worried

LegacyUser

Ive been in a relationship for 3 years. The last 2 of these have been long distance. We see each other every month and have plans for me to move over there when I get a job. I've been looking for a job since this march and nothing has come up.

Things are going great with me and my gf. We are both sad at times that we are not living together but we always try to pick one other up with positive words, stuff like "It will happen, courage" etc. There is alot of pressure involved in the long distance thing as at times it gets her down.

I was on holidays with the gf late september in Italy for a week and everything was amazing. She came over here in early october for my birthday and everything was great. I was over last weekend and was dying with the flu. We visited her new apartment that she will move into in Dec and we went shopping for furntiture. She left me at the airport on monday and she was a bit distant with me, in fact she was a bit cold all weekend.

We spoke on the phone monday night when i got home and she said she was lost and confused and lonely and doesnt know what she wants. I told her I'd give up my job and go over as I feel the long distance thing is getting to her. She said lets not contact each other for a few days.

I got 4 phonecalls from agencies about job interviews yesterday and have 2 phone interviews this week. I hadnt heard anything in months !! I emailed gf today to tell her the news and asked her what she thought. This is her reply

************************
"i don't know really, sorry "
************************

I feel sick in the stomach, 3 weeks ago we were getting on better than ever. Even last week, txts and phonecalls were fine.

Does anyone have any idea whats going on ? Shes going to dump me isnt she?

I want to pick up the phone and talk to her but she wants a few days without contact so I have to respect that.

angelicsaz

im sorry dude that sucks.......
i know ya wanna respect her that she needs her space and all maybe write her an email and basically tell her EVERYTHING GOIN ON in ur head right now, make sure you tell her ur not putting her under any pressure and to get back to you when shs ready....

KdjaCL

Women need reaffirming stuff unlike men.

Show up at her door tbh.


kdjac

Ickle Magoo

I say drop her an e-mail too. She might think you are going cold & haven't found work deliberately, she might just be depressed about your current status quo, she might think a hundred & one things & the only way you are going to be able to stop panicking is to tell her exactly how you feel & hope she does the same. Communication is the key in any relationship, speak to her in a medium she can take on board what you say without pressure. hth

biko

Unreg2007 wrote: »

Does anyone have any idea whats going on ? Shes going to dump me isnt she?

Only she knows this. Can you arrange to do the phone interviews from over there? If so you can visit again and maybe patch things up.

You will have to know either way. If you go over and she breaks up with you anyway it was all for nothing.

LegacyUser

thanks to all who replied.

I've written down all that is on my mind and all that I want to tell her.

I've going to give her until the weekend to phone me. If she hasnt phoned me by saturday then I will phone her to find out what she wants to do.

I know she isnt happy with the current situation but I really do think she loves me.

I have to find out this weekend or I will end up cracking up with worry. I still cant sleep or eat and everyone in work is saying how bad I look

Sephiroth_dude

Best of luck,let us know how you get on bud!

Gyalist

Seems like it's over but she hasn't plucked up the courage to tell you yet.

I know she isnt happy with the current situation but I really do think she loves me

Makes you wonder why then is she "lost and confused and lonely and doesnt know what she wants."

DD

Hi, i was curious, why was all up to you all these years? Why havent u thought of the possibility of her moving?
I understood from ur post that u gotta find a job and move there, why didnt she try the same...
She was feeling miserable, so do u. Have u tried her moving there and it didnt work or she desnt want?

Unreg2007 wrote: »

thanks to all who replied.
I've written down all that is on my mind and all that I want to tell her.
I've going to give her until the weekend to phone me. If she hasnt phoned me by saturday then I will phone her to find out what she wants to do.
I know she isnt happy with the current situation but I really do think she loves me.
I have to find out this weekend or I will end up cracking up with worry. I still cant sleep or eat and everyone in work is saying how bad I look

Jeapy

Heya. I've been with my bf for 6 years and have done the long distance thing a few times now over that time. I think she's probably really lonely and thinks that it would be easier on you both not to be together anymore. Like, a month or two of being upset at a break up might be easier than being lonely all the time, bar a few days a month. I think she's just weighing up the options and needs time to decide. Its not nice to be left waiting, but give her time.
But it doesnt have to be over, if you really love eachother it'll work out and it'll all be worthwhile when you do see eachother. Good luck with everything!

funloving

hi,sorry to read that..
I am in a very similar situation and i know how much it hurts..
Your gf is very lucky you're so passionate about her and u wanna call her and sort everything out..
Maybe she is a bit upset..everytime you have to say goodbye after spending time together it hurts so maybe this can be the reason she wants some time for herself.
I would say to let her know how you feel but make sure she lets you know what she really feels and thinks too.
A long distance relation is hard to carry on but it can work out only if BOTH of you are motivated, madly in love with each other because otherwise it would be pointless to go on.
I wish you all the best, for real..

I am very sad too and i feel lonely but I have nodoby who is looking for me as much as you're doing...

LegacyUser

thanks to all those who have replied.

dianaangeleyes : my gf lived here in Ireland for the first year of our relationship. I met her over here. She went back to finish a course, then got a job and we agreed I would move over.

Jeapy: I think you hit the nail on the head there when you said she is very lonely and thinks it would be easier to finish it rather than be lonely all time. Are you still in a long distance relationship ?

I dont know what will happen but there are many reasons why I dont believe she doesnt want to be with me. For my birthday 3 weeks ago she made two cards for me that were very loving and alot of thought went into them. And I still have txt messages on my phone from last week saying that she loves me. I have one from 2 weeks ago that says
"lets not forget the main thing is that we love each other very much".

I think shes depressed and thinks that a clean break from me will be easier. But when she rings Im going to tell her that Im leaving the job and Im coming over. I dont want to loose her and will do anything I can to save this.

funloving: Im very sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation. Are you still with your partner or are ye similar to us, in limbo at the moment ?

DD

What did u do? Did u sort things out?
good luck

Unreg2007 wrote: »

thanks to all who replied.
I've written down all that is on my mind and all that I want to tell her.
I've going to give her until the weekend to phone me. If she hasnt phoned me by saturday then I will phone her to find out what she wants to do.
I know she isnt happy with the current situation but I really do think she loves me.
I have to find out this weekend or I will end up cracking up with worry. I still cant sleep or eat and everyone in work is saying how bad I look

milkerman

Hop on a plane man.
Show this girl that you value her and that you will cross oceans for her if need be.
At least you will know one way or the other.
Hope it works out for you.

Miss Fluff

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I say drop her an e-mail too. She might think you are going cold & haven't found work deliberately, she might just be depressed about your current status quo, she might think a hundred & one things & the only way you are going to be able to stop panicking is to tell her exactly how you feel & hope she does the same. Communication is the key in any relationship, speak to her in a medium she can take on board what you say without pressure. hth

Second that, put it all down in writing.

Suaimhneach

KdjaCL wrote: »

Women need reaffirming stuff unlike men.

Show up at her door tbh.


kdjac

Be careful with this one. If (god forbid and all that) about to dump you, that would be the worst way to go. A freind of mine arrived at his GFs door unannounced and it was a total nuisence and ended teh relationship in a bad way.