Wife

LegacyUser

I'm a bit embarrassed even posting this but.....

I've been married around 3 years now. I love my wife to bits but shes put on about a stone a year since we got married. Its getting to the point that I'm starting to find her physically unattractive.

she did have a baby a year ago now, but its a year on and she's heavier now than the day after giving birth. no question about it.

I don't want to hurt her feelings, but shes aware of the weight gain herself, yet she does f*ck all about it except eat more crap and not exercise, then moan about her figure. Any time I suggest anything I'm either in the doghouse or it's a ridiculous idea.

I suggested we all go swimming together at the weekends.....oh no....she wouldn't want to be seen in a swimsuit.... Tennis? No....her cheeks get too red.....Change in diet? I don't eat that much crap. etc. etc. etc.

Any suggestions?

l3LoWnA

Stop getting her pregnant?!

Seriously though, try dealing with carrying two children yourself for 9 months on TOP of giving birth to them and THEN see if you appreciate your wife with ALL of her ONE stone extra that she's carrying (you're lucky it's not 5 stone - I've known ladies to put on MASSIVE amounts of weight with pregnancy and never ever lose it afterwards!)

I think you're a troll though.....

Putting pressue on her will lead her to dig her heels in and possily over-eat even more as a matter of principal or to make herself feel better or for whatever reasons......back off, love your wife for who she is and grow up!!!

A full stone?! Meh! :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

What kinds of hours do you both work? Maybe suggest both of you going for a walk in the evening if possible, or take control of the kitchen and start cooking healthier meals. Also, maybe suggest that you yourself also need to drop a few pounds (even if it's not true) so it'll feel like you're both doing something together. Either way, I think you try to make it feel like a join venture, rather than something that just she has to do.

seamus

One thing you need to note is that it's quite difficult to simply convince people about their weight gain. A lot of people think that people are overweight because they don't realise that they're eating unhealthily or they don't realise how big they are.

The fact is, they do. She knows she's overweight and she knows it better than you do. However, it can be a downward spiral. She sees herself in the mirror and it makes her unhappy. This unhappiness leads to a craving for something to make yourself fell better. And what's the easiest thing to hand? Food. On top of this, while laziness doesn't help with your weight, the reverse is much worse - as you put on more weight, you become more lazy. Your body becomes physically more lethargic, you have less energy and you have less "drive" to do physical things.

What I'm trying to paint for you is that it's not just a silly illogic thing she's doing. There are physical & emotional components that are compounding the problem and partially making her deny it subconciously.

When she complains about her weight, don't offer solutions. She's not looking for them. In order to help her, you'll have to play the partner part and make your sacrifices. The most effective thing you can start with is diet. Even if she thinks she's not eating crap, it could be volume. Try to join her when she goes shopping - if she goes to pick up a packet of biscuits, tell her that you don't want them. That means if she's buying them, she'd have to eat them all herself, which should discourage her. And if the crap food isn't there, she can't eat it.
If a takeaway is suggested, it's probably because one or both of you are feeling lazy. Recognise this, and go and make dinner yourself.

Just remember that you can tell someone that they are overweight and suggest remedies, but they probably won't do anything about it. Nagging won't work. Slagging won't work. Gentle nudging won't work. Taking the initiative will.

Next time you're having a child, mention to her that breastfeeding will work wonders for getting rid of babyweight (provided you're not eating like a pig while breastfeeding!).

dudara

I think that the OP said she's had one child and he reckons that she's put on a stone a year since they were married, or three stone in total

LegacyUser

l3LoWnA wrote: »

A full stone?! Meh! :rolleyes:

A stone a year x 3 years = 3 stone. That's 42 pounds of fat. It's not a small amount and it's showing now signs of slowing down.

Seamus: Nice post. Thanks...I'll reply to it in a minute. Just needed to get this out of the way first.

r3nu4l

Yes she put on two stone before even having the baby and since becoming pregnant and having the baby she's gained a further stone (not dropping any weight after having the baby).

Yes, a lot of women retain baby weight but if she had put on two stone BEFORE having the baby I think we can assume eating too much rubbish and lack of exercise are a problem.

So OP, who does the shopping in your house? Do you both make your own lunch every day or just buy sandwiches, rolls, crisps and cans of fizzy drinks? Who buys the food and is it all processed crap?

