Safely lowering the male sex drive

LegacyUser

Does anyone know of any drugs (artificial or natural) that can safely reduce the male libido?

I've heard about liquourice, but I'm worried about the possible liver damage that can result.

I've been in my present heteosexual relationship for nearly 8 years. I love my female partner. We get on great, I can't imagine settling down with anybody else, and when we do have sex I enjoy it.

Unfortunately, I'm constantly bothered by the urge to have sex with other women. It's driving me crazy. Once, out of sheer desperation, I visited an escort. I confessed all to my partner and stated that I'd quite understand if she wanted to call it quits. We talked and agreed to give it another go. The escort experience wasn't unpleasant, but I don't want to go down that route again, on moral, ethical, and health grounds.

The way I see it, my choices are:

1. Jerk off to temporarily relieve the urges (this is what I'm doing now, but it's far from ideal, for example, it's taking too much time).
2. Visit escorts (as previously stated, I really don't want to go down this route).
3. Find someway to lower my sex drive.

I'm exploring option 3 since I'm fed up with 1 and don't want 2.

If any other males have struggled with this, and found a good solution, I'd be very interested to hear it.

Thanks,

X.

Marksie

what_to_do wrote: »

If any other males have struggled with this, and found a good solution, I'd be very interested to hear it.

Thanks,

X.

have you thought about follwoing one of the paths of sacred sexuality. It allows you to understand yourself take your partner to a higher and deeper level and work with all that sexual energy you have banging around there?

magick

why dont u try different things with your partner to spice things up ?

Potential-Monke

Thing called tantric, focuses all your energy. Supposed to be good for that kind of thing. Give it a google.

Dizzyblonde

It sounds to me like the problem is not with your libido but with the urge to have sex with OTHER women. That's a very different thing.
You might want to try psycho-sexual counselling.

Oryx

Is your problem that you want other women, or that your partners sex drive is too low for you? It seems a pity to 'castrate' a perfectly healthy sexual appetite, simply because you need an appropriate outlet for it. How much have you talked to your partner about this? Is she willing to do anything to accommodate your needs, or to try anything to change how you both view your sexuality, and make it more fulfilling for you both? (Such as the tantra/sacred sexuality referred to above?)

LegacyUser

I haven't heard of the "sacred paths of sexuality" thing - is that the same as the tantric thing? I'll google both.

I've made numerous suggestions about spicing up the bedroom department to my partner - however she's of the opinion that it's unecessary. Whenever I mention anything about spicing things up, she takes the view that I must be horny, and thus need an orgasm. So, she'll concentrate on giving me an orgasm, almost like it's a routine task, without doing anything different, knowing full well that, when it's over, I'll be satisfied for a while. So nothing changes really, it does get me down somewhat. What she doesn't know, is that in my head, in order to achieve orgasm, in this sexually regimented framework, I have to rely on imagination. I can't tell her this because I don't want to upset her.

The urge to have sex with other women really is an urge, it's not something I voluntarily want to do. The mind is saying no but the gonads are like "let's go". From conversations I've had with male friends, I think that what I'm suffering is quite common. As males, we are, by nature, naturally inclined to impregnate as many females as possible. I think these urges stem from several-hundred-thousand years of evolutionary programming.

From what I've written above, you might say that I've given up on trying to improve the bedroom situation, which is true to a large extent. However, because our relationship is excellent in every other department, I'd rather try and cope without the sex I'd like, instead of ditching the entire relationship, hence the idea about taking drugs to effectively dampen down the natural urges I've discussed above.

Marksie

what_to_do wrote: »

I haven't heard of the "sacred paths of sexuality" thing - is that the same as the tantric thing? I'll google both.
.

Well i didn't want to Limit you to tantra so i mentioned sacred sexuality as there are different paths.
I follow tantra (or neotantra, as its designed for western lovers) More specifically the path I follow is skydancing tantra. But dont limit yourself to that have a look around and see what strikes a chord in you.

Edit: oh and if you look at sites and you see testimonials like "I can go for hours". That isnt tantra. Certainly tantra sessions can last hours or days, but its totally different (I am nnot going to go into it more as its seriously OT) and of course its a two way thing, for both of you, not just yourself :-).

