Long one

Sony

Hi everyone sorry for this long one,

I am going out with my girlfriend for 15 months now but Im badly in need of some advice right now.

I feel sick as I write these very words as I feel so dissappointed thinking back at the things that have happened between us.

My main problem stems from the fact that she never made an effort to help me get to know her parents or family (apart from her brother) whatsoever. In fact even though I have been at her house or should I say outside her house everyday for the past year and 3 months she has never really asked me in for a minute or told me to knock on the door. Now one of her parents is a little difficult but I can only put this down to my gf being embarrassed but she knows this has caused a terrible rift between me and her folks as they are wondering to themselves who is this stranger who is taking their little girl away that doesnt have the decency to say hello to them - I have met them twice in this time....disgraceful.

Another annoying thing has been her best freind who, through jealousy, has been an out and out so and so to me from day one. This has caused a lot of trouble between us as nasty things have been said about me. By the way I am and have been a perfect gentleman with things like this since we met NONE of it was merited.

And now for the drink - shes out after work yet again tonight for a 'couple of drinks' .. Its almost all guys in her job which did'nt bother me until recently. I know her well enough to know shes an EXTREMELY bad drunk who doesnt make sense when drinking and flirts outrageously. To the extent where I have seen it commonly the wrong idea been taken up by some lad and for me to have to try to forget about it.....

I know it would break her heart to read something like this but I am so annoyed with her again tonight....I have been trying to ring her since 1 o clock today and she mentioned something yesterday about her job going out yet again but that she wasnt going...i think its so rude not to have time to send a quick text back or call to say hi because all of a sudden she has something better to do.

Anyway Im sure she'll call me hammered at the end of the night and I will be even more pissed off.

Im so sick in the stomach, I know shes in love with me and me with her but theres no talking to her.

What do i do?

Sony

One bit to add I just talked to her and she said she has not had reception all day and didnt get my message,even thoiugh her phone was ringing? - I tried not to sound too annoyed, I thought this kind of thing should not be ignored and said I had been trying to call her all day. Then I said it doesnt matter talk to you later.

I might sound like a bit of a bstard to you guys but Im not I promise. I am not the 'jealous' type , give her a lot of space and treat her like gold. I just dont think she does the same with me anymore...

biko

It does sound like she's taking you for granted mate.
Maybe next time you pick her up, arrive a little early and ring the door. Introduce yourself properly and tell it'd be nice to take them out to dinner sometime?

Cormster

Hi OP
To be honest , it does sound a bit odd, but I'd nearly wonder if there was some reason behind her distancing you from her parents? It might be worth coming straight out and saying it to her (in a gentle way of course) - it might yield some reason for it.

It sounds even stranger that she would not respond sooner to your attempts to contact her during the day. I'd be a bit taken aback by this myself if it happened to me. Although if she was out on the beer recently (yesterday evening?) she could be hungover or tired and perhaps missed your phone calls as a result.

It may sound a bit simplistic but have you chatted to her about all of this? If its a major issue and cause of stress for you, it might be worthwhile to sit her down to talk her through what you are thinking and feeling, especially if this is a relationship that you have high hopes for. This may bring things out in the open and help resolve the problem, or at least help you clarify the reasons behind it.

I hope you are able to get to the bottom of this - good luck with it.

Sony

Thanks guys its sad to think she takes me for granted sometimes but reading them posts has helped in some way. Im not one to feel sorry for myself but I have to admit I am now....It also hurts knowing that one day she will more than likely cop on to acting with such ignorance but by then it will probably be too late for us.

I have been trying not to think about what is happening this evening but its very hard knowing she is out with a good handful of other guys who are all no doubt having a go with her being so drunk...This might sound as though I am jumping to conclusions,I dont think she would cheat on me but knowing how she goes on with a couple of drinks in her I have my doubts...

Should I call her to see how drunk she is? I dont know - if she is in any way rude to me what should I do then?

Dizzyblonde

Just an idea as to why she doesn't bring you into her house - maybe things aren't too good at home? You never know what goes on inside families, there could be problems. She might be ashamed of them and not you.
With regard to her going out drinking with people from work - why are you sitting at home waiting? You could be out enjoying yourself too.


ps; I've just noticed in your original post that you say one of her parents is 'a little difficult' - you've no idea how embarrassing this can be for someone in her position.