Your wife needs support, you can give that support. I know you're trying buy us blokes don't always get it right. If she complains about her weight again then ask her if she'd like to lose some of the weight to feel happier. IF she would then get out with her for a 30 minute brisk walk every night.

go to the Fitness forum or the Nutrition and Diet forum and print off the nutrition stickies...look for the posts written by g'em. She's a Godsend! I thought I ate well until I read her posts. You don't have to go totally food nazi in the first instance but certainly cut out the crap.

I've found that being inactive and having the food cupboard nearby is bad for me Keep her active, she can do it if she has someone to do it with

BTW, I'm talking the talk but I need to put insome effort myself

l3LoWnA

Oh! Oops! You're right!

Well, three stone so? Hmm.....

Take all the others advice as I don't have a clue how you can make your wife lose weight! Tough one! I'm a bit on the heavy side and if ANYone tried to convince me that I needed to lose weight, or presurise me (even in a nice supportive way) I'd dig my heels in and do nothing just to say up yours....but that's just me!

LegacyUser

anon123 wrote: »

What kinds of hours do you both work?

She's a stay at home mum. I work longer hours than I'd like. I try to do well in work so that we can have a more comfortable life. Of course this means she gets more time looking after baby than she'd like. It's not ideal but I'm hoping things will calm down a bit in work in the next week or two.

seamus wrote: »

When she complains about her weight, don't offer solutions. She's not looking for them.

Ok...yeah....I tend to do the male thing and look for solutions. That sounds like decent advice.

seamus wrote: »

In order to help her, you'll have to play the partner part and make your sacrifices. The most effective thing you can start with is diet. Even if she thinks she's not eating crap, it could be volume. Try to join her when she goes shopping - if she goes to pick up a packet of biscuits, tell her that you don't want them. That means if she's buying them, she'd have to eat them all herself, which should discourage her. And if the crap food isn't there, she can't eat it.

TBH, when she buys crap in the supermarket, she knows I'm not interested. I'm not saying I'm a saint, but I'm not overweight, I eat healthily and I'm not the one who picks up the biccies in the supermarket. Last night it kinda came to a head....She complained about being really tired and couldn't understand it.......and I suggested trying to cut out sugary foods like biscuits....well.....it all went downhill from there.

anon123 wrote: »

If a takeaway is suggested, it's probably because one or both of you are feeling lazy. Recognise this, and go and make dinner yourself.

Nice one. I just offered to cook dinner.

seamus wrote: »

Just remember that you can tell someone that they are overweight and suggest remedies, but they probably won't do anything about it. Nagging won't work. Slagging won't work. Gentle nudging won't work. Taking the initiative will.

Ok, thanks.

seamus wrote: »

Next time you're having a child, mention to her that breastfeeding will work wonders for getting rid of babyweight (provided you're not eating like a pig while breastfeeding!).

She actually did breastfeed. She was down around her pre-baby weight from it....it's just kinda gone downhill from there.

Oh....I just see a post from r3nu4l with a bunch of questions. Will reply to that now, but have to leave the office and wont be checking this thread til the morning.

r3nu4l wrote: »

So OP, who does the shopping in your house?

She does most of the shopping.

r3nu4l wrote: »

Do you both make your own lunch every day or just buy sandwiches, rolls, crisps and cans of fizzy drinks?

I eat in work and I eat well (fruit, nuts, salad, wraps, that kind of thing). For the most part she'd have a sandwich for lunch. Yeah, we have crisps in the house, biccies too, but not fizzy drinks really. She drinks a reasonable amount of wine but nothing inordinate. I dont watch it like a hawk or anything so I'd guess 3 bottles a week.

r3nu4l wrote: »

Who buys the food and is it all processed crap?

Actually, we mostly buy fresh stuff. We eat healthy home cooked food for the most part.

r3nu4l wrote: »

Your wife needs support, you can give that support. I know you're trying buy us blokes don't always get it right. If she complains about her weight again then ask her if she'd like to lose some of the weight to feel happier. IF she would then get out with her for a 30 minute brisk walk every night.

Baby's usually on her way to bed by the time I get home....so walks in the evening aren't an option really. Maybe I should get up earlier to get home earlier to try and facilitate this.

