Too much too young?

bananna

Hi!

Ok well 1st of all im sorry about the long post but it will help understand my suitation better (thanks for reading by the way)

Im 23, engaged to a wonderful man who is also 23 weve been together a long time. We have a 2 and a half year old child together. (would love another one by the way!) We met each other in college, we both had our own friends and didnt live anywhere near each other. When I found out i was pregnant he dropped out of college and got a job. He wasnt into the college thing anyway never went in etc. I finished my course even though I was pregnant..no one in my class new I was pregnant ( i hid it well) only 2 friends good friends that I made in my class. So we moved in together after I finished college. I got a reception job which was ok but was very tired all the time. He had a good job by then and now has a much better job and has moved up the ladder quite a good bit. We decided to buy a house nearly 2yrs ago which we were both delighted to be moving in etc. It is hard sometimes especially with mortgage and the little one to juggle childcare etc but I love my life right now its like everything has slotted into place.

However, I was back in my home town last week and bumped into a girl I used to go to school with and had a quick chat and she was going on oh your a mum and have a house more or less you have a boring life (she didnt say that!! I felt it though). I thought nothing of it but every since this chat I have been thinking..what would I be doing if my boyfriend and I broke up or I didnt have a baby? we didnt move to where we live now? we both moved away from friends/familly due to house prices been so high. And I have to say that sometimes I feel quite lonely like in the area I would say I have one good friend that I could call to for a chat/cuppa. I love spending time at home with our child. my partner works hard during the week and we usually try to do something together as a family at the weekend. I do have another good friend from college but she lives nearly an hours drive away. We do meet up sometimes, i go there or she comes here and we go out etc. I went to the mother and toddler group and it was full of mums but no one near my age they were either late 20's 30's or 16/17 year olds. I felt like the older ones looke down there noses at me and didnt really make contact just kept to thereselves. and the young ones had there bunch together besides they would be to young for me to hang out with. The kids had a great time though.

I dont really know why Im writing this but I feel that I should be doing something more with my life..I was thinking of going back to college and follow up on the course I done there. But am I to old and now? Im so confused right now..dont get me wrong I love my bf, and child to bits I just feel that i need to get out more or something like im only 23 and most of the people I know are living life to the full..going travelling out every weekend etc

Overheal

Travelling every weeked.. bah, who needs it.

However its your life and once you settle your priorities (family for instance) youre pretty much free to be who you want. I love nothing more than to stay home on the weekend and sleep; might go out to drink a couple times a month at best.

Youre definitely not too old for college: dont be silly Im in year 2 and my friends are 22, 26, 25 and 20 for the most part. You're as young as you want to be: the 26 year old is a complete child in that regard... the assortment of novelty toys you wouldnt believe.

If its really what you want you owe it to yourself to go for it. Putting it off is only increasing the odds of something else becoming a priority (another baby, difficult money situations etc.)

BoozyBabe

Who says their life is full & that you're just trundling along!!!

You have a wonderful man to cuddle up to at night.
You have a wonderful child to share your life with & watch grow & who loves & worships you more than any other person in the world ever will.
You have your own home with enough money to get by on.

These so called people you think are living their lives to the full could very well be the most lonely people in the world, but you don't know it.
No one to call their own, nothing to work towards, partying to dull the void in their lives, travelling to remove the boredom.

You life if so full of wonderful things, you don't need that! Someones opinion of you shouldn't make you feel bad for enjoying the life you have!

But, if you have now realised that maybe you do feel stuck in a bit of a rut, then defo continue your studies, or something like that.
& no, you're not in anyway old!! I'm 27 & embarking on a whole new career, study etc, & I don't think it's too late for me to start, so it's defo not too late for you!!!

Just one thing you said:- Most mums were old or in their early 20's.
What age do you think you are? You're in your early 20's!!!

Never feel your life is boring cos some people perceive it to be that way.
It sounds bliss to me btw.....

LegacyUser

Yeah don't worry about it, it's simply a case of the "grass is greener" syndrome...

You have good things going for you...