LegacyUser

Hi Sony.. Is her mobile 086??? If so O2 have had serious problems today and still I have I believe. So if you do decide to call her and dont get through, don't assume the worst...

Sony

Ok well the phone call /text thing isnt an issue anymore - I was one breath away from telling her where to go tonight but held back...She rang me to meet up with her which I did and she was pissed, I told her I felt I was been taken for granted and she apologised for earlier.

She started getting upset and moody on the way home and wouldnt tell me what was wrong. Then she said sorry again...I said to her that saying sorry was all well and good but it doesnt mean anything if this keeps happening. I tried to say as little as possible and we had a silent trip home.

She then held my hand outside her house and I managed to bring the thing up about her parents,she argued that she asks me over all the time (not truein fact NEVER) . She then said her family was not like 'that' ...i waited for an explanation.....nothing...so I asked like what? She then flipped the lid at me shouting I was 'disrespecting her family'. She shouted 'fk you' and nearly took my car door off the hinges.

Im feel sick and shes most probably asleep:rolleyes:

star-pants

That's a bit mental OP -- but as you said she was very drunk, and probably took everything the wrong way. Unfortunately as you said -she's probably asleep.

I suggest you meet her tomorrow and try and talk things through gently - whilst both parties are rested & not intoxicated.

I hope ye can work something out

Not much advice I'm sorry
but *hug*

l3LoWnA

Oh god!

Don't know what to say really but I'll say something! When I read your first post I was going to tell you to stop letting her walk all over you, it seemed like she was treating you like utter sh*te! No-one deserves that. But possibly, she HAS a "difficult" family and it's them she's ashamed of rather than you. Or maybe she's never had a long-term boyfriend and it might be kind of embarrassing for her. I have a friend who's a very messy and easy drunk and she's constantly doing the dirt on her fiance (they're together of 6 years) but she's ONE of a kind!!! Most girls, however, wouldn't dream of it and have a conscience even when they're at there drunken worst so you can't go presuming these things.

If I was you, I'd send her a nice message tonight but say in it that you want to talk with her tomorrow or over the weekend. Air your grienvances tomorrow. Try and tell her as much as you've told us, in a gentle way....your worries etc and if she doesn't want to hear it or goes off on one again when you let her know your concerns, then she's a selfish little thing and you probably deserve better!!

Ps - (just my own past experience) I had an ex who used to leave me in the car outside his parents house every time we called there for MONTHS into the relationship (and we were living together and everything). I felt like I wasn't good enough. It's a horrible feeling. Eventually I met them (in the pub) a few times and after that I even stayed in their house. They were so welcoming - far from what I expected and lovely people. But it was HIS decision not to have me in their home for so long. He did have some "difficult" circumstances at home and I'd say he wanted to be 100% sure that I could deal with it before he brought me into his home life.

You're with her 15 months, so I'm sure you could broach the subject with her?

*Kol*

You should have no hesitation breaking up with her if being with her makes you so unhappy. It's not good for you to be feeling constantly down about her and the relationship. Clearly there is no future for you and her. You should find someone who will appreciate you and want to spend time with you and bring you into their family circle.

TheDriver

I concur with Kol, sounds very untenible. Can I ask what age ye are as she is acting very immature. Indeed home life might be somewhat unpredictable for your introduction but who knows. She is definitely walking all over you and yuu are not happy, fact. Say that to her and lay the truth on the table, worst case scenario: no resolution. Best scenario, it clears things up.

Femelade

Have you talked to her yet today??
That girl really needs to get her act together, it seems you have been putting up with to much, i am kinda in the same boat, my boyfriend lives with his mother, and i've only met her once, we are together 15 months also. But i know the reason i havent met her. You need to find out the reason why you havent met her parents, wether she likes it or not, you need some kind of explanation, and you need to tell her this straight out.

LegacyUser

My advice to you is Dump here, i went out with someone like her before, you are winding yourself up for no good reason,