Have to leggit now so I cant respond to the rest. Thanks to everyone for the suggestions.

cowzerp

Tell her that you'd be happy if she was trying to be the woman you fell for, pregnancy does not make you gain fat anyway-thats the worst excuse ever, eating too much makes you fat-she might have self esteem issues or else she's just got her man and does not need to try anymore! sad but lots of women do this, lose there partner and suddenly lose all the weight again, find out if she has emotional problems and then try to rectify them with her, if she loses the weight the confidence will be back anyway so this is what she should do for her physical and mental health and im sure it would help your sexx life too..

seamus

wrote: »

Last night it kinda came to a head....She complained about being really tired and couldn't understand it.......and I suggested trying to cut out sugary foods like biscuits....well.....it all went downhill from there.

Urgh. It's tough to do it without being accusatory. You have to try find a phrase that sounds like you're giving her advice without accusing her of eating badly.

Ultimately, you know her better than I do. It really does sound like she's unhappy about it but rather than discuss it, just blows up at you if you try to mention it. There could be other things at the root of it, such as feeling lonely or isolated when she's at home - if you bring up the weight issue, then she has to confront all of the other issues that are causing it.

Despite what I said in my first reply, there are times when it's better to tackle it head-on rather than skirt around it, especially when it's not just a simple matter of being overweight but perhaps something deeper like depression. As I say, you know her better than anyone else really so you can make the call on that one. The initial fallout could be big, but if she opens up it could help you both immensely.

Oh yeah, and never ever ever ever ever ever mention that you're less attracted to her. When she starts losing weight, then you can spur her on by telling her how good she looks, but telling her that she reminds you of your mum is not motivational for her

July

OP, this problem has come up a few times before! If you do a search, you'll probably find lots of responses to similar situations.

I must echo another poster's sentiments - if I feel like my partner doesn't find me attractive and is on my case about losing weight, I also take the F.U. stance and dig the heels in.

In contrast, when I feel that he fancies me, it gives me more motivation to be hotter for us both!

The bottom line is, she is the only one who can change her. You can help her in ways that have been suggested but she needs to find the motivation herself to do anything about it.

Maybe she's bored at home all day and turns to food.

vorbis

I just wonder how softly you can approach this issue now. I mean a 42 pounds wieght increase in 3 years !!!!!

At this she's going to turn into the ridiculously fat American stereotype. Think about it, in 4 years, she'll have put on a HUNDRED pounds from when you got married!

The first thing you need to do is get her exercising. If she can't do walks in the evening, buy some home gym equipment and workout together. you can't afford to take no for an answer. As a guy, you know that looks turn you on so your wife being very overweight is going to ruin your sex life.

ILTS

vorbis wrote: »

The first thing you need to do is get her exercising. If she can't do walks in the evening, buy some home gym equipment and workout together. you can't afford to take no for an answer. As a guy, you know that looks turn you on so your wife being very overweight is going to ruin your sex life.

Yeah right, like thats going to solve all her problems. Sounds like she is comfort eating. You need to get to the root of the problem. If it was that easy to lose weight then the whole world would be thin. She needs to talk with her doctor or a counsellor about why she is this way. Shoving exercise equipment in front of her will make her do the opposite.

If you love your wife enough you'll get past this. Have you stopped making love because of this? If so, she will feel even worse and pile on more weight. Some deep talking is needed here. Couples counselling maybe?

NedNew

For those of you living in 2007, 3 stone is about 20kg.

20kg is enough to be noticed, its a case of your wife having the determination or will power to do it. Not easy with a baby though.

Nevyn

wrote: »

She's a stay at home mum. I work longer hours than I'd like. I try to do well in work so that we can have a more comfortable life. Of course this means she gets more time looking after baby than she'd like.

Sounds like she is feeling isolated and eating is a new hobby distraction comfort. It can be very isolating and tiring esp the first year.

wrote: »

She actually did breastfeed. She was down around her pre-baby weight from it....it's just kinda gone downhill from there.

Ah ha, right when you are breastfeeding you simply have to eat more and you get into a new habit and a new eating pattern. This can be very hard to break after you stop breast feeing the same thing happened to me when I stopped breast feeding my second, I kept eating the same.

wrote: »

She drinks a reasonable amount of wine but nothing inordinate. I dont watch it like a hawk or anything so I'd guess 3 bottles a week.

