My mam

LegacyUser

Just want to get some info on how people are with their mums.....

Mine is always putting me down and it is really starting to bug me, I know she is my mam and
I have to ring her and drop in every so often, my dad died when I was a baby and I have 2 other sisters.........She never phones me, and is always comparing us to each other........

I have a good job, house, hubby etc and she always has something bad to say...........................I tired just contact once a week but she has me crying when I'm driving away from her house......

Any suggestion????????????

TantraKat

I know how you feel. I've always given in to my mother over the years, makes for easier living. However as I've gotten older I've realised how one sided the relationship has been. Lately I've left things to her to instigate contact and of course there hasn't been any. To be honest, its actually easier when she's not talking to me, I don't let anything she does get to me now and its a lot better for me that way.

If she upsets you that much try sitting her down and telling her how her constantly putting you down affects you, and how you are perfectly happy with your life the way it is and you don't want to be compared to your sisters.

If that doesnt work then stop contacting her so often, leave it to once a month and if she still doesn't change then cut contact altogether. I bet your husband will be glad for your sake, I'm sure he doesn't like you coming home from visiting her all upset.

Lawless_Samurai

Olga Rice wrote: »

Just want to get some info on how people are with their mums.....

I lost my mother through illness recently but the time I spent with her, before and during her illness, is something I'll never forget. She was an incredible human being.

Olga Rice wrote: »

I have a good job, house, hubby etc and she always has something bad to say........................... I tired just contact once a week but she has me crying when I'm driving away from her house......

Any suggestion????????????

This is gonna be real obvious solution but maybe try talking with your mam. Tell her how she makes you feel sometimes with her put downs etc... She is your mam and just wants the best for you but having you in tears is not right, ya know?

TantraKat

Sorry you lost your mother, you were lucky to have had a good relationship with her.

Lawless_Samurai wrote: »

She is your mam and just wants the best for you but having you in tears is not right, ya know?

However I have to disagree with your statement above, not all "mothers" make good "mothers" and some certainly do not want whats best for you. Mine is never happier than when she's stirring up trouble among us (her sons and daughters). We are all adults now but she still tries, and had been succeeding for years until we finally saw thru her.

So while I understand its hard for someone who has had a loving mother to understand that some people just never should have had kids. None of us ever remember getting a hug or a kiss from her in our lives. She has no relationship at all with any of her 10 grandchildren, and doesn't even acknowledge her great-grandchild. Her behaviour is not going to change now.

Latchy

Our mothers are our mothers but we somtimes have to move far away so as to escape their influences which hard as it may be ,is somtimes the only solution to living your own life on your own terms .

Quote tantrakat

However I have to disagree with your statement above, not all "mothers" make good "mothers" and some certainly do not want whats best for you. Mine is never happier than when she's stirring up trouble among us (her sons and daughters). We are all adults now but she still tries, and had been succeeding for years until we finally saw thru her.

You echo the same sentiments as my brothers ,sisters and I