Reading your second post what leapt out was the gact that it seems purely mechanical. This could very well be the crux of the issue, it may not be gonads after all but needing true intimacy, or merely something emotionally more.

That is something tantra definitely will help with. There does seem to be a communication issue as well, while your gfriend is happy to give you and orgasm, you are concerned about hurting her feelings by telling her exactly what you do want.

Oh and a bit of info from the mod side now: Your first post didnt sho as it was awaiting approval. Wwe havent been permanently hardwired into the system yet so there may be a delay before it gets approved

daniel3982

Heroin lowers your sex drive but Im guessing that isn't going to be the answer here, I really don't know to be honest, but if you do find the answer share it with us, I would be interested to hear.

aidan24326

what_to_do wrote: »

I've made numerous suggestions about spicing up the bedroom department to my partner - however she's of the opinion that it's unecessary.

That's a very odd attitude. Maybe you and her aren't as compatible as you'd like to think?

Whenever I mention anything about spicing things up, she takes the view that I must be horny, and thus need an orgasm. So, she'll concentrate on giving me an orgasm, almost like it's a routine task, without doing anything different, knowing full well that, when it's over, I'll be satisfied for a while. So nothing changes really, it does get me down somewhat. What she doesn't know, is that in my head, in order to achieve orgasm, in this sexually regimented framework, I have to rely on imagination. I can't tell her this because I don't want to upset her.

Sounds a bit mechanical alright and I can see how you'd be a bit frustrated. You fantasize about sex with other women because you aren't getting what you want/need at home. Not that uncommon and no doubt the reason for many an affair down the ages. You need to be more honest and open and tell her that you're not very happy with this part of your relationship as it is. She may be a little upset but you'll get nowhere unless you make your feelings known. She's being very closed-minded by refusing to even try anything different.

yawnstretch

what_to_do wrote: »

I haven't heard of the "sacred paths of sexuality" thing - is that the same as the tantric thing? I'll google both.

I've made numerous suggestions about spicing up the bedroom department to my partner - however she's of the opinion that it's unecessary. Whenever I mention anything about spicing things up, she takes the view that I must be horny, and thus need an orgasm. So, she'll concentrate on giving me an orgasm, almost like it's a routine task, without doing anything different, knowing full well that, when it's over, I'll be satisfied for a while. So nothing changes really, it does get me down somewhat. What she doesn't know, is that in my head, in order to achieve orgasm, in this sexually regimented framework, I have to rely on imagination. I can't tell her this because I don't want to upset her.

The urge to have sex with other women really is an urge, it's not something I voluntarily want to do. The mind is saying no but the gonads are like "let's go". From conversations I've had with male friends, I think that what I'm suffering is quite common. As males, we are, by nature, naturally inclined to impregnate as many females as possible. I think these urges stem from several-hundred-thousand years of evolutionary programming.

From what I've written above, you might say that I've given up on trying to improve the bedroom situation, which is true to a large extent. However, because our relationship is excellent in every other department, I'd rather try and cope without the sex I'd like, instead of ditching the entire relationship, hence the idea about taking drugs to effectively dampen down the natural urges I've discussed above.

Your partner needs to take your sexual needs a bit more seriously.

milod

OP, you're a guy with a high sex drive - it's perfectly normal and you just need to deal with it in the usual fashion. Most guys I know will admit that no matter how often they have sex with their partners, they still find time to masturbate...

If you want to get cerebral about it, you can probably convince yourself that you're helpless in the face of these urges and your evolutionary programming, but really, you're just horny and bored with your sex life. Unfortunately, we appear to have evolved beyond the traditional clubbing over the head and dragging back to the cave techniques of our ancestors!

Many people fantasise about other people or alternative scenarios while having sex, and that may work for some. Others follow Marksie's suggestion and seek some sort of spiritual/sacred dimension to lovemaking. But either way most guys I know would willingly shag half the females they meet in a day, but normally they just exercise a little self control...

*Page*

There are energy workshop's that you and your partner can go to together, the one's i hear about most are out in Dun Laoghaire and wicklow area, but i'm sure they go to other places.

these are great i did one with my partner and you have a better understanding of each other and their needs.

a relationship needs a bit and give and take as we all know, your partner needs to understand that you need more in the bedroom, and yes it is common with men.

