Can't breathe...cheating cow!

jj99

i logged into my girlfriends bebo who im in a long distance relationship with. she says she loves me and im the only one for her but saw this from a boy

"hi!
everything is going to be the same, think about yesterday like we were drunk and was the way to say goodnight. was only a kiss no more, so was a friendly thing. it´s what i think.
see you"



should i confront her?
what would you do
thanks
sad and disapointed

Ruu_Old

Why did you log into her account?

edit: Misread, confront her but don't jump to any conclusions yet. Hear her out.

dudara

I think he means that he just checked her page by logging into his bebo account, not that he logged into hers.

Do you think that you might be making a mountain out of a molehill. You don't know what happened, all you know is that some guy appears to be making moves on your girlfriend. You need to talk to her.

Placebo

mis read
yeah sounds bit grey area, need to confront

jj99

no i logged into her account...i was very wrong i know...and im sorry should not have done it...but i did and this is the outcome.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I wouldn't be able to stay with the girl knowing she'd done that. Don't care how drunk she was.

projectmayhem

confront her, but don't go nuts straight away. from the comment you posted it sounds to me like it could be a drunken mistake, and she clearly said this to him.

it's up to you to decide if you have enough trust in her to continue a long-distance relationship. that kind of thing will make her long for some physical contact with someone, preferably you naturally.

LegacyUser

Cut...she's gone. Game over.

One thing doing it and regretting it and keeping it to yourself for ever...but it's out in the open now and u know so it will never be the same again...well that's how it would be with me...

Why were you logging into her account? How's she supposed to trust you if you do that?
I don't care if you found hot steamy messages from 20 guys to her - you don't log into someone's account like that and what you found does not justify it.

And a friendly kiss goodnight that the boy said would change nothing about them being friends?
Get over your hissy fit and try talking to her.
and don't forget to admit you logged into her account.

jj99

listen bluewolf i admit that it was wrong so dont need a lecture about it ok....but whats done is done

Placebo

bluewolf wrote: »

Why were you logging into her account? How's she supposed to trust you if you do that?
I don't care if you found hot steamy messages from 20 guys to her - you don't log into someone's account like that and what you found does not justify it.

And a friendly kiss goodnight that the boy said would change nothing about them being friends?
Get over your hissy fit and try talking to her.
and don't forget to admit you logged into her account.

jesus christ, he didnt log into her ATM, woman. Its just a social networking site, FOR CONTACTING FRIENDS. not looking for part time blokes.

daiixi

perhaps he made a move on your girlfriend and she's flipped out about it because (i) she's got a boyfriend and (ii) she feels it is going to ruin their friendship.

Can we put a sticky at the top of PI saying "If you logged into his/her email/bebo/myspace etc then it's your own fault and problem. Deal with it yourself and learn to respect other people's privacy!"????

projectmayhem

daiixi wrote: »

Can we put a sticky at the top of PI saying "If you logged into his/her email/bebo/myspace etc then it's your own fault and problem. Deal with it yourself and learn to respect other people's privacy!"????

people pull that stuff all the time. logging into accounts, checking texts. it's a morbid fascination that stems from total boredom, and most of the time you find information so boring it's almost incomprehensible. sometimes though, you find a little gem about your partner cheating etc. and you can't ignore that stuff...

daiixi

projectmayhem wrote: »

people pull that stuff all the time. logging into accounts, checking texts. it's a morbid fascination that stems from total boredom, and most of the time you find information so boring it's almost incomprehensible. sometimes though, you find a little gem about your partner cheating etc. and you can't ignore that stuff...

I'm not saying that they have to ignore it but seriously they have to deal with it. Why come on here asking what they should do when they obviously don't have the decency to do what they should do in the first place and not invade other people's privacy? Sure PI would probably be a very boring place if all these idiots stopped posting but come on.. isn't it time people grow up and simply take responsibility for their own actions?

Sherifu

daiixi wrote: »

I'm not saying that they have to ignore it but seriously they have to deal with it. Why come on here asking what they should do when they obviously don't have the decency to do what they should do in the first place and not invade other people's privacy? Sure PI would probably be a very boring place if all these idiots stopped posting but come on.. isn't it time people grow up and simply take responsibility for their own actions?

Thats the way it should work. These cases deserve their own subforum.
If passwords were replaced with fingerprinting we'd all be saved.