3 bottles a week is a fair amount of both units of alcohol and of sugars.
And could be a sign of depression.

wrote: »

Baby's usually on her way to bed by the time I get home....so walks in the evening aren't an option really. Maybe I should get up earlier to get home earlier to try and facilitate this.

Why don't you put the baby to bed so that she can go for a walk or take up an evening class of yoga or what ever takes her fancy.

Supercell

I know a girl that got massive when pregnant and stayed the same afterwards for about a year then she started back in the gym and got back to her old figure whereby her husband told her it was great to have his wife back as he had been married to an elephant there for a while!!

She couldn't understand why noone had told her so!!, but everyone else know it would be very unpleasant if they did.

IMHO , the only people that can help here is family, specifically hers. Have a chat with her bro or sis and maybe bring up her weight as an aside.
I can tell my sis shes looking chubby and get away with it but her hubby would suffer...badly, if he said the same.

l3LoWnA

cowzerp wrote: »

, pregnancy does not make you gain fat anyway-thats the worst excuse ever

No, but having two pregancies over a few years, that's 18 months of pregnancy, about 6 months (possibly more?) of those early sleepless nights and god knows how many months of a females hormones being all over the place can really take it's toll on any lady.

Also, she has changed from being ? (what did she do before the babies OP?) to being a stay at home mum. Massive change of lifestyle for anyone. She probably has less people to converse with and less places to go on a day to day basis and bordedom could be sending her into the cupboards during the day for food....she could be suffering from slight Post Natal Depression. On top of the fact that the initial weight gain (from the first pregnancy) may have depressed her and led to that vicious circle of comfort eating because you've gained weight......

OP - I really don't think you should push your wife to lose weight. But try and make a bigger effort to find out if she's happy (in every aspect of her life, with all these changes, with being a stay at home mum). She may feel her role is worthless and your role as the bread-winner is more important even though she does longer hours than yourself (you said you arrive home just as the baby is ready for bed so she's still on the go after you've finished and are on your way home?) Many women lose themselves when they become solely someones wife and somes mother.... If you have a good conversation about where she is in life at the moment, a truthful conversation, then SHE may bring up her weight issues and decide she wants to deal with it - THEN support and encourage her. I know you are not finding her as attractive, the heavier she gets, but I seriously think you telling her this OR trying to persuade her to lose weight will NOT help matters in any way, for you, for her or for the relationship.

You may just see the weight! But before you bring her to task about her weight, make sure there aren't any underlying issues that need to be dealt with. If there are, she will be thrown into a worse place by you telling her you don't find her attractive anymore.

Hester

l3LoWnA wrote: »

No, but having two pregancies over a few years, that's 18 months of pregnancy, about 6 months (possibly more?) of those early sleepless nights and god knows how many months of a females hormones being all over the place can really take it's toll on any lady.

Where did he say she had two pregnancies? Am I missing something, he said she had one baby, a year ago??

l3LoWnA

Hester wrote: »

Where did he say she had two pregnancies? Am I missing something, he said she had one baby, a year ago??

:eek: I must start reading posts properly :eek:

**l3LoWnA retreats into the bold corner for a five-second time-out**

Apologies - I thought they'd a 3 year old AND a baby! I'm so silly!!!

Anyways, most of what I said still stands!

b3t4

Op, how is your wife's social network?

I honestly believe that eating is the symptom rather than the cause of the situation.

I suggest that rather than focusing on her weight you focus on her emotions. Find out how she's feeling about day to day life. Things like: how is she finding being a stay at home mum, how she feels about the fact that she doesn't get to see you that often, how she feels about perhaps putting baby in a creche for a couple of hours maybe one day a week, e.t.c

Basically ask her how she feels and listen (and that's listening without jumping in with your thoughts on the solution)

My thoughts are that if you can sort out how she feels then her eating will come back under control.

A.

Spud83

Just my bit of advice, I could be wrong but I think it is worth a shot. Start doing exercise yourself, or with your baby. Take the kid to the park, or just go for a walk around your neighbour hood. Don’t pressure your wife into going. But if you make it a regular thing, and talk about how enjoyable it is to get out and about, and how much your baby enjoyed the park etc then she might start getting interested from there.

Then you can introduce bigger ideas like going for a cycle or a swim again just say you were thinking of bring the baby on a bike ride(I presume there is baby carriers for bikes yeah?). Again don’t pressure your wife to go just ask her, if she says no then leave it and you go do it anyway, again hopefully she will pick up on it and decide to join you in the future.