Gumbyman

You said it yourself "I love my life at the moment". Take a look around and you will realise how lucky you are. Actually, take a look around this forum (no offense anyone!) and you should get the idea. Everybody can say 'what if'. Do a nightcourse or a full time course. Your life is just beginning and you have a massive headstart on everybody else!! Congrats!

Beetlebum

Personally I think one of the reasons people go out clubbing at the weekend is in the hopes that they meet somebody nice who they'd be willing to share their live with. Sadly, alot of people end up going home alone and worried that they'll never meet their match.
Your a really lucky girl. You've found a loving, hard working man who provides for you and your beautiful child. You have a happy home and a happy relationship. Most people would kill to have what you have!! Maybe get a babbysitter a few nights a month and go out on the town with your boyfriend. Does he have many friends?
You could also take up dancing lessons or yoga and meet people that way. You'll still get to travel the world aswell once your child gets a bit older. You have youth on your side and sound like a very responsible girl so I'm sure you'll find a way!!

LadyJ

OP, you're never too old to go back to college. My mom did a degree at 35 and a PHD afterwards. I'm going to be going back as a mature student next year myself.

You may have a kid and a house and a fiance but that's great! Look at it this way, you don't need to worry about getting ahead in that aspect of life anymore so you can focus on stuff like college. You'll still be able to make time for your child too.

Most people at 23 are looking for love and saving for a house and hoping to have a family some day but you already have it all so now make some time for yourself, everything else is sorted!

Also, you're not boring, you just got a head start and screw anyone who thinks their life has more purpose than your's! It's a load of crap.

flogen

Firstly, you're never too old to go to college or change career or anything like that - you may have to put it on ice while you get your kids through the first few years but once they get to a certain age you'll be able to take on more responsibility elsewhere.

I think a lot of your concerns are based on the whole "grass is only greener on the other side" thing but it almost certainly isn't. Besides, what's boring to some is heaven to others and vice versa.

(For example I've been with my gf since I was 15, so that's 7 and a half years... some people react to that by thinking of all the fun you'd miss out on as a teenager with hormones going 90... for me my gf is what made the last few years of my life so enjoyable and I saw (and see) no appeal in doing it any other way.)

I'm assuming that you and your BF didn't plan to have a kid but you have to ask yourself - do you regret going through with it now? If you had the chance to do it all again would you do it any differently?

You have a happy, loving relationship some kids and a house - do you really wish that weren't the case? I guarentee you'd be pining for that kind of stuff right now had you never met your bf all those years ago.

And as for the issue of living in the middle of nowhere, that'll all come good soon enough - if you both continue to improve in terms of your careers etc. and if house prices continue to drop/level out it will only be a matter of time before you can move to something more central.

Cathmandooo

Yeah seriously have to agree with people above, you've got loads going for you, a lot more than others your age!! You're certainly not too young for college, I'm 24 and thinking of going back to do something but have no idea what! A night course might be a great idea, plus if its in your area then you might make new friends to hang out with. We all get a little frustrated and bored with our lives (well I do!) but it'll pass.

I'm sure if you think about it you're much better off than those who are still living at home with parents, no partner, and cant afford to move out! (Thats me!) Don't get me wrong, I have great fun with my friends and like my job and all and am enjoying life, but you just have a different life and you're not missing out on anything really, you seem to have a lot of love in your life, love is all you need Chin up

Loopy

You are young to be settled with mortgage, baby etc but if you love it whats the problem??

You sound like your in a good place right now so my advice would be go with it..

Sounds like you need some stimulation and a course is definitely an option for you but maybe wait a while. Why not kick back and start to enjoy your life and all the good things in it and stop worrying what could have been. Yeh you could be out getting blotto every nite with your girlfriends but the novely of that wears off pretty damn quick.

The phrase the grass is always greener has been mentioned a few times and its so true.