She may need you to do the spicing up to get her into it...

try food that would increase her labido.
try a different location maybe take her away for a naughty weekend.

or try dating again.

Oryx

what_to_do wrote:

From conversations I've had with male friends, I think that what I'm suffering is quite common. As males, we are, by nature, naturally inclined to impregnate as many females as possible. I think these urges stem from several-hundred-thousand years of evolutionary programming.

For the record, women get urges like that too. It may be evolution, but it also natural to want to have a good sex life at whatever level is appropriate for you.

what_to_do wrote:

From what I've written above, you might say that I've given up on trying to improve the bedroom situation, which is true to a large extent. However, because our relationship is excellent in every other department, I'd rather try and cope without the sex I'd like, instead of ditching the entire relationship, hence the idea about taking drugs to effectively dampen down the natural urges I've discussed above.

I still think that even if you manage to dampen your sex drive, problems will remain, and it might get worse. Sex is the most basic communication a couple have. If thats not right, slowly but surely everything else can fall apart. What if you start to resent her for 'doing this' to you? Or what if without even the mechanical sex, you start to loose sight of each other? There are better ways to solve this, but it will involve a lot of work on both sides. She needs to be bumped out of her mindset that sex is a duty to keep you happy.

Rosita

This is one of the great unspoken problems in society. You see porn mags all over the place, page 3, sexual content on the telly, all of which acknowledge high male sex drive. But there seems to be no idea what to do about it or any acknowledgement that there is a physical element to it rather than just a voyeuristic aspect.

I remember some of my college friends used to call around to my house and my brother would be quite sullen with them. When I asked him about his attitude to them it turned out to his sheer desire to have sex with them that he was suppressing. They are very sexy girls and would have thoughtlessly worn short skirts, skimpy tops etc. but we never thought of it in any other way than just fashion. But it can affect men quite deeply.

Masturbation is an obvious solution but most men would say that it is a short-term solution and it is in full swing with a couple of hours again for older men, though as we know younger men can be ready again as soon as fifteen minutes. Escorts are probably quite safe I would say but must be an expensive habit. It seems to me to be a problem that needs to be dealt with mentally rather than physcially in the long run.

Snarler

I'm a great believer in following your natural instincts as they are where the truth lies.
So go out and have sex with other women but be discreet and don't tell your woman just to ease the guilt as thats very selfish.

el tel

In the war they gave soliders bromide to reduce their mojo and their 'urges'

ACW

Bromide in tea and coffee is still used by armed forces and male dominated work forces to reduce sexual drives.

Earl Grey Tea ( the blend, not the flavouring of green tea ) is meant to have the same effect. ( i used it for a little while )

I've had my sex drive cause relationship problems, and its not a gender thing. The girl in question was just not a sexual person, but she meant a lot to me so we tried many things to see if we could make it work. Unfortunatly it didn't work out for us, I moved hoem to Ireland.

But what i did learn was that I found role-playing or indulging in fantasys with her (as in costume, senario or such ) was a better way, as we had better sex but less often (it would have gotten boring if it were all the time). We tried spiritual route, but it didn't sit well with her. I went on a low protein diet, lowering my manly drives and endorphine levels (so not recommended). Masterbation ( or voyerism ) like her stripping for me on camera and then i had the video when ever.

As for other women, well I admit i slipped up. I told her about it, she was devistated and forgave me, but i realised i could never do that again to anyone ever. So don't really recommend doign it either if you ever want to be able to meet your own gaze in the bathroom mirror every morning.

I'd talk to her, if things are as good as you say they are I'm sure she'll try to help you in what ever way she can.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Yo OP have the same problem as you. Have had some amazing looking girlfriends but whenever they are away I always cheat. I'm always having girls come up to me on nights out which adds to the problem. I need sex daily and whenever my girlfriend is away I'll go out and get laid [though would never go to an escort] I've found that jacking off whenever I get the urge and ringing my girlfriend helps

Victor

You should try talking to your GP, I'm sure there are options.

Have you tried relationship or sexual counselling?