moving on

ctimes

I am hoping that someone can help me and spare their experience.

I have just come out of a 6 year relationship. I cry alot and blame myself for the breakup. I really can't see me ever being in another relationship, trust anyone or pickup. All around me people are now getting married, having children etc... and I feel that I have completely gone backwards with my life.

I can't move past the blame and don't know what or how I am at this time.
When the breakup happened I knew there were some problems, but I didn't think it would finish and how I only see what the problems were.

Also, all my friends are in relationships so there is really noone to socialise with outside of couples and I don't know where I start to get a more rounded social circle.
I look forward to hearing from someone

Colonel_McCoy

I have just read exactly how I felt after my break up 2 months ago. I too am out of a six year relationship. When it ended at first I was numb, had no feelings and as it sank in yes I was down in the dumps. What did I do about it? The only thing I could, try and take the positives out of it, everything happens for a reason. I dont know your circumstances of the break up but in my experience I tried to convenience myself that its best it happens now rather than 6 months into a marriage or if there is children involved.

Socially... I just made more of an effort to go on work nights out and with my friends (you seem to neglect them when you are in a relationship).You think you are going backward in your life but you are not. In fact you are going forward, you will meet somebody again and realise this has break up has been for the best.

Two months on and I am in a better place, enjoying my space, I hit rock bottom and now I am moving on. Its been a hard few months but talk about how you are feeling to your friends. Don’t bottle it up my friends gave me some excellent advice. Yes its hard, yes you miss the person you were with for six years. Ask yourself do you miss them or do you miss having somebody? After while I have realised its the later and people break up for a reason and its always for the best. I intend to learn from what has happened and if I start to feel down I just think back how my ex let me down and how I deserve better.

I know these are just words but it does get better and after every dark night there is a bright day. Believe me its true I was you two months ago.

togster

ctimes i feel really sorry for you. I don't have experience of something so long term. Is there nothing you can do in regards to the past relationship? Can you fix it? Do you still love him/her enough to try again? I would suggest giving it time to get past the initial shock of it and allow yourself to think clearly before attempting to repair (if thats what you want) this relationship. I wish you well and hope you feel strong again soon. There is no immediate fix imo just time

Best wishes

Togster

To be honest its normal to not feel like being with anyone else when u come out of a relationship. The longer the relationship the more likely u are to feel that way. Dont rush yourself into another relationship. Just focus on other aspects of your life.


Having said that, whats the big rush to get married? I certainly dont wanna get married just for the sake of it, Ill get married if I meet the right person, otherwise I wont. That shouldnt be a concern for you that other people are getting married and having kids, it just means their time came for it earlier than yours, you will have your time for all that.


Take your time to get over the break up, in terms of friends, maybe try an evening class/sport/activity? its a great way to meet new people. I broke up with the girlfriend after 3 and a half years last year (Im only 23, u didnt say but ill assume ur relatively young as well) and making friend seemed like it was gonna be iompossible. What u need to do is be proactive. Take people up on whatever offers come your way in terms of socialising, mak the effort to get to know people through various outlets, and most importantly get your head right so you're good and ready to date again.