OP, stop wasting time and talk to your girlfriend.

biko

Talk to GF about what the message meant
Ask her to change her password to stop you snooping again
Talk to GP about breathing issue

PeakOutput

jj99 wrote: »

listen bluewolf i admit that it was wrong so dont need a lecture about it ok....but whats done is done

confront her dont be a dick about it tell her to tell u exactly what happened


if she kissed him then shes gone

if he kissed her and she didnt push him off shes gone

if it was the equivalent of a peck on the cheek but on the mouth and he was hoping she would give more but didnt then tell her how u feel but i dont think its an automatic red card


either way listen to your own advice in bold above and dont go ballistic over a kiss without knowing the context

edit; thought i knew how to put stuff in bold....evidently i dont

Placebo

daiixi wrote: »

I'm not saying that they have to ignore it but seriously they have to deal with it. Why come on here asking what they should do when they obviously don't have the decency to do what they should do in the first place and not invade other people's privacy? Sure PI would probably be a very boring place if all these idiots stopped posting but come on.. isn't it time people grow up and simply take responsibility for their own actions?

im gonna stop watching the news, the world is a perfect place.
Obviously he should have respected it but that doesnt take away from the fact that she had still committed the deed. Best he found out now than later.

jj99

i confronted her and she just plain denies it.
the email have also been deleted from her account.
Should i believe her and forget about it or what?

Sherifu

jj99 wrote: »

i confronted her and she just plain denies it.
the email have also been deleted from her account.
Should i believe her and forget about it or what?

If it's the way you say it is, she's covering it up/hiding it for some reason.
Personally I wouldn't be happy with that.

star-pants

jj99 wrote: »

i confronted her and she just plain denies it.
the email have also been deleted from her account.
Should i believe her and forget about it or what?

So you told her you logged in & saw a message from a boy, and she said 'no you didn't' ? and you've since logged in & it's been deleted?

I don't understand you saying 'should you believe her' .. is it that she denied the kiss or the email?

jj99

she denied the kiss...but when i talked to her on the phone she said she hadnt gotten the email even though the email had been deleted from her mail. she went away for 10 mins and when i called her back she told me that she talked to the guy and that he had sent the message to the wrong person.
i dont know?

star-pants

Actually... she could be right.. I can't remember exactly - but I recall deleting an email (a group one now) from bebo before and it said it would remove it from the people I'd sent it to aswell... so I can't be certain if that stands for single emails.
You could always test it out if you don't believe her - get a friend of yours to send an email to you, and then ask them to delete it & see if it disappears?

I assume you guys are pretty close - to the point where you should know if she's telling you the truth. If that's what she says is the case, then you have to decide if you trust her with her answer.

Fysh

....

So you snooped in her account, saw some at best inconclusive evidence that may suggest she kissed someone other than you, and have now confronted her with it? And, in the face of her outright denial, you've snooped again and are now asking the interweb whether you should believe your girlfriend (who none of us have ever met) or clamber your way up to some moral high ground and break up with her?

Well, it's certainly an interesting situation. Several things spring to mind:

1) Are you willing to apologise to your girlfriend for spying on her by logging into her account? (Because, regardless of any "the innocent have nothing to hide" logic that may get thrown out here, you've breached her trust by spying on her like this. And no amount of sarcastic "I don't need a lecture on it, I know it was wrong" comments will sidestep this - this is at least as big a problem for your relationship as the cheating you suspect her of, because both issues come down to a lack of trust between you).

2) Are you willing to believe her if she says nothing happened? If not, why not?

3) What are the general circumstances of your relationship that led you wanting to spy on her by logging into her account? If you felt you had good reason to spy on her, then that's a bad sign for your relationship as a whole; if you didn't have a particular reason to spy on her, then she'd be well within her rights to ditch you for your paranoia.

4) What, in the name of God, makes you think that strangers on the internet who know a tiny fraction of the situation, are going to be able to give you any advice worth a damn on how to proceed? We don't know you, your girlfriend, the guy involved, what went on prior to the message being sent, or why you feel justified in looking at her account. Thus our advice will at best be incomplete and at worst may in fact exacerbate the situation.

Go and talk to the girl, swallow your pride and apologise for spying on her account, and then have a proper talk about how things stand between the two of you. Or, alternatively, break up with her and get in a huff about it. Those are pretty much the two options you're going to be offered on here, I'd say.

astrofool

To be fair, if he has the details to log in to her bebo account from another country, then she must trust him to do so, and would use another means to go behind their back.

Not quite the same as going through someone's email when they forget to log out.

daiixi

jj99 wrote: »

i confronted her and she just plain denies it.
the email have also been deleted from her account.
Should i believe her and forget about it or what?

Post deleted because someone told me to be nice.

Fysh

astrofool wrote: »

To be fair, if he has the details to log in to her bebo account from another country, then she must trust him to do so, and would use another means to go behind their back.

Not quite the same as going through someone's email when they forget to log out.

That's not the impression I get from:

jj99 wrote: »

no i logged into her account...i was very wrong i know...and im sorry should not have done it...but i did and this is the outcome.