Mighty_Mouse

Just a thought.

When we were kids there was never any crap in the house.
Fruit, nuts, yogurts were snacks outside meals.

My parents were slim & healthy and still are.
It turned out none of my brothers & sisters would have a sweet tooth.
I dont remember caring that much either.
(of course as kids we would scream passing a shop but it never work & 5 seconds up the road we didnt care either!)

I gained & lost weight in early 20's but thats my own fault by then!

My point is; if your wife is gaining weight this quickly it means there's a serious amount of crap food in the house.

With 2 kids maybe the discussion can be about what sort of household ye want yer kids to live in?

Mite be a different angle for motivating for her?

Yorky

l3LoWnA wrote: »

Stop getting her pregnant?!

Seriously though, try dealing with carrying two children yourself for 9 months on TOP of giving birth to them and THEN see if you appreciate your wife with ALL of her ONE stone extra that she's carrying (you're lucky it's not 5 stone - I've known ladies to put on MASSIVE amounts of weight with pregnancy and never ever lose it afterwards!)

I think you're a troll though.....

Putting pressue on her will lead her to dig her heels in and possily over-eat even more as a matter of principal or to make herself feel better or for whatever reasons......back off, love your wife for who she is and grow up!!!

A full stone?! Meh! :rolleyes:

Did this touch a raw nerve? I wonder does the same issue apply here.

dudara

Yorky Please stay on topic here.

dudara

MagicMarker

3 bottles of wine a week is a huge amount!! I'd had one bottle in the fridge for a month and only had one glass from it!!

Lux23

I lost quite a bit of a weight a few years ago. People did used to make comments but that would only make me eat more rubbish. It was only when I get sick of teh situation myself that I did something about. Theres nothing you can say or do to make your wife lose weight, she really has to want to do it herself. After all it will be her who has to do the diet and exercise, not you!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. I think I'll just do the gently gently for now. Offer to cook dinner when its crap food time, come home earlier and offer to go for walks.....that kind of thing. Facilitate the change.

Seamus wrote:

It's tough to do it without being accusatory.

Yeah...I dont think I'm capable of it if I'm honest. I try. Its not that Im insensitive, just that its a skill that I dont think I have. Either that or she knows me too well and sees through my attempts at being gentle.

dudara

Mighty_Mouse wrote: »

My point is; if your wife is gaining weight this quickly it means there's a serious amount of crap food in the house.

I wonder if she has a stash somewhere. She could be feeling lonely and in need of comfort when she's in the house on her own.

Yorky

I have had experience of a similar problem. I think women are easily influenced by their peer group and let's face it, generally speaking, how many 'normal' sized ie slim women do you see nowadays? The majority seem to be overweight to varying degrees or just simply 'chunky'.

If the OP's wife sees this all around her it is very difficult for her to convince herself that she is overweight.

l3LoWnA

Yorky wrote: »

Did this touch a raw nerve? I wonder does the same issue apply here.

No, no raw nerve touched whatsoever! I'm single at the moment and rather happy to be single and I was never in the situation this mans' wife is in. If I do settle on a partner in the future though, and go on to get married (for better or for worse) and go through nine months of hormonal weight-gaining torture, then bear his child and change my lifestyle in order to raise OUR child the best way we think, and take on the very lonely and busy full-time mum job, and he has the bear faced CHEEK after coming home from his job that I'm sure makes him feel good about himself whilst I'm at home feeling like sh*t all day and tells ME to lose weight because he doesn't fancy me anymore, not only would I more than likely go outof my way to gain even more weight just to pee him off but Id open the door, send him on his merry way and say good riddance

OP, I bet if your wife went out working full-time and you became the full-time parent in the home, alot would change. The first year after having your first baby can be a very bad time for alot of new mothers. (I cried myself to sleep for a full nine months almost every night for no apparent reason but mainly because of loneliness and so many changes happening to my life...baby's aren't the best conversationalist to be stuck in the house all day with either!) This needs to be kept in mind. I definately don't think it's just a case of the lady in question over-eating. Of course, this is all only my humble little opinion so OP need pass no heed if he doesn't want I'm sure this guy and his wife know they both do worthwhile jobs and they appreciate each other equally!

