement (even Holland is a bit like this according to numerous guides I read prior to visiting on a business trip).

You can't simply dump ALL the blame at his feet, afterall getting that drunk regardless of gender is extremely careless since it leaves you in a rather incapacitated state should you need to defend yourself. Labelling the man a scumbag when there is fair odds that much of his behaviour may simply be culture means that by that logic we're all just drunken scumbags.

It's not like there haven't been quite a few rape cases where the IRISH lad figured that she'd said yes so she must want it, how is someone from a culture where women don't drink supposed to think of this???

This is the thing people need to realise as more cultures come here, we need to become aware of the cultural norms of other places or have a mandatory class on Irish culture for all incoming people, I think anyone can realise that the former is far more practical. As such getting completely drunk will keep getting more risky and we need to be aware of this....

the_syco

farohar, I agree with what you've said, but you have to admit that this scum bag will probably have done this ten times before. I've met people who are from weird lands, with weirder laws, but they know the law of this land, and respect it. And then there are scum from this land, and from other lands, that will be scum wherever they go.

All they need is one sucker, and it's game over for their victim. The OP luckily is looking for other options, and we are giving her them. Someone though, won't think twice about what the scum has said, and will go ahead with the marriage.

I mean no offence to any man or woman when I say this:
10 tries, 100 tries, no matter. All you need is one dumb uneducated drunk b|tch who accepts what you say is the truth, and bang, you're owned by someone.

If you think what I say can never happen, look at the cases where someone pretended to be from MI6, and conned people into giving him £1,000,000 to "hide" them from the IRA.

Reku

the_syco wrote: »

farohar, I agree with what you've said, but you have to admit that this scum bag will probably have done this ten times before. I've met people who are from weird lands, with weirder laws, but they know the law of this land, and respect it. And then there are scum from this land, and from other lands, that will be scum wherever they go.

All they need is one sucker, and it's game over for their victim. The OP luckily is looking for other options, and we are giving her them. Someone though, won't think twice about what the scum has said, and will go ahead with the marriage.

I mean no offence to any man or woman when I say this:
10 tries, 100 tries, no matter. All you need is one dumb uneducated drunk b|tch who accepts what you say is the truth, and bang, you're owned by someone.

If you think what I say can never happen, look at the cases where someone pretended to be from MI6, and conned people into giving him £1,000,000 to "hide" them from the IRA.

Unfortunately we still keep getting uproars every-so-often because some of these people feel we should change our laws and culture to match theirs, rather than them abiding by our laws and cultural norms.

The possibility that he may have done it before or that he will do it again just makes it all the more important that she get the gardai to warn him off, at least then they have a record and so if he does make a habit of it they can escalate things when it becomes apparent that he has no intent of taking note of our laws, as I said before, the sooner the better.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

MizzLolly

Give her a break! It wasn't a conscious decision and I'm sure she's realised now that she should try not to drink so much. But people make mistakes and having read some of the comments I can still see NO justification for rape or stalking or any of the sort. So lets not even go there!
Okay she didn't do a whole lot to prevent the situation but she has told him to back off, she's admitted she was wrong, so lets try help rather than lecture! I really don't know what you can do to be honest because we don't know how serious this guy is. A few people have said inform the gaurds, I'd begin there. They'll probably only tell you to change your number but if he keeps turning up at your house they'll have to do something. In the meantime, protect yourself by never coming home at night alone (you dunno where he might be waiting), try to keep credit on your phone at all times and of course keep windows, doors..etc, locked. This is a terrible situation, you're now being victimised for what can only be called stupidity. We all make mistakes and I don't think we should be punished so severely for something we did without malice or ill-intention.


By the way, this is NO excuse for rape or any kind of violence. Any judge who has the cheek to stand up and tell rape victims that they basically asked for it by getting so drunk should be made retire and have his name blemished. The dirty old pervert, I wonder does he have any daughters? And if he does could he look them in the eyes having gone through such a trauma and tell them they deserved it for getting drunk?! He's a disgrace!:mad:

Stereophonic

If worse comes to worse, being that drunk may haunt you when the guy in question knows your address. He could be anyone.

Just say

"Alright Shovel Face, one chance to get away from me before you fined yourself in an institution!

Shellie13

the best way to get rid of a stalker is ignore him

be careful if you do get drunk again- if you are really concerned maybe even talk to the bouncers in the club (soberly) and ask them to keep an eye out for him.

If you are concerned call the gardai- sooner rather than later as you dont want this to progress too far.

He may have just gotten the wrong message-but you need to protect yourself-don't travel home alone etc

boardinwork

You cant enter a legally binding contract under the influence of alchohol Call the police if he calls up again. Also save any abusive messages from him to show to the guards if needs be

Venom

To the OP you did nothing wrong so ignore most of the "change your ways" posts as half of the posters here must think the sun shines out of there arse :rolleyes:

You were drunk and some head banger showed up, nothing you can really do about that tho your friends need a good telling off for letting you go off alone with said weirdo. As had been mentioned by the more sane posters, get in contact with the guards NOW and see where they wish to take this.

Duckjob

Venom wrote: »

To the OP you did nothing wrong so ignore most of the "change your ways" posts as half of the posters here must think the sun shines out of there arse :rolleyes:

Nothing to do with morals. P-E-R-S-O-N-A-L S-A-F-E-T-Y. Getting off her face to the extent she can't remember anything and getting into a taxi with some bloke she's just met isn't the cleverest thing a girl can do.

your friends need a good telling off for letting you go off alone with said weirdo.

You're kidding right? Personal responsibility ?