If he's so apologetic about it and feels it was wrong, then presumably it wasn't something he was expected to do. Which means that he's spying on his girlfriend, at which point my earlier questions and points apply.

jj99

you can go **** yourself. all I wanted to know what others peoples opinions were and what they would do in this situation if it happened. the first thing i said to her was an apology for going into her account..just wanted to know what others would do.

daiixi

jj99 wrote: »

you can go **** yourself. all I wanted to know what others peoples opinions were and what they would do in this situation if it happened. the first thing i said to her was an apology for going into her account..just wanted to know what others would do.

1. Trust their partner enough not to spy on them.
2. Not spy on them.
3. Realise that the message actually didn't imply anything bad happened at all.

Btw post reported for personal attack.

/edit: wooo 1,500'th post

Sherifu

jj99 wrote: »

you can go **** yourself. all I wanted to know what others peoples opinions were and what they would do in this situation if it happened. the first thing i said to her was an apology for going into her account..just wanted to know what others would do.

Take it easy there man. You asked for peoples opinions, you should expect criticism of looking at her private stuff.

tritium

Seriously Op, break up with her. if you're logging into her account you have way too many trust issues to be in a relationship with her. If you can't get over those issues then its probably not healthy for either of you to be together

pookie82

For god's sake WHY do people get so ridiculous about lecturing others when they find something in someone's bebo/e-mail account???? a) It's already been done and b) obviously there IS a need in these cases to keep sneaky tabs on someone who has information like that lying around under the protection of a password. What do you suggest, that he should have stayed out of things and continued in the dark while his girlfriend went around kissing other guys abroad and he remained blissfully unaware like a fool???
Give her a call, admit what you've done and try to gauge how she feels. She'll be angry but you've got a right to know if she's messing you around.

stolenwine

I wouldn't be too worried. By the looks of things he can't string a proper sentence together. :rolleyes:

The Sweeper

pookie82 wrote: »

For god's sake WHY do people get so ridiculous about lecturing others when they find something in someone's bebo/e-mail account???? .

Because they LOOKED.

The act of snooping is not justified by having found something. For every person on here who snooped and hit paydirt there are 99 others who snooped and found sod all.

In the days before technology, there used to be a saying: "Don't eavesdrop at doors, you might hear something you don't like".

Fysh

pookie82 wrote: »

For god's sake WHY do people get so ridiculous about lecturing others when they find something in someone's bebo/e-mail account???? a) It's already been done and b) obviously there IS a need in these cases to keep sneaky tabs on someone who has information like that lying around under the protection of a password. What do you suggest, that he should have stayed out of things and continued in the dark while his girlfriend went around kissing other guys abroad and he remained blissfully unaware like a fool???
Give her a call, admit what you've done and try to gauge how she feels. She'll be angry but you've got a right to know if she's messing you around.

So you don't think that the OP's real issue is his lack of trust in his girlfriend? Interesting. Unless he's not telling us something, he has effectively admitted to pre-emptively spying on his girlfriend and frankly, pre-emptively doing anything of that nature to someone who you're supposed to trust is not a good sign.

Marksie

jj99: first and last warning. ANY more comments of the like of what to do with yourself and you are banned. That goes for any other posters as well.

If you dont like what you read then simply disregard it, it may have also solved your issue in the first place if you had taken that piece of advice.

After all that has been said, and that you have confronted her. She has given her explanation, either accept it and move on. Or dont accept it and breakup.
That is the two basic choices.

But if its the former then examine why you snooped into her account in the first place. If its the latter then work out why you snooped into her account in the first place. (and yes i am aware i wrote the same sentence twice, I am driving home a point)

pookie82

There is absolutely nothing in my e mail account or anywhere else that I wouldn't want my boyfriend seeing. If I did have something sneaky in there, such as communication with another guy insinuating that something had gone on behind his back, and he logged in somehow and found it, I wouldn't feel as if I had a leg to stand on by saying "You shouldn't have looked in the first place so I don't have to give any excuses and am perfectly entitled to carry on messing about in private." I accept that that may be just me, but I don't see the point in lecturing the guy who's already done so without offering help.In my experience if someone is really really adamant that their bebo account be kept private like that they can often have something to hide. Bebo has gotten SO many people into trouble and broken up so many relationships at this stage, why do people put comments like those up and expect that the wrong person won't see them anyway??? Sounds to me like this guy was asking for trouble and may have been looking to get found out?? It may not be a good sign that the boyfriend secretly logs into her page, but it's a worse sign when he finds what he did. Sounds to me like both parties have doubts and issues.