Good Luck

*Page*

Hey,

I'm a settled mum living with partner have a job (renting but trying to buy)and i do get a bit green of my singel friends but they when they ask me how i am and how life is i tell them
~happy, with child with man have a home have a life...

they all say they would pay every penny they own to have it...

you have what most people want at the end of the day and your young enough to enjoy your daughter and your partner!


its ok to be in doubt, if you didnt question things every now and then you wouldnt be human...

build up

one thing i noticed you say is this

"I love my life right now its like everything has slotted into place."



I dont see any problem

Nevyn

I had my first at 23 and by the time I was 26 had two kids and a mortguage.

So you little one is 2 that means that when they are 18 you will only be 39, and have plenty of time and life left to do what you want.

I do understand the pain in the arse of being in your early to mid twenties and feeling like you are the only one cos the other mothers are either in thier early to mid 30s or else are in thier teens.

Shockingly enough being early to mid twenties used to be the average age of parents with thier first child.

You are not too young to be a parent and a good parent and you are only as 'settled' as you let yourself be. Yes you have to make sure the family is running smoothly but once that is done there is nothing stopping you and your partner from still following your dreams be they dreams you have together or being supportive of each other working on personal goals.

You don't have to be resricted to the mother and toddler groups, what else is there in the area that you want to get invovled in ? I'm sure you can sort at least 1 night a week for yourself.

aido182

And you are NEVER too old to go back to college. Im 35 and in second year of a 4 year part time course.

There will always be a bit of the grass is greener syndrome but everyone suffers from that. Others will be looking at you wishing they had what you have.

LouOB

Sounds like you have it made and that 'girl' was just jealous

Electric

You're definitely not too old to back to college, both of my parents have and they are in their 40's. Incidentally they had me when they were younger than you were. And I can tell you they have a great social life...always have!

I wouldn't be worrying about missing out on anything. Like other posters have said there are alot of lonely people out there who go out to pubs and clubs in the hopes of stumbling across what you have.

Sure you may feel uncertain after a while and let's face it we all get into ruts from time to time. But have a look around see if there is a college course you'd like to do, try taking up something new like yoga or dance or cooking... anything really.

You'll find in time that you're social circle will begin to expand as your child's does. Before you know it there'll be dance lessons and scouts and all the after school stuff that kids do and all the other kids and mums to meet and hang out with.

There's nothing wrong with your life if you are happy with it then it is for no one to say otherwise! Remember there are so many people out there who would love to be in your shoes. A happy home life is all that some people want from life!

You are very lucky!

Blackpitts

this post is the perfect example that women are never happy and are always in competition with each other...
OP, you have a great life, you should be very happy...

gcgirl

Going out every weekend is overrated sorehead and money wise way too expensive ! from what i see your in a loving relationship with bf and you have a lovely child ! she was prob Jealous me thinks that deffo ! You have the guy the kid and the house! what does she have??

LegacyUser

I am 22 myself! I work Monday to Friday and spend the weekends drinking, clubbing etc! I am going out with someone for 4 years, he is basically the same as myself! We are both still living at home, would love to move out and get our own place but we just can't afford it! (Obviously because we spend everything we have on partying!) It's seriously over rated but it's like a vicious circle and once you get into it it's very hard to stay in at the weekends!!
I would give anything to have what you have, a child, nice home and security. Your not too old to go back to college! Sounds to me like you are really set up for life! Your not missing out on anything, trust me when I say that! I do envy you and chances are that girl you spoke to does too!
Maybe now that the house prices are beginning to drop you might be able to move closer to your friends and family? You would definitley have a better quality of life then I would imagine! Good luck! x

bananna

hi again

Thanks to everyone for replying to me. i must have sounded like such a drama queen! you's are all right I should have just ignored the girl like I dont care what she thinks anyway. I love my life and thats it.

Im still thinking about the going back to college thing and think i might do it next sept but for now ive enrolled in a cookery lesson class 2evenings a week for 8weeks so that will get me out and about a bit more might even meet a few more people.

I dont think i would of done it if it wasnt for you guys. U's have just made me realised how lucky I am and that I should be grateful for what I have as there is alot of people worse of than me.

thanks again