The idea to get more active yourself sounds like the right move, activity including the baby will make your wife, obviously want to become involved. Why not start your baby off with some baby swimming classes. Your wife would probably hate to miss out on those and once she's donned the swimsuit for the baby classes she won't feel too bad about taking a swim the odd day herself? Just an idea!.

l3LoWnA

Yorky wrote: »

I have had experience of a similar problem. I think women are easily influenced by their peer group and let's face it, generally speaking, how many 'normal' sized ie slim women do you see nowadays? The majority seem to be overweight to varying degrees or just simply 'chunky'.

If the OP's wife sees this all around her it is very difficult for her to convince herself that she is overweight.

Yorky, I'm sorry, but such a load of absolute totel and utter codswallop!

Do you know ANY women?!

I know women ranging in size from 6 (or below as have an anoerexic friend and an on-the-way to anoerexia friend also) to about 26 and not ONE of them ever dares think that she is NOT overweight. Almost every woman in society thinks she has weight that needs to be lost, even perfectly slim ladies!!! So I'm sure this lady is WELL aware of her weight issues. 3 stone is a fair bit of weight to have gained in that short space of time and I gather she wasn't overweight when OP married her so this lady is well aware of being overweight and doesn't need any "convincing" of that i'm sure. Do you think she's completely obvlious to none of her old clothes fitting her and the fact that she's carrying around an extra 3 stone?

Also, I love he way you talk about "women" having this problem? "women" are influenced by their peer group yes, and the media and god knows who else to lose weight, diet, slim, excersise etc, maybe you have a fat wife who has a fat friend and you like to blame the friend but COME ON!!!! Such a load off bullsh*t! Have you noticed how many men have beer guts and man-boobs these days? When you put into context the fact that women go through nine-months of pregnancy every time they have a child and MASSIVE hormonal changes in their bodies along with that, you seriously have to give them a small bit of credit! The overweight issue is society-wide, not men or women or children, it's becoming increasingly common in all sexes and ages!

dudara

l3LoWnA Please stay on topic. Off-topic long-winded posts are not appreciated and distract from the topic at hand

dudara

AARRRGH

l3LoWnA wrote: »

A full stone?! Meh! :rolleyes:

How did I know there were going to be replies like this! OP there are a lot of fat people using boards.ie, so expect some flak...

OP I actually think you're completely in the right. Your wife is being selfish/stupid by thinking it's acceptable to keep getting fatter/more unattractive and that you just have to accept it.

I have no doubt in my mind if you broke up (god forbid) that she'd lose the weight.

Personally I don't have a problem with fat people if they are happy being fat, but being unhappy being fat and doing nothing about it... that's just so unattractive. And the people who "stick their heals in / eat more food" if someone mentions their weight... WTF.

In my opinion you need to have an honest heart to heart with her. I would tell her she is becoming less attractive the fatter she gets. She has to understand that if this continues it's going to effect your relationship (and it already is, you're posting about a problem in your marriage on a discussion forum.)

I'm a big fan of the doing sports together trick...

karen3212

Hi Op, I have to say that I think most people overeat because they are either bored or unhappy. I think that if you spend more time with your wife and try and do things as a family so as that she is not stuck in at the weekends too, it might help if she is feeling isolated and unhappy. Take her places, perhaps to see some sites/to the beach etc., and if someone tried to control what I ate or drank, I'd show them the door....so obviously I can't advise you do that. It's odd though if she has only been putting on weight since she married, does that mean her life has changed uncontrollably since you two got married, or was she slowly gaining weight before that?

LegacyUser

OP, maybe your wife should get her thyroid levels checked.
My sister was about a stone heavier after having two babies (perfectly acceptable in my book) but after her third she put on another stone and a half and couldn't shift it.
She ate well, and running around after three kids is no mean feat so couldn't figure out what the weight wouldn't shift.
Turned out she has a slightly underactive thyroid, which leads to weight gain and loss of energy.
A vicious circle, as lack of energy obviously affects her ability to exercise (while caring for three young kids)

Hormones have a massive, massive effect on your metabolism.

coolhandc

if she is a stay at home mam maybe you could go out and buy an excercise bike or treadmill which you will tell her is for yourself coz you dont have time for the gym.after a while she will want to use it and eventually she will come to the realisation that she needs to do something and using the machine is a good way seen as though she doesnt need to leave the house and no one sees her getting red faced.