Fysh

pookie82 wrote: »

There is absolutely nothing in my e mail account or anywhere else that I wouldn't want my boyfriend seeing. If I did have something sneaky in there, such as communication with another guy insinuating that something had gone on behind his back, and he logged in somehow and found it, I wouldn't feel as if I had a leg to stand on by saying "You shouldn't have looked in the first place so I don't have to give any excuses and am perfectly entitled to carry on messing about in private." I accept that that may be just me, but I don't see the point in lecturing the guy who's already done so without offering help.In my experience if someone is really really adamant that their bebo account be kept private like that they can often have something to hide. Bebo has gotten SO many people into trouble and broken up so many relationships at this stage, why do people put comments like those up and expect that the wrong person won't see them anyway??? Sounds to me like this guy was asking for trouble and may have been looking to get found out?? It may not be a good sign that the boyfriend secretly logs into her page, but it's a worse sign when he finds what he did. Sounds to me like both parties have doubts and issues.

That's well and good, but that's your own choice to make. You do not, for example, have the right to check your boyfriend's account to check this unless he has consented to it. Any justifications based on "well, I *did* find something incriminating" are not in fact justifications but appeasements to a guilty conscience.

The entire issue is one of the OP not trusting his girlfriend. If he did have reason to suspect she was cheating on him, it's something that needs to be worked out between them without the kind of sneaking around each other's backs. If he didn't have reason to suspect her, but checked on her anyway he's a paranoid control freak and needs to learn how to trust people.

None of us really know enough to offer any specific advice on how to proceed; we don't know the girl or the OP in question, we don't know what happened on the night in question, and we don't know how their relationship actually works. So regardless of how long the discussion about whether spying can be justified by finding evidence of misdeeds, the OP is going to have 2 options : sort out his trust issues and stay the course with his current GF (if she'll have him - god knows I wouldn't put up with this sort of rubbish from an SO, and I doubt I'm the only one), or assume his conclusions are correct and ditch her. That's a decision he has to make, and the only person who might be able to help him with this will be his GF.

MugMugs

The fact that you........

1. Logged into her account and READ her mail means you should break up as there is no trust there and it will drive you psyco otherwise
2. Dont trust her so much so that you have turned to the Interweb to assist you making up your mind.... You should dump her !!!

All in all.... Dump her, move on, trust your next partner !

sunny2004

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I wouldn't be able to stay with the girl knowing she'd done that. Don't care how drunk she was.

Done what exactly ? LOL

it amazes me the crap people post as advice ! no offence intended, but what exactly did you read into the OP info and what does it prove or mean ?

Dave147

What I am wondering is, why would you have your girlfriends bebo password? I have one password for everything, with slight caps and numeral differences obviously and no one in the world has any idea what it is but me. Right, you shouldn't have checked her mail but it's not the issue so maybe people should give opinions on the fact that she may or may not have kissed someone else.

OP: Can you please clarify if she actually did kiss him or the email went to the wrong person etc.

R33F

I would cut it and walk away.

You have found out what went on (the right or wrong way), and now she is denying it. The email was written to her. You read it.

YOU need to ask yourself if you can forget about it and move on ? Otherwise you will be suspicious all the time, and this will only affect your feelings towards her.

If she gave you her bebo password in good faith, and you mistreated that trust, then you could also find her suspicious of you.

Fysh

Fysh wrote: »

None of us really know enough to offer any specific advice on how to proceed; we don't know the girl or the OP in question, we don't know what happened on the night in question,

Dave147 wrote: »

Right, you shouldn't have checked her mail but it's not the issue so maybe people should give opinions on the fact that she may or may not have kissed someone else.

OP: Can you please clarify if she actually did kiss him or the email went to the wrong person etc.

Given that we're talking about a long-distance relationship and the OP hasn't posted any further clarification about what did or didn't happen since the GF's outright denial of any wrongdoing, the closest you're likely to get is "she says she didn't but I saw the email and think she did, but yeah but no but yeah but no but SHE'S A CHEATING HOE-BAG!". (OK, so I'm extrapolating here, but given the subject line on a post made BEFORE he even talked to his GF about his suspicions, I don't think it's unreasonable).

And, as has been said before, the OP's checking of his GF's account without explicit permission (as surmised from his repeated acknowledgment that what he did was wrong) is a direct contribution to the issue as it shows he doesn't trust her. He needs to look at his reasons for not trusting her and see whether they carry more weight than their relationship as a whole so far.

auggie2k

Neither of you's deserver each other. OP, stop snooping (think of it if it happened to you) and your girl maybe no better if she really did do that.

Long distance sucks monkey balls by the way, it never works.

pookie82

Can I please ask the OP how he had his girlfriend's password if she didn't consent to him looking at her page ( I presume she didn't give it to him or he wouldn't have had to apologise for going in there). If she's away it's not like she forgot to log out on a computer you later used so I assume that she gave it to you at some stage?? And also, can I ask if you had any suspicions about her before you checked, or did you just have a look to see what was going on in general with her??

jj99

I lived with her for about a year, she had nothing to hide from me then so she would check it in front of me, just knew her password.

SarahSassy

jj99 wrote: »

the email have also been deleted from her account.
QUOTE]

So you are continuing to log into her account???